recipes Archives - wook wranglers

Puerto Rican Mofongo Recipe

jason — Tue, 05 May 2020 14:42:51 +0000

Straight from the archives comes this family original from Victor the neighborhood sadist. Remember when it comes to upset Puerto Rican woman, there are three phases. The first is angry English, next comes angry Spanish then lastly comes fast angry Spanish. At that point you should duck because the flying knife will be coming. Welcome to our Puerto Rican Mofongo Recipe.

Mofongo is an Afro-Puerto Rican dish with plantains as its main ingredient. Plantains are picked green and mashed with salt and water in a wooden pilón, The object is to produce mashed plantains that absorb the attending condiments and have either pork cracklings (Chicharrón) or bits of bacon inside.

Puerto Ricans are a fine choice for friendly entertainment for a number of reasons. 1. They enjoy fun and frivolity so where you find them, there are good times close by. 2. They are feisty to the core so you rarely have to worry about getting beat up. Like guys from Boston, they love to mix it up, even the girls. Especially the girls. Your only question will be when you should drag your friend off the person he is turning into smooshed plantains.

The Mofongo’s roots come from the western African Fufu, mixed with Spanish and Taíno influences. Fufu is made from various starchy vegetables and was introduced to the Caribbean by Africans in the Spanish New World colonies. The origin of mofongo can be traced back to Puerto Rico.

TIPS TO MAKING MOFONGO

Plantains: Unripe, green plantains make the meal here. Plantains’ starch becomes sugar overtime. When this happens, save them for plantains cooked in butter.
Preparation: Peel plantains and cut into 1 inch segments. Prepare boiling water with a dash of salt.
Boil: Cook in boiling water until plantains are tender (about ten minutes)
Mash: Plantains in large mixing bowl and set aside.
Cook: 3 Tablespoons of garlic until tender (about two minutes)
Mix: Garlic with plantains. Crunch up a Cup of fried pork rinds and mix in.

Use the plantains as a filling in a small bowl like a pie crust. Add the chicken or beans into the plantain bowl and enjoy.

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A post shared by Jason Nail (@nailtravels) on Feb 22, 2016 at 2:51pm PST

Puerto Rican Beans

2 cans small red bean

2 cans water

1 chopped potato

1/2 can tomato sauce

med thin sliced onion

T cilantro, T oregano, 2 T Adobo, 2 t Sazon, 2 t black pepper

2 T Sofrito (if you can find it)

1 t onion powder

Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer

VIC’S FAMILY CHICKEN

1 whole chicken (cut up)

2 med onions diced

package Sazon

1 T All purpose seasoning

2 cans tomato sauce

5 cubed skinned potatoes

2 t garlic powder

1-2 t black pepper

Use just enough water to cover ingredients.

Bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer

For added thickness add 1 T tomato paste

This Mofongo recipe can go with other meats such as cubed beef or ribs. Tradition calls for any kind of leftovers to be used.

See this article on cooking fried plantains Costa Rican style.

February 22, 2016

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Camping On The Cheap: Chili Tortilla Recipe

jason — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 17:53:55 +0000

We had just about finished all of Thunderbird’s roadkill elk and everyone was getting sick of potatoes. Hunting grouse had resulted in one failure after another and there was little luck finding fish in the creek. Finances had been a mite lean but now the check was in the bank and we were due to make a run to the Amanda Park general store. A place to grab a meal, find some wifi and play the piano. Things were definitely looking up.

Majestic mountains, drenching storms, lush, dense vegetation help make the Olympic Rain Forest the “emerald jewel” of the Pacific Northwest’s temperate rain forests. The Olympic Rain Forests are just part of the global web of temperate rain forests found around the world.

TEMPERATE RAIN FORESTS:

Mild, moist climate mostly affected by the ocean
Over 100 inches of rain and fog-drip per year
Multi-layered forest comprised of mostly needle-leaf trees
Abundant mosses, lichen, fungi, and epiphytes
Large amount of standing dead and fallen trees

CHILI TORTILLA RECIPE

Author: Baitbucket

Recipe type: Entree

Cuisine: tex-mex?

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 10 mins

Total time: 15 mins

Serves: 6

This easy camping dish doesn’t require any refrigeration or ice as everything comes from a can. Welcome to camping on the cheap in Washington’s Olympic Peninsula.

INGREDIENTS

oil (canola, lard, Crisco, truffle oil)
corn or flour tortillas
can of Rotel tomatoes
can of chili with meat and beans
can of corn
can of diced chicken (optional)
salt
pepper
Tony Satcheries

INSTRUCTIONS

Heat a small amount of oil in a skillet
crisp tortillas for a few minutes on each side
set aside
Mix Rotel tomatoes, corn and chili in saucepan
season to taste
heat until ready
serve over tortillas

Lucienda Rosalita used both corn and flour tortillas for this recipe due to the fact we were frying them. The can of chicken can be added but if you’re really traveling on the cheap, it might be better to save the chicken and have protein for another meal. The general store in Amanda Park has everything you need and sells 40 flour tortillas for seven bucks.

When considering the oil in the recipe, stay away from butter or other ingredients that need to be refrigerated. At first we used leftover chicken grease and black truffle oil for the chili tortilla, which works fine in a pinch. Crisco or lard travels well and holds up in all kinds of weather.

As moisture filled clouds move inland, they release more than 12 feet of rain annually on the western slopes of the Olympic mountains. As elevation increases, more precipitation is released. On the east side of the Olympic Peninsula, the moisture-depleted clouds provide much lower rainfall, less than 20 inches per year in the “rain shadow”.

