The festival will take place Thursday, October 24 – Sunday, October 27, 2024 at Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. Tickets on sale now.

“We are excited to officially welcome DEF to the Hula Fam! Their unique curation and thriving community will be the magic that helps launch our new 360 experience OFF LIMITS at Spirit Lake. Their long standing history of attending Hulaween gives us great confidence and excitement in what’s to come.” – Michael Berg, Hulaween founder & co-owner

“This is truly a full circle moment for us. Our DEF team, friends and fans have all been a part of the Hulaween family for nearly a decade and now we have the opportunity to merge both worlds. We’re so excited to bring DEF energy to the magic of Spirit Lake, and showcase some of our favorite artists from across the world. We used to joke about a DEF360 stage at Hulaween and now it’s actually happening.”  – DEF founder.

Hulaween 2024 has teamed-up with the women-owned and led event company DEFINE EVERYTHING FUTURE (DEF) to unveil the debut OFF LIMITS Stage lineup. Designed to be an intimate fan experience, the brand new activation will offer a cutting-edge, immersive 360-degree stage nestled within the enchanting festival grounds. It will also bring Hulaween-attendees closer to the underground dance scene than ever before, featuring a medley of the most in-demand acts across house, techno, drum and bass, UKG and bass.

 

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Hulaween will inaugurate the OFF LIMITS Stage at this year’s event, taking place Thursday, October 24 – Sunday, October 27, 2024 at its long-time home of Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida.

The first installment of OFF LIMITS will feature underground luminaries across the genre spectrum, including Chicago-bred techno producer Azzecca, SoCal house savant Ian Asher, Filipino producer GUDFELLA, GRAMMY-nominated techno purveyor Will Clarke, Manchester-based DJ, producer and label boss Bou, Mongolian-British producer Taiki Nulight, Orange County-native and party music hustler AYYBO, experimental bass duo Eazybaked, UK-based tech-house producer Riordan, and a special b2b between Los Angeles-based house selectors Justin Jay and Nala.

Additional artists performing at the first-ever OFF LIMITS stage include Bianca Oblivion, BOSSA, CHROMEBODIES (the collaborative project between Manila Killa and Hotel Garuda), 33 Below, Angrybaby, CLB b2b NIK P, Crucial b2b Kollapse, gad’m, Know Good, MPH, Oppidan, and Soukii.

The innovative stage experience will complement its underground dance music programming with pyro effects from Incendia and a Funktion-One sound system. Importantly, it will also blend DEF’s event signature production style with the singularly beloved capabilities of Spirit Lake, merging the 360-degree concept with lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, and interactive installations that seamlessly integrate visual and performance art.

The Atlanta-based event production entity DEF has made a name for itself as a fully independent, women-led team dedicated to creating unforgettable experiences with musical legends and up-and-comers alike. They’ve put on shows across the genre spectrum with artists such as Sara Landry, ISOxo, Of The Trees, Dr. Fresch, and many more.

Hulaween is similarly proud of its status as a fully-independent, genre-blending event, and it is excited to join creative forces with a company that is so philosophically aligned – and who are also long-time friends and patrons of the legendary festival. Together, they will underscore each other’s commitments to fostering community and celebrating artistic expression amidst the magical backdrop of Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park.

Since Hulaween’s inception in 2013, the Halloween-themed music, arts, and camping festival has evolved into one of the country’s most coveted cross-genre affairs. Over the course of the past decade, Hulaween has hosted a plethora of genre-crossing artists at the Spirit of the Suwannee’s idyllic grounds, which serves as the perfect setting for attendees to fully immerse themselves in Florida’s lush, enrapturing nature.

Hulaween offers a variety of ticketing tiers for the 2024 festival, including the newly-added, officially sold out GA+, which offers a dedicated lounge with a private bar, access to air-conditioned restrooms and a concierge service. GA, GA+, and VIP all include primitive camping, with car/RV camping passes available for an additional purchase.

VIP tickets (which are 90% sold out) include VIP admission, indoor bathrooms, VIP viewing areas, swag bags, complimentary golf cart rides, and VIP primitive camping included in the Mummy and Werewolf VIP options. The Witch, Vampire, Goblin, and Zombie VIP packages are all sold out.

Secure your 2024 passes for Hulaween now! Explore all available ticketing options right here.

HULAWEEN 2024 OFF LIMIT STAGE LINEUP (A-Z) 33 Below, Angrybaby, AYYBO, Azzecca, Bianca Oblivion, BOSSA, Bou, CLB b2b NIK P, CHROMEBODIES, Crucial b2b Kollapse, Eazybaked, gad’m, GUDFELLA, Ian Asher, Justin Jay b2b Nala, Know Good, MPH, Oppidan, Riordan, Soukii, Taiki Nulight, Will Clarke

HULAWEEN 2024 LINEUP

Headliners (A-Z) Black Pumas, The Bobby Weir Incident (x2), Chase & Status, Chris Lake, CloZee, Greensky Bluegrass, Killer Mike, Liquid Stranger, Nora En Pure, Of The Trees, Sublime, Tash Sultana, The String Cheese Incident (x5), Tipper, Umphrey’s McGee (x2)

SUPPORT (A-Z) & Friends, A Hundred Drums, Airrica, ALLEYCVT, Andy Frasco & The U.N., BUNT., Cassian, Cory Wong, Daily Bread, Dirtwire, DJ Brownie, Dumpstaphunk, Eggy, G Jones, Holly Bowling, J Worra, Karina Rykman, Kyle Walker, Lettuce, Levity, LP Giobbi, Lyny, Maddy O’Neal, Manic Focus, Mike Dillon and Punkadelick, Mildlife, Moontricks, New Mastersounds, Ravenscoon, Sam Grisman Project, Say She She, Spafford, Tand, Tauk Moore, Township Rebellion, Truth, Walker & Royce, Zingara

ADDITIONAL SUPPORT (A-Z) Ajeva, AK Renny, BRUX, Davezilla, Dionysus, Eater, ElephantProof, Guavatron, Honey Hounds, MADWOMAN, Makua Rothman, Mascolo, Motivf, MZG, Phyphr, Sauce Pocket, Side Trakd, Tamayo, The Ain’t Sisters, The Headtones, The Ries Brothers, The Sponges, Vicky B.

Keep up with the wranglers as we plan to entirely occupy SOSMP and commit to a frontal assault and eventual siege on Suwannee Hulaween. No quarter will be given.

The post Hulaween 2024 Collaborates with Women-led Collective DEF appeared first on wook wranglers.

“CaveJam is a new signature festival at The Caverns and builds on everything we’ve learned from two successful years producing many festivals here,” says Joe Lurgio, The Caverns General Manager. “CaveJam gives festival enthusiasts a new reason—and a new season—to visit us in Tennessee.”

