Date Reported: 6/16/2017

Time Reported: 1:20 am

Time Occurred: 8:25 pm

Location: Surrounded on three sides by the natural architecture of the Telluride Box Canyon, the rugged San Juan mountains are home to Telluride, one of the most spectacular towns in the American West. Add a sprinkling of bluegrass to the mix and you’ve found yourself at one of the best parties around.

He’d been a little apprehensive about carrying and unregistered weapon without a permit across the country. Every state has its own set of laws in regards to carrying firearms, or everything else for that matter. Who can keep up? But now everything was different. As a licensed Telluride Security officer his mandate as a peace keeper demanded he carry it at all times. In all fifty states, Native American Reservations and Nations, and Puerto Rico.

3:29pm: Steve Martin walked by and Hambone bolted after him to see if all banjo pickers did in fact, have the same birth mark and if so, could he could get a picture. An altercation ensued and Mr. Martin slapped Hambone across the face and cursed him for a coward. Hambone screamed back that it was going to be his valuable time spent working with editing software to add color onto the flesh of his white legs, at which time, the comedian began shouting for security to intervene and remove the vagrant.

At this point Baitbucket arrived and identified himself as an official security administrator, to which Mr. Martin bellowed, “This is a slant and will not be tolerated!” and soundly spat in his face. Higgly-piggly naturally ensued as the two security guards, along with the assistance of Summer, a nearby volunteer who was sorting plastic bottles from the trash, wrestled the assailant to the ground.

“Shows over folks.” He turned and took the perp by the collar.”C’mon you. Let’s see how funny you are in the drunk tank, Mr. Comedian. That’s what he takes us for…two boobs!”

9:37 pm—During the Greensky Bluegrass set, Sam Bush substituted for the ever-absent Del McRory, and sat in for several electrifying jams. Earlier reports were that Del hadn’t been seen since the previous night, when after a late night card game, he and Abigail Washburn were reportedly giving neck tattoos to the Earls of Leister, without consent. The subsequent dumpster fire around sunrise was attributed to a Roman candle battle between the two parties.

5:26 am—In response to a call made from Support Camping-Fence Monitor, Security team dispatched to Ronny McCrory’s motor coach. Upon arrival, noted adjacent motor coach, belonging to the Earl’s of Leister, “really going up” in flames. Preliminary witnesses say the blaze was started by a man with a large head welding a banjo.

11:00 pm: At some point the unnamed banjo picker appeared again, running to the side of the main stage and tackling Sam Bush’s guitar technician, before bolting fearlessly, Hershel Walkeresque into the middle of the crowd. Hambone, who was checking bags at the main stage security gate, noticed the commotion and began moving toward it at a hurried pace. There is a special place in the lower basements of the inferno for people who steal musical instruments from festivarians, The thief was no exception, and while he was large and mobile and about to make it through the crowd, Hambone was bigger and faster. He’d been a Marine and nearly had his whole face shot off by a close friend. It was hard to find anything for which he really cared, certainly not what was left of his life.

The festival is built around the many artists that have defined the Telluride Bluegrass sound, as the weekend is sprinkled with inspired sets from Peter Rowan, Béla Fleck, Jerry Douglas, Chris Thile, Tim O’Brien, and of course the “King of Telluride” Sam Bush. These artists come together for the festival’s epic set from the Telluride House Band featuring Sam Bush, Béla Fleck, Jerry Douglas, Edgar Meyer, Bryan Sutton & Stuart Duncan. When these guys get together, it’s ridiculously fun.

He was a banjo picker of no count really. But he was smart enough to know which scratch board effectively repelled bullets. He’d been on the road for six months. Just days ago, he’d been sitting in Little Rock, Arkansas with not a dime to his name. His last shower had been twenty-one days ago and he’d lost his belt. Authorities are still searching for a bald man with a round head, wearing an LSU hoodie, and hauling a dirty banjo on his back. Last reports were that he was seen leaving Telluride on a stolen mountain bike.

There is nothing sadder than watching a Florida man mountain bike in Colorado.