This article has been sponsored by the Rain Forest Hostel and all opinions belong to the wranglers. If you’re stopping for a night near Ruby Beach, swing in and stay a spell with Mr. Jimmy at the Rain Forest Hostel, the newest member of the nailtravels family. For ten bucks a night, or whatever you can spare, Jimmy will provide you with a warm bed, great conversation and soft guitar music. He will insist on giving you his ten minutes on Bernie Sanders and then everyone is expected to volunteer for fifteen minutes the next day to help out around the house. It’s not too much to ask and we ended up hauling stumps from the forest that would soon be split and used to build a monster wall of wood for the wet winter. If you’re in the neighborhood, just down the road, check out Ruby Beach around sunset for a spectacular view.

Visit the further camping adventures of Hambone and Baitbucket with “Grouse Hunting on the Quinault Nation”.

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Twice Blackened Hog Leg Recipe

jason — Sat, 29 Feb 2020 20:57:46 +0000

“With your head down in the pig bin, Saying “Keep on digging”

Pig stain on your fat chin, What do you hope to find? When you’re down in a pig mine.

You’re nearly a laugh. You’re nearly a laugh, but you’re really a cry”. Pigs (Three Different Ones)

Amidst moister weather, the manzanitas are coming up roses at the Dead Cat pleasure palace at the base of the sacred Poncho Tree. The fire wood has been pillaged and the cooler is mysteriously full of ice and an obscene slab of Florida wild hog. How many hillbillies does it take to cook up a fat piece of boar over an open fire? Pay attention dear reader. The secret is in the land down under. Not the over. It’s time to get down in the pig mine. Dig that pig pit. Chuck in the flesh. Cover it with fire. Now you’re cooking with disco. With a crack team of culinary experts on hand, how hard could it possibly be? Welcome to Twice Blackened Hog Leg Recipe.

The nailtravels summer road trip is underway and while extended primitive camping has erased any concrete sense of time, our action scout team has hunkered down for a month of woodland homesteading at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. With all the leftover folks from Suwannee Spring Reunion packed up and split, the campground has quieted down and our mobile headquarters is currently located on the edge of the farm field, complete with a front yard frisbee patch and nightly campfire music. The gypsy caravan is snugly homesteaded catty corner from the largest bat house in the country. Welcome to Bartertown. We’re here to find out if guano can be used to fuel a Coleman lantern.

Complete with Oriental rugs and silken drapes, the tent city HQ remains unmatched in it’s glamping stylings and continues to be a favorite photo spot for tourists. Windsock mullets and colored tapestries unfurl from the oak branches while the rest of the compound is complete with all the finest festival camouflage. Like a tribe of Bedouin spice merchants, a cautious alliance has formed with the local residents as the colorful band continues to blend in with the oak hammock backdrop.

In preparation for the unavoidable occurrence of inclimate weather, this year’s production staff replaced the rain tarps and ropes with feathers, scarves and Mardi Gras beads. The additions provided a much needed, inviting softness to the entire site and following a three-day deluge, collected nicely into clumped rivers of blue glitter and broken glass. The clogged streams of soaked hammocks and broken guitars formed a limp tributary which trickled all the way to the Suwannee River, prompting an investigation by the Environment Protection Agency to assess any long-term, environmental damage.

Private Pink Floyd show, Amphitheater Stage SOSMP: photo by Spacebug.

In an effort to find shelter from the the storm, we ended up on the amphitheater stage of the music park. One of the best concert venues in the country and usually littered with hammocks and folding chairs, the late night solo concert was played to a packed house of turkey oaks. The 2 am show was truly memorable as lightning flashes and high winds accompanied an acoustic set of Pink Floyd classics.

There is a return to some semblance of normalcy with the warmth of the morning sun and as things get back under par, we arrive at one of our favorite pastimes; preparing our meals over a roaring campfire. Hobo burgers, spit chicken, and roasted Peeps showcased the chef’s specials on this week’s sunset menu and the entree selection got an unexpected addition after Spacebug, driving our rented golf cart with a full head full of bennies and small barrel whiskey, attempted a high-speed power slide into the starboard side of a wild, feral hog. The sounds of shattering bone and fiberglass could barley be heard over the collective screams of both man and beast. Hours later, after dragging the broken carcass home, through miles of Florida swamp, the bug arrived at camp, covered in tendrils of bright pig’s blood and specks of marrow, eager to get started on some serious cracker cuisine.

Twice Blackened Hog Leg Recipe

TWICE BLACKENED HOG LEG RECIPE

Author: Pine Island Phil

Recipe type: redneck gibberish

Cuisine: cracker

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 18 hours

Total time: 18 hours 10 mins

Serves: 15

This smokey interpretation of a timeless pork classic takes some time and creativity, but the proof is in the pudding. It is best served with an Oriental rice pilaf and a chilled Paisano-parachute cocktail.

INGREDIENTS

1 T kosher salt
1 T Creole seaoning
2 T cracked black pepper
2 T white peppers
1 chopped Spanish onions
1 chopped garlic clove
3 diced ghost peppers
½ gallon Louisiana hot sauce
1 cup apple cider vinegar
½ cup dried and finely chopped Humboldt County organic blueberry kush
½ oz crumbled crystal methamphetamine dry rub
⅛ cup 10-10-10 palm tree fertilizer
3 T clover honey
1 T fresh thyme

INSTRUCTIONS

Prepare pig with ingredients and wrap in an aluminum foil cocoon
Remove existing campfire
Dig a North Florida cracker-style pig pit (a hole)
Cover the bottom with a layer of coals
Add a layer of palm fronds (saw palmettos are advisable but cabbage palms will work in a pinch)
Insert fatback
Cover with another layer of hot coals
Add a layer of sand
Build a new fire on top of existing structure
Allow fire to burn for seventeen hours
Dig up perfectly prepared pig meat
Eat like starving savages