CaveJam will offer a variety of VIP glamping options in addition to everything else that makes The Caverns such a unique destination venue, from otherworldly cave tours and a spacious campground with a vibrant vendor alley to the stunning views surrounding the venue’s outdoor amphitheater where guests can spread out, dance, savor food truck fare, and enjoy the music. And of course, the crown jewel of The Caverns experience remains seeing live music inside a beautiful cave.

Admission to The String Cheese Incident’s special late night cave set is included and guaranteed with a VIP package purchase. Given the underground venue’s limited capacity, a limited number of 3-day passes are available that include access to this epic underground set Sunday evening.

In addition to The String Cheese Incident, the full CaveJam line-up includes Devon Gilfillian, Dopapod, Dumpstaphunk, Karina Rykman, Keller Williams, LP Giobbi: Dead House Set, Mo Lowda & The Humble, Neighbor, Pimps of Joytime, Pink Talking Fish, Space Bacon, Spafford, Susto, The Vegabonds, Barefuzz, BERTHA: Grateful Drag, Easy Honey, LadyCouch, and Love Rat.

CaveJam tickets start as low as $99. What’s more, with as little as $25 down, guests can start a payment plan for their festival tickets. Sign-ups are now underway for a venue pre-sale that begins on Wednesday, December 6th at Noon CT – sign up here. The general public on sale begins Friday, December 8th at Noon CT, visit ticket page.

CaveJam attendees can choose from an array of on-site accommodations designed to cater to various preferences. At the top end, there’s The Caverns secluded yurt village with 20 climate-controlled yurts, each appointed with a king size bed, private bathroom, kitchenette, and private deck. For the first time at The Caverns, a new glamping option has been added: Stay in a luxury, canvas bell tent equipped with a queen or two twin beds, bedding, bistro table and chairs, and more. For those looking for the VIP experience on a smaller budget, pre-pitched VIP tents with cots, canopies and lights will also be offered. And of course, RV and car camping passes will be available.

All VIP packages include access to all three festival days events, guaranteed access to The String Cheese Incident’s late night cave set, multiple VIP viewing areas, catered brunches and dinners, VIP restroom trailers and showers in a VIP Village, exclusive VIP restroom trailer in amphitheater, private cash bar with daily discounted Happy Hours, access to charging stations, free chair massages, free early access to campgrounds, and VIP concierges onsite to ensure the experience is unforgettable.

For the best access to VIP packages and The String Cheese Incident’s late night cave set, guests are encouraged to get their tickets and accommodations early for CaveJam at The Caverns in Grundy County, Tennessee.

CaveJam Website

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MerleFest continues to deliver one-of-a-kind programming that pays equal homage to pioneers of the folk movement alongside fresh and burgeoning voices. Last year, the festival commemorated both its 35th year in operation and Doc Watson’s 100th birthday. Drawing over 75,000 patrons to the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains each spring, MerleFest’s well-attested “traditional plus” experience maintains its title as one of the most iconic musical pilgrimages of its time.

MerleFest’s full 2024 lineup includes Old Crow Medicine Show, Turnpike Troubadours, The Teskey Brothers, Nickel Creek, Molly Tuttle & Golden Highway, Larkin Poe, Lukas Nelson & POTR, Steep Canyon Rangers, Dan Tyminski Band, Béla Fleck My Bluegrass Heart, Sam Bush, Jerry Douglas, The Earls of Leicester, Sierra Hull, Brandy Clark, Shinyribs, Nick Shoulders, Willie Watson, Peter Rowan, Scythian, Donna the Buffalo, Jim Lauderdale, Kruger Brothers, Darin & Brooke Aldridge, S.G. Goodman, New Dangerfield, Chatham County Line, Chatham Rabbits, John McEuen, Willie Carlisle, Adeem the Artist, The Last Revel, Twisted Pine, The Sensational Barnes Brothers, The Waybacks, Nefesh Mountain, Them Coulee Boys, Buffalo Nichols, Evan Honer, Jake Kohn, Wyatt Ellis, Colby T. Helms & the Virginia Creepers, Palmyra, Alexa Rose, Andy May, Arkansauce, Ashes & Arrows, “B” Townes, Banknotes, Bob Margolin, Carol Rifkin, Carolina Detour, Charles Welch, Corey Harris, Ettore Buzzini, Falling Timber Band, Goldpine, Gravity Check Juggling, The Harris Brothers, The InterACTtive Theater of Jef, Into the Fog, Jack Lawrence, Jeff Little Trio, JigJam, Joe Smothers, Josh Goforth, Kyshona, The Langan Band, Laura Boosinger, Liam Purcell & Cane Mill Road, The Local Boys, Mark Bumgarner, Missy Raines & Allegheny, Mitch Greenhill & Mitch’s Kitchen, New Found Gap, Pete & Joan Wernick, Pixie & The Partygrass Boys, Presley Barker, Roan Street Ramblers, Roy Book Binder, The Silent Comedy, The Sullivan Sisters, T. Michael Coleman, The Tan & Sober Gentlemen, Tony Williamson, Uwade, and Wayne Henderson. Sir? Sir? I said I’ll be dad-gum.

For artist performance dates, visit merlefest.org/lineup.

MerleFest 2024 tickets are available now. For general admission passes, as well as patio seating, reserved seating, camping, parking, and more, please visit merlefest.org/purchase.

Don’t sleep on the late-night camping jams either. This is a bluegrass festival at heart so expect some pickin’ and grinnin’. Keep a keen eye out for the Kamp Happiness Family Jam and Hobo Kamp. What it lacks in skill, it makes up for in volume.

Follow the wranglers as we head back to Florida for the winter tour at Suwannee Spring Reunion, Resonate and more. All roads lead to the great eclipse our lifetime in Austin, Texas. The prophesies are coming true. As foretold, the events are occuring in order. The old gypsy woman was right.

Need to lawyer up? Call the Consigliere at (386)888-8888 for expensive legal advice today.

The post MerleFest Adds Molly Tuttle and More appeared first on wook wranglers.

Hulaween is one of the last truly-independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape, and after selling out its last five editions (and already almost 80% sold out for this year’s event), the festival is commemorating a decade of success with its most impressive lineup yet.

For the wook wranglers and Kamp Happiness, this is truly one of the cornerstones of the festival year. Ghosts of Fooboo and the Roanoke mafioso still walk the hallowed forest of Live Oak waiting for the base to shake the leaves off the trees. Join the Hobo Kamp trap house for a week-long full schedule of music, activities and greasy fun. This year they will be teaming up with Lil D Big Arel and Cheese. Love. Sauce. with the Titty Kitties for a block party not witnessed since the days of the pharisees. Follow your dreams and join the ruckus in the shade of the Suwannee farm field.

