Emmylou Harris, a 2018 Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award winner and member of the Country Music Hall of Fame, will bring her band to headline the 14th annual Rooster Walk Music & Arts Festival. Joining her at the top of the band lineup will be celebrated guitarist Cory Wong, an exploding star on the international music scene.

Harris has been estimated to have sold more than 15 million records worldwide. She has also earned 13 Grammy Awards and placed 27 singles into the top 10 US country chart. She will make her Rooster Walk debut with a Saturday evening set at the festival, which will take place May 23-26, 2024 at Pop’s Farm in Martinsville, Va.

Wong will also make his RW debut when his band performs a Friday night headlining set. A former member of Vulfpeck, Wong’s live shows are lauded for their instrumental wizardry, incredible cohesiveness and their sheer, energetic fun.

Other bands getting added to the lineup include: Couch (Boston, Mass. – funk/rock/soul); Catilin Krisko & The Broadcast (Asheville, N.C. – rock); Arkansauce (progressive bluegrass from northwest Arkansas); Sneezy (high-energy party music from Chicago, Ill.); Sticks N Thorns (bluegrass duo featuring Andy Thorn of Leftover Salmon and Jon Stickley); Travis Book & Friends (Asheville, N.C., Americana/rock band led by The Infamous Stringdusters’ Travis Book); The Jared Stout Band (southern rock from the New River Valley of Virginia); T.C. Carter Band (blues from Martinsville, Va.); Lua Flora (Asheville, N.C. – beach folk); Big Fat Gap (Chapel Hill, N.C. – bluegrass); Jules & The Agreeables (Key West, Fla. – rock); DJ What (Martinsville, Va. – DJ); and Pirates of the Piedmont (Martinsville, Va. – pirate shanties).

Bands that had been previously announced to the RW14 lineup were: Broke Mountain Bluegrass Band

(Colorado supergroup featuring members of Greensky Bluegrass, Leftover Salmon, the Infamous Stringdusters, Jon Stickley Trio and more); Daniel Donato’s Cosmic Country (Nashville, Tenn., jam twang); TAUK Moore (funk collaboration between Doom Flamingo’s Kanika Moore and TAUK);  Dogs in a Pile (a New Jersey-based funk/jazz/rock jamband); Yarn (NC/NY roots rockers who will once again perform an original set and a festival-finishing tribute set); The Mountain Grass Unit (up-and-coming bluegrass shredders from Alabama); Isaac Hadden Organ Trio (masterful musicianship from a North Carolina power trio); Sol Driven Train (upbeat, horn-driven rock’n’roll beach vibes from Charleston, SC); J & The Causeways (New Orleans-based soul powerhouse reminiscent of St. Paul & The Broken Bones); Colby T. Helms & The Virginia Creepers (bluegrass from nearby Franklin County, Va.); Clay Street Unit (Colorado-based honky tonk/roots rock); and Mighty Joshua (authentic reggae from central Virginia).

The final batch of RW14 band additions will be announced by February 2024.

Tickets for Rooster Walk 14 are now on sale at www.roosterwalk.com, which also features all the information needed to plan for an amazing experience. 

The festival will take place Thursday-Sunday of Memorial Day weekend in the rolling foothills surrounding Martinsville, Va. Rooster Walk is a 4-day festival celebrating music, art, and the great outdoors at the idyllic Pop’s Farm venue. With 40+ bands performing on 6 different stages, an amazing roster of stellar music steers the Rooster Walk experience. 

In addition to approximately 80 sets of live music, the family-friendly Rooster Walk will offer a wide variety of kids’ programming, family fun, craft beer, great food, arts and numerous opportunities to enjoy Virginia’s great outdoors with kayak river floats, pedal boats, bike rides, yoga, a disc golf course and beautiful on-site camping.

Rooster Walk has been named one of the Top 5 festivals in the state by the Richmond-Times Dispatch. It also was voted the region’s Most Creative Charitable Event by readers of Virginia Living Magazine for three consecutive years. The festival was created in memory of late Martinsville natives Edwin “The Rooster” Penn and Walker Shank, who graduated from Martinsville High School in 2000.

A portion of proceeds from the festival will be donated to local and regional charities, including Rooster Walk’s own Penn-Shank Memorial Endowment Scholarship Fund for students at Martinsville High School, and the Rooster Walk Music Instrument Program for public band programs in the local city and county school systems.

The festival is produced by Rooster Walk Inc., a 501c3 nonprofit dedicated to promoting music, arts and education in its home of Martinsville-Henry County. Since 2009, Rooster Walk Inc. has donated more than $320,000 to local and regional charities.

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SIXTH ROUND of artist additions for FloydFest 24~Horizon, the ‘Local Love’ lineup: Addie Levy • Annalyse Marie • Appalachian Space Train • Blue Mule • Chad Nickell & The Loose Change • Cinémathèque • GOTE • The Hillside Chaotics • Isaac Hadden Project • Leonard Blush & the Camelcals • Phat Anchovies • Pumphouse Blues • Sugarbush • War Chile …

Announcing the FIFTH ROUND of lineup additions: Grace Bowers … plus the FloydFest 24~Horizon On-the-Rise Competition Class of 2024 (sponsored by Peluso Microphone Lab, Press Press Merch, White Claw Hard Seltzer): Boa Boys • Coral Moons • Drew Foust & The Wheelhouse • Happy Landing • Houseplant • Mackenzie Roark and The Hotpants • Ranford Almond • Swim in the Wild • The Plate Scrapers • Virginia Man • Wood & Bone • Wyatt Ellis …

These new acts join the bands featured in Nov. 1’s initial artist announcement for FloydFest 24~Horizon, which included one of four headliners, West Virginia’s spellbinding, meteoric-talent Sierra Ferrell, who will play pinnacle to a main-stage female- focused Friday during the 2024 festival. The initial artist announcement also introduced Sierra Hull, Circles Around the Sun, The Heavy Heavy, Maggie Rose, Orgõne, Sons of the East, The Hip Abduction, Town Mountain, Cat Clyde, The Vegabonds, Caitlin Krisko & The Broadcast, Joe Hertler & The Rainbow Seekers, Sexbruise?, The Wilson Springs Hotel, plus FloydFest
22~Heartbeat On-the-Rise winner, Palmyra, and runner-up, The Jared Stout Band.

The THIRD round of lineup additions for FloydFest 24~Horizon is set for December, with more to follow over the next few months. All artists on the first two announcements can be discovered, explored and devoured via extensive bios, links and playlists by visiting here.
FloydFest’s myriad awards from the past year-plus are also highlighted in today’s announcement:
• “Best Music Festival” — Blue Ridge Outdoors’ 2023 ‘Best of the Blue Ridge’
• No. 2 “Best Music Festival in the USA” — USA Today’s ‘10Best’
• “Best Music Festival 2023” — Virginia Living’s ‘Best of Virginia’
• “Best Music Festival – GOLD” — Blue Ridge Country’s ‘Best of the Mountains’ Reader Poll
• “Outstanding Festival of the Year” — Southwest Virginia Tourism Awards
• “Best Outdoor Event – GOLD” — The Roanoker’s ‘Best of Outdoors’ Reader Poll
Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Productions released tickets for FloydFest 24~Horizon last week, via the brand-new www.floydfest.com, in tandem with an initial sampling of the artist lineup that will descend on Floyd County, Va., July 24 to 28, 2024. Many ticket types are now sold out, but tickets do remain and can be purchased by clicking to https://aftontickets.com/FloydFest24Horizon. Ticket prices will stay the same through Dec. 31, 2023, and, if any remain, the first price increase will take place on Jan. 1, 2024.
FloydFest.com is fully updated for FloydFest 24~Horizon — visit the site to find:
• Brand-new and expanded FAQs, including info by ticket type and pricing tiers.
• A brand-new Site Map, which will be regularly updated throughout the season.

• Today’s official e-blast newsletter.
• The valued Partners of FloydFest 24~Horizon.
• The evolving lineup, artist information, playlists and links.

• Rules, a packing list and directions:
• Glamping info
• Area lodging info
• A Spotify playlist featuring artists from FloydFest 24~Horizon:
• Spotify playlists spotlighting past FloydFest lineups:
• Brand-new merch for FloydFest 24~Horizon (and prior).
• A listing of past lineups:
• Information on Festival Experiences (such as Outdoor Adventure and the Children’s Universe), plus access to customer service, booking contacts, vendor info, volunteer info … and more!
Having debuted at FloydFest 19~Voyage Home (2019), and then flourishing during FloydFest 21~Odyssey (2021) and FloydFest 22~Heartbeat (2022), the FloydFest Bus Stop — a psychedelic-painted school bus that has been converted into a professional recording studio — is set to return for FloydFest 24~Horizon, after receiving national press for its distinctive content and unique presentation. Click to here to immerse yourself in FloydFest Bus Stop performances from 2019, 2021 and 2022, as well as to discover how to keep the bus rolling by purchasing handmade vinyl records via a unique fundraiser: https://floydfestbusstop.com/vinyl/.

As always, FloydFest will also include vibrant and varied vendors, quality craft brews and chews, healing arts, workshops and whimsy, camping and children's activities, outdoor adventure, onsite art installations and a final lineup featuring almost 100 artists performing on seven+ stages over five days.
FloydFest is located at its new home, FestivalPark, located at 5826 Floyd Highway North in Check, Va. Find detailed directions, a packing list and rules by visiting here. Extensive, detailed and updated FAQs can be found here. visiting . Click for a direct link to tickets.

For more information, call (888) VA-FESTS or email info@floydfest.com. Stay informed via FloydFest’s newsletter, and find FloydFest on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook (). Patrons can also opt-in for the FloydFest Text Club by texting “FloydFest” to 540-215-2002 on their mobile device.

namaste y’all.

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The Major Malfunktion Music and Artisan Festival will be held on Oct 6th-8th, 2023 at the Mountain Valley Artisan Barn in Axton, Virginia. There will be 16 bands, 3 DJs and acoustic support between sets. Ticket price includes camping, parking, two free meals and a Saturday happy hour.

Artists include The Kind Thieves, Sexbruise?, Dr. Bacon, Kentucky Ruckus, War Chile, The Mighty Good Times, Dock Street Pocket, Road Soda, Charissa Joy and the High Frequency, The Sweet Life, Liv Sloan and the Die Hards, Matt Red Moore Band, The Sweet Life, Atlantic Aesthetic, Dr. Psilicon, ‘Goo Balls’, Spliff Business, Ravida and Asstetic, Jake Retting & G, Amber Collier, Kamp Happiness Family Band, and more.