“I got your box. I picked the lock. I got in your box. Busted locks I’m inside your box. I’m looking at your pictures of your old cluttered box. Whew, this new box looks really GOOD on you. By the way, I love your new shoes. And your new recipe for blackened BABY ribs.” Excerpt from “The Lost Trails of Moss and Fails” 1712

How To Make A Suwannee River Pig Pit:

Pig Pit: Apparently no one on this staff knows how deep one should be. Ours was about a foot and a half deep and it seems as though that might have been a bit too shallow. If you’re not sure, there are certain tell-tale signs for which to be aware. For starters, it should probably be bigger than a bread basket. Beyond that, technical specifications are murky.
Palm fronds: Feverishly recommend by Capt. Mostmilk it remains unclear why this addition was necessary. The scientific evidence provided was in support of aeration and improved circulation of warm air around the meat. In retrospect the strategy proved to be utter and complete rubbish and in accordance with Camp Happiness bylaws Mostmilk had been soundly garroted at sunrise following the “incident”.
Pitfalls: Down in a pig mine, variables to be considered should include but are not limited to; 1) size of pig meat, 2) size of fire, 3) size of pig pit. As strong southern winds began to batter the campsite, warning signs of impending disaster had already become obvious. An unholy stink began to emit from the fire and billow through the increasingly flapping tapestries. Early guesses were that burning, rotten wood was the culprit of the putrid funk and shortly after, cabbage palms fronds were to blame. Eventually the winds and smell of hot death receded and the campers resigned to their yurts with dreams of soft pork dancing in their heads.

Of course, the obvious truth was that the smell emitting from the fire accompanied the screaming death throes of the pork as it boiled and disintegrated in it’s own molten grease. As we slept through the night, the leg of fresh pig meat was incinerated so long and hot that its aluminum foil cocoon turned into a fiery coffin and supper devolved into a small pile of burnt ozone and powdered ash. It was almost hard to believe the chemical change on the cellular level that took place during the night, turning the entire pig leg into a nightmare lump of stinking grey powder. I guess you go hungry. Baw, baw, baw.

Due to requests by the family, presentation photos of the entree are unavailable to the public. Keep up with Nail Travels this summer as we continue to send you more quality campfire recipes from our mobile HQ at the Sprit of Suwannee Music Park. Check out our article on the upcoming Wanee Festival April 20-22, 2017 for photos, line-up, ticket and camping information.

Weirdness lives here.

Visit our other contributions from Live Oak with Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits and check out what’s happening at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park.

originally published on April 10, 2017

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Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits Recipe

jason — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 17:39:57 +0000

Ahoy seamen, and welcome back to the 2017 Summer Tour. Losses for the Horchata Armada have steadily mounted and casualties have been assessed. Take us to Def-Con 2. Get me the president on the horn. Full steam ahead. Damn the torpedoes and while your at it, put down that silly saber and enjoy some oysters and champagne. Lucy the useless intern has graduated from being terrible at working sound to also being terrible at packing gear. Some heathen left our white table at the Hollywood Bowl. Thanks Alex and A.J., that one came from Hulaween. She’s gotten all jumpy and wired and she wants to stay in the A.W. all the time. She may have gotten into my drugs but I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell anymore. I think she’s hearing all the chipmunks and whatever the hell is in the Saddle Mountain Recreational Area. It all looks like some elvish village to me. I’m starting to get a little wierded out is all and if, for one second, those elves come a knockin, I know for a fact the cedars will blow up like a powder keg. Welcome to Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits Recipe.

Hey tater-head, I’m talking to you. Sometimes good things happen to bad people. Sometimes bad people happen to good things. You never know what kind of unhinged cracker is going to pull up next to your campfire and make themselves at home like it’s all snowballs and fruitcakes on Christmas Day in Mayberry. This is a weird life and you are hardly creative enough to come up with this kind silliness on your own. You must have had some help. Give it up and show me what you’ve got in your pockets. Sometimes enough isn’t enough. Sometimes no means f’sho no. Back up bro because you are in my hula-hoop. Just because you occasionally make bad choices doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person, but it may be an indicator light that won’t turn off. It’s not too late. Go on. Save yourself. Lord knows you’ve earned it.

Easy guy. That isn’t what anyone really wants. Come Grasshopper. Calm your busy mind and let everything fall away into peace and beautiful, blissful slumber. The Watcher, as many of his flock call him, would say that there is a river in the sea and all you have to do is find it. If you get there and it’s full of plastic toothbrushes and flip flops, you’ve gone too far. You’re in the gyre. Find your way to some solid ground and prepare thyself for Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits Recipe. Because there is a season to eat the fish and another to eat the bait.

“We got a genuine Indian Guru who’s teaching us a better way” S. Silverstein

From the halls of forgotten time, long before the first convergence and the dark time, he has come back to us. But not just to us…to everyone. Emerging like a damaged moth from the forgotten bug-zapping swamps of Kamchakta and the twin mountains that lay in the red clouds beyond, Big Mamou or Mama (in the aboriginal tongue) has finally returned to nailtravels bearing gifts. Having recently returned from a year-long sabbatical in exotic Oklahoma, He has been wrapping up post-production on his first album of original material in over a decade. His simple and timeless message of spiritually braiding the essence of romantic love with constant guilt and physical and emotional discomfort is beautifully expressed through forgotten lyrics, ancient chants with the haunting wail of the Mediterranean skin flute. The mission is : To know a nobler path where, “upon once trod can never be alighted.”