Tickets on sale now right here.

“The festival and concert industry landscape continues to be bought up and homogenized by the majors, so staying the course as true independents and surviving through all of the highs and lows we’ve endured to this milestone 10 year anniversary, is incredible. We think back fondly of all the people who have been part of the Hula journey with us, and how the team continues to learn and grow to elevate the experience and lineup every year. We’ve proudly stayed true to this community and culture we are servicing and hope to keep doing that for at least another 10!” – Michael Berg, Co-Founder, Brand Manager, & Talent Buyer for Hulaween
Suwannee Hulaween has unveiled its historic, genre-crossing lineup to celebrate the festival’s tenth anniversary celebration edition, returning home to the Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida from Thursday, October 26 – Sunday, October 29, 2023.

Hulaween is one of the last truly-independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape, and after selling out its last five editions, the festival is commemorating a decade of success with its most impressive lineup yet.

Following a five-year hiatus, electro-soul pioneer Pretty Lights will headline Hulaween as his only East Coast festival performance on his Soundship Spacesystem Tour. It’s been nearly two decades since Pretty Lights started originating his signature, sample-heavy sounds that redefined America’s electronic music scene, and his exclusive East Coast festival set at Hulaween promises to showcase vibrant, bass-fueled sounds to the festival’s feverish audience.

Known globally for his playful demeanor and rip-roaring sets, tech-house maestro John Summit marks another Hulaween headliner. The Beatport chart-shredder will host Hulaween’s first-ever takeover by Off The Grid, Summit’s party-starting imprint, which will offer up sets by label favorites famed for igniting dance floors.

Other electronic music heavyweights headlining Hulaween include Grammy-nominated multi-instrumentalist/producer Elderbrook, producer polymath Big Wild, and revered house producer/vocalist Channel Tres.

On the jam side of the lineup, Hulaween founders The String Cheese Incident will serve up three nights of headlining performances. Phish-offshoot Trey Anastasio Band and critically-acclaimed indie-jam five piece Goose will play consecutive sets on the same night, following their joint tour across the North East last fall. Other headlining bands include Hulaween staple Joe Russo’s Almost Dead (2 sets), the Hulaween debut of Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, and legendary roots-rock outfit Dispatch.

Hulaween will also welcome neo-soul rapper Smino as the festival’s sole hip-hop headliner, as well as a headlining set by five-piece indie rock band Mt. Joy. One additional band headliner remains yet to be announced, coming later in April.

The festival will present a bevy of in-demand, electronic music support acts, including Montreal producer BLOND:ISH, underground bass purveyor Eprom, multi-faceted Italian DJ/producer duo Gioli & Assia, ascendent bass producer ISOxo, genre-bending producer Manic Focus, ascendent trailblazer Moore Kismet, bass-focused producer supergroup Lab Group, and future-funk maestro Yung Bae.

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Staying true to its band-focused roots, Hulaween will boast a medley of celebrated acts including funk-fusion ensemble Lettuce, funk-jam group Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, and critically-acclaimed, Anatolian rock/Turkish psychedelic folk outfit Altin Gün.

The Hulaween 2023 lineup is brimming with more than 90 acts that cover all corners of the dance floor. Over the course of the past decade, Hulaween has hosted a plethora of genre-crossing artists the Spirit of the Suwannee’s idyllic grounds, which serves as perfect setting for attendees to fully immerse themselves in Florida’s lush, enchanting nature.

Hulaween’s Spirit Lake is heralded as one of the leading immersive art experiences across American festivals, brimming with talented sculptors, fire/metal workers, painters, thespians, and lighting designers. Attendees can revel in lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, interactive installations, and both visual and performance art, catch performances at Spirit Lake’s two stages, and groove into sunrise at the Silent Disco.

SUWANNEE HULAWEEN 2023 LINEUP

HEADLINERS

The String Cheese Incident, Pretty Lights, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, John Summit, Mt. Joy, Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Big Wild, Smino, Elderbrook, Channel Tres (DJ set), Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog, Brigade, Dispatch,

SUPPORT

Altin Gun, Apashe (Live w/ith Brass Ensemble), Blond:ish, Blu DeTiger, Boogie T, Champagne Drip, DOMI & JD Beck, Eprom, Giolì & Assia, Inzo, ISOxo, Lab Group, Lettuce, Manic Focus, Memba, Moore Kismet, Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, SoDown, The Dip, Yung Bae

ADDITIONAL SUPPORT

Couch, Eddie Roberts and the Lucky Strokes, Ghost Note, Jennifer Hartswick Band, Joshwa, Khiva, Kitchen Dwellers, Kyle Hollingsworth Band, lespecial, Lucati, Marvel Years, Melt, MZG, Bill & Jillian Nershi ft. Jason Hann, NotLö, Roosevelt Collier Band, The Nth Power presents JeNth Power, Trousdale, QRTR, Veil

FINAL SUPPORT

AK Renny, Austen Van Der Bleek, Austeria, Bad Snacks, Cadillac Jones, Canvas, Chachuba, CHYL, Cope, Cosmic Collective, Electric Kif, Empire Strikes Brass, Erez, Erin & The Wildfire, Fernando Rosa, Free Range Strange, Funk You, GoldenEra, Jason Leech, Stick & Ditty, Jon Stickley Trio, Kendall Street Company, Maria También, Matcha, MiniM, Orange Constant, Ramona & the RIOT, Rohan Solo, Sailor Jane & The Apricators, Snakes & Stars, Sneezy, Steeln’ Peaches, Tand, The Jauntee, Tru Phonic, Universal Funk Orchestra, Underground Springhouse, Vicky B, Yam Yam.

Visit the Hulaween website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Just be careful when complaining online. This party is going to be high science of the transcendent order. Heady bro.

Visit some of the other Hulaween contributions from the wrangler archives like Dance of the Monkey Kings, Cheese. Love. Sauce. and The Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire. Explore the interweb and check out our social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. We will stay in the eye wall of the Hulaween virtual fun as we focus on the artists and other contributors throughout the year. Stay focused.

We are super excited to announce that the Florida-based Free Range Strange will be playing their first Hulaween this year. Find your way to Kamp Happiness and witness some of their behind-the-scene antics. Also, join the Cheese. Love. Sauce. block party and bring some of your own weirdness. Prelaunch setup will begin as early as Sunday before so join the team and help turn the forest into something not of this earth. We can’t do it without you.                                                                                       namaste y’all.

The post Hulaween Tenth Anniversary Family Reunion appeared first on wook wranglers.

