The festival will take place Thursday, October 24 – Sunday, October 27, 2024 at Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. Tickets on sale now.

“We are excited to officially welcome DEF to the Hula Fam! Their unique curation and thriving community will be the magic that helps launch our new 360 experience OFF LIMITS at Spirit Lake. Their long standing history of attending Hulaween gives us great confidence and excitement in what’s to come.” – Michael Berg, Hulaween founder & co-owner

“This is truly a full circle moment for us. Our DEF team, friends and fans have all been a part of the Hulaween family for nearly a decade and now we have the opportunity to merge both worlds. We’re so excited to bring DEF energy to the magic of Spirit Lake, and showcase some of our favorite artists from across the world. We used to joke about a DEF360 stage at Hulaween and now it’s actually happening.”  – DEF founder.

Hulaween 2024 has teamed-up with the women-owned and led event company DEFINE EVERYTHING FUTURE (DEF) to unveil the debut OFF LIMITS Stage lineup. Designed to be an intimate fan experience, the brand new activation will offer a cutting-edge, immersive 360-degree stage nestled within the enchanting festival grounds. It will also bring Hulaween-attendees closer to the underground dance scene than ever before, featuring a medley of the most in-demand acts across house, techno, drum and bass, UKG and bass.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by DEF (@defineeverythingfuture)

Hulaween will inaugurate the OFF LIMITS Stage at this year’s event, taking place Thursday, October 24 – Sunday, October 27, 2024 at its long-time home of Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida.

The first installment of OFF LIMITS will feature underground luminaries across the genre spectrum, including Chicago-bred techno producer Azzecca, SoCal house savant Ian Asher, Filipino producer GUDFELLA, GRAMMY-nominated techno purveyor Will Clarke, Manchester-based DJ, producer and label boss Bou, Mongolian-British producer Taiki Nulight, Orange County-native and party music hustler AYYBO, experimental bass duo Eazybaked, UK-based tech-house producer Riordan, and a special b2b between Los Angeles-based house selectors Justin Jay and Nala.

Additional artists performing at the first-ever OFF LIMITS stage include Bianca Oblivion, BOSSA, CHROMEBODIES (the collaborative project between Manila Killa and Hotel Garuda), 33 Below, Angrybaby, CLB b2b NIK P, Crucial b2b Kollapse, gad’m, Know Good, MPH, Oppidan, and Soukii.

The innovative stage experience will complement its underground dance music programming with pyro effects from Incendia and a Funktion-One sound system. Importantly, it will also blend DEF’s event signature production style with the singularly beloved capabilities of Spirit Lake, merging the 360-degree concept with lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, and interactive installations that seamlessly integrate visual and performance art.

The Atlanta-based event production entity DEF has made a name for itself as a fully independent, women-led team dedicated to creating unforgettable experiences with musical legends and up-and-comers alike. They’ve put on shows across the genre spectrum with artists such as Sara Landry, ISOxo, Of The Trees, Dr. Fresch, and many more.

Hulaween is similarly proud of its status as a fully-independent, genre-blending event, and it is excited to join creative forces with a company that is so philosophically aligned – and who are also long-time friends and patrons of the legendary festival. Together, they will underscore each other’s commitments to fostering community and celebrating artistic expression amidst the magical backdrop of Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park.

Since Hulaween’s inception in 2013, the Halloween-themed music, arts, and camping festival has evolved into one of the country’s most coveted cross-genre affairs. Over the course of the past decade, Hulaween has hosted a plethora of genre-crossing artists at the Spirit of the Suwannee’s idyllic grounds, which serves as the perfect setting for attendees to fully immerse themselves in Florida’s lush, enrapturing nature.

Hulaween offers a variety of ticketing tiers for the 2024 festival, including the newly-added, officially sold out GA+, which offers a dedicated lounge with a private bar, access to air-conditioned restrooms and a concierge service. GA, GA+, and VIP all include primitive camping, with car/RV camping passes available for an additional purchase.

VIP tickets (which are 90% sold out) include VIP admission, indoor bathrooms, VIP viewing areas, swag bags, complimentary golf cart rides, and VIP primitive camping included in the Mummy and Werewolf VIP options. The Witch, Vampire, Goblin, and Zombie VIP packages are all sold out.

Secure your 2024 passes for Hulaween now! Explore all available ticketing options right here.

HULAWEEN 2024 OFF LIMIT STAGE LINEUP (A-Z) 33 Below, Angrybaby, AYYBO, Azzecca, Bianca Oblivion, BOSSA, Bou, CLB b2b NIK P, CHROMEBODIES, Crucial b2b Kollapse, Eazybaked, gad’m, GUDFELLA, Ian Asher, Justin Jay b2b Nala, Know Good, MPH, Oppidan, Riordan, Soukii, Taiki Nulight, Will Clarke

HULAWEEN 2024 LINEUP

Headliners (A-Z) Black Pumas, The Bobby Weir Incident (x2), Chase & Status, Chris Lake, CloZee, Greensky Bluegrass, Killer Mike, Liquid Stranger, Nora En Pure, Of The Trees, Sublime, Tash Sultana, The String Cheese Incident (x5), Tipper, Umphrey’s McGee (x2)

SUPPORT (A-Z) & Friends, A Hundred Drums, Airrica, ALLEYCVT, Andy Frasco & The U.N., BUNT., Cassian, Cory Wong, Daily Bread, Dirtwire, DJ Brownie, Dumpstaphunk, Eggy, G Jones, Holly Bowling, J Worra, Karina Rykman, Kyle Walker, Lettuce, Levity, LP Giobbi, Lyny, Maddy O’Neal, Manic Focus, Mike Dillon and Punkadelick, Mildlife, Moontricks, New Mastersounds, Ravenscoon, Sam Grisman Project, Say She She, Spafford, Tand, Tauk Moore, Township Rebellion, Truth, Walker & Royce, Zingara

ADDITIONAL SUPPORT (A-Z) Ajeva, AK Renny, BRUX, Davezilla, Dionysus, Eater, ElephantProof, Guavatron, Honey Hounds, MADWOMAN, Makua Rothman, Mascolo, Motivf, MZG, Phyphr, Sauce Pocket, Side Trakd, Tamayo, The Ain’t Sisters, The Headtones, The Ries Brothers, The Sponges, Vicky B.

Keep up with the wranglers as we plan to entirely occupy SOSMP and commit to a frontal assault and eventual siege on Suwannee Hulaween. No quarter will be given.

The post Hulaween 2024 Collaborates with Women-led Collective DEF appeared first on wook wranglers.

Hulaween is one of the last truly-independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape, and after selling out its last five editions (and already almost 80% sold out for this year’s event), the festival is commemorating a decade of success with its most impressive lineup yet.

For the wook wranglers and Kamp Happiness, this is truly one of the cornerstones of the festival year. Ghosts of Fooboo and the Roanoke mafioso still walk the hallowed forest of Live Oak waiting for the base to shake the leaves off the trees. Join the Hobo Kamp trap house for a week-long full schedule of music, activities and greasy fun. This year they will be teaming up with Lil D Big Arel and Cheese. Love. Sauce. with the Titty Kitties for a block party not witnessed since the days of the pharisees. Follow your dreams and join the ruckus in the shade of the Suwannee farm field.

Tickets on sale now right here.

“The festival and concert industry landscape continues to be bought up and homogenized by the majors, so staying the course as true independents and surviving through all of the highs and lows we’ve endured to this milestone 10 year anniversary, is incredible. We think back fondly of all the people who have been part of the Hula journey with us, and how the team continues to learn and grow to elevate the experience and lineup every year. We’ve proudly stayed true to this community and culture we are servicing and hope to keep doing that for at least another 10!” – Michael Berg, Co-Founder, Brand Manager, & Talent Buyer for Hulaween
Suwannee Hulaween has unveiled its historic, genre-crossing lineup to celebrate the festival’s tenth anniversary celebration edition, returning home to the Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida from Thursday, October 26 – Sunday, October 29, 2023.

Hulaween is one of the last truly-independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape, and after selling out its last five editions, the festival is commemorating a decade of success with its most impressive lineup yet.

Following a five-year hiatus, electro-soul pioneer Pretty Lights will headline Hulaween as his only East Coast festival performance on his Soundship Spacesystem Tour. It’s been nearly two decades since Pretty Lights started originating his signature, sample-heavy sounds that redefined America’s electronic music scene, and his exclusive East Coast festival set at Hulaween promises to showcase vibrant, bass-fueled sounds to the festival’s feverish audience.

Known globally for his playful demeanor and rip-roaring sets, tech-house maestro John Summit marks another Hulaween headliner. The Beatport chart-shredder will host Hulaween’s first-ever takeover by Off The Grid, Summit’s party-starting imprint, which will offer up sets by label favorites famed for igniting dance floors.

Other electronic music heavyweights headlining Hulaween include Grammy-nominated multi-instrumentalist/producer Elderbrook, producer polymath Big Wild, and revered house producer/vocalist Channel Tres.

On the jam side of the lineup, Hulaween founders The String Cheese Incident will serve up three nights of headlining performances. Phish-offshoot Trey Anastasio Band and critically-acclaimed indie-jam five piece Goose will play consecutive sets on the same night, following their joint tour across the North East last fall. Other headlining bands include Hulaween staple Joe Russo’s Almost Dead (2 sets), the Hulaween debut of Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, and legendary roots-rock outfit Dispatch.

Hulaween will also welcome neo-soul rapper Smino as the festival’s sole hip-hop headliner, as well as a headlining set by five-piece indie rock band Mt. Joy. One additional band headliner remains yet to be announced, coming later in April.

The festival will present a bevy of in-demand, electronic music support acts, including Montreal producer BLOND:ISH, underground bass purveyor Eprom, multi-faceted Italian DJ/producer duo Gioli & Assia, ascendent bass producer ISOxo, genre-bending producer Manic Focus, ascendent trailblazer Moore Kismet, bass-focused producer supergroup Lab Group, and future-funk maestro Yung Bae.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Suwannee Hulaween (@hulaweenfl)

Staying true to its band-focused roots, Hulaween will boast a medley of celebrated acts including funk-fusion ensemble Lettuce, funk-jam group Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, and critically-acclaimed, Anatolian rock/Turkish psychedelic folk outfit Altin Gün.