Since the beginning of our mandatory staff training with the kahuna over two and a half years ago and continuing with the healing process now, our spiritual health and professional outlook have never been brighter. The main office commons has, once again, become a hotbed of frivolity and responsible fun. Sorry killjoys, silly is not just for Friday jeans day anymore. Using his patented “Hurt As You Go” method, the successes and testimonials have far outweighed the skeptics. By focusing the power of positive pain and using lost “inside stretching” techniques of the Watusi people, Big Mamou is able to help others unlock the secrets to harnessing their own inner force, or chi, until it spurts out of their ears and dribbles down their back. Hint, hint: Some of the early training modules involve increased shellfish consumption, so the way is clear. If you do not enjoy shrimp, you can never be truly happy. We may have already figured out your problem

The original version of this recipe uses fresh cabbage bats instead of shrimp. They should be cleaned by separating the breast from the wings and head. Be sure to salt the meat as well as the batter, otherwise the batter will have the flavor and the rodent will still be bland. (Ed. note. If cabbage bats aren’t available, southern pine bats, or adolescent Jackson’s bats will do in a pinch.) If you are unable to trap bats in your locality, simply order your bats online from nailtravels. Stewed, nude, or fried, all our bats come with the a Mississippi, blue-ribbon, quality guarantee. Bulk orders receive discounted shipping and be sure use the code “pigmine” for your free, decorative collector’s tin of select quano just in time for the holidays.

We look to Big Mamou and his church, the House of the Velvet Way as the legitimate spiritual signpost for cosmogonical guidance. Like the tiny acorn looks to the mighty ceiling fan, so will we. Do you enjoy camping and crying out loud with other adults? If so, then sign up today for one of their individually designed, therapeutic Discovery Weekends. All programs are uniquely tailored with your spiritual needs in mind. Choose from one of this month’s available deluxe therapy opportunities; “The Limits of Chemical Camping”, the first-timers favorite, “Why Do We Say No?” Mountaintop Retreat Message, and our independent study book selection, “Science, Grouse, and God”. If you happen to still be around on Sunday, get ready for a treat and catch Big Mamou demonstrate the sacred and holy “dance of dissemblance” as he supervises the removal of his training tent and pleasure palace.

THE BIG MAMOU LIVE OAK CAMPING BREAKDOWN METHOD:

Safety: The first priority is on safety of yourself and other members of the flock. Breaking down a campsite can be a very traumatic event. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, then you can’t be good for anyone else. Find a safe spot in which to sit. Preferably one with a clear visual line of site and accessible exits. Sit Indian-style* and allow someone to tie kite sting in a perimeter around you. Give yourself at least 2-3 feet on either side. Hang jingly bells on the string as an extra security precaution to ensure no one is able to sneak up on you. (*racist?)

Precautions: It’s quite obvious that some law enforcement agency is coming for you. What can you do but stem the awful tide and just stick the broken tip of your wooden clog in the dyke? There’s no stopping what can’t be stopped. Sometimes an instance rises whereby an individual must be taken into custody under the mental health law in Florida and sent for an involuntary psychiatric examination. Being Baker Acted can be very scary for people and their friends and family. An adult may only be held up to 72 hours for an involuntary examination, so if you feel it’s unavoidable, the best policy is to begin the process as soon as possible. That way, you can rejoin the festivities make yourself available to further debauchery all that much sooner.
Precautions part 2: Be wary of unannounced strangers when they approach your campsite. These vagabonds are not there to merely play music or converse. To the contrary, they bring malcontent and the need to sew the very seeds of disharmony. They should be dealt with seriousness and clear intent. When being approached by a potential assailant, speak in a loud, clear voice and make your intentions known. Say, “You are not welcome and I am prepared to defend myself with deadly force if necessary”. If that doesn’t convince them to turn and walk the other way, then they deserve what’s coming.
Breakdown:
(1.) Clean out vehicle and prepare for return packing. Sweep out mats and refill wiper fluid. (2.) Walk camping area and pick up all loose trash. Dispose in proper container. Separate recyclables. (3.) Obtain a container of lighter fluid. Douse all camping equipment including tables and canopies. Ignite and drive away at unsafe speeds.

Feelin a little thin in the skin? From the Great Blue Hole of Belize to Brown’s Hole in Utah, generations of Mamou shaman have used this delicious recipe to decorate the innards of their chosen people. Now, the tradition falls to you.

BIG MAMOU’S SHRIMP AND GRITS RECIPE

Author: Scotty Smiles

Recipe type: fusion entree

Cuisine: fusion

Prep time: 20 mins

Cook time: 20 mins

Total time: 40 mins

Serves: 8

Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits at its best. Very creamy and muy delicioso.

INGREDIENTS

4 cups of water or shrimp stock.
1 cup of real grits (not polystyrene)
2 cups of mild or sharp cheddar cheese shredded. Use real cheese. (not latex)
I prefer mild cheddar as to not overpower the other flavors.
4 tablespoons of real butter (not manufactured)
3 slices of thick cut bacon or 5 slices of regular cut bacon
I chop up bacon into small pieces before cooking it but you can always crumble it after cooking it.
1½ pounds of heads-on shrimp or 1 pound cleaned shrimp
2 cloves of chopped garlic
1 cup diced green onions or ½ cup of diced regular onion I prefer the green onions.
Juice from 1 large lime
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley or 1 tablespoon dried parsley. I prefer fresh if they have it at the store.
Salt and pepper to taste.
I prefer to use a stock made with the heads and shells of the shrimp. For this I use 4½ cups of water and let the heads and tails simmer while I am preparing the other ingredients. If you use headless shrimp, at least use the shells to make the stock. Do not bring to a full boil. Use only 4 cups of this shrimp water to prepare the grits with.