It was a brief but bright run for Lucy and the Iceman last year as they skirted the finest of lines between festival staff superstars and criminal degenerate reprobates. There was a lost computer and some pitifully sad, waffle-stompin’ goodness but the overall vibe was one of powerful, energetic, collaborative good times. There’s plenty of ground to cover and after you’ve made the trip around Outeroo, things will never be the same.        And maybe that’s not a bad thing.

BONNAROO MUSIC AND ARTS FESTIVAL 2023 LINEUP

JUNE 15-18 ON THE FARM IN MANCHESTER, TN

KENDRICK LAMAR, FOO FIGHTERS, ODESZA, PARAMORE,

LIL NAS X, BABY KEEM, TYLER CHILDERS, VULFPECK, MARCUS MUMFORD,

MY MORNING JACKET, GRIZ, RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE, PORTUGAL. THE MAN, KORN,

LOUIS THE CHILD, ZEDS DEAD, ALESSO, SUBTRONICS,

THREE 6 MAFIA, J.I.D., THE REVIVALISTS, PIXIES, GIRL IN RED, FLEET FOXES, AND MORE

EARLY ACCESS ON-SALE STARTS THURSDAY, JANUARY 12 AT 10 AM (CT)

EXCLUSIVELY VIA BONNAROO.COM

SIGN-UPS AVAILABLE NOW

Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival has shared the lineup for this year’s edition of the internationally acclaimed camping festival, taking place June 15-18, 2023 on the Bonnaroo Farm, located just 60 miles southeast of Nashville in Manchester, TN.

Bonnaroo 2023 will once again present a wide-ranging bill featuring a spectacular selection of top artists performing around the clock across more than 10 unique stages over the four-day festival, with live music and much more through the night and into early morning with special sunrise sets. Highlights will include performances from Kendrick Lamar, Foo Fighters, Odesza, Paramore, Lil Nas X, Baby Keem, Tyler Childers, Vulfpeck, Marcus Mumford, My Morning Jacket, GRiZ, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Portugal. The Man, Korn, Louis the Child, Zeds Dead, Alesso, Subtronics, Three 6 Mafia, J.I.D., The Revivalists, Pixies, Girl In Red, Fleet Foxes, and more. The legendary Bonnaroo Superjam will take place on Saturday, June 17, with more details to come.  The complete Bonnaroo 2023 lineup is below.

Early Access On Sale beginning Thursday, January 12 at 10 am (CT), exclusively via www.bonnaroo.com/tickets; sign-ups are available now. A public On-Sale will follow if tickets remain. Options include General Admission (4-Day), GA+ (4-Day), VIP (4-Day), Platinum (4-Day), along with a limited range of 1-Day tickets (including General Admission, GA+, VIP, and Platinum), General Admission Camping & Parking, premium and pre-pitched glamping options, and more.

Bonnaroo’s General Admission tickets include over 150 performances on more than 10 stages, access to the entire campground, food for purchase from over 150 vendors (including vegan, vegetarian, and gluten-free options), bars, concessions, free water stations, and more amenities throughout the park and campground. GA+ tickets include all of the above along with unlimited access to the “Centeroo GA+ Lounge,” with relaxed seating, air-conditioned restrooms, and concierge to assist with all festival needs; a full-service bar, a dedicated premium entrance lane at both gates into Centeroo, and more. VIP and Platinum guests will enjoy a further number of exclusive upgrades, including dedicated close-in and on-field viewing areas; unlimited access to VIP and Platinum Lounges; express lanes at the Festival Store, commemorative festival gifts, and so much more. To learn more about GA+, VIP and Platinum, please see www.bonnaroo.com/premium-experiences.

A wide range of Camping & Parking options will be available, including Primitive Car Camping, Glamping, RVs, Backstage Camping, Accessible Camping, Groop Camping, Community Camping, and more. Premium Outeroo Camping Accommodations include pre-pitched Souvenir Tents, cool and comfortable Darkroom Tents, weatherproof Luxury Bell Tents, and spacious 2-person Wood Frame Safari Tents for the ultimate Bonnaroo camping experience. Premium “Power RV” slips are also available. Day Parking will be available for ticketholders not camping. For details, please visit www.bonnaroo.com/accommodations.

Hulu will return as the Official Streaming Destination of Bonnaroo this summer. Catch select performances exclusive to Hulu subscribers at no additional cost. Additional special footage and behind-the-scenes looks will also be available. Stay tuned for specific livestream schedules announced in the weeks prior to the festival.
Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival is generously supported by Verizon, Toyota, PayPal, Allegiant, Corona Extra, and Hulu.

Look out for the Kamp Happiness Takeover somewhere near the vortex of the worst kind of reprobates. The Hobo Kamp will be equipped and ready to shine with live music, jewelry fun, body painting and the brand new Circle K? Trading Booth and Hagglin’ Post. Keep a keen eye out as one never knows  to whom one will run into. It’s time to shine. Join the fray. You’re just the kind of thug we’re looking for.

The post Bonnaroo “23: Join the Fray appeared first on wook wranglers.

“Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin’ convoy
‘Cross the USA”

You’re back in Virginia so it’s time to trade your skid loader for a weed eater. The dye is cast and the lineup is set for Rooster Walk Music and Art Festival 2022 and it’s time to get the convoy rolling again to Pop’s Farm in beautiful Axton, Virginia. Music, art, dancing, fun, Kamp Happiness, chemical imbalance, Boston and an overload of secret stage lighting waits for you on the mountain. Get ready for all the fun stuff just don’t get hit in the head by a seven pound acorn. You could seriously lose third grade.

“There is no way you could be from my loins.”

Recent additions include overall festival headliner Grace Potter, as well as: Moon Taxi, Ryan Montbleau, Town Mountain, Kendall Street Company, Fireside Collective, The Dead Reckoning (Roanoke), Daniel Donato, TK & The Holy Know-Nothings, Disco Risqué, Goodfellers, After Jack, Into The Fog, TC Carter Band, Jules & The Agreeables, The McGee Family Band, DJ What?!, and Pumphouse Blues.

Rooster Walk 12 will feature five immensely talented Artists at Large in Ron Holloway (saxophone; Allman Brothers, Susan Tedeschi Band), John Bryant (drums; Ray Charles), Josh Shilling (keys; Mountain Heart), Roosevelt Collier (pedal steel; The Lee Boys) and Wallace Mullinax (guitar; Dead 27s). This quintet of artists will form the basis of the RW12 Artist at Large Band, which will perform a different themed set on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, respectively, at the festival.

This year’s party includes Little Feat, Lettuce, BIG Something, Andy Frasco and the U.N., Yarn, Tab Benoit, The War And Treaty, Fruition, The wrangler family band, Los Colognes, Caitlin Krisko & The Broadcast, Isaac Hadden Organ Trio, Sanctum Sully, The Wilson Springs Hotel, Striking Copper, The Stews, Big Fat Gap, Sammy Rae & The Friends, Brandon “Taz” Niederauer; Yarn; Mountain Heart; The Nude Party; The Wooks; Mike & The Moonpies; Sol Driven Train; Crawford & Power and Pirates of the Piedmont and more!