The Hulaween 2023 lineup is brimming with more than 90 acts that cover all corners of the dance floor. Over the course of the past decade, Hulaween has hosted a plethora of genre-crossing artists the Spirit of the Suwannee’s idyllic grounds, which serves as perfect setting for attendees to fully immerse themselves in Florida’s lush, enchanting nature.

Hulaween’s Spirit Lake is heralded as one of the leading immersive art experiences across American festivals, brimming with talented sculptors, fire/metal workers, painters, thespians, and lighting designers. Attendees can revel in lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, interactive installations, and both visual and performance art, catch performances at Spirit Lake’s two stages, and groove into sunrise at the Silent Disco.

SUWANNEE HULAWEEN 2023 LINEUP

HEADLINERS

The String Cheese Incident, Pretty Lights, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, John Summit, Mt. Joy, Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Big Wild, Smino, Elderbrook, Channel Tres (DJ set), Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog, Brigade, Dispatch,

SUPPORT

Altin Gun, Apashe (Live w/ith Brass Ensemble), Blond:ish, Blu DeTiger, Boogie T, Champagne Drip, DOMI & JD Beck, Eprom, Giolì & Assia, Inzo, ISOxo, Lab Group, Lettuce, Manic Focus, Memba, Moore Kismet, Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, SoDown, The Dip, Yung Bae

ADDITIONAL SUPPORT

Couch, Eddie Roberts and the Lucky Strokes, Ghost Note, Jennifer Hartswick Band, Joshwa, Khiva, Kitchen Dwellers, Kyle Hollingsworth Band, lespecial, Lucati, Marvel Years, Melt, MZG, Bill & Jillian Nershi ft. Jason Hann, NotLö, Roosevelt Collier Band, The Nth Power presents JeNth Power, Trousdale, QRTR, Veil

FINAL SUPPORT

AK Renny, Austen Van Der Bleek, Austeria, Bad Snacks, Cadillac Jones, Canvas, Chachuba, CHYL, Cope, Cosmic Collective, Electric Kif, Empire Strikes Brass, Erez, Erin & The Wildfire, Fernando Rosa, Free Range Strange, Funk You, GoldenEra, Jason Leech, Stick & Ditty, Jon Stickley Trio, Kendall Street Company, Maria También, Matcha, MiniM, Orange Constant, Ramona & the RIOT, Rohan Solo, Sailor Jane & The Apricators, Snakes & Stars, Sneezy, Steeln’ Peaches, Tand, The Jauntee, Tru Phonic, Universal Funk Orchestra, Underground Springhouse, Vicky B, Yam Yam.

Visit the Hulaween website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Just be careful when complaining online. This party is going to be high science of the transcendent order. Heady bro.

Visit some of the other Hulaween contributions from the wrangler archives like Dance of the Monkey Kings, Cheese. Love. Sauce. and The Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire. Explore the interweb and check out our social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. We will stay in the eye wall of the Hulaween virtual fun as we focus on the artists and other contributors throughout the year. Stay focused.

We are super excited to announce that the Florida-based Free Range Strange will be playing their first Hulaween this year. Find your way to Kamp Happiness and witness some of their behind-the-scene antics. Also, join the Cheese. Love. Sauce. block party and bring some of your own weirdness. Prelaunch setup will begin as early as Sunday before so join the team and help turn the forest into something not of this earth. We can’t do it without you.                                                                                       namaste y’all.

The post Hulaween Tenth Anniversary Family Reunion appeared first on wook wranglers.

Time marches on. They’re still catching Spanish Mackerel in the Gulf surf but now the Hangout Music festival has found the coast. Caught in the eye wall, it behooves one to join the feeder band.

Hangout Music Festival Announces 2023 Lineup for the Ultimate Beach Vacation

  Red Hot Chili Peppers, SZA, Calvin Harris, Paramore, Lil Nas X, Flume, Skrillex, The Kid LAROI, AJR, Alison Wonderland, The Backseat Lovers, FERG, Gryffin, John Summit, Kevin Gates, Noah Kahan, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, REZZ, Russ, Sabrina Carpenter, Thundercat, Tove Lo, Stephen Sanchez, and Much More

May 19-21 in Gulf Shores, Alabama 

Registration open for access to tickets right here.

Hangout Music Festival has announced the soundtrack to your quintessential beach vacation on the majestic white sand beaches of Gulf Shores, Alabama, May 19-21. Hangout is the ultimate kickoff to summer, a weekend defined by dancing in the sand with your best friends while listening to your favorite pop, dance, and rock artists at one of North America’s most beautiful beaches.

The legendary Red Hot Chili Peppers will set the tone for those looking to get after it on the beach. Pop-punk is alive and well at Hangout with Paramore leading the way supported by Mayday Parade and The Maine, and the various sub-genres of pop-rock, indie-rock and americana are well-represented with The Backseat Lovers, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Noah Kahan, COIN and Alabama’s own The Vegabonds. 

The present and future of pop and singer-songwriting will be waiting for you too. Prepare to get lost in the hypnotic R&B of SZA who is about to drop her long-awaited new album SOS, dance your heart out at Calvin Harris and Lil Nas X, swoon over brotherly indie trio AJR and the iconic Tove Lo, and find out what all the hype is about at Ashe, Stephen Sanchez, Jessie Murph, and Sabrina Carpenter. 

Hip-hop comes proper to Hangout this year, with the festival rolling out the red carpet for A$AP Mob’s FERG, Australian rapper The Kid LAROI, the fiercely independent Russ, Baton Rouge’s Kevin Gates, and reigning queen of Memphis rap, GloRilla. Grammy-winning R&B bassist Thundercat rounds out the bill with his larger than life live spectacle. 

Nothing tops a dance music throwdown with all of your best friends on the beach, and this year’s Hangout lineup is fully loaded. Leading the charge is Aussie export Flume and genre-bending producer Skrillex. Electronic anthems continue with larger than life dance icons REZZ and Alison Wonderland, while chiller strains can be found at Gryffin, Said The Sky, Big Wild and Two Feet. House heads can unite at John Summit, Dr. Fresch, Aluna and HoneyLuv.

With a nod to its southern roots, Hangout sprinkles in some country vibes too with Priscilla Block, MIKE., and Kidd G.

The Hangout experience has been carefully crafted over the past decade for you to hang loose. It’s the most anti-winter, adulting-be-damned, carefree getaway possible.

Those in the know will tell you that Hangout’s SUPER VIP offering is unlike any other festival. Exclusive offerings include stage side swimming pool, hot tubs, golf cart concierge between designated stages, gourmet meals prepared by award-winning chefs in an air-conditioned dining room and a premium open bar.

New for 2023, Hangout Beach Vacations make traveling to Alabama even easier with exclusive Beach Vacation Packages designed to make your festival experience as convenient as it is unforgettable. Grab your lodging and festival tickets together with the option to choose from a range of local hotels and condos, or build a custom experience with our travel team. You can even pick the Hangout House with the luxury of a condo with all the amenities of a hotel plus direct festival access, ocean views, self-service laundry and, of course, all the feels of watching a sunset performance from your balcony. 

Hangout is more than just a festival, it’s the freedom of leaving it all behind you, kicking back with your best friends and listening to amazing music on the beach.

For Festival Tickets, Vacation Packages and More Visit here.

Ticket Tier Details

 GA

• Admission to Hangout 2023 + all GA areas, amenities and activities
• Re-entry all weekend long
• Beach and swimming access to designated beach clubs
• Tons of food & beverage vendors, beach activities and sponsored areas

GA PLUS

• Tickets include all the perks of GA with the below amenities added
• Access to GA PLUS Grove with private air-conditioned restrooms, premium food offerings, and shaded areas to relax
• Priority GA PLUS entrances at all festival gates

 VIP

• Tickets include all the perks of GA with the below amenities added
• Up-front viewing at all main stages with complimentary drinks
• Access to VIP Grove with complimentary premium cocktails, beer, wine & daily buffet
• Access to stage side pools at Hangout Main Stage
• Private air-conditioned restrooms
• Priority VIP entrances

 SUPER VIP

• Tickets include all the perks of GA with the below amenities added
• Up-front viewing at all main stages with complimentary drinks
• Access to VIP Grove with complimentary premium cocktails, beer, wine & daily buffet
• Access to SUPER VIP Deck with elevated view of Hangout Main Stage, shaded seating, premium cocktails & hot tubs
• Access to stage side pools at Hangout Main Stage
• Golf cart shuttles between designated stages
• Complimentary gourmet meals prepared by award-winning chefs in the air-conditioned SUPER VIP Dining room
• Private air-conditioned restrooms
• Priority VIP entrances

About Hangout Music Festival

Hangout Music Festival is a beach vacation for music lovers. Located in Gulf Shores, Alabama, the award-winning festival is the ultimate kickoff to summer and features the top artists of the moment in a picturesque setting that includes seaside beach clubs, a full-size roller rink, stage side swimming pools, hammocks by the water, delicious food, luxury VIP options, and more. The festival is just a short drive from the Pensacola, FL and Mobile, AL airports and offers an array of lodging packages including beachfront suites overlooking the festival, villas, and hotel options. Hangout has been named Pollstar’s “Music Festival of the Year” and is continuously recognized as one of the best festivals in the US while adding over $40 million into the local economy each year.

Visit the Hangout Festival website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Spotify and TikTok.

All good news. Follow the wranglers as they head toward Arizona and Gem and Jam Festival then it’s back to Florida for a metric ton of Spring festivals all over the sunshine state. Believe what you want.

The post Hangout Music Festival “23: Feeder Band Preview appeared first on wook wranglers.

It was a brief but bright run for Lucy and the Iceman last year as they skirted the finest of lines between festival staff superstars and criminal degenerate reprobates. There was a lost computer and some pitifully sad, waffle-stompin’ goodness but the overall vibe was one of powerful, energetic, collaborative good times. There’s plenty of ground to cover and after you’ve made the trip around Outeroo, things will never be the same.        And maybe that’s not a bad thing.