INSTRUCTIONS

Remove heads and shells from shrimp and add to 4½ cups of water. Bring to just below boil and then cover and reduce to simmer for at least 10 minutes.
Cook grits per package instructions. If you have a gas stove, turn off the heat. If you are using an electric stove, remove from heat. Add the cheese and butter and then cover tightly. After five minutes stir the melting cheese and butter into the grits.
As the grits are cookin…
Fry bacon per package instructions, remove from pan and save about half the grease. Make sure you drain the bacon well when you remove it from the pan so it stays a bit crispy. Chop or crumble it up if you have not already done so.
Over medium heat gently saute shrimp in remaining bacon grease and cook until they just start to turn pink. You do not want to overcook the shrimp. Add in all the other ingredients except for the grits and cook for about three minutes longer or until shrimp are done to your liking.
Now you can either plate the grits and add the shrimp mixture on top or you can just take all the shrimp mixture and add it all to the pot of grits and mix gently.

You can absolutely taste the love and work in each bite. Unless you don’t care much or try very hard. In that case, replace those ingredients with a dash of apathy and a 2 tablespoons of severe disgust.

The Foreign Legion Years: Life aboard a caravan is never cheese and rice when you’re constantly being hassled by a tribe of dirty Bedouin traders. That was the situation in the early nineties on the silk road, where conflict had risen it’s ugly head between the cities of Kashgar and Aksu, and the local economies were beginning to suffer. As their parents had done a generation before them, village elders called for the Mamou. Because of his influence, experience, and a reputation for fair play and goodwill, he was brought in to help the villagers adjust to the new plan. Before it was all over, the men who had not converted had their skulls placed on pig poles and decorated with figs and berries by village children. Most of the women were traded for cattle, tobacco and sugar and their children were sent off to work in the gyre.

Stay tuned for Big Mamou’s newest fusion recipe, Camel Soup with Crimini Mushrooms.

INTERMISSION

The Blue Hole Period: During those turbulent seasons aboard the Gay Clipper, Mamou dealt heavily in the Honduras white slave trade and ran contraband oysters from the Mosquito Coast up to the Yucatan Peninsula, leaving a trail of illegitimate illiterates scattered along the way. Constant territorial conflicts with the surrounding Garifuna pirates resulted in heavy financial losses and the closing of several of his cruise ships. In light of the recent Belize Government scandal, Mamou and his “paramour companion” have been indited along with several high-ranking city officials. Several arrests have been made and a deportation order has been issued by the Belizean Government. At this time of this printing, his whereabouts remain unknown.

Crew rules state the shorts should be worn at arm’s length. Watch those tan lines Captain.

Ed. note: This recipe has been tweaked over the years by adding a few things and taking a couple away here and there. Please do not dishonor this recipe by using instant grits, fake cheese, or soy/turkey bacon.

“Make the bad man stop”

Visit some recent wook wrangler offerings including Brainquility 2020 Photo Journal.

Stay tuned to nailtravels as we leave for NW String Summit tomorrow and then back to the scene of the crime in Colorado, joining several of our Telluride compatriots and Deadheads from Boulder as we blow the bacon grease out of Lyons at Rockygrass. Don’t be surprised if we wind up at Red Rocks for the Jerry Garcia 75th birthday show starring all the cool kids. Check it out. Show up. Don’t bail on tour. If Lazlo makes the mistake of showing up at Red Rocks without my money, we might have to throw down on some Seminole leg wrestling. Stay tuned…

originally published July 12, 2017

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Costa Rican Black Bean Dip

jason — Tue, 21 Jan 2020 17:08:25 +0000

Pura Vida!

This is a recipe for black bean soup that is made thicker and used as a dip with fried plantains, Costa Rica style. Pantacones con frigoles negros es muy bueno.

Maybe you don’t know. Perhaps you’ve never smelled the sulfur at Las Poas or heard the rumbling of Volcan Arenal. No? Never driven around Lake Arenal or knocked back from Guaro on the beaches of Playa Tamarindo? Well that needs to change. From Monteverde to Rincon de Vieja fried plantains dipped in black beans is the appetizer typical. It’s Costa Rican Black Bean Dip.

Lurk through a mountain rain forest or surf world-class breaks amidst coconut palms and royal poincianas. Was that the clacking of a toucan and what exactly is a coatimundi?

BLACK BEAN SOUP

Author: Lucienda Rosalita

Recipe type: side

Prep time: 30 mins

Cook time: 30 mins

Total time: 1 hour

INGREDIENTS

2 T Vegetable oil
1 Cup diced white onions
1 Cup celery
½ Diced carrots
½ Cup diced green pepper
½ Cup diced jalapenos
2 T Minced garlic
4 Cans black beans
4 Cups chicken stock
2 T apple cider vinegar
2 t Chili powder
½ t Red pepper
½ t Cumin
½ t Salt
¼ t Hickory liquid smoke

INSTRUCTIONS

Heat oil in a large saucepan
Saute vegetables and simmer until soft
Strain beans under cool water
Mix 3 cups of broth with vegetables
Add beans and puree in a blender or food processor
Heat to a boil and then reduce to a simmer

Top this black bean soup with sour cream, Nicaraguan cream sauce, or garlic aioli.

Visit our recipe for Fried Plantains Costa Rican style.

Add or subtract broth depending on how thick you want your black beans. Thinner for soup, thicker for dip. Easy peasy.

Thanks for joining the wook wrangler family. Stay tuned for Ma Roux’s cornbread and Granny’s Homemade Coconut Cake. Keep up as we head south to the Suwannee River to join the “already in progress” Florida festival season.

It only gets better.

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Salida Green Chile Sauce

jason — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 18:11:05 +0000

It’s time to head back to Colorado. The land of Boulder Clams, Gunnison law dogs and Breck blue monkey 22. From Big Beaver Brewing in Loveland, Oskar Blues in Lyons, and 3’s in Longmont, the top has a rocky reputation. Welcome to Salida and Green Chile Sauce recipe. Let the flavor of Colorado and New Mexico be yours for the long haul. It’s New Years Day and that means the Gamecocks vs. Michigan, Auburn vs. Central Florida, LSU vs. the domeheads, Georgia vs. Oklahoma and, come nine tonight, the Tide vs. Clemson. Roll Tide y’all. Breakfast is almost ready so let’s get stoned on grits and gravy.