Rooster Walk will take place over Memorial Day weekend (May 26-29, 2022) at Pop’s Farm. It’s just down the street from Bostons’s house and Dognado. The Rooster fam is planning to go bigger than ever, and you can count on all the RW staples at this one, from amazing music, to food and craft vendors, kids’ activities, on-site camping and outdoor activities! Come visit the relaxation station at the Kamp Happines Hobo Kamp as we paint and build all the dumb fun stuff. Ever try an elephant tranquilizer? It brings out the artist in everyone.

Rooster Walk Tips:

• • Don’t always go for it on fourth down. God loves field goals.
  • Strawberry Shortcake indica recipe?
  • Wood splitters are not for personal use.
  • Keep your ears on, comeback.
  • Not all Boners feel good.
  • Spunion finger painting suspended until further notice.
  • Less talk, more rock.
  • Molly can play laying down
  • Jeff runs all illegal lighting
  • Drugs+paint=all kinds of fun
  • Quit Your Job Bitch
  • Wash, rinse, repeat

 

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And there was something about hearing Little Feat songs. Celebrating Waiting For Columbus? Yes please. Good times. And Andy Frasco? What is this absolute fresh hell of which you speak? He’s the sanest one in that band and a complete dumpster fire. Who remembers that Sunday FloydFest show after the rain? Yaaaa. Crazy people are lively and fun. En route to the Roanoke airport, Andy and Casey attempted to subdue the driver and steal the artist transpo van. That is a true but unprovable fact.

Tickets still available for Rooster Walk 12. Memorial Day. Check out the VIP shit as well. The guys that run it are complete Virginia trash and do a first-class job. Impossible to even look at them without laughing.

“Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mama right in the mouth.”

Don’t forget your compression socks. Call Steve Little for further information. World’s worst Lockn’ ambassador? You be the judge.

Visit the Rooster Walk website and like their social media sites on Facebook and Instagram. Keep up with the interweb. The future is now.

This article has been sponsored by the truck with the Carolina squat or the Tennessee tilt. Thanks Roy Cooper. Keep up with the wranglers as we try to find some kind of job at Okeechobee. Whatever. Florida festival season continues with Tommy Thermometer and Grassroots at Virginia Key, and a Suwannee season that promises to break the dyke. Brainquility, Rising, Spring, Resonate and the Tipper show should be enough to tip the scales. That is a hoot nanny of a party.

See you on the mountain. Pocket knives don’t start EZ-Go golf carts.

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Any sane person would have pulled into the first automotive shop they came to rather than test what little stopping power hey had on the steep mountain roads of northwest Virginia. But the coffers were pretty much empty and this train was bound for glory as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour was still underway and both clear thinking and sound reason were not part of the equation. Brakes be damned. A vehicle without them could still move forward and as long as plan A was still in effect they would be heading to join the Kamp Happiness volunteer militia party already in progress at Chimney Ridge. Welcome to Red Wing Roots Music Festival: Assault on Chimney Ridge. Trim the nose hairs and engage redundancy protocols, it’s all downhill from here.

Held at Natural Chimneys Park and Campground in beautiful Mt. Solon, Virginia, the 8th annual Red Wing Roots Festival was presented by The Steel Wheels on July 9, 10 & 11, 2021. Three days, five stages, and 40+ bands in the heart of the Shenandoah Valley made for a camping weekend of music and stupid fun. The towering limestone chimneys, reaching more than 120 feet in the air, provided a spectacular backdrop in the Music Meadow for a sick daily lineup and giterdun fun.

With a laid-back feel and all kinds of good energy this festival had something for everyone. Great music, kids and families, wooks and hillbillies. A party needs all kind of energy and Red Wing certainly didn’t disappoint. The music spanned the spectrum from brass to traditional, funk to bluegrass and everything in between.

As Lucy looked for her friends in the first lot up the hill the volunteer asked, “Are they in quiet camping?” She smiled,  “Definitely not.”

Red Wing Staff: This was a different kind of festival for Lucy. Everyone she came to spend time with was working and that turned out to be a great formula. Never one to miss a pre-party and post-party this crowd had to be there days early to set up and stay until everyone else was gone. Bfly ended up on top of the mountain parking cars in the sun all day. Welcome to the sweat basket. To watch them work, most of the time they were just trying to help everyone have a good time and keep everything running smoothly. From the top down, the communication and easy manner kept everything in line, especially in the wake of some curiously sideways incidents. A special thanks to Doug, the Rangers and the Chimney Ridge crowd who went above and beyond to deal with the wranglers and those of their sloppy ilk.

Zombie Lot: Held up by what appeared to be a mad viking, Z lot was no stranger to childish mayhem and fun. Trevor’s final report included a litany of moral turpitude from lost parents and squatters with caged animals to adolescent bike gangs and the the crazy Honda Element woman. There were even storied tales involving William and some kind of zombie opossum. Really the stuff of heroes and legend. One can only imagine…The wide red eyes glazed over with that far away look of madness. The hatchet laying in the back of the golf cart bed. Blood markings on the face and chest, in the old way of the Algonquin. The dance of the spirit opossum.

“Bought a ticket, might as well see the show.”

J Lot (Staff-RV): For two days Lucy had been using her Mountain Music Festival lanyard to get into VIP for free beers and vegetable kabobs. It was passable with the program cover pinned over the tag and Baitbucket slid in behind her in hopes of grabbing some photos from the side of the stage. He also had no media credentials and was having trouble getting into the pit. Not that it mattered. His phone was heating up and making strange noises and the camera hadn’t been taken out of the car all weekend. He knew if he went back to Donnie and Cameron’s place he might be able to find a cold Miller Lite and Jody Carbone sleeping in a beach chair. For one free press pass all he’d have to do is bop him on the head with a bocce ball and stuff him in a rolled up carpet until the weekend was over. Easy wind. What’s a small concussion between friends?

The Red Wing Roots Festival was alive and purring with delicious energy. Everywhere people were singing, dancing and playing in the soft Virginia grass. It was Lucy’s first time at Red Wing and it felt righteous and good surrounded by family in the cradle of the Shenandoah Valley. Thanks to Steve and Pepinillo for choosing the camp. Not only was it in a high traffic area but it was also completely unshaded. For the money, most of the time you can only get one of those. Praise Allah that no one pooped in the KH wook shower which, considering the afternoon temperatures, saved lives.