BONNAROO MUSIC AND ARTS FESTIVAL 2023 LINEUP

JUNE 15-18 ON THE FARM IN MANCHESTER, TN

KENDRICK LAMAR, FOO FIGHTERS, ODESZA, PARAMORE,

LIL NAS X, BABY KEEM, TYLER CHILDERS, VULFPECK, MARCUS MUMFORD,

MY MORNING JACKET, GRIZ, RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE, PORTUGAL. THE MAN, KORN,

LOUIS THE CHILD, ZEDS DEAD, ALESSO, SUBTRONICS,

THREE 6 MAFIA, J.I.D., THE REVIVALISTS, PIXIES, GIRL IN RED, FLEET FOXES, AND MORE

EARLY ACCESS ON-SALE STARTS THURSDAY, JANUARY 12 AT 10 AM (CT)

EXCLUSIVELY VIA BONNAROO.COM

SIGN-UPS AVAILABLE NOW

Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival has shared the lineup for this year’s edition of the internationally acclaimed camping festival, taking place June 15-18, 2023 on the Bonnaroo Farm, located just 60 miles southeast of Nashville in Manchester, TN.

Bonnaroo 2023 will once again present a wide-ranging bill featuring a spectacular selection of top artists performing around the clock across more than 10 unique stages over the four-day festival, with live music and much more through the night and into early morning with special sunrise sets. Highlights will include performances from Kendrick Lamar, Foo Fighters, Odesza, Paramore, Lil Nas X, Baby Keem, Tyler Childers, Vulfpeck, Marcus Mumford, My Morning Jacket, GRiZ, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Portugal. The Man, Korn, Louis the Child, Zeds Dead, Alesso, Subtronics, Three 6 Mafia, J.I.D., The Revivalists, Pixies, Girl In Red, Fleet Foxes, and more. The legendary Bonnaroo Superjam will take place on Saturday, June 17, with more details to come.  The complete Bonnaroo 2023 lineup is below.

Early Access On Sale beginning Thursday, January 12 at 10 am (CT), exclusively via www.bonnaroo.com/tickets; sign-ups are available now. A public On-Sale will follow if tickets remain. Options include General Admission (4-Day), GA+ (4-Day), VIP (4-Day), Platinum (4-Day), along with a limited range of 1-Day tickets (including General Admission, GA+, VIP, and Platinum), General Admission Camping & Parking, premium and pre-pitched glamping options, and more.

Bonnaroo’s General Admission tickets include over 150 performances on more than 10 stages, access to the entire campground, food for purchase from over 150 vendors (including vegan, vegetarian, and gluten-free options), bars, concessions, free water stations, and more amenities throughout the park and campground. GA+ tickets include all of the above along with unlimited access to the “Centeroo GA+ Lounge,” with relaxed seating, air-conditioned restrooms, and concierge to assist with all festival needs; a full-service bar, a dedicated premium entrance lane at both gates into Centeroo, and more. VIP and Platinum guests will enjoy a further number of exclusive upgrades, including dedicated close-in and on-field viewing areas; unlimited access to VIP and Platinum Lounges; express lanes at the Festival Store, commemorative festival gifts, and so much more. To learn more about GA+, VIP and Platinum, please see www.bonnaroo.com/premium-experiences.

A wide range of Camping & Parking options will be available, including Primitive Car Camping, Glamping, RVs, Backstage Camping, Accessible Camping, Groop Camping, Community Camping, and more. Premium Outeroo Camping Accommodations include pre-pitched Souvenir Tents, cool and comfortable Darkroom Tents, weatherproof Luxury Bell Tents, and spacious 2-person Wood Frame Safari Tents for the ultimate Bonnaroo camping experience. Premium “Power RV” slips are also available. Day Parking will be available for ticketholders not camping. For details, please visit www.bonnaroo.com/accommodations.

Hulu will return as the Official Streaming Destination of Bonnaroo this summer. Catch select performances exclusive to Hulu subscribers at no additional cost. Additional special footage and behind-the-scenes looks will also be available. Stay tuned for specific livestream schedules announced in the weeks prior to the festival.
Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival is generously supported by Verizon, Toyota, PayPal, Allegiant, Corona Extra, and Hulu.

Look out for the Kamp Happiness Takeover somewhere near the vortex of the worst kind of reprobates. The Hobo Kamp will be equipped and ready to shine with live music, jewelry fun, body painting and the brand new Circle K? Trading Booth and Hagglin’ Post. Keep a keen eye out as one never knows  to whom one will run into. It’s time to shine. Join the fray. You’re just the kind of thug we’re looking for.

The post Bonnaroo “23: Join the Fray appeared first on wook wranglers.

“Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
‘Cross the USA”

You’re back in Virginia so it’s time to trade your skid loader for a weed eater. The dye is cast and the lineup is set for Rooster Walk Music and Art Festival 2022 and it’s time to get the convoy rolling again to Pop’s Farm in beautiful Axton, Virginia. Music, art, dancing, fun, Kamp Happiness, chemical imbalance, Boston and an overload of secret stage lighting waits for you on the mountain. Get ready for all the fun stuff just don’t get hit in the head by a seven pound acorn. You could seriously lose third grade.

“There is no way you could be from my loins.”

Recent additions include overall festival headliner Grace Potter, as well as: Moon Taxi, Ryan Montbleau, Town Mountain, Kendall Street Company, Fireside Collective, The Dead Reckoning (Roanoke), Daniel Donato, TK & The Holy Know-Nothings, Disco Risqué, Goodfellers, After Jack, Into The Fog, TC Carter Band, Jules & The Agreeables, The McGee Family Band, DJ What?!, and Pumphouse Blues.

Rooster Walk 12 will feature five immensely talented Artists at Large in Ron Holloway (saxophone; Allman Brothers, Susan Tedeschi Band), John Bryant (drums; Ray Charles), Josh Shilling (keys; Mountain Heart), Roosevelt Collier (pedal steel; The Lee Boys) and Wallace Mullinax (guitar; Dead 27s). This quintet of artists will form the basis of the RW12 Artist at Large Band, which will perform a different themed set on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, respectively, at the festival.

This year’s party includes Little Feat, Lettuce, BIG Something, Andy Frasco and the U.N., Yarn, Tab Benoit, The War And Treaty, Fruition, The wrangler family band, Los Colognes, Caitlin Krisko & The Broadcast, Isaac Hadden Organ Trio, Sanctum Sully, The Wilson Springs Hotel, Striking Copper, The Stews, Big Fat Gap, Sammy Rae & The Friends, Brandon “Taz” Niederauer; Yarn; Mountain Heart; The Nude Party; The Wooks; Mike & The Moonpies; Sol Driven Train; Crawford & Power and Pirates of the Piedmont and more!

Rooster Walk will take place over Memorial Day weekend (May 26-29, 2022) at Pop’s Farm. It’s just down the street from Bostons’s house and Dognado. The Rooster fam is planning to go bigger than ever, and you can count on all the RW staples at this one, from amazing music, to food and craft vendors, kids’ activities, on-site camping and outdoor activities! Come visit the relaxation station at the Kamp Happines Hobo Kamp as we paint and build all the dumb fun stuff. Ever try an elephant tranquilizer? It brings out the artist in everyone.

Rooster Walk Tips:

• • Don’t always go for it on fourth down. God loves field goals.
  • Strawberry Shortcake indica recipe?
  • Wood splitters are not for personal use.
  • Keep your ears on, comeback.
  • Not all Boners feel good.
  • Spunion finger painting suspended until further notice.
  • Less talk, more rock.
  • Molly can play laying down
  • Jeff runs all illegal lighting
  • Drugs+paint=all kinds of fun
  • Quit Your Job Bitch
  • Wash, rinse, repeat

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Jason Nail (@nailtravels)

And there was something about hearing Little Feat songs. Celebrating Waiting For Columbus? Yes please. Good times. And Andy Frasco? What is this absolute fresh hell of which you speak? He’s the sanest one in that band and a complete dumpster fire. Who remembers that Sunday FloydFest show after the rain? Yaaaa. Crazy people are lively and fun. En route to the Roanoke airport, Andy and Casey attempted to subdue the driver and steal the artist transpo van. That is a true but unprovable fact.

Tickets still available for Rooster Walk 12. Memorial Day. Check out the VIP shit as well. The guys that run it are complete Virginia trash and do a first-class job. Impossible to even look at them without laughing.

“Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mama right in the mouth.”

Don’t forget your compression socks. Call Steve Little for further information. World’s worst Lockn’ ambassador? You be the judge.

Visit the Rooster Walk website and like their social media sites on Facebook and Instagram. Keep up with the interweb. The future is now.

This article has been sponsored by the truck with the Carolina squat or the Tennessee tilt. Thanks Roy Cooper. Keep up with the wranglers as we try to find some kind of job at Okeechobee. Whatever. Florida festival season continues with Tommy Thermometer and Grassroots at Virginia Key, and a Suwannee season that promises to break the dyke. Brainquility, Rising, Spring, Resonate and the Tipper show should be enough to tip the scales. That is a hoot nanny of a party.

See you on the mountain. Pocket knives don’t start EZ-Go golf carts.

The post Rooster Walk Returns to Pop’s Farm appeared first on wook wranglers.

Any sane person would have pulled into the first automotive shop they came to rather than test what little stopping power hey had on the steep mountain roads of northwest Virginia. But the coffers were pretty much empty and this train was bound for glory as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour was still underway and both clear thinking and sound reason were not part of the equation. Brakes be damned. A vehicle without them could still move forward and as long as plan A was still in effect they would be heading to join the Kamp Happiness volunteer militia party already in progress at Chimney Ridge. Welcome to Red Wing Roots Music Festival: Assault on Chimney Ridge. Trim the nose hairs and engage redundancy protocols, it’s all downhill from here.

Held at Natural Chimneys Park and Campground in beautiful Mt. Solon, Virginia, the 8th annual Red Wing Roots Festival was presented by The Steel Wheels on July 9, 10 & 11, 2021. Three days, five stages, and 40+ bands in the heart of the Shenandoah Valley made for a camping weekend of music and stupid fun. The towering limestone chimneys, reaching more than 120 feet in the air, provided a spectacular backdrop in the Music Meadow for a sick daily lineup and giterdun fun.