Kamp Happiness Takeover. Find your way to the Hobo Kamp renegade set for a heaping pot of campfire music, arts and crafts, body painting, face glitter, experimental drugs and medicinal leeches. All included with the price of admission. Stay late for the Circle K? trading post and interactive demensional scavenger hunt. Won’t that be fun. Turn that frown upside down.

Kentucky Ruckus and Friends Sunday staff party will be $5 at the door for all patrons. Their sound is founded on their genetic and musical inseparability catapulted by the raw energy and pure rowdiness of their live performance. Don’t sleep on this one.

Mountain Valley Artisan Barn is located at 1215 Collins Road, Axton, VA, United States, Virginia Tickets can be found here and weekend passes are available as well. Children under twelve are free.

The Bacon and the Bruise in the same show? Well just take my pesos. More fun than a frog in a glass of milk. The Sunday ‘Goo Balls’ set will also be their debut show so don’t miss out. Get ready for plenty of artists, vending and food for everyone.  

Non-negiables for this year’s Malfunktion menu:

For goodness’ sake don’t miss…

• Lucienda Rosalita’s homemade and unfinished poke and stick Tattooz Parlour
• Four-day Old Brie’s infamous Tassel Spectacular
• Drunkle Cleophus’ megaphone sponsored sunrise sermon
• The Rusty Nail chemical toilet human test kit
• “Homeless Person or Stagehand” The Game
• Baby Shawn’s leftover frozen food from Dollar Tree stone soup, buffet/trough
• Boston’s Interracial Cream Pie Struggle Puddle
• Anus Recharging Station
• Kamp Happiness Family Jam at the Malfunktion Junktion
• Virginia Dry Wall Scavenger Hunt
• and so much more…

Just two weeks after Major Malfunktion, the mother ship of all Florida hippy parties, Hulaween lands on the face of your face in Live Oak. Join the Kamp Happiness adventure as they make every effort to simultaneously offend and be offended. Keep up with the wranglers as we head north to Elements Music and Arts Festival and Secret Dreams. ooh la la.

The post The Major Malfunktion Music and Artisan Festival “23: Lineup and Schedule appeared first on wook wranglers.

A full headliner announcement paired with a brand-new location top Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Production’s November 1 announcement of FloydFest 23~Forever, the latest annual offering of the Southeast’s premier summer outdoor music festival, taking place Wednesday to Sunday, July 26 to 30, 2023, at its new home, dubbed “FestivalPark,” located at 5826 Floyd Highway North in Check, Va.

Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Productions celebrate more than two decades of bringing the artistry of live music into full focus via the art of the festival with the announcement, which features a listing of arguably the most powerful headliners in the festival’s history. Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Productions added five more bands on Thursday to its emerging lineup for FloydFest 23~Forever, the latest annual offering of the Southeast’s premier summer outdoor music festival, taking place Wednesday to Sunday, July 26 to 30, 2023, at its new home, dubbed “FestivalPark,” located at 5826 Floyd Highway North in Check, Va. In addition to lineup additions, Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Productions also announced CashorTrade as the official ticket exchange for FloydFest 23~Forever, the first-ever line of FestivalPark merch and detailed information on the FloydFest Bus Stop Special-Edition Vinyl Fundraiser. Announced today are Colorado’s newgrass legends Leftover Salmon; the psychedelic-plus-traditional-bluegrass marriage of KellerGrass ft. The Hillbenders; the vocal powerhouse paired with psychedelic-soul of Caitlin Krisko & The Broadcast; the gospel pipes, acoustic-rock and heart-felt lyricism of J.R. Carroll; and the antics, energy and phenomenon that is Sexbruise? These new acts will support extraordinary headlining performances from the world-famous legendary rock visionaries, The Black Crowes, My Morning Jacket, Sheryl Crow and Goose, as well as an incredibly strong class of additional acts: Elle King, Yelawolf and Shooter Jennings Present: Sometimes Y, Ripe, Shane Smith & The Saints, Atlin Gün, Nikki Lane, The Hip Abduction, Ian Noe, Neighbor, Eggy,  The Wilder Blue, Maggie Rose, Circles Around The Sun, Town Mountain, Tanner Usrey, Pony Bradshaw, Grady Spencer & the Work, Joe Hertler & The Rainbow Seekers, Little Stranger, Into The Fog, The Wilson Springs Hotel. plus FloydFest 22~Heartbeat On-the-Rise winner, Palmyra, and runner-up, The Jared Stout Band. The third round of lineup additions for FloydFest 23~Forever is set for Thursday, Dec. 1, 2022, with more to follow.

“For this year’s program, I wanted to ensure that the quality FloydFest is known for remains true and endearing to the thousands who flock to our unforgettable experience on the mountain,” said Kris Hodges, FloydFest producer and founder. “By bringing in some of the nation’s best rock, country, jam and Americana artists, FloydFest continues to be ‘Forever’ making strides in the industry … and beyond. Our new location and next level experience will be sure to tantalize all senses and awaken the spirit in all who attend.”
Blue Cow Arts and Across-the-Way Productions released tickets for FloydFest 23~Forever at noon ET on Monday, Nov. 1, 2022, via its brand-new www.floydfest.com, as well as a hefty sampling of the artist lineup that will descend on Floyd County, Va., July 26 to 30, 2023.  A direct link to tickets is only a click away. Ticket prices will stay the same through Dec. 31, 2022, with the first price increase — in tandem with the release of single-day GA tickets — scheduled for Jan. 1, 2023. Subsequently, ticket prices will increase again on April 1, 2023, again on July 1, 2023, and for the final time when gates open for the festival on July 26, 2023, if tickets remain. The second round of lineup additions for FloydFest 23~Forever is set for Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2022, with more to follow over the next six or more months.
“Welcome to our new home and thanks for continuing the ride,” said John McBroom, FloydFest co-owner and CEO. “FloydFest is the people, and the new setting will bring us closer. See y’all in Floyd in July.”

That ride in 2023 will feature extraordinary headlining performances from the world-famous legendary rock visionaries, The Black Crowes; one of the most vital and thrilling forces in present-day rock-and-roll, My Morning Jacket; nine-time GRAMMY AWARD-recipient Sheryl Crow; and Connecticut’s indie-groove all-stars experiencing a meteoric rise, Goose. On the journey to becoming legendary themselves, the rest of the talent of the initial announce — as well as the headliners — can be discovered, explored and devoured via extensive bios, links and playlists by visiting here.
In fact, the new information available on the newly designed FloydFest.com goes on ‘Forever’ — visit the site to find:
• Brand-new and expanded FAQs, including info by ticket type and pricing tiers:
• A brand-new Site Map, which will be regularly updated throughout the season:
• The valued Partners of FloydFest 23~Forever:
• The evolving lineup, artist information, playlists and links:
• Rules, a packing list and directions:

Glamping info: Cause that’s what we do.

• Area lodging info:
• A Spotify playlist featuring artists from FloydFest 23~Forever:

• Information on Festival Experiences (such as Outdoor Adventure and the Children’s Universe), plus access to customer service, booking contacts, vendor info, volunteer info … and more!

“Our endgame has always been to become the gold-standard example of a ‘boutique’ festival, and now, with a new home, and with the stated goal to park and camp each-and-every patron on one site — eradicating the need for offsite lots and offsite shuttles — our dream is manifesting into reality. We are grateful, we are energized, we are inspired — and we’re doing this for our patrons,” said Sam Calhoun, chief operating officer of FloydFest and Across-the-Way Productions. “What we have created as a festival and family over the past two decades has blossomed into a year-round, indelible intention and lifestyle. Our renewed mission is to sustain this family for years and years to come. What we have curated and originated is bigger than each of us, and it deserves to go on ‘Forever.’”

Having debuted at FloydFest 19~Voyage Home (2019), and then flourishing during FloydFest 21~Odyssey (2021), the FloydFest Bus Stop — a psychedelic-painted school bus that has been converted into a professional recording studio — hosted yet another incredible assemblage of artists during FloydFest 22~Heartbeat (2022), and those recording sessions recently premiered on social media and on a dedicated YouTube channel (“FloydFest Bus Stop”): . The FloydFest Bus Stop is set to return for FloydFest 23~Forever, after receiving national press for its distinctive content and unique presentation.

As always, FloydFest will also include vibrant and varied vendors, quality craft brews and chews, healing arts, workshops and whimsy, camping and children’s activities, outdoor adventure, onsite art installations and a final lineup featuring almost 100 artists performing on six stages over five days.
FloydFest is located at its new home, “FestivalPark,” located at 5826 Floyd Highway North in Check, Va. Find detailed directions, a packing list and rules by visiting here. Extensive, detailed and updated FAQs can be found by visiting here.

Tickets? Yes. Right here. 

Life is always mo betta when you have tickets in hand. Perchance folks will make plans because of your progressive decision. FloydFest is a no-nonsense party and an annual family reunion. There’s a good chance you might even run into those crazy cousins from Asheville. You know what to do.

For more information, call (888) VA-FESTS or email info@floydfest.com. Stay informed via FloydFest’s newsletter and find FloydFest on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter Patrons can also opt-in for the FloydFest Text Club by texting “FloydFest” to 540-215-2002 on their mobile device.

From the wrangler’s archives visit past mistakes with FloydFest “21: The Inmates are Running the Asylum and FloydFest “22: The Last Dance on Buffalo Mountain. We are excited to present our new improved Pickin’ Tent and Trading Post featuring our new arts and crafts pavilion. Come visit the kinder, gentler Kamp Happiness with its lemonade stand and book club. New operating hours are 9am to 9pm with a hard shut down at eleven. FloydFest “23: Forever. Start working out now. You’re gonna need it.

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Big, little, redneck, EDM, whatever. It don’t matter. The wranglers do all the festivals. They don’t give a shiznolina. They are there for the scene and everybody loves a Polka. While different kinds of festivals offer different pleasures, they all have something in common. What is was, Lucy didn’t know. She wasn’t some kind of seer. Oh, and don’t forget witch festivals like Beltaine. Hippies and drums. And boobs. Believe what you want. This was going to be her first Major Malfunktion and one thing this party had to offer was high octane, Carolina-Virginia driven heavy-family music. For a relatively young festival, Lucy figured it to be a meeting of the minds. A think tank of some of the best and brightest young minds in the business. Here’s a key to the executive washroom. Welcome to the 11th floor.

Major Malfulktion 2022 Lineup:

Big Daddy Love (BDL) is no gentle string quartet and identifying a single genre is nearly impossible. All four members are comfortable playing almost any type of American music. Our sound has been described as “a blend of rock, bluegrass, southern soul, and psychedelic jams” that we have long referred to as “Appalachian Rock.”