This green chile slather is mondo flavorful with as much heat as you wish. Purchase mild, medium or hot green chile peppers. This sauce can be made thick enough to scoop or thin enough to pour. Hatch Green Chile peppers are the most flavorful of any green chile peppers on Earth. If you don’t live in Roswell or have access to Hatch chiles, Anaheim chile peppers are descendants of New Mexico chile peppers. Anaheim peppers are grown and harvested year-round and they are available across the country throughout the year.

This recipe was served over steak burritos with mushrooms. Restaurants in Colorado pair it with sausage gravy and serve it over breakfast burritos. It’s delicious with all manner of Mexican and Tex-Mex cuisine. Visit The Victoria Hotel and Tavern in downtown Salida for a cool Banquet draft right on the banks of the Arkansas River. Connected to their side door is Little Cambodia, which lets folks eat their pho right at the lunch. That’s Vietnamese noodle soup with beef broth to you beautiful people.

The best kept secret in Colorado is out and Salida is on the map. Only two and a half hours from Denver, U.S. Route 50 runs along the southern edge of the city and leads east down the Arkansas River 58 miles to Cañon City. To the west it leads 4 miles to Poncha Springs and 63 miles over the Continental Divide to Gunnison. Be careful law dogs. Law don’t go around here. You might consider keeping your Chihuahua in Utah.

Salida is bordered on all sides by mountains which have a considerate effect on its climate. Average annual snowfall in the valley is just fifty inches and rainfall in the valley is 10 to 12 inches. Residents can anticipate 330 days of sunshine with humidity in the 20 to 30 percent range, making it comparable to places such as Xanadu and El Dorado. Despite the low precipitation and numerous days of sunshine, the valley appears lush as a result of the extensive annual snowmelt from the mountains. Temperatures in the valley are much milder than surrounding communities such as Alamosa and Gunnison. Shhh. It’s a secret.

When you’re done with your southwestern slather, load up the bus with dead cats and head up the Arkansas River Valley for some serious white water rafting fun.

Salida Green Chili Sauce Recipe

Author: Jason Nail

Prep time: 15 mins

Cook time: 10 mins

Total time: 25 mins

Serves: plenty

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon coconut oil
1 small yellow onion diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons flour
1⁄4 teaspoon ground cumin
salt and pepper, to taste
1 1⁄2 cups pork stock or 1 1⁄2 cups chicken stock
1 cup chopped roasted and peeled new mexico pepper (or canned)
1⁄4 teaspoon dried oregano
1 diced jalapeno pepper
1 cup of diced fresh tomatoes or 1 (12 ounce) can of Rotel tomatoes & chilies
1 teaspoon cilantro

INSTRUCTIONS

In a medium sauce pan, saute the onion and garlic in the oil over medium-high heat, until tender (about 3 minutes).
Stir in the flour, cumin, salt and pepper and cook over medium heat, stirring, for 2 minutes.
Stir in the stock and simmer until thick and smooth.
Stir in the chiles, peppers and oregano.
At this point you may cool, and store in refrigerator, covered, for up to one day.
To serve, heat thoroughly.
You may place sauce into a blender and puree

The Browns Canyon section of the Arkansas River is the most popular whitewater section in the U.S., because it is challenging enough for experienced rafters, yet forgiving enough for first-timers. This boulder-strewn canyon sports large, exciting rapids, each followed by a calm pool that allows time to recover and prepare for the next big rapid. It is this pool-drop character that makes Browns Canyon suitable for a wide range of ability levels.

WHITE WATER RAFTING ON THE ARKANSAS RIVER:

Browns Canyon: Designated a national monument in 2015, this beloved section of the Arkansas river boasts 10 miles of class II-III+ whitewater rapids that are silly fun. Hit rapids such as the infamous Seidel’s Suck-hole and get vertical on the Silver Bullet’s seven-foot drop.
The Milk Run: This section of river section of the Arkansas River is a fun, fast-moving section of river with a handful of small, bouncy rapids. This section is perfect for snowflakes, grandparents and timid Clemson fans and is also great for short float fishing trips searching for brown trout behind the bubbles.
Lower Browns Canyon: This section of the river offers fast-moving water, with just a few mild rapids. It’s a great alternative to Browns Canyon if you have young children or are looking for a scenic, slow float. This area is popular for fishing or for trying out inflatable kayaks. As you raft past large cottonwood trees and green pastures, take in the stunning views of the snow capped 14,000 foot Sawatch Mountains.

The Sawatch Range runs north and south and is located roughly 10 miles west of Salida. Methodist Mountain, which is a major feature on Salida’s southern horizon, is the northernmost mountain in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. To the north of Salida is the Arkansas Valley and the town of Buena Vista.

The Numbers: White water rafting in Colorado has been around for well over a century. The Numbers section of Colorado’s Arkansas River got its name in the late 1800s by local miners who viewed the rapids as a group of, then non-navigable landmarks. Due to emergent rafting technologies what was once thought to be impossible is now sporting fun. Don’t miss the majestic views of the Collegiate Peaks as you navigate eight Class IV rapids and the continuous white water in between. Experience huge drenching waves and steep drops through your 6 mile, action packed ride.
The Royal Gorge: This canyon of the Arkansas River located west of Cañon City begins at the mouth of Grape Creek about 2 mi west of central Cañon City and continues in a west-northwesterly direction for approximately 6 mi until ending near U.S. Route 50. Being one of the deepest canyons in Colorado, it is also known as the Grand Canyon of the Arkansas. The canyon is also very narrow at its base to wide at its top, as it carves a path through the granite formations below Fremont Peak and YMCA Mountain, which rise above the north and south rims, respectively.