With a laid-back feel and all kinds of good energy this festival had something for everyone. Great music, kids and families, wooks and hillbillies. A party needs all kind of energy and Red Wing certainly didn’t disappoint. The music spanned the spectrum from brass to traditional, funk to bluegrass and everything in between.

As Lucy looked for her friends in the first lot up the hill the volunteer asked, “Are they in quiet camping?” She smiled,  “Definitely not.”

Red Wing Staff: This was a different kind of festival for Lucy. Everyone she came to spend time with was working and that turned out to be a great formula. Never one to miss a pre-party and post-party this crowd had to be there days early to set up and stay until everyone else was gone. Bfly ended up on top of the mountain parking cars in the sun all day. Welcome to the sweat basket. To watch them work, most of the time they were just trying to help everyone have a good time and keep everything running smoothly. From the top down, the communication and easy manner kept everything in line, especially in the wake of some curiously sideways incidents. A special thanks to Doug, the Rangers and the Chimney Ridge crowd who went above and beyond to deal with the wranglers and those of their sloppy ilk.

Zombie Lot: Held up by what appeared to be a mad viking, Z lot was no stranger to childish mayhem and fun. Trevor’s final report included a litany of moral turpitude from lost parents and squatters with caged animals to adolescent bike gangs and the the crazy Honda Element woman. There were even storied tales involving William and some kind of zombie opossum. Really the stuff of heroes and legend. One can only imagine…The wide red eyes glazed over with that far away look of madness. The hatchet laying in the back of the golf cart bed. Blood markings on the face and chest, in the old way of the Algonquin. The dance of the spirit opossum.

“Bought a ticket, might as well see the show.”

J Lot (Staff-RV): For two days Lucy had been using her Mountain Music Festival lanyard to get into VIP for free beers and vegetable kabobs. It was passable with the program cover pinned over the tag and Baitbucket slid in behind her in hopes of grabbing some photos from the side of the stage. He also had no media credentials and was having trouble getting into the pit. Not that it mattered. His phone was heating up and making strange noises and the camera hadn’t been taken out of the car all weekend. He knew if he went back to Donnie and Cameron’s place he might be able to find a cold Miller Lite and Jody Carbone sleeping in a beach chair. For one free press pass all he’d have to do is bop him on the head with a bocce ball and stuff him in a rolled up carpet until the weekend was over. Easy wind. What’s a small concussion between friends?

The Red Wing Roots Festival was alive and purring with delicious energy. Everywhere people were singing, dancing and playing in the soft Virginia grass. It was Lucy’s first time at Red Wing and it felt righteous and good surrounded by family in the cradle of the Shenandoah Valley. Thanks to Steve and Pepinillo for choosing the camp. Not only was it in a high traffic area but it was also completely unshaded. For the money, most of the time you can only get one of those. Praise Allah that no one pooped in the KH wook shower which, considering the afternoon temperatures, saved lives.

Assault on Chimney Ridge:  The word was given. It was time for the Kamp Happiness militia to finally take the high ground. From their perch atop Chimney Ridge they would be able to keep track of the skirmish below. The Rangers who’s job it had been to “make sure everyone had a good time” kept a keep eye on the flank, while Doug managed Chimney Ridge. There were still hard questions to be answered. Who is going into the cooler and drinking all the tequila? Bfly figured it was Bello the Mando as he was already moving his shoulders in that wiggly way that said strange things lay on the horizon. He claimed good dancing started in the shoulders. Later it was discovered that Steve had been rummaging through stranger’s coolers looking for cold beer and Oreos. In the end it was all chalked up to harmless misunderstanding and everyone laughed together over a stick of clover honey.

Friday Night

Thanks to Mitch for hosting the “quiet bluegrass” tent which provided hours of homegrown mountain slather. When it got shut down at two am “like a bad daycare” by the red golf shirt brigade, everyone knew the hard truth that Big Betty was to blame. She was always pretty loud but as the night went on and she was plied with liquor she only became more excited. If there was going to be any success with late night pickin’ circles, she would have to be left out of it and that wouldn’t be easy. There were some great musicians around and she wasn’t about to waste the opportunity to pick with all of them, especially the dueling mandolins. The pickin’ circle eventually moved out to the Chimney Ridge fire pit in the field and with the addition of a handful of pickers they were able to serenade all the way to five am when they finally called it a night. It can’t be easy to come out in your boxers and ask the music circle to shut down. Everyone forgets the magic power of earplugs. Lucy laughed in disgust. By that time, the sky was changing colors over the Virginia mountains and it seemed silly to stop. One of her favorite things was to play bluegrass to the morning joggers and folks making early port-o-potty runs.

Nitrous Mafia Bluegrass: Everyone knew if there was going to be late music Saturday night a new innovative plan would have to be put in place. They were going to have to get entirely serious if this was going to happen. Someone suggested the “nitrous mafia” bluegrass strategy whereby when discovered, the musicians would scatter like roaches and regroup at a preplanned destination. Carlos suggested playing as they moved and keeping the red golf shirts pointed in the wrong direction. Naturally this wouldn’t be the kind of festival with a nitrous mafia, but they could still take a few pages out of their book. In reality the whippets had been gone by Thursday night and Baitbucket always liked to throw a few around the camp perimeter so folks walking by knew what they were getting into.

Ugliest Dog Ever? The high afternoon temperatures at Chimney Ridge were taking a toll. Reports of aberrant behavior such as sun stroke madness and delirium were rampant as a result of both malnutrition and dehydration. Bfly managed to take a sweaty afternoon nap in her vehicle only to discover that what appeared to be a meercat had found it’s way into her Subaru (North Carolina camouflage) and curled up next to her panting ferociously. Once she began it feeding kettle corn and water it got comfortable and remained the rest of the weekend. It could occasionally be seen walking in staff camping wearing it’s service dog vest.

Wookish Innovations: At some point Pepinillo heard muffled music coming from inside the ice machine and recognized “Shoop” by Salt n Pepa. He was not prepared for what he saw when he opened the door but at once he understood exactly what was happening. Someone had cleared out one side of the ice machine and Bfly was sitting in the dark with the meercat which by then had been properly identified as a raccoon. “Shut the door. You’re letting out all the cold!” Baitbucket screamed. “Get in line if you wanna cool off. Ten bucks for two songs or five minutes, whichever comes first”.

Saturday Night 

Shuttle Service: Bucket and Bello got recruited to work for Chris and drive shuttles for the folks headed back to the parking lot. They didn’t even know these types of people existed. After all, who would ever want to leave this party? They were thrilled to finally have jobs with golf carts since that’s been the goal since the beginning of time. Unfortunately these came with radios which work to keep the irresponsible in check. Aboard Bucket’s shuttle everyone could be heard singing the theme from “Dukes of hazard” as they traded paint around turn four.

Kamp Happiness Family Jam: Thanks goes out to the KH staff working at the Chimney Ridge shuttle stop for setting up the Saturday night VIP Dance Party (no credentials required). Face painting, dancing, snacks drinks and responsible fun found it’s way to the fire circle for everyone at the shuttle stop. A little after midnight, pickers of all ages emerged from the shadows, instruments in tow and ready to tighten the screws on some home grown music. The crowd continued to gather as the Chimney Ridge house band picked through the likes of the Stanley Brothers and endless trad and anon classics.

Disperse! The shutdown came again at 2 am just as Bello yelled “go dark!” and the performers sprang off into the moonless night. Moments later they regrouped at Mitch’s for quiet bluegrass until about five am. At that point Baitbucket and Bello found their way back to the Chimney Ridge fire pit to watch the sky change color and lay down some bluegrass sunrise gospel over a half bottle of cheap wine. Come to the circle and get saved. Bucket even waited until 7:45 to crack the bullwhip.

Sunday Funday

Golf cart 250 Invitational: Congratulations goes out to Pepinillo for his first place finish in this year’s event. Returning from his recent accident at the Pop’s Farm track everyone was glad to see he and his crew chief back in action. The third place “Punkin Chunkin'” car had this to say when asked how he kept coming in the money, “Sometimes you got to put ’em in the corn”.

Look for the Kamp Happiness Pickin’ Tent next year hopefully somewhere way back in the corner.

Not-so-quiet camping: For folks who just need more.

Thanks again to Red Wing Black Bear Productions for putting up with all the silliness. Visit the Red Wings Roots Music Festival website and like their their social media sites on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Music: When asked how he enjoyed the music, Pepinillo replied that he hadn’t seen any. At some point one realizes that the festival staff doesn’t ever get to see much music. They’re busy driving shuttles and killing opossums. These are the people who make it all happen. It’s a woodland fantasy filled with dance and song that seems to go off without a hitch and this staff made it look easy. It doesn’t come with much money and the hours they put in is ludicrous. They don’t get as unwound as everyone else and most can’t get too faded late night because they start super early the next day, parking cars and taking tickets, working the sound and serving the Mexican food. Those are the professional wooks. Riding the tour wherever it takes them. Finding their hard fun when they can but more importantly, blurring the line between work and fun and arriving at a place where both happen together.

Monday Blues? While most departures are usually sad with the ending of the party and the parting with friends but this is summer in Virginia and that is not the way of the warrior. These festivarians were headed home for a night or two and then it’s off to Floydfest for the next three weeks. Just enough time to wash the feet and catch a nap before it’s back into the gauntlet.

Thanks goes out to Azul Acres for feeding walking tacos to the Chimney Ridge family all weekend and especially for the Sunday buffet at the Hobo Kamp. Check out their Facebook page to see where they are gonna pop up next.

Check out our recent submission from Mountain Music Festival “21: Please Don’t Eat the Cicadas and more from the archives. Keep up with Lucy and Baitbucket as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour chugs on.

Stay with Wook Wranglers Media as we head to Floyd, Virginia for lessons in moral ambiguity as the summer tour continues. After FloydFest  we slowly take the trek up to Summer Camp in Illinois and then on to Backwoods in Arkansas. Look for us at Rooster Walk Reunion in October when all roads then lead back to Suwannee Roots Revival and Hulaween at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. It’s moist verging on damp.

Safe Travels.

 

 

 

 

 

.

The post Red Wing Roots Music Festival 21: Assault on Chimney Ridge appeared first on wook wranglers.