TELLURIDE MOUNTAIN BIKE TRAILS
Beginning Trails
Biking around Mountain Village is an outdoor marvel, bar none. For that reason our destination wins more and more accolades every year for its varied terrain and exquisite backdrop. In terms of access, most of our trails may be reached via gondola at Station St. Sophia, and every cabin comes equipped with bike racks. If you need to rent or purchase a bike or bike equipment, visit one of our local retail sports shops in Mountain Village Center.
Boulevard Trail 2.5 miles: From Lost Creek Lane near Mountain Village Center, this easy 2.5-mile trail begins on a paved surface and continues to Town Hall Plaza. Once at Town Hall Plaza, the paved trail becomes a natural surface trail and continues west towards Highway 145 and the entrance to the Town of Mountain Village. Watch for signage and pedestrian crossings.
Russell Trail 1 mile: From the intersection of Adams Ranch Road and Russell Drive, this easy one-mile trail begins on the shoulder. The trail continues below Russell Drive onto a dirt surface and connects with the Meadows neighborhood.
Intermediate Trails
Boomerange Trail 2 miles: From Prospect Trail or Basin Trail, this trail follows a historic Forest Service dirt road approximately two miles to scenic Alta Lakes and the historic mining town of Alta. Vehicles may be encountered.
Coonskin Trail Loop 1.3 mile loop:Be ginning and ending at Station St. Sophia and with an elevation change of 170 feet, this dirt ski service road is a short 1.3-mile loop starting from and returning to Station St. Sophia. It crosses over Telluride Trail, Lookout and Milk Run ski trails and serves as bike access for the See Forever Trail.
Jurassic Trail 1 mile: This scenic one-mile trail begins on the north side of Country Club Drive in Mountain Village and to the left of the Boomerang Trailhead (see below), then follows the ridge west and 300 feet down into the Meadows neighborhood.
Meadows Trail 1 mile: Starting in the Meadows neighborhood in Mountain Village, just up the road from where Adams Ranch Road crosses Prospect Creek and 0.5 mile west of Big Billie’s Apartments, this one-mile trail drops 200 feet to the Lawson Hill neighborhood and Highway 145.
Prospect Trail 10 miles: Ten miles in length and the longest single-track on the ski area, this trail begins at Station St. Sophia and traverses across numerous ski trails under Lifts 4 and 5 and into Prospect Creek. After crossing Prospect Creek, the trail climbs through dense forest to the top of Lift 10. This trail then continues two ways: either along the upper loop through Prospect Basin or a shortcut past the teepee and the top of Lift 10 before the descent begins to Station Village Parking and Town Hall Plaza. For a longer hike or bike, Prospect Trail also connects with the Boomerang Trail which leads to Alta Lakes.
Village Trail 3 miles: From Station St. Sophia, this rolling three-mile descent crosses several ski trails with great views to the west while traversing through aspen and spruce-dominated drainages. After crossing Prospect Creek Drive, this trail descends into a creek bottom, crossing the wetland on a boardwalk, and then continues down and connects with the Boulevard Trail, providing access to Town Hall Plaza and Mountain Village Center.
Advanced Trails
Basin Trail 6 miles: Beginning at Station St. Sophia, this trail forks with the Sheridan Trail and continues left, past the snowmaking storage ponds and gate, for six miles on a dirt ski service road. There are 2,240 feet of steep climbs and descents past the top of Lift 5, the bottom of Lift 14, past Lift 12 and down through the ski area to connect with Prospect Trail. Vehicles may be encountered.
Big Billie’s Trail 0.5 miles: Beginning on the south side of Country Club Drive in Mountain Village, this refreshing 0.5-mile trail winds down 200 feet and ends at Big Billie’s Apartments in the Meadows neighborhood.
Boomerang Trail to Valley Floor 1 mile: Beginning on the north side of Country Club Drive in Mountain Village and to the right of the Jurassic Trailhead (see above), this steep one mile trail descends through the Uncompahgre National Forest to the Valley Floor below. Expect a 700-foot elevation change.
Seeforever Trail 2.8 miles or 8.3 miles: The hiking-only portion of this trail starts 0.2 miles south of Station St. Sophia. For bikers, the access point to the See Forever Trail is from Station St. Sophia via the Coonskin Loop Trail. Steep and strenuous, this dirt ski service road climbs along the ridgeline 1,710 feet in 2.8 miles to the Wasatch Connection Trailhead. Vehicles may be encountered. With 360 degree views of surrounding mountain ranges and peaks, this trail is often combined with the Wasatch Connection to the Wasatch Trail to form an all-day, 8.3-mile, 3,510-foot steep descent onto Bear Creek Trail, leading into the Town of Telluride.
Sheridan Trail 2 miles: This two-mile trail begins at Station St. Sophia and is on the steep and paved San Joaquin Road, one mile from Mountain Village Boulevard. Vehicles may be encountered.
Wasatch Connection 1.4 miles: This steep and rocky 1.4-mile trail connects the See Forever Trail to the Wasatch Trail that leads to the Bear Creek Trail. The Wasatch Connection drops off the back side of Gold Hill. Combine these trails for an arduous, day-long adventure.

The Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics

The Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics is a national organization that protects the outdoors by teaching and inspiring people to enjoy it responsibly. The Center accomplishes this mission by delivering cutting-edge education and research to millions of people across the country every year. At Telluride, Northwest String Summit, and RockyGrass festivals they host a Leave No Trace contest in an effort to extend the spirit of sustainable Festivation into the campgrounds. Coordinated by the Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics, this contest encourages others to raise the bar for sustainable and creative camping. These kinds of initiatives provide a framework for festival sustainability.

All entrants are eligible for random daily prizes, while campsites that excel in achieving the highest levels of the Leave No Trace philosophy could win camping and 3-day passes for the 2017 Festival. Enjoy your world. Leave No Trace.

It was time to leave Telluride with no trace. The net was surely closing at this was no time to drag about. Utah lay ahead and the balmy desert breezes of Green River. This was the adventure. Next stop, Northwest String Summit and the Glory Train. Del would surely be there and he still owed money, and the juice was running. Check out First Time at Telluride on the nailtravels family of channels.

First published October 4, 2017

Thanks for visiting the wook wranglers and be sure to check out Roots Revival 2019: Magic Memories and Suwannee Rising Memories.

namaste thugs.

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