The quartet has played well over a thousand shows across the country and has released four CDs—most recently Live at Ziggy’s and This Time Around. Along the way, we’ve played venues of all sizes from listening-room coffee houses to the 20,000 seat PNC Arena in Raleigh, NC. Big Daddy Love’s festival resume ranges from local favorites like The Big What to larger regional festivals such as Bristol Rhythm & Roots and the premier southeastern festival, FloydFest.”

Kentucky Ruckus is a bourbon-fueled rock band from the Bluegrass State of Kentucky. After meeting in 2019, the newly acquainted quartet established themselves as Kentucky Ruckus and began turning heads with their rowdy live show.

Kentucky Ruckus’ sound is founded on their genetic and musical inseparability catapulted by the raw energy and pure rowdiness of their live performance. This sonic situation begins with two brothers in a barn, a guitar-and-drum duo whom nurtured an unrivaled rhythmic connection while growing up together in the central Kentucky hills. A heavy-picked bass style corresponds with the kick drum, and gritty upper-register vocals complete the high-energy no-rules rock sound that is Kentucky Ruckus.

War Chile hails from Salem, VA and with roots in blues, rock n’ roll and psychedelic weirdness, their high-energy shows are slap-yo-mama good. On the very rare occasion, usually under a Planter’s Moon, they may break out their multi-media, multi-cultural impressionistic”Hawaiian Fire Dance”. Be on the lookout. It’s something you don’t want to miss.

For the past decade, The Judy Chops have been wowing audiences with their deft musicianship and high-energy live shows.  This seven piece band comprised of family and friends has evolved from a Shenandoah Valley favorite into one of the hottest acts in the Virginia music scene.  Their unique take on Americana is a fusion of modern and vintage musical styles, blending elements of swing, blues, rock, and soul for a sonic experience Huffington Post calls ‘genre-defying!’

Orange Culture is a hard-hitting rock band from Roanoke, Virginia.  The band’s combination of original music and showmanship has allowed them to develop a rabid following from the ground up.  Their growing reputation has landed them opportunities to play for larger crowds, tour the northeast, and open for the likes of B.o.B, Kendall Street Company, and Floydfest 2021.  Founded in the winter of 2019, while most of the members were still teenagers in high school, Orange Culture was spotted at their first gig at Parkway Brewery by the organizers of Floydfest and invited to play the festival, (which finally happened in 2021 due to the pandemic). Orange Culture and fellow bands like the Snapping Turtlenecks, went on to revitalize the Roanoke Valley youth music scene, playing a series of high-energy shows across Southwest Virginia.

Swim in the Wild is the Adventure Alternative band of the Carolina’s. A new Rock-Folk-Americana fusion with so much East Coast energy that it needs its own identity. SITW is a soundtrack to adventure, an outdoor drama, and a party by nature. Making their splash in the spotlight with their first self titled EP and LP “One if By Land”, the Swim Team has highly anticipated the release of “Two if By Sea” in 2021. The latest single “Wants & Needs” is available on all platforms!

TrailHeads are a five-piece, Pittsburgh based, genre hopping, musical experience that blends funk and rock with melodic improvisational jams.

Delirious George is a band out of Norfolk, VA who put a delirious twist on the precision-funk genre or as they call it, Grown-Folk music. Their sound has been shaped by many great influences, that they’ve also had the privilege of sharing a bill with, such as: Dopapod, Pimps of Joytime, Jazz is Phish, The Fritz, Big Something, and many more. This high energy group is sure to get you on your feet and shaking what your mama gave you!

Also, be on the lookout for Loose Connection, Thumper, Maggie Blankenship, DJ Decodelic and Artist at Large, Dready Bear. Artists, vendors and more await you as the interactive festival experience crawls right up into your nether regions.

VIPness for a GA price? Their goal is to bring you a VIP experience for the price of a GA ticket! The two-day event ticket includes camping, two free meals as well as Happy Hour on Saturday. All shows will take place under the Mountain Valley Artisan Barn. Check out Last Dance on Buffalo Mountain for a rehash of what can happen when special guests find their way into the pickin’ tent.

Visit the Kamp Happiness Malfunktion Junktion for these customer services included with festival admission.
Full Body Tick Check
Blood Dialysis
Faded fortunes
Body painting
Drug test kits
Anal bead crafts
Moonshine therapy
Anal beads crafts 2

Find your way to the Kamp Happiness Pickin’ Tent near the wranglers HQ. Join the fun for some late night frivolity and not-so-quiet camping. Don’t miss out kids. This is a real opportunity to let your freak flag fly with creatures of a similar ilk. Join the KH Family Jam for pick up string music all hours of the day. Accordions and cajons welcome.

Thank you K&K Production for letting the wranglers be involved. But really, what kind of animal would try and put on a festival. I mean, who is interested in that kind of headache? What’s left to do when they start burning the porta-johns?

Keep up with the wranglers as we attack Blue Ridge Rock Fest, Oceans Calling and Rolling Loud NY before we drift back down to Flawda for the Suwannee, October double-punch of Roots Revival and Hulaween. The Alpha and the Omega. Don’t be afraid of Cheese Love.

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Welcome back leaf lookers to the land that time forgot. Blackberry thicket, pine, spruce and gherkin littered the ridges up to the summit. According to tradition, the surrounding area was principally a hunting grounds by Indians, including the Canawhay tribe. Six hundred years later the tradition continues. Bring what you got. It’s time for the potluck. When it was all said and done, they left it all up on the mountain and you can’t put the Poligrip back in the tube.

Deer everywhere, all very young and just standing on the side of the road, hanging out with Evan Williams, smoking Parliaments and showing off their tattoos like a pack of Richmond thugs. The best belonged to the doe with her baby daddy’s name written in cursive on the back of her furry neck.

Some places possess a strong spiritual energy. Perhaps significant events occurred there, like battles or religious ceremonies. Maybe the spot was located near a special place like a mountain, cave or craft brewery. A holy place that could maintain the significance for hundreds of years. There would be ghosts and memories that would live forever in that place. The ghosts would know. The trees would know. They saw what you did, you filthy bastard. You can try to wash your mouth out with soap again, but it won’t help. Sometimes the dirt won’t come out.

“This year I’m not going to get completely spun.”

Lunchbox made that statement on Tuesday. Three days later he’d slept for a total of four hours. But what choice did he really have? This was FloydFest and a mosaic patchwork of some of the most fun people on the planet. He’d trained for this his whole life and it was time to show off and let the freak flag unfurl.

They pulled in the Fridane before the festival for the last of the work weekends. They didn’t care what was happening as long as they were able to pull into camp, drop off the metric ton of bullshit and scoot the Oldsmowagon back up to staff camping with Sawmill and his cooler of High Noons.

But the “gentlemen” at the gates were waiting.

Poised like Panamanian border agents, they were both wearing all black fatigue gear and sporting plastic assault rifles. It was immediately obvious that new security protocols had been implemented. Before too long they had Baitibucket knuckle deep in a cavity search and were checking Miss Cali like it was Midnight Express. (ed.note: Not sure hyperbole is still a thing. Please stick with hearsay and conjecture.)  

Lucy, Miss Cali and Four Day Old Brie were looking to slide into camp with their hair on fire and play small dog for a few days. Literally. Baitbucket couldn’t understand the thinking. The wooks are getting in anyway. One might as well put them to work. For all her assorted hustles, Lucy had accumulated six festival bracelets including the Vendor/Volunteer one found outside the Food Lion. Four Day Old Brie had developed a case of Alpha-gal and was struggling to hold down her gelatin. Fortunately during the deluge, the party with Beantown Barbeque and the bottle of tequila kept everyone warm and toasty. At the AirB&B The Dankness woke up to find Lunchbox in her recliner with his hands down his pants. Believe what you want.

Navy Seal Conditioning System. Baitbucket spent Monday setting up the HQ in the rain and the groundscored card table had begun to sag and puddle. At some point in the afternoon he got his foreskin caught in his zipper for the first time since fifth grade and the screams could be heard all the way to Meadows of Dan. The Kitten blew in Tuesday like a cloud of mustard gas and it may well have been his fault the entire camp stayed up Tuesday night. By the time of the Wednesday Sharkbruise? set at the Beer Garden stage he was seen flirting with the girl from Virginia Beach. Lucy screamed, “Don’t do it. That’s why they’re called Chesafreaks!” For God’s sake, crack a book. Later, it was suspected he’d been hit in the head with a hickory nut and failed concussion protocols before waking up next to Rock Castle Creek.

Was it Thursday? Maggie supplied the Chicken of the Woods and Mr. Beautiful cooked it up in buttery deliciousness. Where was Clay with the morels with deer meat? Shawsvegas in summer is the place for wild mushrooms. Miss Cali stopped off to check out The Judy Chops and pick up Stanely the Manly on her way to the Frick Frack Blackjack table. How many wet souls can you get for one fat dreadlock? Oh, you’re not allowed to use dreadlocks as frick frack? Shut the front door. Don’t you know, the big ones carry more memories. Keep your wet souls to your stinky self and remember, butterflies don’t make all the rules.

“Be not a cancer on the Earth.”

Kamp Happiness Girl Power: You can close your eyes if you want Marion, but it’s not going to stop. The X chromosomathon landed on Kamp Happiness like a clear photograph of the mother ship. The Hot Waffle Iron, a Blue Ridge Girl, a Judy Chop and the buskers all showed up to lend a little sound to the HQ side A. Even Old Crow and War Chile dropped some donations into the renegade set plate. I’m sorry sir, do you have the proper lanyard?

VIPness: Is it wise to let the Mexicans run The Hurt’s margarita bar? Like Tamiami Sammy said, “If it doesn’t have okra it’s not gumbo, if it doesn’t have salt it’s not a margarita. Maybe a little Kentucky Ruckus before heading into town for chimichangas. Just wait until Monday because it’s not a secret anymore. And be wary of bartenders from Richmond working the Bloody Mary bar. You know how they be.

Baitbucket could no longer trust his double vision eyes. The nights without sleep were beginning to compound and things were becoming a bit “sporting”. On his way back from the Marcus King shredathon at Hill Holler, he witnessed a woman playing the stand up bass while wiggling around on her back like some kind of python. Things were starting to devolve to the point that not long after, someone placed a can of temporary fluorescent hair color directly beside a can of bear mace. Again, the screams could be heard as far as Meadows of Dan.