Jesus, it had only been a week since Fool’s Engagement and that hot mess of fun had permanently loosened the yolk in the egg. Wow. Both Lucy and Luke were still trying to process exactly what had happened in Branford. Details were sketchy to say the very least. After a few days of “rest” on the banks of the St. Mary’s River they were headed back into the maelstrom. Back to the park where the Suwannee Rising was already in preparty mode.

For the second year Rising found its way into the North Florida woods on the banks of the Suwannee. Leave it to Paul Levine to put together another full tilt get-down at one of the best music festival camping venues anywhere. With resurrection ferns popping off the oak branches it was a perfect pod party with plenty of A-listers manning the controls and steamy headliners like Umphrey’s McGee, Goose, Eric Krasno, Lettuce and many more dropping the mad beat.

The Friday show included delicious weather to the likes of Big Something and the ever spectacular Melody Trucks Band. A classic rail girl, Lucy even enjoyed the pod environment which they’d pimped out with chairs, coolers and blinking lights. After making friends with the podfolk on their perimeter she occasionally ventured out to explore the lay of the land, which was a predictable freakshow. The late night party in the park brought a freight train of fun that had been building up inside the hearts of these festivarians for a long time. On his way to the Pound Town late night bar, Luke made it clear he had been cooped up for over a year and was entirely ready to scoop out his brain with a salad spoon and toss it in the middle of the fire.

Podhopper Jones: 9-21: Jess and Josh, 21-12: Oldsmar, 1-19: Moonshine and Tim, 3-09: 3-12?: Jeff and Barry, 3-6: Patrick and Sarah, 19-19: Dr. T., 6-2: Dr. Paint and Brooke. Who knows?

Big Betty opted to leave the music early and set up Kamp Happiness for the Friday party when she ran smack into Josh and Jessica who made the trip all the way from Michigan. Talk about real Umph Love. Things just moved up to eleven on the meter. May I speak with your manager? Visit their website at Mi Kulture for all the coolest hippy shit anywhere.

Luke could feel it in the air. That special tingle that comes when an army of campers join in a chorus of howls toward the stars. It was Friday night and the music was over somewhere around eleven. There was lots of time to get in trouble.

“Never for me the lowered banner, never the last endeavor.” Sir Ernest Shakleton

Friday night Family Jam: Thanks to Chase and Dr. Paint for the late-night acoustic slickery at the Kamp Happiness Lakeside Retreat. Mandolins, guitars, basses and harps kept the musac lifting through the forest into the wee hours of the night. Eventually eyeholes began pointing in different directions and the common tongue became Brookanese. Moonman language for the uninitiated. Oldsmar provided the drums and pillows for the late night ballyhoo and created an inviting camp for all to partake. And partake they did.

And then there was the moonshine man who brought no moonshine. Lucy wasn’t sure how she could be expected to get through the weekend without moonshine. A few swigs would often hold her together just when the weight of rampant chemical abuse began to hamper her faculties. In lieu of the shine the entire camp was introduced to Bulleit whiskey laced with acid. She figured baby steps might not be necessary when walking in the world of high science.

Among the more bourgeois pods, the one hosted by the incomparable festival savages, Jeff and Barry offered free back rubs and pickle back whiskey shots to anyone that could do a cartwheel. With the beautiful people on the third row they certainly rode the Goose train in what was a spectacular set. Good advice. Great vocals, great guitar, great jams. Visit their website at RoadtripMojo and always plan on seeing them down the long festival road.

Saturday Night Umph Love: There’s nothing more fun than a Saturday night with Umphrey’s. Just ask Liz the Biz, Umphrey’s makes girls dance. They always made Uncle Clayopheus dance as he stood right next to the speaker. The two loaded set were full of banging covers like “Shine On”, “Dr. Feelgood”, and a David Bowie “Fame” closer that sealed the whole deal. By the end of the show Lucy had managed to move up to Patrick’s pod on the third row. Would you liker a coffee and a dab? Sitting in a lawn chair that close to the stage, she knew it was unlikely she would ever enjoy such an unobstructed view of the funk again. Thanks Covid.

Sunday Spunday: Luke slept later than usual due to the morning rain. It was a slow Sunday drizzle that said, “There’s nothing going on. Stay right where you are.” He eventually grabbed the nearest water bottle and ended up brushing his teeth with vodka. Thank you Cody and Andrea for providing shelter from the storm at the Bill Monroe Pavilion. What was supposed to be a pack and travel day quickly devolved into Sunday music and groundscore feast. When the rain finally stopped all that was left were tent straps and magical cases of warm Yuengling.

Never miss a Sunday show.

Wookish Innovations:  For the monkeys who paid for camping but failed to procure a festival bracelet solutions were scarce. Friday showed the orange tape from the pod dividers served as a reasonable substitute for the orange bracelets. The award for first-place wook ingenuity went to Gumball for his use of the yellow stripping from an Aquafina package. It didn’t get him through VIP Artist Entry but it worked fine for general admission. (ed. note. The wook wranglers do not endorse or condone this type of tomfoolery.)

Groundscore the World: Sarah always said that when it rains Sunday morning folks tear out in a hurry forgetting much of their sheeite. She and Luke had been a  roving groundscore team for years and had it down to a science. A half bottle of Rumplemintz later it was jalapeno quail eggs and cheese puffs for brunch. Don’t drive dirty.

Atheist Don’t Drink Champagne: It started with a pair of pliers and a bottle of lukewarm Champagne. A perfect Sunday combination. The small crowd of leftover thugs huddled close ready for a well-deserved mimosa. Kyle pried and wrestled with the cork until, in the blink of an eye, the bottle exploded into a torrent of jagged shards. Kyle and Pollen, sitting at ground zero and would have been vaporized had it not been for Chase’s quick thinking. Nary another man would have sacrificed himself in such a selfless manner. The entire squad would have been ripped apart had he not thrown his face into the path of the splintered glass. When later asked what would inspire a man to throw himself on a grenade, he calmly replied, “I though I might look good with an eye patch.”

Tommy Thermometer’s Rainy Day Sunday Exit Strategy:  Unhook your tent poles and leave everything in a wet pile next to the road. That’s two times in three weeks but sometimes spring festivals get wet in Florida. As always, the LaRosa Nostra Kitchen was in full effect all weekend. Tempe, potstickers, mango chutney and peanut butter hoglegs were on the daily specials menu.

Bad Choices: Lucy realized she’d left her phone in the hands of an admitted degenerate. Her sandy footprints all over the dashboard of the Mercedes C450 she screamed at the hairy beast to drive faster. It was likely too late.

The good news was Luke knew exactly where Lucy’s phone was. The bad news was he knew it was in a van on the way to Mobile to see Billy Strings. He’d just lost two phones in three days, neither of which were his.

Thanks to Nehal, Lauren and Chris for everything and all who contributed photographs for the article. Keep up with the wranglers as we get ready to join with Kamp Happiness, the Buttscratchers and the Lawyer for Orange Blossom Jamboree and all the gristly fun that comes with it. For roll call visit the wook wranglers Facebook page. The party is May 13. Get on board, there’s plenty of room.

Spirit of Suwannee Music Park: Chase Holiday Lives Here

The post The Spring Road Part? Suwannee Again Rises appeared first on wook wranglers.

Sunday, The Villages: Skeet and Pablano had left the pool chairs and the Par 3 golf courses of the sunshine state and headed straight north. Leaving in their wake a curious retired population of golf cart aficionados whose general attitudes regarding the present global pandemic could best be described as lax.

They’d stuffed the hatchback with Big Betty, the upright bass and grandpa’s Martin but there would likely be no busking on this trip. The immediate storm was still ahead of them. The best they could do was get closer to home. He was still just learning to walk on ice and the Oldsmsowagon didn’t have a hand break. Not that it would matter here. The crunching of a fender into a tree makes a sound like the signing of a check. The sing-song of bad insurance.

Monday, Boone: Just south of Blowing Rock the snow was waiting. The powder had been coming down for three days and the mounds were extending onto the road. Pablano was still wearing flip flops. To soften the blow they still had some Virginia White Rhino, a half bottle of El JImador and an apparently bottomless Visine dropper of acid. They would hole up a few days and take a vacation from their vacation. What else is there to do when it’s blowing outside? Light a fire. It must be time for Santa’s Workshop.

The Queen of the Power Slide

Tuesday, Craig’s Creek: The Kamp Happiness Roanoke Mafia had recently procured land just outside of Salem somewhere in the Virginia mountains and it was easy to see the spectrum of possibilities. Chickens and hillbilly hippies everywhere, the creek and the rolling land would someday host gatherings of colorfully lit thugs. It was the kind of place where laws were meant to be broken. In a released statement, ATF officials denied any increased presence in the area in spite of mounting evidence to the contrary. At present, scurrying hither and yon were beautiful women carrying beer cans and power tools. Just as Allah foretold. They slung chainsaws, planed their own timber and used diesel fuel to start bonfires.

Sans Souci-

Luke was yelling but could barely be heard over the hum of the engine and the crackling of pebbles scattering into the brush. Lucienda laughed, “My car doesn’t even have a hand brake. This reminds me of my ’74 Ford Pinto.” Everything she’d learned about power braking she’d learned on the lawless back roads of Honduras. And not on purpose. Necessity is the mother of invention. She’d learned the skills sliding down dirt trails, dodging pregnant dogs en route to bars deep in the jungle. Years before microbreweries would gain popularity D&D Brewery sat at the end of the dirt road, deep in the jungle, playing Eric Clapton. Near Lake Yojoa this bar/hostel served homemade cervezas in a multitude of fruit flavors and was a meca for hippies, drunks and travelers looking for a spot off the grid. With a medley that included pineapple and mango it was great beer and they drank it until they hurt.

“Just stop power sliding! You’re no good at it.” he barked as he grabbed the door handle, not as a method of escape as much as for balance and support. She would say she was excellent at it, but the fact was she was more lucky than skilled. Mostly unsafe. She just didn’t really care about her life or anyone else’s. She would slide straight into a cornfield and once tried to take out a windmill. Anytime she rented a car in a foreign country she made sure it had a hand brake and good speakers.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ve been practicing power slides for years. I had a Big-Wheel when I was a kid so you know what that means. I’m kind of an expert.”