Assault on Chimney Ridge:  The word was given. It was time for the Kamp Happiness militia to finally take the high ground. From their perch atop Chimney Ridge they would be able to keep track of the skirmish below. The Rangers who’s job it had been to “make sure everyone had a good time” kept a keep eye on the flank, while Doug managed Chimney Ridge. There were still hard questions to be answered. Who is going into the cooler and drinking all the tequila? Bfly figured it was Bello the Mando as he was already moving his shoulders in that wiggly way that said strange things lay on the horizon. He claimed good dancing started in the shoulders. Later it was discovered that Steve had been rummaging through stranger’s coolers looking for cold beer and Oreos. In the end it was all chalked up to harmless misunderstanding and everyone laughed together over a stick of clover honey.

Friday Night

Thanks to Mitch for hosting the “quiet bluegrass” tent which provided hours of homegrown mountain slather. When it got shut down at two am “like a bad daycare” by the red golf shirt brigade, everyone knew the hard truth that Big Betty was to blame. She was always pretty loud but as the night went on and she was plied with liquor she only became more excited. If there was going to be any success with late night pickin’ circles, she would have to be left out of it and that wouldn’t be easy. There were some great musicians around and she wasn’t about to waste the opportunity to pick with all of them, especially the dueling mandolins. The pickin’ circle eventually moved out to the Chimney Ridge fire pit in the field and with the addition of a handful of pickers they were able to serenade all the way to five am when they finally called it a night. It can’t be easy to come out in your boxers and ask the music circle to shut down. Everyone forgets the magic power of earplugs. Lucy laughed in disgust. By that time, the sky was changing colors over the Virginia mountains and it seemed silly to stop. One of her favorite things was to play bluegrass to the morning joggers and folks making early port-o-potty runs.

Nitrous Mafia Bluegrass: Everyone knew if there was going to be late music Saturday night a new innovative plan would have to be put in place. They were going to have to get entirely serious if this was going to happen. Someone suggested the “nitrous mafia” bluegrass strategy whereby when discovered, the musicians would scatter like roaches and regroup at a preplanned destination. Carlos suggested playing as they moved and keeping the red golf shirts pointed in the wrong direction. Naturally this wouldn’t be the kind of festival with a nitrous mafia, but they could still take a few pages out of their book. In reality the whippets had been gone by Thursday night and Baitbucket always liked to throw a few around the camp perimeter so folks walking by knew what they were getting into.

Ugliest Dog Ever? The high afternoon temperatures at Chimney Ridge were taking a toll. Reports of aberrant behavior such as sun stroke madness and delirium were rampant as a result of both malnutrition and dehydration. Bfly managed to take a sweaty afternoon nap in her vehicle only to discover that what appeared to be a meercat had found it’s way into her Subaru (North Carolina camouflage) and curled up next to her panting ferociously. Once she began it feeding kettle corn and water it got comfortable and remained the rest of the weekend. It could occasionally be seen walking in staff camping wearing it’s service dog vest.

Wookish Innovations: At some point Pepinillo heard muffled music coming from inside the ice machine and recognized “Shoop” by Salt n Pepa. He was not prepared for what he saw when he opened the door but at once he understood exactly what was happening. Someone had cleared out one side of the ice machine and Bfly was sitting in the dark with the meercat which by then had been properly identified as a raccoon. “Shut the door. You’re letting out all the cold!” Baitbucket screamed. “Get in line if you wanna cool off. Ten bucks for two songs or five minutes, whichever comes first”.

Saturday Night 

Shuttle Service: Bucket and Bello got recruited to work for Chris and drive shuttles for the folks headed back to the parking lot. They didn’t even know these types of people existed. After all, who would ever want to leave this party? They were thrilled to finally have jobs with golf carts since that’s been the goal since the beginning of time. Unfortunately these came with radios which work to keep the irresponsible in check. Aboard Bucket’s shuttle everyone could be heard singing the theme from “Dukes of hazard” as they traded paint around turn four.

Kamp Happiness Family Jam: Thanks goes out to the KH staff working at the Chimney Ridge shuttle stop for setting up the Saturday night VIP Dance Party (no credentials required). Face painting, dancing, snacks drinks and responsible fun found it’s way to the fire circle for everyone at the shuttle stop. A little after midnight, pickers of all ages emerged from the shadows, instruments in tow and ready to tighten the screws on some home grown music. The crowd continued to gather as the Chimney Ridge house band picked through the likes of the Stanley Brothers and endless trad and anon classics.

Disperse! The shutdown came again at 2 am just as Bello yelled “go dark!” and the performers sprang off into the moonless night. Moments later they regrouped at Mitch’s for quiet bluegrass until about five am. At that point Baitbucket and Bello found their way back to the Chimney Ridge fire pit to watch the sky change color and lay down some bluegrass sunrise gospel over a half bottle of cheap wine. Come to the circle and get saved. Bucket even waited until 7:45 to crack the bullwhip.

Sunday Funday

Golf cart 250 Invitational: Congratulations goes out to Pepinillo for his first place finish in this year’s event. Returning from his recent accident at the Pop’s Farm track everyone was glad to see he and his crew chief back in action. The third place “Punkin Chunkin'” car had this to say when asked how he kept coming in the money, “Sometimes you got to put ’em in the corn”.

Look for the Kamp Happiness Pickin’ Tent next year hopefully somewhere way back in the corner.

Not-so-quiet camping: For folks who just need more.

Thanks again to Red Wing Black Bear Productions for putting up with all the silliness. Visit the Red Wings Roots Music Festival website and like their their social media sites on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Music: When asked how he enjoyed the music, Pepinillo replied that he hadn’t seen any. At some point one realizes that the festival staff doesn’t ever get to see much music. They’re busy driving shuttles and killing opossums. These are the people who make it all happen. It’s a woodland fantasy filled with dance and song that seems to go off without a hitch and this staff made it look easy. It doesn’t come with much money and the hours they put in is ludicrous. They don’t get as unwound as everyone else and most can’t get too faded late night because they start super early the next day, parking cars and taking tickets, working the sound and serving the Mexican food. Those are the professional wooks. Riding the tour wherever it takes them. Finding their hard fun when they can but more importantly, blurring the line between work and fun and arriving at a place where both happen together.

Monday Blues? While most departures are usually sad with the ending of the party and the parting with friends but this is summer in Virginia and that is not the way of the warrior. These festivarians were headed home for a night or two and then it’s off to Floydfest for the next three weeks. Just enough time to wash the feet and catch a nap before it’s back into the gauntlet.

Thanks goes out to Azul Acres for feeding walking tacos to the Chimney Ridge family all weekend and especially for the Sunday buffet at the Hobo Kamp. Check out their Facebook page to see where they are gonna pop up next.