You don’t need your ego to cry like a girl with a skinned knee. The festival might not be the apropos place to have a jaw-dropping, eye-opening group revelation but again, there may be no choice in the matter. Say goodbye to the ego, this is full immersion festival therapy. Lucy closed one of her eyes. Things were starting to come at her too fast. Singers and shredders were zipping by at light speed. The Low Water Bridge Band swung in for a few tunes not long before the morning shit birds were poised to chirp under the shine of Venus. Even Adam’s kids in the nook slept quietly while the adults wept and jabbered.

Moist, Verging on Damp: Bfly was basically living under a tarp for the first time since her Rainbow Gathering days. For real. No tent of which to speak. The night before, her tent had rolled down the hill with her in it and ended up as someone else’s groundscore. Her luggage was soaking wet and strewn everywhere. Brie came through with the bright idea to put tarps over the ez ups but the damage had been done. By day three of the wetness Bfly was making grunting noises and had reverted back to the way of her feral ancestors.

Baitbucket had been so impressed with the festival he could no longer continue to use the traditional tropes and literary devices available. Sure, it was a great party but how many different ways were there to describe the beauty of the mountain party? Over the course of twenty years in this location, how many bands had broken through? How many people had fallen in love. How many friendships were founded that would last for life? How many blowjobs? This year couples were poised to get married and grandmothers and uncles were ready to pass on as the wheel keeps turning. Indeed.

Someone put the Kitty to work with Hen and Jason in the motor pool so he already had all the keys. Go with your strengths. Beantown Skippy and Doug Fresh were in charge of signage, thus making it personal with the sign thieves. Lucy had her eyes on the mermaid at site ops but that was pillaged by Sunday by a thief with more gumption. She wanted to sneak into the photo pit and take photographs of Melissa Etheridge but sometime during the week, Lucy lost her new digital camera. Along with the computer she forgot at Bonnoroo this tour was getting expensive.

And then it happened again. He was sleeping in his soaking wet, open air tent covered in what was left of someone else’s dried clothes when he heard the sing-song sound of musicians around the table. It was time to get up from the disco nap and find the staff party. In a blessed act of contrition, Beantown Juicy Fruit offered the handle of grapefruit vodka. Later at Rock the South in Culman, they would learn that in a water bottle it looked identical to Pedialyte. Wookie camouflage to be sure. Just like a Subaru Outback in the 828. It ended up at Camp Opulence and for his part in the altercation, Mr. Beautiful was subsequently lashed to a pine tree and slathered in clover honey. The woodland critters were allowed to lick at him until their bellies were plump.

For all the successful FloydFest themes and titles, there are always a few that don’t make it past the drawing board. Here are some forgotten samples.

Top Ten Rejected FloydFest Themes:

• Ticks Alive!
• Polyamorousity
• Incest, Racism and Syphilis 1875
• Rosie’s Wild Chicken Bus Ride
• Fuzzy Photographs For Days
• Satania
• “I’m good friends with Sam”
• Polkathon 2000
• Boob Sweat
• Hillbilly World of Smells

FloydFest is loaded with the best kinds of degenerates. North Carolina men have big appetites for banjo music and adventure. Like the Girth. He was something different before the girl came around. Now it was all about pillows. Thirty-seven in his tent, not including the body pillow. Never give up on a thug. All it takes is a pretty girl to round off the edges of the typical savage.

Hey now. Be sure to visit the Across the Way Productions website and become one with another dimension of digital whimsy. Come into the light Carol Anne.

At some point Beantown Skippy and Roberto de Nube left the Big Daddy Love show, slipped in behind security and made their way to the wook nook. As usual, driving at unsafe speeds, the Beanman skidded to a stop directly on top of the rose garden which was in full bloom. Lucy stepped up and grinned. “Hey boy, those were my grandmother’s roses. And that’s a real nice pit pass you got there.” “I say we roll him for his shoes. You take the pass,” Miss Cali chimed. Eventually a sacrificial handle of peach moonshine got all the ships pointed in the right direction. From here on out, it would be all business. Be on the lookout for one of the last mountain festivals before the weather turns “south”. Major Malfunktion Music Festival is headed your way.

Check out the gallery from Cloud Bobby Productions. Visit his website, Facebook and Instagram.

Lucy had definitely been wrangled into this Virginia/North Carolina crowd and would keep coming back as long as they would let her. She never figured this was going to last forever but things were getting a mite comfortable. There was a time when she had to lie to come up with a good festival story. When it comes down to brass tacks, the truth is more fun. The FBI and insurance companies haven’t used wook wranglers testimony in court yet. Mind the privacy tapestries. If you don’t see what’s happening, you can’t be an accessory.

“Be like Charlie. Always.”

You have found your way through the maze and into the FloydFest etherweb adventure! Find their website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Spotify Pressmerch and two tin cans hooked up by kite string. All the things.

Don’t cry sweet Hafiz. Music festivals move all the time. The place is special and so are the people that make it happen. The crew, the bands, artists, freaks and even Benjamin will all follow and something new will be born. And there’s always a possibilities of new blowjobs. Memories, fantastic and fresh just waiting to take hold. Les is probably already there picking out the new spot. It’s good to know people. This was the last dance on Buffalo Mountain. Get ready for the first dance on the new spot and don’t be a wallflower. Le purrr.

Be sure to visit the wook wrangler archives and check out some of our new installations from the world of the Electric Forest. Keep up with the wranglers as we linger in the mountains for another month and then it’s back to Florida and the fall tour of lost souls. We look forward to seeing the mountain people in February, when they get tired of the cold.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Namaste y’all.

Let’s be clear. When you involve the wook wranglers it should come with some expectations. They are going to get there a little early and set up nonstop action sequence of interactive festival fun (full immersion festival therapy). They are also going to stay a little late and clean up their business. Know what you’re getting into and don’t be surprised when the Danger:Swamp sign goes missing. Also look for the Kamp Happiness Pickin’ Tent filled with an eager staff of trained professionals ready to “serve” twenty-four hours a day. Check out Cornucopea Festival for more information on the wrangler commons area installation. That’s an invitation. Don’t be scared.

Epilogue: Two weeks later Lucy was working Alan Jackson VIP in Savannah, Georgia when a bartender suggested she visit Abe’s on Lincoln. “You’ll like it,” she said. “Plenty of wooks there.”

Perfect…

The post Last Dance on Buffalo Mountain appeared first on wook wranglers.

Not For Prophetizin?

There’s no stoppin’ what’s comin’. The fog will be heavy in the morning and hillbillies will scurry hither and yon. What are they doing in the mist? The sexy Pickle will be hard at work, preparing the site for the masses. Mr. Beautiful will be sitting by the front gate with his mando. The official first set of the show. Old Dominion boasts some of the best music festivals anywhere and FloydFest is at the top of many a list. Don’t throw a fit. Just lay back and let it happen. In addition to a party absolutely bulging with stupid fun, there is a chance you’re going to gain some friends and lose some weight. Now don’t make that face. It’s not too good to be true. After four days of the FloydFest deluge that spare tire tends to deflate. Between the walkin’, dancin’ and life style choicin’, most folks end up burning about ten pounds which can be chalked up as collateral benefits. This is both a marathon and a sprint, and it’s all happening on the slanted sides of the the blue ridge mountains. By the time it’s done, the quadriceps will be bulging and the poison will mostly be rendered leaving nothing but colorful flashbacks. Moonlight and sunrise hikes with cousins up and down the trail tends to burn serious calories. And don’t mention banjo pickin’. Even if you eat real food, the coal goes straight in the tender my friend.

There is no embargo for our love.

This is FloydFest (both Fs are capital) and it has a special place in the heart of the wranglers. Hippies, rednecks, Geminis and heathen will all gather for this party. The stage will be set for the dance of the ouroboros. The mountain breeze will be blowing and the Asheville and the 828 crowd will find their way to the dance floor with their Virginia cousins. Golf carts will go missing. The tea leaves can be no clearer. Lay back and let the party come to you.

This five-day celebration of music & art is nestled in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Southwest Virginia featuring outdoor adventures, vibrant and varied vendors, quality brews and chews, healing arts, workshops, children’s activities, art installations, and a lineup featuring more than 100 artists on nine stages. FloydFest 21~Odyssey is set for July 21-25, 2021, at the longtime home at Milepost 170.5 on the Blue Ridge Parkway in Floyd, Va.

The present lineup includes Lake Street Dive, Old Crow Medicine Show, Trampled By Turtles, Melissa Etheridge, Marcus King, Ann Wilson, Morgan Wade, Durand Jones & The Indications, Railroad Earth, Amythyst Kiah, Buffalo Mountain Jam celebrates Old and In the Way, Leftover Salmon  The Infamous Stringdusters  The California Honeydrops, Yonder Mountain String Band, Keller Williams’ Grateful Gospel, American Aquarium, Neal Francis, Sierra Ferrell, Aaron Frazer, Kitchen Dwellers, Acoustic Syndicate  The Brothers Comatose, Caitlin Krisko and The Broadcast, Dogs In A Pile, LITZ, Isaac Hadden, Big Daddy Love, Keller & Ella Williams, The Judy Chops, and 2021 FloydFest On-the-Rise Competition winner, 49 Winchester, and runner-up, Sexbruise?. 

There will be a heavy portion of Sexbruise? on the menu for Wednesday night. Be on the lookout for the snack gun and/or a vat of mayonnaise. Where is Bazinga when you need him?

Sexbruise? is the target of numerous ongoing lawsuits from The Department of Health, The Church of Scientology, Outback Steakhouse, Stoke’s Honda of Goose Creek and many others. According to an article shared on Facebook, the original members of Sexbruise? all died in a tragic hang gliding accident in 2017 and were replaced by body doubles all of whom are physically attractive. Also, Stratton lost his keys at Rooster Walk so if anyone has seen them please text him at 843-251-4813 or Venmo them at @sexbruise.

FloydFest Diet Plan Options:

The Sexbruise?: Mayonnaise, snacks, Sudafed, pancakes, scrambled eggs, koolaid, jalapeno gatorade, two cartons of cream cheese, stuffing

The Delta Lot: Mike Helms’ Rum Punch, blue jello shots, four day old Brie with Tequila,

The kamp happiness: Expired narcotics, breakfast Natural Lite, warm bags of Tikka Masala, strawberry salad

The Fallout Shelter: Groundscored cigarettes, walked on cocaine, warm crotch whiskey

The Nakita: Macro doses of LSD, macro doses of mushrooms, literally hundreds of whippets, mayonnaise sandwich left over from the Sexbruise?