Night On Bald Mountain

Wednesday, Blowing Rock:  An informational/safety meeting had be scheduled for Savanah’s Oyster Bar around sunset. After missing the designated rendezvous it was inferred that Luke and Lucy had headed back to the Tiki Bar on Lake Watauga. There was that cocktail waitress who was really good at the ring-hook game. On their way to Butler they would have to go through Johnson City and right past the last American strip club.
Right past Fuzzy Holes.

This premier gentlemen’s club was located in a part of the country where such things weren’t easy to come by. Sit and be well. The journey to Meca is riddled with strife. Pretty girls, private rooms, parachutes and a fusion lunch buffet with country and Chinese chicken. Something for damned near everyone.

Luke wasn’t expecting what he saw when he entered the dark room. As his eyes adjusted he realized the decor was horror themed. Wall to wall. What the actual hell? Most of the girls were really skinny and with the horror decor, they looked like skeletons dancing around. Luke thought it was a little terrifying. Just like Night on Bald Mountain.

At some point in the evening a portion of the congregation migrated out back for a buyer’s market of generic narcotics and the “dumpster dance” audition of Kloreene and Aja who both were promoting their resume in hopes of landing a job on the main stage.

“With this being my first visit to an adult entertainment club, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The dancers were very nice, on and off the pole. I got a couple table side dances that were very enjoyable. All of the dancers talked to me. I’ll be back.” -TR

Pablano really wanted to get there before they took off. The later it got the greater the chances Luke’s driving would be drastically impaired. He had made that drive from Salida to Telluride but everything was different now. He was getting older and the mental safeguards he had previously used to protect himself from getting too wasted had begun to crumble and fail.

The thing about it was that Luke enjoyed driving on nitrous oxide. He probably understood that it wasn’t safe but would have suggested that he was in a “weird place” so it could be tolerated. The most accomplished of degenerate thugs would agree there are a select group of “vices” that shouldn’t be consumed while operating heavy machinery. NO2 is probably one of them unless you can handle the tinglies and everything going black. There was no getting around it. He enjoyed the open road with a cream charger in his lap and a full box of “Mr. Clinkies” sitting close by. Warning! This product may induce unconsciousness or seizure. Sitting next to some stranger’s tire in the shadows of a parking lot, who can deny the occasional fish? The eyes roll back and the balloon shoots away, spewing the gas back into the either from whence it came. If that’s the case then the idea of driving reveals a self-fulfilling prophecy that at some point reveals itself as the vehicle wrapped around a bridge. Some people just have an itch on the roof of their mouth that only a shotgun can scratch.

All of this made Pablano drive faster through the winding Tennessee mountains…

Lucy’s Corner

Top Ten Dirtiest Onomatopoeia

10. Squirt
9.   Boing
8.   Smash
7.   Pop
6.   Meow
5.   Cock-a-doodle-do
4.    Slap
5.    Spray
4.    Gurgle
3.    Drip
2.    Bang
1.    Sploosh

The new wook wranglers stickers are in. Thanks once again to Ray the Red for the help. It’s well known that in lieu of original content, stickers add business legitimacy. Request your swag today. Check out some of our other articles including Free Camping in Buena Vista.

Tony Rice 1951-2020

The post Queen of the Power Slide appeared first on wook wranglers.

                                                                                                                                   Book of Sorrows

Don’t pick a fight with a Mardi Gras float.

He was still locked in the bathroom grinding his dentures down with a drimel. They were painfully over sized due to the fact they had belonged to someone else as recently as yesterday. That guy certainly wouldn’t need teeth where he was going. Even the laminate faux wood paneling begin to smell like burnt bone. Burnt pig bone.  Like the grinding of metal-on-metal gears gone far too long without the save of some lubricating salve. The grinding may just go on forever but there’s always a way back. El zono finale has a rocky reputation.

He promised himself if could just find his dead cat and get out of New Orleans with a shred of what he used to call his mind, it would be the straight and narrow from here on out. From now on, the choices that lay ahead would be attacked with a furtive drive reminiscent of a more noble and stoic figure, like Thomas Jackson.

Another lost cat? There’s no way that’s a real thing. Full tilt Watusi boogie of the second Def-Con, to be sure. The last real tragedy was Lucky, who after mixing Ketamine and sawdust, threw himself into the Holiday Inn La Concha incinerator. Sometimes bad things happen to bad cats.

Around Bienville St. Frito saw Doornail entering a side door with a with a crate full of stolen Mardi Gras beads. Long ago, the crooked sign used to read “The Low Hanging Fruit” but most of the milkleaf had faded.  Luke saw him huddled in the corner, suppin on a dusty bottle of Butterfly absinthe and watching Baylor and Texas play girls softball in the afternoon shadows. Predictably, as the sun dropped in the sky the bits of shouting and profanity increased and after one unforgiving rant he was ejected from the tavern only to be seen stumbling from the curb into a mud hole slotted between broken cobblestones. At this point, all signs pointed to Madame Francis. He wouldn’t be able to go much longer without one of her Le Omelets Dauphine.

Known as an absynth drownery, Jean Lafitte’s has been a, “Muse”eum of sorts since way back. Thatcher Owen Mullins has always been a big fan of the, “Synthdriver”, an imaginary cocktail featuring absinthe, eye of newt, powdered bat wing, and the juice of virgin oranges.

The short man’s fountain of bigness is a prominent effigy in this fine establishment. None other than the biggest short man ever tops this pyramidal obelisk.

“Black Lung”

Her Christian name was Odessa but folks called her Black Lung and it was not a self-moniker. She found herself to be critical of people who gave themselves hippy-dippy names like “Harmony” and “Peace” when they were anything but. She was drinking wine out of a cardboard box. She said it was cardbordeaux. Eventually, she dumped the box and slung the bag over her should like a bloated udder. She made everyone slap the sack in order to get a shot of cheap wine. Somewhere between the warm wine and the second tin of grease, Frito realized she was trouble and no more than a godless savage.

She had been using dead cats in Vodoun ceremonies for years, but with all the new fly-by-night tourist brands of “voodoo” it had begun to seem gauche. Normally, it was pretty harmless business. A head full of mescaline and a couple weeks of dancing nekid with painted chicken’s feet punctuated by the occasional vat of animal blood. Often, the leftovers could be found wandering Lafayette St., covered in neck tattoos and uttering nonsensical gibberish about Mayan codices and the end of the world.

GRIS-GRIS LOVE SPELL

Author: Okrabeaux

Prep time:  30 mins

Cook time:  1 hour

Total time:  1 hour 30 mins

Serves: 1

This magic will help someone to fall in love or at least have an attitude adjustment.

INGREDIENTS

• leather pouch
• powdered lizard bones
• 3 pebbles from a cemetery
• human hair
• malachite crystal shard
• freckle
• shot of bourbon

INSTRUCTIONS

1. To create a gris gris, you should set up a basic gris gris altar or working space. This altar should contain the four element: a bowl of water to represent water, incense to represent air, a bowl of graveyard dirt to represent earth, and a candle flame to represent fire.
2. Choose a color specific to your need.
3. Gris gris must contain an odd number of items: more than three, never more than thirteen.
4. It must be filled with items that are specific to the desired purpose.
5. It must be dressed with a liquid of some kind.
6. Be very careful of the words you speak when making gris gris.
7. Each ingredient can be smudged or smoked in incense, and so can the final bag.
8. A petition petition should be added
9. Words of power are spoken over the bag as a means of activating the divine energy.
10. Breathe upon the gris gris to give it life.

In his screened-in kitchen, Okrabeaux used to tell stories about the old river woman who used to make up the gris gris. In the New Orleans tradition, there’s a gris gris for anything.  It’s a mixture of herbs and common ingredients such as powdered minerals, graveyard dust, roots, bones, and sacred words and seals. It can be used as a powder thrown in the path of an enemy, in an amulet or gris gris bag, in a doll, mixed with water and drunk, or used in a bath. Gris gris is part of a belief system that has remained relatively intact in New Orleans since it came from Africa by the first Senegambian slaves in the early 1720s.

Dead Cat Hit By Falling Statue

MAY 11, 2017

During the Jefferson Davis Statue removal today, an unidentified dead cat was crushed by the 400 lb obelisk. Subsequent removals of Robert E. Lee and P.G.T. Beauregard Monuments will involve increased accountability measures. 

NEW ORLEANS – After two years of planning and court discussions, City officials continued the process today of removing the three remaining monuments that prominently celebrate the “Lost Cause of the Confederacy.” The crowd of onlookers was still applauding the removal of the statue as the unidentified dead cat was found crushed under the ruble. Said one eyewitness, “I guess the war called home one more soldier.”

All inquiries should be directed to New Orleans Police Department.

From his perch on the second floor, Thatcher saw the cat get into Black Lung’s El Camino. It was the one she’d driven since Reuben’s death but it had a new, bad paint job and the shag carpet on the dashboard had been changed and not for the better. She was perched behind the wheel, a mulatto girl with nose rings and a tattoo of Jesus eating a bowl of cheese and rice. The old man in the back seat had orange eyes and reeked of urine. Once he’d probably been handsome, but an M-16 bullet changed that, so now he was forced to eat, pray and love with scant amounts of teeth. They were all obviously tweaking and a curious cloud of dark magic seemed to follow them as they sped away from the drive-through daiquiri shop. Maybe never to be seen from again. Cat or no cat, the G-Train train was rolling to Texas and beyond. Maybe he would show up on the Mexican Blackbird.

May 22, 2017

Check out some other wookish delights including The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park: A Pictorial History. Keep up with the family as we head to Brainquility, Suwannee Spring Reunion and more.

The post Dead Cats and Voodoo on the Mississippi River appeared first on wook wranglers.

The gypsy girl said it herself, the cards looked good. But what did that really mean? And good for whom? There was lots going on here that really couldn’t be forseen. Were we now putting our faith entirely in the hands of the unknown, like buffalo teeth and painted chicken’s feet? That’s called voodoo. When you believe in things you don’t understand, then you suffer superstition. Methinks this does not bode well.