Check out our recent submission from Mountain Music Festival “21: Please Don’t Eat the Cicadas and more from the archives. Keep up with Lucy and Baitbucket as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour chugs on.

Stay with Wook Wranglers Media as we head to Floyd, Virginia for lessons in moral ambiguity as the summer tour continues. After FloydFest  we slowly take the trek up to Summer Camp in Illinois and then on to Backwoods in Arkansas. Look for us at Rooster Walk Reunion in October when all roads then lead back to Suwannee Roots Revival and Hulaween at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. It’s moist verging on damp.

Safe Travels.

 

 

 

 

 

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Jesus, it had only been a week since Fool’s Engagement and that hot mess of fun had permanently loosened the yolk in the egg. Wow. Both Lucy and Luke were still trying to process exactly what had happened in Branford. Details were sketchy to say the very least. After a few days of “rest” on the banks of the St. Mary’s River they were headed back into the maelstrom. Back to the park where the Suwannee Rising was already in preparty mode.

For the second year Rising found its way into the North Florida woods on the banks of the Suwannee. Leave it to Paul Levine to put together another full tilt get-down at one of the best music festival camping venues anywhere. With resurrection ferns popping off the oak branches it was a perfect pod party with plenty of A-listers manning the controls and steamy headliners like Umphrey’s McGee, Goose, Eric Krasno, Lettuce and many more dropping the mad beat.

The Friday show included delicious weather to the likes of Big Something and the ever spectacular Melody Trucks Band. A classic rail girl, Lucy even enjoyed the pod environment which they’d pimped out with chairs, coolers and blinking lights. After making friends with the podfolk on their perimeter she occasionally ventured out to explore the lay of the land, which was a predictable freakshow. The late night party in the park brought a freight train of fun that had been building up inside the hearts of these festivarians for a long time. On his way to the Pound Town late night bar, Luke made it clear he had been cooped up for over a year and was entirely ready to scoop out his brain with a salad spoon and toss it in the middle of the fire.

Podhopper Jones: 9-21: Jess and Josh, 21-12: Oldsmar, 1-19: Moonshine and Tim, 3-09: 3-12?: Jeff and Barry, 3-6: Patrick and Sarah, 19-19: Dr. T., 6-2: Dr. Paint and Brooke. Who knows?

Big Betty opted to leave the music early and set up Kamp Happiness for the Friday party when she ran smack into Josh and Jessica who made the trip all the way from Michigan. Talk about real Umph Love. Things just moved up to eleven on the meter. May I speak with your manager? Visit their website at Mi Kulture for all the coolest hippy shit anywhere.

Luke could feel it in the air. That special tingle that comes when an army of campers join in a chorus of howls toward the stars. It was Friday night and the music was over somewhere around eleven. There was lots of time to get in trouble.

“Never for me the lowered banner, never the last endeavor.” Sir Ernest Shakleton

Friday night Family Jam: Thanks to Chase and Dr. Paint for the late-night acoustic slickery at the Kamp Happiness Lakeside Retreat. Mandolins, guitars, basses and harps kept the musac lifting through the forest into the wee hours of the night. Eventually eyeholes began pointing in different directions and the common tongue became Brookanese. Moonman language for the uninitiated. Oldsmar provided the drums and pillows for the late night ballyhoo and created an inviting camp for all to partake. And partake they did.

And then there was the moonshine man who brought no moonshine. Lucy wasn’t sure how she could be expected to get through the weekend without moonshine. A few swigs would often hold her together just when the weight of rampant chemical abuse began to hamper her faculties. In lieu of the shine the entire camp was introduced to Bulleit whiskey laced with acid. She figured baby steps might not be necessary when walking in the world of high science.

Among the more bourgeois pods, the one hosted by the incomparable festival savages, Jeff and Barry offered free back rubs and pickle back whiskey shots to anyone that could do a cartwheel. With the beautiful people on the third row they certainly rode the Goose train in what was a spectacular set. Good advice. Great vocals, great guitar, great jams. Visit their website at RoadtripMojo and always plan on seeing them down the long festival road.

Saturday Night Umph Love: There’s nothing more fun than a Saturday night with Umphrey’s. Just ask Liz the Biz, Umphrey’s makes girls dance. They always made Uncle Clayopheus dance as he stood right next to the speaker. The two loaded set were full of banging covers like “Shine On”, “Dr. Feelgood”, and a David Bowie “Fame” closer that sealed the whole deal. By the end of the show Lucy had managed to move up to Patrick’s pod on the third row. Would you liker a coffee and a dab? Sitting in a lawn chair that close to the stage, she knew it was unlikely she would ever enjoy such an unobstructed view of the funk again. Thanks Covid.

Sunday Spunday: Luke slept later than usual due to the morning rain. It was a slow Sunday drizzle that said, “There’s nothing going on. Stay right where you are.” He eventually grabbed the nearest water bottle and ended up brushing his teeth with vodka. Thank you Cody and Andrea for providing shelter from the storm at the Bill Monroe Pavilion. What was supposed to be a pack and travel day quickly devolved into Sunday music and groundscore feast. When the rain finally stopped all that was left were tent straps and magical cases of warm Yuengling.

Never miss a Sunday show.

Wookish Innovations:  For the monkeys who paid for camping but failed to procure a festival bracelet solutions were scarce. Friday showed the orange tape from the pod dividers served as a reasonable substitute for the orange bracelets. The award for first-place wook ingenuity went to Gumball for his use of the yellow stripping from an Aquafina package. It didn’t get him through VIP Artist Entry but it worked fine for general admission. (ed. note. The wook wranglers do not endorse or condone this type of tomfoolery.)

Groundscore the World: Sarah always said that when it rains Sunday morning folks tear out in a hurry forgetting much of their sheeite. She and Luke had been a  roving groundscore team for years and had it down to a science. A half bottle of Rumplemintz later it was jalapeno quail eggs and cheese puffs for brunch. Don’t drive dirty.

Atheist Don’t Drink Champagne: It started with a pair of pliers and a bottle of lukewarm Champagne. A perfect Sunday combination. The small crowd of leftover thugs huddled close ready for a well-deserved mimosa. Kyle pried and wrestled with the cork until, in the blink of an eye, the bottle exploded into a torrent of jagged shards. Kyle and Pollen, sitting at ground zero and would have been vaporized had it not been for Chase’s quick thinking. Nary another man would have sacrificed himself in such a selfless manner. The entire squad would have been ripped apart had he not thrown his face into the path of the splintered glass. When later asked what would inspire a man to throw himself on a grenade, he calmly replied, “I though I might look good with an eye patch.”