Marking its 10th round of lineup additions, Across-the-Way Productions welcomes two new ‘Local Love’ bands, Option 22 and DEADSUN, as well as two new members of the On-the-Rise Competition Class of 2022, Will Easter and the Nomads and Pink Beds. Also added to the lineup are Americana singer-songwriter Aaron Burdett, who won the 2020 MerleFest Chris Austin Songwriting Contest; and Caleb Stine and Into the Fog, two talented additions that take the place of previously announced artists The Wooks and Ben de la Cour, who are sadly now unable to perform at FloydFest 22~Heartbeat. Apart from music, ‘Heartbeat’ will feature three showings of the award-winning documentary ‘A Year in the Pit: A Journey into Music Photography,’ which spotlights FloydFest and many of its photographers, as well as myriad other regional and national events.

Clayopheus the Detangler was the first FloydFest wrangler. Then came Ka’oili with his bad hair and finally Lucienda joined with the very inmates who they ran the asylum. It would be difficult to compete with that kind of ridiculous silliness but every year is a different and special, like you. Some predictions can be made such as new friends and bad decisions but other aspects of the future can get lost in the fog of the either. What could she expect this year? Stage diving during Big Daddy Love. She was no prophet. What exactly were the unexpected occurrences that would smash into her like a runaway school bus? Hard to see the future is. Old school or new blood?

Check out the full schedule , by-day schedule, direct ticket link, website, Spotify, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Join kamp happiness and the rest of the wrangler faithful for a Wednesday night Sexbruise? party. Cuidado. Piso Mojado. Visit the wook nook and stay for some chemical bluegrass from the Camp Opulence Family Band staring Mr. Beautiful and Danielle Hot Damn Danielle Collins. Sit on the the uneven perch and dive into the ice chest of good intentions.

Thy name is hubris.

The post The FloydFest Heartbeat Diet Plan appeared first on wook wranglers.

“Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
‘Cross the USA”

You’re back in Virginia so it’s time to trade your skid loader for a weed eater. The dye is cast and the lineup is set for Rooster Walk Music and Art Festival 2022 and it’s time to get the convoy rolling again to Pop’s Farm in beautiful Axton, Virginia. Music, art, dancing, fun, Kamp Happiness, chemical imbalance, Boston and an overload of secret stage lighting waits for you on the mountain. Get ready for all the fun stuff just don’t get hit in the head by a seven pound acorn. You could seriously lose third grade.

“There is no way you could be from my loins.”

Recent additions include overall festival headliner Grace Potter, as well as: Moon Taxi, Ryan Montbleau, Town Mountain, Kendall Street Company, Fireside Collective, The Dead Reckoning (Roanoke), Daniel Donato, TK & The Holy Know-Nothings, Disco Risqué, Goodfellers, After Jack, Into The Fog, TC Carter Band, Jules & The Agreeables, The McGee Family Band, DJ What?!, and Pumphouse Blues.

Rooster Walk 12 will feature five immensely talented Artists at Large in Ron Holloway (saxophone; Allman Brothers, Susan Tedeschi Band), John Bryant (drums; Ray Charles), Josh Shilling (keys; Mountain Heart), Roosevelt Collier (pedal steel; The Lee Boys) and Wallace Mullinax (guitar; Dead 27s). This quintet of artists will form the basis of the RW12 Artist at Large Band, which will perform a different themed set on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, respectively, at the festival.

This year’s party includes Little Feat, Lettuce, BIG Something, Andy Frasco and the U.N., Yarn, Tab Benoit, The War And Treaty, Fruition, The wrangler family band, Los Colognes, Caitlin Krisko & The Broadcast, Isaac Hadden Organ Trio, Sanctum Sully, The Wilson Springs Hotel, Striking Copper, The Stews, Big Fat Gap, Sammy Rae & The Friends, Brandon “Taz” Niederauer; Yarn; Mountain Heart; The Nude Party; The Wooks; Mike & The Moonpies; Sol Driven Train; Crawford & Power and Pirates of the Piedmont and more!

Rooster Walk will take place over Memorial Day weekend (May 26-29, 2022) at Pop’s Farm. It’s just down the street from Bostons’s house and Dognado. The Rooster fam is planning to go bigger than ever, and you can count on all the RW staples at this one, from amazing music, to food and craft vendors, kids’ activities, on-site camping and outdoor activities! Come visit the relaxation station at the Kamp Happines Hobo Kamp as we paint and build all the dumb fun stuff. Ever try an elephant tranquilizer? It brings out the artist in everyone.

Rooster Walk Tips:

• • Don’t always go for it on fourth down. God loves field goals.
  • Strawberry Shortcake indica recipe?
  • Wood splitters are not for personal use.
  • Keep your ears on, comeback.
  • Not all Boners feel good.
  • Spunion finger painting suspended until further notice.
  • Less talk, more rock.
  • Molly can play laying down
  • Jeff runs all illegal lighting
  • Drugs+paint=all kinds of fun
  • Quit Your Job Bitch
  • Wash, rinse, repeat

 

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And there was something about hearing Little Feat songs. Celebrating Waiting For Columbus? Yes please. Good times. And Andy Frasco? What is this absolute fresh hell of which you speak? He’s the sanest one in that band and a complete dumpster fire. Who remembers that Sunday FloydFest show after the rain? Yaaaa. Crazy people are lively and fun. En route to the Roanoke airport, Andy and Casey attempted to subdue the driver and steal the artist transpo van. That is a true but unprovable fact.

Tickets still available for Rooster Walk 12. Memorial Day. Check out the VIP shit as well. The guys that run it are complete Virginia trash and do a first-class job. Impossible to even look at them without laughing.

“Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mama right in the mouth.”

Don’t forget your compression socks. Call Steve Little for further information. World’s worst Lockn’ ambassador? You be the judge.

Visit the Rooster Walk website and like their social media sites on Facebook and Instagram. Keep up with the interweb. The future is now.

This article has been sponsored by the truck with the Carolina squat or the Tennessee tilt. Thanks Roy Cooper. Keep up with the wranglers as we try to find some kind of job at Okeechobee. Whatever. Florida festival season continues with Tommy Thermometer and Grassroots at Virginia Key, and a Suwannee season that promises to break the dyke. Brainquility, Rising, Spring, Resonate and the Tipper show should be enough to tip the scales. That is a hoot nanny of a party.

See you on the mountain. Pocket knives don’t start EZ-Go golf carts.

The post Rooster Walk Returns to Pop’s Farm appeared first on wook wranglers.

On top of the mountain near the campsites and stages of the festival lies a cemetery. Ancient headstones mark the plots of folks long gone and perhaps forgotten. The dates on the stones often show the story of a short life, through disease or war taken before their time. If they could speak to us and share some bit of their wisdom, what would they say? What would they think of this Carnivale Obscure perched high in the Blue Ridge Mountains? Indeed.

FloydFest is widely touted as one of the best festivals in the country and for good reason. The music, spectacle, hospitality and fun are unmatched at this scale. It’s a large festival but the intimate and personal vibe creates a “home town” feel. It’s really just a family reunion for everyone from Virginia and North Carolina and if you live in either of those states and you weren’t here then just tread lightly. They do throw in a dash of South Carolinians to spice things up. And spicy things were, for many, this was their first time out and they were ready to get all the way down. New friends and families coming together to celebrate en masse. It would take a group at least as crazy as them to hold things together.

These inmates are the festival staff. At one time they were just run-of-the mill criminally insane but now they’ve managed to garner a sliver of trust and responsibility and move up the totem pole. Through reliability, hustle and eventually experience they’ve got the keys to the whole shop. The mountain has come to Mohammed. The older ones came up going to bluegrass festivals and rock shows, the younger ones have reaped the delicious evolution of the festival and are way ahead of their time. These are professional festivarians. They are in charge of the store and they know what real fun looks like so sit back and enjoy the show.

The Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour has rolled through FloydFest and the only things left are “memories”, tissue damage, Bells Paulsy and bankruptcy. JK! You know it. That shit was transcendent! “21 Odyssey was over and all Lucy and Baitbuckert could do was try to begin to process the universe of wonderment they had encountered. By placing themselves firmly in the tallow of the Virginia summer festival season they had doomed themselves to perfect oblivion. For a hot biscuit of a minute, Roanoke is about two hours away from every summer party and the same beautiful people are everywhere behind the scenes, on the stages and in the crowds.

Lucy didn’t see much music. She never did. She was usually combing vomit out of her hair and like most of the staff, got to see little music. She didn’t care anyway. Mostly she was there to visit cousins and for her money she’d just as soon sip some shine and pick around the camp. The Airstream Stage showcased some fantastic jams where friends and family got to play together and get all the way down. Between the endless songs and the surprise collaborations for many, homemade music is a highlight and cornerstone of the camping/music festival. yezzir.

This Virginia monarchy knows how to throw a party. It was Mountain Music (WV), and Red Wing before Floyd and after that they will all be at Front Porch and Rooster. For those unwashed masses it’s more than a job or a party. It’s a lifestyle choice. Sometimes it’s chill. Sometimes it’s intense. Sometimes it’s balls to the wall. Staff like La Pliclita and Cambolina (formerly Cambone) would help blur the line between work and fun to a point where everything comes together. The math checks out.

1971 is turning 50 this year.

Prologue: Sunday: Lucy wasn’t sure where she was when she woke up but she was surrounded by pea hens. The fog slowly began to lift. It was all coming back to her. After a late evening with the “Uno Mas” crowd at Spirithaven she’d spent the night with the disco turkeys and from there it was only a short drive to Patrick Country. Lucy pulled on to the FloydFest site early Sunday morning as folks were just getting rousted up. Of course she first ran into Piclito on his way to build a meme board. Lucy wasn’t at all sure what that meant. She was looking for a job with prefest and why not? She was already at the party and media didn’t pay diddly, at least at her level. Hawk, a burly beast of a man tried to get her help fix the showers at Delta Lot but Sarah and Steve caught her wandering eye. She would shower with Hawk later.

The Queen of Bravo Lot:

Don’t miss your chance to catch one of Steve Little’s bone fide hands on clinics! “How to Lay Out a Parking Lot in Seventeen Easy Steps”. “Is it right on sixty feet?” Steve would bellow. “Close enough I guess. Who cares?” Foam would form around the corners of his mouth. “If it’s a few inches off there it’ll be feet off somewhere else! Cross me again and I swear to God I’ll bury you in the back of the Overflow Lot.”