This post has been sponsored by Brown’s Canyon Rafting in Buena Vista, Colorado. Be sure to check out Brown’s Canyon Rafting for some world class rapids on the Arkansas River. Visit Byron in early summer for some “sporting” rafting as the snow melt turns the river intro a frothy mess. Visit their website and support their social media sites on Facebook and Twitter. Big fun, here in River City.

A huge thank you and long distant hug goes out to my main man, Pud of Salida. The road west got long a few times and you f’sho rolled out the red carpet for our entire road trip crew. Occasionally, a contributing photographer to the site, his amazing nature shots can be seen gracing the covers of such magazines as Outdoor World and Gay Men Digest Weekly.

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The road heads south to Telluride where Sam Bush and Bela Fleck lie in wait for the nailtravels security detail to arrive. As security consultants to Telluride City Officials and Planet Bluegrass, the sincere hope is that they would be supplied with weapons. If not, everyone is already strapped.

Lucienda Rosalita had been visiting the Mount Princeton hot springs while the vote was taken, so naturally, she was elected to drive, as the rest of the crew finished up the last of the sour burritos and contraband from Boulder. The Dead & Co. show had indeed, been more fun than could be easily registered and after a few days of much needed rest, it was widely regarded that she was the least impaired of the group. She would have to learn the hard way, not to pick a chicken fight with a Piggly Wiggly truck driven by a madman who was, admittedly, moonshine blind.

West toward the Collegiate Peaks: 2017 photo by Victoria Walker

Keep up with nailtravels as the story heads south through the Arkansas River Valley in search of fortune and glory in the sleepy nook of Gunnison, Colorado.

Stay tuned to the continuing adventures of Baitbucket and Lucienda as they head south to see Grass is Dead at the inaugural Everglades Roots Festival and find their way to Lazlito and the Dead & Co. rescheduled shows at Sunshine and Orlando. Happy New Year to our people in Oregon, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Michigan, Colorado, Florida, Roanoke, Martha’s Vineyard and Crimson Tide country. Ma Roux’s red beans and rice are startin’ to smell good from the kitchen.

Be sure to visit some of our other fusion recipes including Cajun Chicken and Dumplings.

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Tamiami Sammy’s Blue Ribbon Gumbeaux

jason — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 17:40:01 +0000

“If it doesn’t have salt, it’s not a margarita. If it doesn’t have okra, it’s not gumbo” –Taken from Tamiami Sammy’s journal during his travels with Jean Lafitte. Jefferson Parish, Lousiana

Bienvenue to the privateer Tamiami Sammy’s Blue Ribbon Gumbo Recipe.

Welcome to the wonderful world of slather. Gumbo has often been used as a metaphor for the medley of cultures that exist in southern Louisiana. The dish combines the culinary traditions of French, Spanish, indigenous tribes, and Africans, as well as Italians, Filipinos, and Germans. Thanks to Andrew Jackson for bringing them all into the fold. In the 18th and 19th centuries, people from these cultures lived together within a fairly small area with little mobility. This fostered an environment in which cultures could influence each other and meld to create new traditions and world-famous cuisine.

The establishment of New Orleans in 1718 marked the beginning of the French colony of Louisiana. French settlers allied with various native tribes including the Choctaw, Creek, Alabama, and Cherokee,from whom they learned new methods of cooking and ways to identify edible indigenous plants.

Ships carrying African slaves began arriving in Louisiana in 1719. The first vessels carried rice and men who were experienced in its cultivation. The grain adapted well to its new environment, and within a few years, rice was commonly grown along the deltas of the Mississippi River.

In 1721, a small number of Germans settled 40 miles from New Orleans, and introduced the art of making sausage. By 1746, the white population of Louisiana was estimated to be 3,200, with an estimated 4,730 blacks. Slaves would outnumber whites in most areas of Louisiana for at least the next half century.

The colony was transferred from French to Spanish control in 1762. The Spanish government actively recruited settlers for Spanish Louisiana. About 2,000 people from the Canary Islands moved to the area south of New Orleans. These settlers were mostly fishermen who soon began supplying large amounts of shrimp, crab, and oysters to the food markets in New Orleans. The Canary Islanders also brought a cooking style of using well-seasoned food including use of cayenne pepper. Spanish authorities granted permission for a large number of French-speaking Acadian exiles to relocate from Canada and northeastern North America to Louisiana. From 1755 through 1795, almost 3,000 of these settlers, soon known as Cajuns, moved to the areas south and west of New Orleans. Louisiana was returned to France in 1800, then purchased by president Thomas Jefferson in 1803. The southernmost part of territorial Louisiana, including New Orleans, became the state of Louisiana in 1812.

By 1800, the slave trade had introduced new foods to Louisiana, including the African vegetable okra, and hot pepper plants which came from Haiti. Onions and bell peppers were long part of cooking in both the Spanish and African traditions. Tomatoes were introduced to the region shortly thereafter. The beginnings of gumbo were slowly taking shape.

Gumbo (gumbeaux) is the ultimate fusion food. The roux is a French base made of flour and fat. The dish likely derived its name from either a word from a Bantu language for okra (ki ngombo) or the Choctaw word for filé (kombo).

It’s been suggested that gumbo was originally made with okra. The use of filé (dried and ground sassafras leaves) was a contribution of the Choctaws and other local tribes. Roux has its origin in French cuisine, although the smoky roux used in gumbos is much darker than its Gallic ancestors.