Mercury was supposedly in retrograde, whatever the great Gravy Crockett that meant. And this was somehow supposed to translate into everything coming up wine and roses? With hindsight being twenty-twenty, the lens of wisdom would surely suggest nades. F’sho, no. Who could know that the red haired gypsy girl’s words would herald both delicious ecstasy and unimaginable peril? Such is the way here in the proverbial pocket of things. Welcome to the Mother Land. This is the briar patch and you, little mister, have enlisted in the Army of Northern Virginia. Don’t worry. We won’t have you hiking through the brambles. This is Thomas Jackson country and The Low-Brow Summer Tour 2018 has come to a close with the wook wranglers mounting a guerrilla offensive on Lockn’ Festival. Mission accomplished, it’s Lockn’ 2018: The Lowest Brow.

Lockn’ Festival, formerly known as Interlocken Music Festival, is an annual four-day music festival held at Oak Ridge Farm in Arrington, Virginia. It is a headier-than-thou, jam-band, wavy gravy, funk heavy camping/music experience in the gentle hills of southern Virginia. It gets it’s name from the rotating stage that showcases performers as the end of one act overlaps the beginning of the next. Bands like Lettuce and Umphreys McGee played to and with each other as the musical transition took place to the seamless delight of thousands. Not since Wanee, a few years ago, has a line-up like this reared it’s ugly head. It appears as though Mohammed had come to the mountain.

Past artists include Gov’y Mule, String Cheese, moe, John Fogerty, Greensky Bluegrass, The Avett Brothers, Ween, Phish, Twiddle, My Morning Jacket, John Butler, Chris Robinson Brotherhood, Little Feat, Robert Plant, Jefferson Airplane, Carlos Santana, Tom Petty, The Wood Brothers, Willie Nelson, Hot Tuna, Zac Brown, Jimmy Cliff, Col. Bruce Hampton and who cares? That’s plenty.

For once, Baitbucket felt reasonably healthy. The yellow foam had stopped seeping from the corner of his right eye and his back felt strangely quiet. The knees and ankles were holding together and, barring an unforeseen incident, he might be able to run the gauntlet. A gauntlet to be sure. infinity Downs Farm is a gigantic property littered with rvs, tents and ez-ups. Laid out over miles of hippies and clay trails, every exploratory adventure covers several square miles of travel. And that doesn’t include the multiple unexpected detours that seem to be popping up all the time. It was a Chose Your Own Adventure book and almost every page contained a sick, silly party. Jubba jubba.

LOCKN’ 2018 BREAKDOWN:

• Wednesday: Welcome to the Leaning Tower of the Yoga Machine. It’s a fact, some people should not be in charge of putting up the yurt and a man’s got to know his limitations. Broken beads, broken backs, cool nights and warm days are the order. For festival frivolity, it doesn’t get any better than this. For real. Other than Steve, Joe and Melinda, they haven’t even let the freaks in yet and this whole scene is already like an E-ticket ride at Disney World. All praise the campsite that keeps a Crock-pot running. On the top of the mountain, it’s way too early to be having this much fun and besides, the cards wouldn’t dare lie. Please be sure to check your gluten at the flap. Base camp is set up in High Field RV with three recreational vehicles, three tents, three awnings and two ez-ups. It’s true, the Huckleberries and the Baitbuckets of the world can come together and let PBR and Natty Light fans play together as one single neck of color.                                         ‘Merica.

• Thursday:  By Thursday evening, cat head mushroom chocolates had turned many of the festivarians into silly puddles of unraveled string. There were even reports of dead people out and about. Go figure. Imagine live Lettuce into Umphrey’s into Lettuce/funk and back into Umphrey’s. Some of the Umphrey’s show was, as usual, hard to wrap the head-hole around, kind of like Chinese math. In the words of Lord Buckley, “They stomped on the terra.” There may not be any photos of how much people (Liz) were dancing and sweating during their set, but the rumors can be trusted. It was so much. The search party failed to locate the red-haired gypsy, when she somehow got lost inside a porta-john. Who knew this was even an area of concern? Joe Russo’s Almost Dead closed out the night with a set that included an Easy Wind and Row Jimmy. Thank you Sarah and Steve for the late night fellowship at the Jerry Garcia Forest and everyone that came back to High Field RV for the late night think tank. It’s better when we all camp together.

Late night on the mountain, the light fog blurred the edges of the rising moon. By Sunday Funday, it would be full and the patients would surely be running the asylum. A four-day festival requires a serious personal investment of both wisdom and endurance.

• Friday:  Umphrey’s Mcgee did what they do again, and along with Jason Bonham and Derek Trucks, they shredded the Zeppelin cover, “Whole Lotta Love”.  After a complete afternoon of funk it would be up to WSMFP and the Spreadnecks to deliver the big punch Friday night and, as always, they were up for the challenge. Clayopheus III the Destroyer showed up toward the end of their set and things would never be the same. Along with the Asheville contingency, things were caught in an open loop and becoming quite ludicrous. Late night on the way to the Jerry Garcia Forest heralded the arrival of a new, bright green planet in our own solar system. Imagine the surprise.

JRAD Friday Midnight Setlist

Tell Me, Momma
Viola Lee Blues
St. Stephen
The Eleven
St. Stephen reprise
Ophelia
Atlantic City
Viola Lee Blues jam
China Cat Sunflower
I Know You Rider
Feel Like a Stranger
Shakedown Street

The Friday night party ended up at the Jerry Garcia Forest for a night of Jerry bluegrass and dancing in the street. Baitbucket couldn’t yet locate the Michiganders, so he found his way back to J’s Dablature Experiment for late night cordials and low-temperature silliness. He was last seen, walking around in small circles looking for his campsite until the wee hours of the early morning. Wormhole Watusi of the first order, to be sure.

• Saturday (SNUCKN’): The Lowest Brow–Stonewall’s festival experience had found the perfect rhythm. He’d ingested a virtual cornucopia of unknown chemicalia into his blood stream and his head was all right. He’d lined himself with such a bouquet of uppers and downers, just to let them fight it out, leaving him somewhere close to level. The Mafioso had come bearing enough gifts, like Shawsville strawberry moonshine and recreational pumpkin spice and skeletons, to weaken a large pack animal, and throughout the tents and shade canopies that lined the festival fields, everything from bath salts to space cakes were being tossed around like Mardi Gras beads.
  It was around four in the afternoon and the day had left him careless and fancy free. He was thinking about E A Sy and heading in to see Pigeons Playing PIng Pong. For a gangster, that kid loved that band and never missed a chance to see them. It would be cooler if he was here packing a vat of his crotch whiskey. Not a single care in the world. Walking through the security checkpoint, he broke the fourth rule of adult caution and forgot about the container of contraband in the lower pocket of his cargo shorts. Oopsie…Upon detection, Stonewall made a confused mumbling sound and turned to walk away in a reserved and patient manner. In retrospect, he might should have hauled some serious ass, but he liked to think that the days of climbing chain link fences barefoot were behind him. For some reason that can’t be explained here, the security volunteer alerted the legitimate gestapo and they lit out, faster than a West Texas jackrabbit, in pursuit of the unsuspecting perp.
  Blame the mafia.
  What was happening? In one nanosecond, he was back in the clutches of the pigs and they were already predictably obstinate. Things had turned due south and this was certainly not one of those “good choices” that Sunshine had suggested, in some other place and some other time.
  As he slipped away from the security guard he removed the small vial from his pocket and began dumping out it’s contents into the Virginia brush. A police officer donned in a black golf shirt, rudely snatched it from his hands and pushed into Stonewall’s face, shouting “Why did you try and dump it out?”
  “I figured if I dropped the whole thing it would be conspicuous,” forgetting, yet again, that honesty is never the best policy when dealing with law dogs of any kind.`
  With the click of the handcuffs, he accepted the fact that this was definitely on and he had finally managed to reach the lowest brow. Having penned the term, Darth Waffle would be pleased. Things were finally getting colorful. He was tossed in the back of a cop golf cart and taken to a cop single wide modular home where his fate lay in the hands of cops on computer monitors. Visions of Spring Reunion began flashing in his mind’s eye. He needed a red herring. There would have to be some way he could pin all of this on Clay.
  
  Seated in the well-lit room next to a gaggle of child cops, the next immediate goal was to hold it together and not appear too faded. Apparently, in some circles, it can be a crime. Who can imagine how his outward physical appearance  would look under a careful and prolonged examination by these trained Nazis? In a well-lit room, success was going to be a real long shot. If these Virginia puerco even suspected what drugs he’d ingested, he’d be on his way to the hospital for a good old fashioned stomach pumpin’. Hell, he couldn’t even remember what he’d taken during the first half of this day, which now seemed so, so far away. The walkabout had lasted most of the morning, visiting the headiest folk around the site and ingesting God only knows what. Here in the mid-afternoon, his innards could only be characterized as a chemical toilet and second stage reactions had begun taking place. Mission accomplished yo. As the interrogation lingered, his mouth began to fill up with what he imagined creosote would taste like and the sweat once again, began to foam and burble. There was still the business card of acid in his wallet and a couple ten strips already cut. Hopefully he wasn’t sweating so much as to render it useless. When the pigs looked closer, and they surely would, they’d find it and ship him off to Red Onion State Prison for the rest of his days. Finally the silly dream of freedom would be, once and for all, put down like a rabid cur. As he spoke with the local magistrate via skype, things continued to get increasingly foggy. There were so many questions. The whole thing seemed to be going to hell as he began to turn into warm mush right in front of the magistrate.

“Did you get a DUI in Colorado?”
“Nope. Detained but no charges.” Complete lies. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
“Are you sick?,  Do you have any needles in your pocket?”
Stonewall was incredulous, “Not sick and no idea what’s in my pocket.” The next few minutes blurred into each other and accurate reporting is impossible. The magistrate switched off and the frightened prisoner starred at the young cop seated next to him.
“Can you please let me know when this process has moved upstairs, past your influence, so I’ll know when to stop worrying?”
“I don’t thing you’re going to jail, but we are going to need to visit your campsite and go through your tent to check it for contraband,” he mused. Stonewall’s face hardened as he considered the idea of sheriffs loaded up in golf carts assaulting the camp site of his new people. It felt like he’d taken a big swig of rum and lard.
“That’s gonna have to be a no.” he finally said. “It would not be classy to pull up, in front of that campsite, with a bunch of golf-shirted gestapo. Besides, I don’t even know what’s in the tent.”