Lucy knew it was never good to push a parking guy. They were a twitchy bunch. After sitting in the sun for forty-five minutes she realized Rose wasn’t running to Delta yet (good advice Steve) so she hitched a ride with Charlie (who had recently been finger stung by some Virginia insect and was literally wailing to the two young volunteers in his truck) and headed back to the site.

She immediately came upon Mr. Beautiful picking mandolin by the front gate. Serendipity. Mando pickers like to say “Now let’s play a fast one. Slicker than deer guts on a door knob!” The two had recently crushed it together at Red Wing and were chompin’ at the bit to get more downer. Their mid-day session was noted to be the first of the festival and they made $1.65 in tips from a passing group of adolescents. Things were looking up.

Monday. Fog:

Heavy fog blanketed the site as staff worked hither and yon setting things up. There was an ethereal quiet to the heavy clouds as they shrouded the main stage. Lucy still hadn’t found work so she just sat around drinking and playing guitar music. Painting rocks and clothespins. Mr. Beautiful would say, “Mandolin, if you pick at it it will never heal”. What the hell? She needed to find work. There was a Goddamned carnival happening here. How could there be no extra work? Maybe they’d heard the “legends”.

The Kamp Happiness wook nook:

This isn’t primitive camping anymore. Forget what you think you know. Welcome to Primordial Camping.

Lucy followed Mr. Beautiful passed the gas tank, at the base of the hill from RV camping and down the road from glamping, into a hole in the trees…where everything changed. Inside hid a perfectly shaded glade of soft grass. The prophecy had been true. This naturally exquisite hobbit hole would be the setting for acts of debauchery and hedonism not witnessed since the height of Gomorrah.

Over time the space began to slowly take shape. Lucy returned to the nook to find several tents had sprouted up around hers. Unbeknownst to her, the one most dangerously close belonged to her amiga, Litter Kitty whose domicile would rise to become the official Dance Tent. She was obvious North Carolina trash, having served a year of probation for attempting to smuggle raw gluten into Boone.

Come visit Cynthia Mabe’s Home Cookin’ Hideout at Front Porch Fest September 2-5, 2021

Proudly serving all the the best in Southern cuisine.

                                                                                  (Ed. note: Now that is a lie. They will be serving Natties and bullshit.)

Tuesday night: Strap on your festicles for a Volunteer Party with Mike Helms:

Cow tippin’ and rock and roll in the pasture! Welcome to the Delta Lot fire pit with margaritas and something they called “punch”. Steve Little had gotten into the jello shots early and was in the volunteer parking lot doing doughnuts with the “Farm Use” truck kicking mud and manure over random vehicles and tents. “Just let him get it out of his system”, Sarah mused. “He’s much better after he’s had a good yee-haw. Bri and Lolo put stakes down for Kamp Happiness Delta Lot and shared chilled tequila shots. Pura Vida. The moon was saying it would be full by the weekend.

Wednesday. A real job interview in the middle of the fray? Low Man on the Totem Pole:

Mr. Beautiful introduced Lucy to the suits in the trailers behind the main stage. There was a chance of an opening in Artist Transportation and while that sounded a little serious to her, a hustler’s got to hustle. She’d pulled in with about eighty-five bucks and it was going fast. In the crowded RV it was explained to Lucy that she would be driving artists and others any time of the day or night. “Can you stay sober?” Short pause. With her most sincere and trustworthy voice she replied, “Yes” and it sounded reasonable.

Wednesday Night:

By the time Lucy met the squad at the Abby Bryant show the band was knee deep into Pigs: Three Little Ones (what do yo hope to find? Down in a pig mine) and worked a slew of other Pink Floyd greats. The mushrooms were kicking in and it was becoming obvious what actually lay ahead of them. Hand shakes and hugs were lasting longer. Eyes were looking deeper. This was going to be both a sprint and a marathon. Lucy ended up at the nook with Mr. Beautiful and the Senior Consultant until 5 am solving many mysteries of both the known and unknown universe.

Mr. Beautiful’s tent was an amazing display of glamping professionalism. Tarps, tables and hanging laundered clothes on the outside and two beds inside covered with blankets and animal furs? Say what? Lucy noticed that most nights Mr. Beautiful slept outside on a cot while his tent was occupied by passed-out fiddle players or drunken poobas.

At this point it was time for Lucy to slow down her internal clock and celebrate every microsecond. The slow climb was always her favorite. There would hardly be enough days to get to everyone. It would take a normal person two weeks to fit in the kind of jubilation she was going to pack into five days.  A common story was beginning to be heard regarding old people with busted knees on wet grass. The thirty-five degree angle at many campsites made folks appear more drunk than they were. And that was saying something. It was good policy to face the chair downhill so one could use gravity in the exit strategy. And gravity can be a fickle mistress.

“Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.”

Lucy was spending lots of time in the Kamp Happiness lounge with Girth, Crazy Chlorine and Ellen. “Always keep your teeth and vagina clean”, she advised as she handed out wet wipes. Baitbucket leaned in and asked to use hers when she was done.” Camping next to new people sometimes means unwanted nudity and smattering of inappropriate suggestion. Sexbruise. Question mark?

Thursday Night. Some who wander are completely lost.

And what of Steve Little? Last seen in Site-Ops he was curled up in a pile of plastic fencing surrounded by empty pouches of Masala lentils. His beard had filtered out several garbanzo beans, but still no beard glitter. It was well known that was where he drew the hard line. Something about a glitter explosion back in Pennsylvania.

Lucy got kicked out of the photographers pit during Old Crow Medicine Show for not having the correct credentials. What? No photo creds for the wook wranglers? “Fine with me” she spat. “There’s no room in that pit anyway. More photographs of hippies I guess. Then you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Tough titty said the kitty but the milk tastes good.”

It was just about that time Girth began losing it completely. He was stumbling around, wasting people’s Allegra, pretending he wasn’t allergic to cocaine. Bfly found Spat By Kat on the side of the Hill Holler Stage for Billy Strings, which was as usual, shredding rock-n-roll, bluegrass fun. Never miss a Thursday show. Baitbucket stood in the back taking photographs next to Jody Carbone, whose camera was the size of an electric automobile while his literally sponsored Andre Agassi.

FloydFest Site-Ops Rules:

• Place like with like.
• Don’t open another container until that one is gone.
• Send the cart back with no gas
• Kitty litter soaks up gas
• Sand soaks up urine
• It’s the Quartermaster’s fault.

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Welcome to the mestival. Mistakes will be made. On a few occasions Lucy had to stop and recognize that she herself had made an error. perhaps a gentle slip in the wrong direction. Sometime she would call herself out on talking with authority about something she knew nothing about. In the future she would need to budget an assistant to keep up with that kind of data.

“Where did I touch her? Forgive me for falling into your tent. I’m terribly sorry. It might never happen again. Was his inappropriateness unforgivable and did he even want to be forgiven? Sometimes weird things happen. It’s not the end of the world. He knew they had been protecting her from him. From him? That’s just crazy. Who would protect him from himself? Who wrangles the wranglers? The offense is not as important as the apology. Sometimes one must take hat in hand and venture back to offended campsite. It can often be chalked up to no more than drunken stupidity. Lest ye not cast the first stone. After all, we don’t get to chose how or when other people lose their minds.”    -Thatcher Owen Mullins’ Book of Maxims

The Kamp Happiness usual band of helpless thugs was improved upon by several musicians camping in the nook. Mason, Waverley, Jamie, Mr. Beautiful, David and others kept the tunes blasting up the holler all weekend. Lucy and Big Betty tried to keep up with David and Mr. Beautiful as they tangled their mandolins in beautiful knots. When DT saw that Big Betty was having trouble keeping up he’d say, “just hold on”  right before he falling into her tent, which possessed some strange gravitational pull because along with the mountainous grade became buried under an avalanche of what appeared to be drunken bison. One young doe continued falling into the tent screaming that next year’s staff shirts would be 100% cotton. The music played all night and continued to deteriorate into that loud, belligerent half-song that lasts till sunrise. Never miss a Thursday show.

–3:30-4:30 Artist meet and greet at Piclito’s cooler. Cocktails to be announced.–

Friday. The push:

The bullwhip came out around six am and it had a new cracker. Peter had already consumed burritos and coffee and was perk as a ruttin’ buck. By that time they were out of water and Lucy and Less were both drinking out of a dirty cooler.

As for Mr. Beautiful the less sleep he got the faster his fingers moved on the mandolin. By day four it was turning into Chinese math and getting hard to keep up.

Lucy was still wearing the same clothes due to the fact her vehicle was parked in that Constantinople known as Staff Parking.

There was the Friday night Turkuaz Talking Heads set with Sarah an the full moon coming up behind the main stage. Boom. Mission accomplished. It’s a Turkuazathon.

She got back to camp about 11:30 pm and decided to get some sleep before her two o’clock run. Her tent door had been open all day and she could feel legs crawling over her as she tried to rest. She wasn’t sure if it was scorpions or just tactile hallucinations from the Dragon Lady’s acid. Litter Kitty clarified that scorpions were not indigenous to Virginia but it might be daddy long legs cause those damned things were just about everywhere. Or it could be the acid. Or both.

When Lucy showed up the artist asked, “Are you alright to drive me?” “Of course.” the words barely audible from her over-used and likely damaged throat. “I stopped drinking around four and the acid has almost worn off. Just kidding. Question mark.” “Hell yea.” he shot back and they listened to Van Helen on the back roads to Roanoke. Somewhere in the conversation she shared that she needed to buy cigarettes for everyone and have an overdue movement. They passed an open store and the artist suggested she stop, to which she relied, “I’m a professional my man. I’ll do it after I drop you off.” Leaving his Roanoke hotel, the last thing she heard him say was “Go take a shit” and Lucy realized by the time she got on 221 to Floyd the mistake she had made. There would be nothing open at this time of the night. There would be no Turkish Camels for Girth and no self-respect for her as she was forced to leave her undergarments in a pile of filth in the front yard of some random industrial plant. By the time she got back to the festival, the sun was coming up in the east and all signs pointed to more class, style and continued greatness.

Saturday. How’s my tie?: As a collective it was time to start taking inventory and both ration and abuse. Girth was sleeping until two in the afternoon as usual. The Dragon Lady tried to accost Billy Strings in the bubble trailer. The Kamp Happiness family band spent most of the day at the Airstream Stage. That is, until the call came.

What lurks behind merch? Rain Session 1:

Who knows how Mr. Beautiful found the Birdman of Richmond but Lucy had no choice but to go meet him somewhere in the not-so-quiet camping. The storm clouds were brewing and everything she owned of value was likely uncovered, but this was the Birdman and non-negotiable.