Contemporary gumbos are made with all manner of ingredients in a variety of combinations. Seafood and non-seafood gumbos are two primary types, and they may be made with or without okra. But some gumbos include ingredients from both the land and the sea. Duck, smoked sausage, and oyster gumbo is one delicious example. Some cooks add hard-boiled eggs to chicken and sausage gumbos, and quail eggs find their way into other versions. Another version is the Lenten gumbo z’herbes, which is made with assorted greens.

Seafood gumbos often include crabs, shrimp, and oysters. Shrimp and okra gumbo is a f’sho favorite, as is chicken and okra gumbo. Chicken and sausage gumbo is extremely popular, and in the households of hunters, ducks and other game birds often wind up in the gumbo pot. Turkey and sausage gumbos appear frequently during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. An unusual but delicious combination is a gumbo of steak, smoked sausage, and oysters. Some cooks use ham or tasso in their gumbos, and others use fresh sausage in place of the smoked variety. The possible combinations are virtually endless.

Originally from western South American and Central America, many cooks use tomatoes in their gumbos. In that respect, the recipe is similar to Creole jambalaya. Tomatoes are most often found in okra gumbos, but this recipe for roux-based seafood gumbo contains tomato. Gumbos containing tomato are more common on the eastern side of Bayou Lafourche than they are farther west.

TAMIAMI SAMMY’S BLUE RIBBON GUMBO

Author: Tamiami Sammy

Recipe type: Entree

Cuisine: cajun

Prep time: 1 hour

Cook time: 5 hours

Total time: 6 hours

Serves: tons

The best gumbo recipe ever.

INGREDIENTS

1 chicken
1 lb smoked sausage
1 Spanish onion
1 green pepper
2 stalks of celery
1 package of okra
butter
plain flour
1 can white clam sauce
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can Rotel tomatoes
½ cup ketchup
2 T soy sauce
2 T Worcestershire
2 T gravy master
4 bay leaves
2 T hot sauce
paprika
red pepper
black pepper
salt
parsley
oregano
Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning
white rice
gumbo file

INSTRUCTIONS

Boil chicken with salt and pepper. Let it cool and save broth.
Fry smoked sausage in small pieces until dark. Set aside with chicken.
Saute onion, bell pepper, celery and okra. Saute until well done. Set aside with everything else.
In a cast iron skillet, melt a stick of butter then add 8oz of plain flour. At any temperature but make sure you stir constantly until it’s the color of a penny. Cool.
Add everything into sauce pot including the chicken broth and cook on low.
Throw in paprika, red pepper, black pepper, parsley and oregano to suit yourself.
Add Tony Chachere’s until it tastes like gumbo.
If it needs thickening just add more gravy master.
Itr’s best to cook a half day but do not let the bottom burn. Refrigerate overnight to let marry.
Next day; just heat it on low and serve with white rice and gumbo file.

Gumbo is always served with rice but that was not always the case. C.C. Robin, a Frenchman who published an account of his travels in Louisiana in 1803-1805, reported that gumbo was served with corn meal mush. This works, as served over polenta, but don’t be afraid to serve your slather over seasoned grits either.

Gumbo is typically divided into two varieties. Combinations traditionally common in New Orleans and southeastern Louisiana are known as “Creole” after the Louisiana Creole people, descendants of French and Spanish settlers, who lived in those areas. “Cajun” combinations were common in southwestern Louisiana, which was populated primarily by Cajuns, descendants of the French-speaking settlers expelled from Acadia (located within the modern-day Canadian provinces of Quebec, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island) in the mid-18th century.

No matter which recipe you use, gumbo is a forgiving dish which to prepare. Ingredients such as meats and spices can be altered to suit the passions of the kitchen.

Keep the wook wranglers first in your hearts and address bar for all your cracker family recipes, travel and entertainment gibberish. Thanks for showing up.

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Nicaraguan Jalapeno Cream Sauce

jason — Sun, 05 Jan 2020 15:50:23 +0000

The next time you find yourself in the colonial city of Granada, on the northern shore of Lake Nicaragua, be sure to find a restaurant that serves grilled steak covered in jalapeno cream sauce. Nicaraguan restaurants serve jalapeno sauce with almost everything but the steak in Granada is particularly savory.

There are many different jalapeno cream sauce recipes and they are all similar. Some use a base of sour cream while others use heavy cream or milk. All the recipes we found used jalapenos and nothing else but spices. Here we have made some additions that may hopefully serve as improvements.

NICARAGUAN JALAPENO CREAM SAUCE

2 T oil
1 cup diced jalapenos (6-8 jalapenos)
1/4 cup diced onions (half of a small/medium onion)
1 T minced garlic
16 oz Mexican style table cream
dash hot sauce
1 t salt
1 t black pepper
1 t white pepper

Heat oil in skillet on medium heat. Saute vegetables in oil until tender (about five minutes). Add spices and stir. Add cream and simmer for fifteen minutes. Ready to serve!

Other Options:

Jalapeno cream sauce is perfect to serve with any of these tasty recipes:

baked Chilean sea bass
grilled rib eye
Bar-b-que chicken
Baked sea-scallops
Corn meal waffles with poblano peppers
Pantacones con frijoles negros
Cheeseburgers (god yes!)

Editors note: When traveling in Granada, be sure to check out the mercado. Most towns have an outdoor market where goods are bought and sold but the one in Granada is a serious adventure. It covers several square blocks and, at times, seems to devolve into a series of uneven catacombs. There are sections where seafood such as crab and fish can be purchased, or others where rice can be bought by the hundred pound pound bag. It’s a fine place to enjoy a butter crepe covered in sugar or a bag of coke with a straw.

Visit our other fusion recipes including Coconut Curry Thai Soup. Namaste y’all.

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