“Why are you saying that you don’t know what’s in the tent?” they pressed.
“Kind sir, it’s not my tent. It belongs to some spun homeless gypsy. The rest of those thugs are from the hills of North Carolina and who knows what kind of booty they’re hauling around. Just leave me out of it.”
This seemed to placate the law dogs and they eventually forgot about raiding the campsite. They were ready to get back to work hitting on hippy girls. A cop sat next to him, while they waited for the magistrate’s decision and struck up a little small talk.
“Thanks for being cool about everything. We appreciate your cooperation. We had another guy come through here and shit everywhere. The walls. The chair you’re sitting in. Everything. He sprayed his filth all over the place before we got him out of here.”
Stonewall considered the raw nature of man and the unfiltered savagery that might reveal itself if the cold gates of the underground began to seal around him. The possibilities were endless. Stonewall looked over at the cop, “I have to admit, I considered it. If you knew you were going to jail, it might be a pretty funny way to go out.”
The cop smiled, “Plenty of people think that. It’s not funny.”

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” Good news from the magistrate. This was just one spun hippy and these nice folks had bigger fish to fry. There would be free air to breathe for one more day. Park employees, however, were waiting with scissors in hand. “If you are found on the property you will be arrested” the lady supervisor grumbled. He was given one more free golf cart ride, past the cars and tents, by the front gate and all the way to the Thomas Nelson Highway. It was a dark time but it was better than Virginia jail. This whole trip was had cost a pretty penny and now he was going to spend Saturday night getting plied in the the local saloon. Weak.

Heading west on highway 29, he walked against the traffic on the gravel shoulder and considered his options. He could continue this way until he found a gas station. That would supply him with enough cigarettes and beer to make it to a hotel or a bar. He still had his phone and wallet, even if the rest of his paltry possessions were still in the yoga machine. It would all be fine. He would find a hole in the wall bar and drink scotch until he felt better. Then, he would take his first shower in days and sleep in a freezing hotel room. Not too bad for a plan B.

The whole idea made him absolutely sick.

He’d been having a fun time and he knew the people he was leaving behind. It was just another Saturday night and things were going to be getting ridiculous. He was reminded of Thatcher at Spring Reunion and how the party suffered after Live Oak law dogs took him away in chains. He would also be spending somewhere in the neighborhood of two-thousand dollars before this exercise was finally concluded, and that was worthy of a most serious effort.

Maybe there was another idea.

As he walked toward the interstate, he surveyed the layout of the surrounding fields and thicket. It was dense forest patches separated by farm fields and a few houses. For about a mile, he scouted out the land and began to consider the possibility of sneaking back into the festival without a bracelet. It would be straight out of Vinny or Scotteesha’s how-to pamphlet. Heckfire, this was straight out of Thomas Jackson’s Maxims. Just down the street from Danville and Apomattox, the 9th Alabama has always been ready to stand with the Army of Northern Virginia. In Korean combat boots, he was going to hump four square miles through country forest and sneak back in like a damn hippy. Cheyenne was right. He was the wook his parents had always warned him about. He turned off the road into the treeline, ate a five strip of acid and headed south. He would stay in the shade until he was off the main road, then all he had to do was follow the music, all the way home.

As he hiked through the Virginia underbrush, sunset brought out the woodland critters. Deer and owls joined him in his hunt for the back door. Day turned to night as he took his time weaving through the brush. He figured being impatient would lead to injury or cause him to be discovered traipsing through the brambles. Sandals seemed like a silly way to navigate the streams and fields, but at least he wasn’t barefoot on this unforgiving terrain. The briers and thorny vines clung to his arms and legs as he lumbered through the dense thicket, leaving thick red slashes across his skin. When it showed up, the moon was going to be a waxing gibbous, which would surely assist with navigation. Each time his route drifted too far south, the sing-song voice of Susan Tedeschi guided him back east, through the Virginia woods. The distant rumble of such tunes as “Statesboro Blues”, “Alabama”, by Neil Young and “Mahjoun” with Brandford Marsalis, kept him on the right trail. Behind Tye River Elementary School, back into the brush and then to cross Diggs Mountain Road. He was guided by the Aretha Franklin cover, “I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Loved You)”, “Bound For Glory” with Ivan Neville, “A Song For You” by Leon Russell and “Little Martha”. Thanks for the breadcrumbs, lady. After walking for a couple of hours, he came across some tents in the woods. This would be Forest Tent Camping, which happened to be directly across the street from High Field RV and his campsite. Things were beginning to look up. It was time to change the shirt and hat and sit down for a cold brew. The party would just be getting started.

He wasn’t entirely ready to give up on the music. Most everyone had come here to see Dead & Co. and that still needed to happen. Stonewall poked around the VIP area and behind the stage, looking for a chink in the armor, some place he could slip in. He spied an opening in the fence and started up a conversation with the nearby security guard. The guard lamented over the piece of broken wooden fence. “These hippies try to sneak in here, legs all slashed up and with no bracelet. They even broke my fence.”

Stonewall’s brain lit up with a new idea. “It’s real interesting that you should say that, because that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. I need you to let me get through that opening in the fence.”

He asked, “Do you have a bracelet?”

“Nope. They cut it off when they threw me out. But it would be real cool to get back in and rejoin my people before Dead & Co. kick off.”

The security guard began looking over his shoulder at the other gates and leaned in. “There’s folks working inside that fence and if they see you, they’re going to say something. So here’s what we’re gonna do…I’ll take you by the shirt like you’re in trouble. We’ll walk right by everyone and when we get out of sight, I”ll lose you.”

“That sounds perfect.”

• Dead & Co.: Back into venue just in time for Oteil’s birthday. Both the rail and field were thick with the best vibe ever. Something about the good ol’ Grateful Dead. They just make everything so much fun. It was a night for adventurous lurking. The first set brought out a Ramble On Rose-Alabama Getaway-Cassidy. The second set blew up an, Oteil-led Fire On the Mountain into a celebratory China Cat Sunflower. Two hours earlier he’d been alone, hiking through the back field of Ol’ Virginny, now he was sitting on a blanket, surrounded by the most beautiful people ever.                  Colorful.

1. 1. • Highlight of the festival: Saturday night’s midnight set included Lettuce with Eric Krasno Celebrating JGB, joined by Bob Weir, John Mayer and Oteil Burbridge in a set that tore up the mountain and set the beat for the rest of the night.

Finders Keepers
I Second That Emotion
Stop That Train (Oteil Sings)
After Midnight ( John in for the jj cale spectacular)
Sugaree (let Bobby sing)
Tangled Up In Blue (that makes sense)
That’s What Love Will Make You Do (it’s too serious to be funny)
How Sweet It Is to Be Loved by You (the alpha and the omega)
Cats Under the Stars (second one of the weekend)
They Love Each Other (holy moly)

Lettuce called it a celebration of the Jerry Garcia Band after it was all said and done, a celebration is exactly what it felt like.

1. 1. • Sunday Spunday: All hail a festival that uses it’s Sunday for a good cause. Bloody Mary brunch was served at Chris’ Opium Den near the Jerry Garcia Forest. Thank you SolarWolf and LunarWolf for the most seriously fun time ever. Thank you El Capitano for physically removing all the love governors. You’re headier than thy? The party got riled up when Cheyenne began lopping off her dreadlocks to trade for hugs. Fortunately, she was sedated before she could do too much damage. God willin’ and the Creek don’t rise. Check out the new Google map application that allows you to easily search for “tweakers near me”.
        
        Congratulations to Sugarplum and Huckleberry for getting hitched at Keller Williams and Grateful Gospel during Eyes of the World. These folks met at the same show, at the same spot three years earlier. It certainly is the dismal tides when Cook County trash can come down south and pilfer our own belles. It has been a proven formula for the ages, church is a great place to meet girls. Go Cubs.
      • Dead & Co.: And things were going so well for Stonewall. Left by Clayopheus, his recently acquired Staff bracelet was no more than a tattered chicken bone of a thing, held on by other bracelets and falling off every few steps. It was so frayed and torn, it looked as if he’d eaten if off of his wrist. Even the beer girl noticed when he wasn’t wearing one, and beyond the recognition, said nothing. All in all, he was back into the venue, this time enjoying the entire Tedesci-Trucks show into the night’s Dead.
        Then it happened…
        “I take a little powder, take a little salt, put it in my shotgun, I go walkin’ out…” Oh lordy, not this.
        The first set smattering Grateful ettoufee spun into a Mr. Charlie→Tennessee Jed→Althea that tripped every breaker on the mountain. The second set showed an Eyes of the World and Morning Dew with Branford Marsalis that left tears staining the front of tie dyes everywhere. Wolly bully. Mr. Charlie told me so.

Be sure to check out Roadtripmojo for more LOCKN’ gibberish and follow their social media channels on Facebook and Instagram. They have a whole other take on the festival with wrap-up and photos from the beautiful people.

Headed back to South Florida, for days the toenails would still be dyed with Virginia red clay. Charlotte storms postponed our flight and the guitar was destroyed by baggage carriers. That’s three guitars since Hulaween. This lifestyle is getting expensive.

“Does this mean I can use your ticket for Floydfest?”

Visit the Lockn’ website and follow their social media channels on Facebook and Instagram.

For our first Lockn’, it really had a little of everything you look for in a festival and some stuff you try and avoid. Deer, dead people, research-grade narcotics, titmice, moonshine and so, so much spilled wine. Everyone brought their best effort and after it was all said and done, very little was left on the vine. Old friends came together with new ones and alliances were formed that would last a lifetime. We are on the lookout for Brian at Live Oak and his Mr. Clinkies. October is one of the best times for festivals at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park in North Florida. The weather begins to change and git-fiddle music lingers n the air. On the banks of the Suwannee River, prepare thyself, young traveler, for Suwannee Roots Revival and Hulaween coming up fast. See you under the Thunder Chicken.

Visit our preview articles of upcoming festivals such as Suwannee Spring Reunion and Floydfest.

Make good choices.

The post Lockn’ 2018: The Lowest Brow appeared first on wook wranglers.