They got to enjoy the rain together, huddled under a pop-up with the Headcount Goddess and twenty new friends of questionable repute drinking crotch whiskey and smoking reefer. For the folks out in the shower, the more it rained on the  Turkuaz set, the louder they got. Both the Dragon Lady and the women from Field and Furrow Farms added indoor pools to their tents after their tarps came off in the wind.

Bri tried to homestead Casey’s HoloRhythm Community Drum School tent while waiting on the Delta Lot bus. Waffle screamed, “Get up! I’m not missing this ride to Delta. These women must have driven chicken buses in Guatemala. I’ll pay extra for a seat in the back if she does a power slide.” She was also hoping someone would propose to her on the bus. Word had it that was going around.

“You can’t change the world handcuffed to a gold cart.”

Lucy’s calves were getting stronger. Her altitude acclimatization had gone well and although she would surely fail any concussion protocols she was ready for the Saturday night summit push. By now her greatest pleasure was finding Steve Little’s wook traps in the parking lot and shredding them. The low tight strings were meant to bring down the huskiest, fasted moving bucks in the herd. After she went down into the wet grass with the bass fiddle there would be no quarter for any poor fool found involved.

Baitbucket was falling fast. He desperately needed a nitro-glycerin pill and it was back in the nook, likely being snorted by someone with a bench warrant. He’d  heard a “legend” at the Airstream Stage about a guy scuba diving for golf balls that was raped by an alligator. Goat meat used for steak biscuits? What are you talking about? Can’t you see I am in the middle of a full-blown crisis. Oh Chip, if you could just pilot me into the harbor. Or is that Coast Guard flirting? The last thing she remembered was stumbling around the Airstream Stage and diving into a bowl of leftover gumbo that turned out to be brown kiwis covered in ants.

(Ed. note–Events from late Saturday night will not be included due to 1.missing or non-existent notes and 2.complete roaming blackouts.)

Sunday: The Senior Consultant and “part of the cost”: 

At seven am, Lucy woke up in the front passenger seat of an unfamiliar vehicle, not far from the Volkswagen camp. She left a note on the dashboard that read, “sorry for leaving the dishes in the sink.” She was found messaging her fontanel and urinating next to Will’s Festy Westy party wagon before being directed home toward the nook. She would have to take an inventory. Her baseball cap was missing and that would surely be a portent of things to come. Lost drugs, broken tents, insane friends, wet phones. According to the Senior Consultant it was, “All part of the cost.”

Mr. Beautiful woke up in an accusatory mood. The night before Bfly had to steer him home, through the central eye wall of a mountain “fit”. He insisted that someone had drugged him the night before. That there had been a foreign element introduced into his system to which he was unconditioned. Was this a chemical toilet that hadn’t slept for three days accusing someone of poisoning him without his knowledge? Literally date raped without either the date or the rape. Indeed.

At Dirt Track’s Lucy and Piclito shared a Pedialyte and a kiwi health shake, sans ants. Did the words “flacid penis” just come over the radio? Lucy could no longer trust her ears or eyes. This would be White Claw Sunday. There were six pallets left and a metric shit ton of kombucha. They sat together and tried to break down the past few hours but it wouldn’t be easy. Where had they been? Where were they going? Lucy knew she wasn’t a prophet and Dirt Track echoed she was surely “not for profit”. It was all coming too fast. Jeremiah’s B-11 shot hadn’t kicked in and the tequila in Piclito’s cooler was looking pretty good. How would he even be able to catch her? He’d literally worn holes in the soles of both of his prison flip flops.

Baitbucket’s right leg was swollen to the size of a barber’s pole and he would need to get with Doug and Steve about the compression socks. Other than that his body was feeling better. Some of the pain was gone and by then, between walking up and down the mountain and forgetting to eat solid food it seemed everyone had lost twelve pounds.

The Legend of Big Dick Sam. The crucial foundation of trickle down cool.

Rain Session 2, The Airstream Stage Sessions. Luckily Lucy had found her way to the music circle for the Sunday evening deluge. Nothing better than string music pushed together under a dripping pop up. T.C. broke out the brandy while the jam closed out the rain. Lucy’s voice having been brutally abused was finally returning.

Lucy could hear Andy Frasco getting pumped up and considering she’d never seen him and it was the last set of the weekend she and the crowd made the short walk up the hill. “That kid’s got some pep.” Their musicianship, audience interaction and classic, spastic rock-n-roll energy was a perfect way to tie off the weekend. After Sam gave permission for the show to run a little late, Frasco could be heard leading the choral chant “Big dick Sam!” with the audience. The rain was over, Frasco killed it and the inmates were running the asylum.

Festivals, like most corporations are constructed by a framework in which the behavioral attitudes of the few at the upper management tiers, naturally trickle down to each subsequent level of employees. In the days leading up to and during the festival, Sam’s management strategy could best be described as easy-going and hands-on. While still giving the staff the flexibility to operate with a creative autonomy, he could usually be found out front, standing in the sun and dust, shuckin’ and jivin’. And always with that same friendly manner. The intensity looks very much like the calm and this disseminates down to every staff member and patron, where at some point, one can see his calming influence over the face of the entire festival. Live it like you own it.

Sunday Night Jam: Thanks to Jesse, Kyle, Rebekah and Mr. Beautiful for the late night jams at the Dirt Track Stage. It took only a broken string and a gentle nudge from the Senior Consultant to shift the music down to the nook for more late-night revelry. The last thing Lucy remembered was something to the order of Dr. Bacon’s Auyuwaska Mountain Retreat Session? Was it just a fanciful jest or was she clinically involved? No matter. She had the strength of youth and if God be for her, who could be against her?

Epilogue. Monday: Someone had double parked the Sales and Production golf cart on the Kamp Happiness dance floor. There was a nearly empty handle of Even Williams sitting on the floor and a pocket knife still protruding from the ignition where the perp had left it the night before. Lucy took the cart for a hot lap to Site-Ops for pork skins and cheap vodka on her way to Staff parking for a change of clothes.The Senior Consultant woke up smelling bacon only to find it was his hoodie after standing next to the smoke ring all night.

Tuesday: Baitbucket stuck around long enough to get on with postfest. He spent the day cleaning out freezer trucks and groundscoring pop ups for the festival. Talk about working toward your strengths. Lucy was drying all of the blankets in the car camping field shouting “For sale! Tuesday friend prices! And it comes with a free angry hand job. No eye contact guaranteed. They groundscored some Zing Zang and Tito’s and enjoyed the long walk around the site with the sunset over the mountains. Once most of the people were gone the natural splendor and beauty of the mountains quickly returns to the fore front.

Wednesday:  Like Chihuahuas looking for chicken bones the raccoons had begun moving in. Baitbucket knew how to build a snare from his time in the Peace Corps and planned on a breakfast of trash panda and gravy. “We don’t usually see media around this late in the game” The Site-Ops Manager noted. Never miss a post-party. It was the best way to stay on site camping for another week with no one to care. Picking through Dirt Track’s camp leftovers, he came up with tonic water and cranberry juice cocktail. Perfect for the rest of the Tito’s and now he knew where the rest of the ice was being kept.

Thursday. Leftovers:

Baitbucket loved staying late after the festival as a way to truly appreciate the site. After the lights and decorations came down all that’s left were the lush verdant mountains of Virginia. Also that’s when all the leftovers came out. Would you like another pouch of Masala lentils? Stick around long enough to get a golf cart and radio. At some point someone asked him if he could drive a lift. Short pause. With his most sincere and trustworthy voice he replied, “Yes” and it sounded reasonable. Finally he was sweating. He’d managed to stay out of trouble through the entire epic and now he was loading pallet furniture on the the Hill Holler Stage with some tremendous machine. “Go slow and don’t break anything.” Later that night Baitbucket confiscated a cooler of confiscated White Claws and barricaded himself in one of the leftover travel trailers that littered the compound.

Conclusion: From the alpha to the omega this was the party you deserved delivered by a staff that has been training for it their entire lives. This was a monster achievement and a normal group of adults couldn’t have pulled this off. It took more “creative” solutions. The job was to make people happy and often that means very little sleep and music. Intense, long hours just to create place where people can be free to relax and fall in love. What have we learned? Never skip a year of FloydFest. It makes people crazy.

By the time it was over Lucy ‘d been able to see the festival from many different sides. Like much of the staff, she just wanted to be there and would do just about any job to be part of the silliness. Many times she thought of Clay, the Shawsvegas Mafia who covered the festival for our their year in 2018. With the passing of friends and family comes an increased drive and focus to enjoy what time we have left. Lucy knew he would have appreciated what they did here. They skirted the edges. They reaped the harvest. They bought the ticket.

They saw the show…

Visit some classics from the archives as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour continues.

Red Wing Roots Music Festival 21: Assault on Chimney Ridge,

Mountain Music Festival “21: Please Don’t Eat the Cicadas,

Orange Blossom Jamboree: Puddle of Fun 21

Follow the wranglers as we meet up with Ban Jovi for Phish at Deer Creek and then it’s on to Summer Camp with Mi Kulture. From there we caravan out to Arkansas for Backwoods at Mulberry Mountain, but it’s never over. Keep up with September as the Virginia/North Carolina season closes out with Front Porch Fest, Merlefest, Blue Bear and Rooster Reunion.

At that point we head south for the Kamp Happiness Suwannee Family Explosion with Roots Revival and Hulaween. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Plan A is still in effect.

Thanks to Sam, Brian and the rest of the All the Way Productions hydra for letting us be be part of the magic on the mountain. We are just getting started. Follow the FloydFest social media sites on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Thanks to everyone who contributed photographs. Visit this Facebook link for more FloydFest photographs.

Leaving Sarah’s Bravo lot for the last time Lucy noticed another cemetery across the street. The question remained. What would the dead say? About this party? This complete and utter silly celebration of life and love with friends, music and laughter. Would they say pull it together, straighten up and fly right?

Maybe not.
They might just say…

rage.                                                                                                                                  copy that.

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Any sane person would have pulled into the first automotive shop they came to rather than test what little stopping power hey had on the steep mountain roads of northwest Virginia. But the coffers were pretty much empty and this train was bound for glory as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour was still underway and both clear thinking and sound reason were not part of the equation. Brakes be damned. A vehicle without them could still move forward and as long as plan A was still in effect they would be heading to join the Kamp Happiness volunteer militia party already in progress at Chimney Ridge. Welcome to Red Wing Roots Music Festival: Assault on Chimney Ridge. Trim the nose hairs and engage redundancy protocols, it’s all downhill from here.

Held at Natural Chimneys Park and Campground in beautiful Mt. Solon, Virginia, the 8th annual Red Wing Roots Festival was presented by The Steel Wheels on July 9, 10 & 11, 2021. Three days, five stages, and 40+ bands in the heart of the Shenandoah Valley made for a camping weekend of music and stupid fun. The towering limestone chimneys, reaching more than 120 feet in the air, provided a spectacular backdrop in the Music Meadow for a sick daily lineup and giterdun fun.

With a laid-back feel and all kinds of good energy this festival had something for everyone. Great music, kids and families, wooks and hillbillies. A party needs all kind of energy and Red Wing certainly didn’t disappoint. The music spanned the spectrum from brass to traditional, funk to bluegrass and everything in between.

As Lucy looked for her friends in the first lot up the hill the volunteer asked, “Are they in quiet camping?” She smiled,  “Definitely not.”

Red Wing Staff: This was a different kind of festival for Lucy. Everyone she came to spend time with was working and that turned out to be a great formula. Never one to miss a pre-party and post-party this crowd had to be there days early to set up and stay until everyone else was gone. Bfly ended up on top of the mountain parking cars in the sun all day. Welcome to the sweat basket. To watch them work, most of the time they were just trying to help everyone have a good time and keep everything running smoothly. From the top down, the communication and easy manner kept everything in line, especially in the wake of some curiously sideways incidents. A special thanks to Doug, the Rangers and the Chimney Ridge crowd who went above and beyond to deal with the wranglers and those of their sloppy ilk.

Zombie Lot: Held up by what appeared to be a mad viking, Z lot was no stranger to childish mayhem and fun. Trevor’s final report included a litany of moral turpitude from lost parents and squatters with caged animals to adolescent bike gangs and the the crazy Honda Element woman. There were even storied tales involving William and some kind of zombie opossum. Really the stuff of heroes and legend. One can only imagine…The wide red eyes glazed over with that far away look of madness. The hatchet laying in the back of the golf cart bed. Blood markings on the face and chest, in the old way of the Algonquin. The dance of the spirit opossum.

“Bought a ticket, might as well see the show.”

J Lot (Staff-RV): For two days Lucy had been using her Mountain Music Festival lanyard to get into VIP for free beers and vegetable kabobs. It was passable with the program cover pinned over the tag and Baitbucket slid in behind her in hopes of grabbing some photos from the side of the stage. He also had no media credentials and was having trouble getting into the pit. Not that it mattered. His phone was heating up and making strange noises and the camera hadn’t been taken out of the car all weekend. He knew if he went back to Donnie and Cameron’s place he might be able to find a cold Miller Lite and Jody Carbone sleeping in a beach chair. For one free press pass all he’d have to do is bop him on the head with a bocce ball and stuff him in a rolled up carpet until the weekend was over. Easy wind. What’s a small concussion between friends?

The Red Wing Roots Festival was alive and purring with delicious energy. Everywhere people were singing, dancing and playing in the soft Virginia grass. It was Lucy’s first time at Red Wing and it felt righteous and good surrounded by family in the cradle of the Shenandoah Valley. Thanks to Steve and Pepinillo for choosing the camp. Not only was it in a high traffic area but it was also completely unshaded. For the money, most of the time you can only get one of those. Praise Allah that no one pooped in the KH wook shower which, considering the afternoon temperatures, saved lives.

Assault on Chimney Ridge:  The word was given. It was time for the Kamp Happiness militia to finally take the high ground. From their perch atop Chimney Ridge they would be able to keep track of the skirmish below. The Rangers who’s job it had been to “make sure everyone had a good time” kept a keep eye on the flank, while Doug managed Chimney Ridge. There were still hard questions to be answered. Who is going into the cooler and drinking all the tequila? Bfly figured it was Bello the Mando as he was already moving his shoulders in that wiggly way that said strange things lay on the horizon. He claimed good dancing started in the shoulders. Later it was discovered that Steve had been rummaging through stranger’s coolers looking for cold beer and Oreos. In the end it was all chalked up to harmless misunderstanding and everyone laughed together over a stick of clover honey.

Friday Night

Thanks to Mitch for hosting the “quiet bluegrass” tent which provided hours of homegrown mountain slather. When it got shut down at two am “like a bad daycare” by the red golf shirt brigade, everyone knew the hard truth that Big Betty was to blame. She was always pretty loud but as the night went on and she was plied with liquor she only became more excited. If there was going to be any success with late night pickin’ circles, she would have to be left out of it and that wouldn’t be easy. There were some great musicians around and she wasn’t about to waste the opportunity to pick with all of them, especially the dueling mandolins. The pickin’ circle eventually moved out to the Chimney Ridge fire pit in the field and with the addition of a handful of pickers they were able to serenade all the way to five am when they finally called it a night. It can’t be easy to come out in your boxers and ask the music circle to shut down. Everyone forgets the magic power of earplugs. Lucy laughed in disgust. By that time, the sky was changing colors over the Virginia mountains and it seemed silly to stop. One of her favorite things was to play bluegrass to the morning joggers and folks making early port-o-potty runs.

Nitrous Mafia Bluegrass: Everyone knew if there was going to be late music Saturday night a new innovative plan would have to be put in place. They were going to have to get entirely serious if this was going to happen. Someone suggested the “nitrous mafia” bluegrass strategy whereby when discovered, the musicians would scatter like roaches and regroup at a preplanned destination. Carlos suggested playing as they moved and keeping the red golf shirts pointed in the wrong direction. Naturally this wouldn’t be the kind of festival with a nitrous mafia, but they could still take a few pages out of their book. In reality the whippets had been gone by Thursday night and Baitbucket always liked to throw a few around the camp perimeter so folks walking by knew what they were getting into.

Ugliest Dog Ever? The high afternoon temperatures at Chimney Ridge were taking a toll. Reports of aberrant behavior such as sun stroke madness and delirium were rampant as a result of both malnutrition and dehydration. Bfly managed to take a sweaty afternoon nap in her vehicle only to discover that what appeared to be a meercat had found it’s way into her Subaru (North Carolina camouflage) and curled up next to her panting ferociously. Once she began it feeding kettle corn and water it got comfortable and remained the rest of the weekend. It could occasionally be seen walking in staff camping wearing it’s service dog vest.

Wookish Innovations: At some point Pepinillo heard muffled music coming from inside the ice machine and recognized “Shoop” by Salt n Pepa. He was not prepared for what he saw when he opened the door but at once he understood exactly what was happening. Someone had cleared out one side of the ice machine and Bfly was sitting in the dark with the meercat which by then had been properly identified as a raccoon. “Shut the door. You’re letting out all the cold!” Baitbucket screamed. “Get in line if you wanna cool off. Ten bucks for two songs or five minutes, whichever comes first”.

Saturday Night 

Shuttle Service: Bucket and Bello got recruited to work for Chris and drive shuttles for the folks headed back to the parking lot. They didn’t even know these types of people existed. After all, who would ever want to leave this party? They were thrilled to finally have jobs with golf carts since that’s been the goal since the beginning of time. Unfortunately these came with radios which work to keep the irresponsible in check. Aboard Bucket’s shuttle everyone could be heard singing the theme from “Dukes of hazard” as they traded paint around turn four.

Kamp Happiness Family Jam: Thanks goes out to the KH staff working at the Chimney Ridge shuttle stop for setting up the Saturday night VIP Dance Party (no credentials required). Face painting, dancing, snacks drinks and responsible fun found it’s way to the fire circle for everyone at the shuttle stop. A little after midnight, pickers of all ages emerged from the shadows, instruments in tow and ready to tighten the screws on some home grown music. The crowd continued to gather as the Chimney Ridge house band picked through the likes of the Stanley Brothers and endless trad and anon classics.

Disperse! The shutdown came again at 2 am just as Bello yelled “go dark!” and the performers sprang off into the moonless night. Moments later they regrouped at Mitch’s for quiet bluegrass until about five am. At that point Baitbucket and Bello found their way back to the Chimney Ridge fire pit to watch the sky change color and lay down some bluegrass sunrise gospel over a half bottle of cheap wine. Come to the circle and get saved. Bucket even waited until 7:45 to crack the bullwhip.

Sunday Funday

Golf cart 250 Invitational: Congratulations goes out to Pepinillo for his first place finish in this year’s event. Returning from his recent accident at the Pop’s Farm track everyone was glad to see he and his crew chief back in action. The third place “Punkin Chunkin'” car had this to say when asked how he kept coming in the money, “Sometimes you got to put ’em in the corn”.

Look for the Kamp Happiness Pickin’ Tent next year hopefully somewhere way back in the corner.

Not-so-quiet camping: For folks who just need more.

Thanks again to Red Wing Black Bear Productions for putting up with all the silliness. Visit the Red Wings Roots Music Festival website and like their their social media sites on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Music: When asked how he enjoyed the music, Pepinillo replied that he hadn’t seen any. At some point one realizes that the festival staff doesn’t ever get to see much music. They’re busy driving shuttles and killing opossums. These are the people who make it all happen. It’s a woodland fantasy filled with dance and song that seems to go off without a hitch and this staff made it look easy. It doesn’t come with much money and the hours they put in is ludicrous. They don’t get as unwound as everyone else and most can’t get too faded late night because they start super early the next day, parking cars and taking tickets, working the sound and serving the Mexican food. Those are the professional wooks. Riding the tour wherever it takes them. Finding their hard fun when they can but more importantly, blurring the line between work and fun and arriving at a place where both happen together.

Monday Blues? While most departures are usually sad with the ending of the party and the parting with friends but this is summer in Virginia and that is not the way of the warrior. These festivarians were headed home for a night or two and then it’s off to Floydfest for the next three weeks. Just enough time to wash the feet and catch a nap before it’s back into the gauntlet.

Thanks goes out to Azul Acres for feeding walking tacos to the Chimney Ridge family all weekend and especially for the Sunday buffet at the Hobo Kamp. Check out their Facebook page to see where they are gonna pop up next.

Check out our recent submission from Mountain Music Festival “21: Please Don’t Eat the Cicadas and more from the archives. Keep up with Lucy and Baitbucket as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour chugs on.

Stay with Wook Wranglers Media as we head to Floyd, Virginia for lessons in moral ambiguity as the summer tour continues. After FloydFest  we slowly take the trek up to Summer Camp in Illinois and then on to Backwoods in Arkansas. Look for us at Rooster Walk Reunion in October when all roads then lead back to Suwannee Roots Revival and Hulaween at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. It’s moist verging on damp.

Safe Travels.

 

 

 

 

 

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