Tommy Thermometer’s Rainy Day Sunday Exit Strategy:  Unhook your tent poles and leave everything in a wet pile next to the road. That’s two times in three weeks but sometimes spring festivals get wet in Florida. As always, the LaRosa Nostra Kitchen was in full effect all weekend. Tempe, potstickers, mango chutney and peanut butter hoglegs were on the daily specials menu.

Bad Choices: Lucy realized she’d left her phone in the hands of an admitted degenerate. Her sandy footprints all over the dashboard of the Mercedes C450 she screamed at the hairy beast to drive faster. It was likely too late.

The good news was Luke knew exactly where Lucy’s phone was. The bad news was he knew it was in a van on the way to Mobile to see Billy Strings. He’d just lost two phones in three days, neither of which were his.

Thanks to Nehal, Lauren and Chris for everything and all who contributed photographs for the article. Keep up with the wranglers as we get ready to join with Kamp Happiness, the Buttscratchers and the Lawyer for Orange Blossom Jamboree and all the gristly fun that comes with it. For roll call visit the wook wranglers Facebook page. The party is May 13. Get on board, there’s plenty of room.

Spirit of Suwannee Music Park: Chase Holiday Lives Here

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Sunday, The Villages: Skeet and Pablano had left the pool chairs and the Par 3 golf courses of the sunshine state and headed straight north. Leaving in their wake a curious retired population of golf cart aficionados whose general attitudes regarding the present global pandemic could best be described as lax.

They’d stuffed the hatchback with Big Betty, the upright bass and grandpa’s Martin but there would likely be no busking on this trip. The immediate storm was still ahead of them. The best they could do was get closer to home. He was still just learning to walk on ice and the Oldsmsowagon didn’t have a hand break. Not that it would matter here. The crunching of a fender into a tree makes a sound like the signing of a check. The sing-song of bad insurance.

Monday, Boone: Just south of Blowing Rock the snow was waiting. The powder had been coming down for three days and the mounds were extending onto the road. Pablano was still wearing flip flops. To soften the blow they still had some Virginia White Rhino, a half bottle of El JImador and an apparently bottomless Visine dropper of acid. They would hole up a few days and take a vacation from their vacation. What else is there to do when it’s blowing outside? Light a fire. It must be time for Santa’s Workshop.

The Queen of the Power Slide

Tuesday, Craig’s Creek: The Kamp Happiness Roanoke Mafia had recently procured land just outside of Salem somewhere in the Virginia mountains and it was easy to see the spectrum of possibilities. Chickens and hillbilly hippies everywhere, the creek and the rolling land would someday host gatherings of colorfully lit thugs. It was the kind of place where laws were meant to be broken. In a released statement, ATF officials denied any increased presence in the area in spite of mounting evidence to the contrary. At present, scurrying hither and yon were beautiful women carrying beer cans and power tools. Just as Allah foretold. They slung chainsaws, planed their own timber and used diesel fuel to start bonfires.

Sans Souci-

Luke was yelling but could barely be heard over the hum of the engine and the crackling of pebbles scattering into the brush. Lucienda laughed, “My car doesn’t even have a hand brake. This reminds me of my ’74 Ford Pinto.” Everything she’d learned about power braking she’d learned on the lawless back roads of Honduras. And not on purpose. Necessity is the mother of invention. She’d learned the skills sliding down dirt trails, dodging pregnant dogs en route to bars deep in the jungle. Years before microbreweries would gain popularity D&D Brewery sat at the end of the dirt road, deep in the jungle, playing Eric Clapton. Near Lake Yojoa this bar/hostel served homemade cervezas in a multitude of fruit flavors and was a meca for hippies, drunks and travelers looking for a spot off the grid. With a medley that included pineapple and mango it was great beer and they drank it until they hurt.

“Just stop power sliding! You’re no good at it.” he barked as he grabbed the door handle, not as a method of escape as much as for balance and support. She would say she was excellent at it, but the fact was she was more lucky than skilled. Mostly unsafe. She just didn’t really care about her life or anyone else’s. She would slide straight into a cornfield and once tried to take out a windmill. Anytime she rented a car in a foreign country she made sure it had a hand brake and good speakers.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ve been practicing power slides for years. I had a Big-Wheel when I was a kid so you know what that means. I’m kind of an expert.”

Night On Bald Mountain

Wednesday, Blowing Rock:  An informational/safety meeting had be scheduled for Savanah’s Oyster Bar around sunset. After missing the designated rendezvous it was inferred that Luke and Lucy had headed back to the Tiki Bar on Lake Watauga. There was that cocktail waitress who was really good at the ring-hook game. On their way to Butler they would have to go through Johnson City and right past the last American strip club.
Right past Fuzzy Holes.

This premier gentlemen’s club was located in a part of the country where such things weren’t easy to come by. Sit and be well. The journey to Meca is riddled with strife. Pretty girls, private rooms, parachutes and a fusion lunch buffet with country and Chinese chicken. Something for damned near everyone.

Luke wasn’t expecting what he saw when he entered the dark room. As his eyes adjusted he realized the decor was horror themed. Wall to wall. What the actual hell? Most of the girls were really skinny and with the horror decor, they looked like skeletons dancing around. Luke thought it was a little terrifying. Just like Night on Bald Mountain.

At some point in the evening a portion of the congregation migrated out back for a buyer’s market of generic narcotics and the “dumpster dance” audition of Kloreene and Aja who both were promoting their resume in hopes of landing a job on the main stage.

“With this being my first visit to an adult entertainment club, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The dancers were very nice, on and off the pole. I got a couple table side dances that were very enjoyable. All of the dancers talked to me. I’ll be back.” -TR

Pablano really wanted to get there before they took off. The later it got the greater the chances Luke’s driving would be drastically impaired. He had made that drive from Salida to Telluride but everything was different now. He was getting older and the mental safeguards he had previously used to protect himself from getting too wasted had begun to crumble and fail.

The thing about it was that Luke enjoyed driving on nitrous oxide. He probably understood that it wasn’t safe but would have suggested that he was in a “weird place” so it could be tolerated. The most accomplished of degenerate thugs would agree there are a select group of “vices” that shouldn’t be consumed while operating heavy machinery. NO2 is probably one of them unless you can handle the tinglies and everything going black. There was no getting around it. He enjoyed the open road with a cream charger in his lap and a full box of “Mr. Clinkies” sitting close by. Warning! This product may induce unconsciousness or seizure. Sitting next to some stranger’s tire in the shadows of a parking lot, who can deny the occasional fish? The eyes roll back and the balloon shoots away, spewing the gas back into the either from whence it came. If that’s the case then the idea of driving reveals a self-fulfilling prophecy that at some point reveals itself as the vehicle wrapped around a bridge. Some people just have an itch on the roof of their mouth that only a shotgun can scratch.

All of this made Pablano drive faster through the winding Tennessee mountains…

Lucy’s Corner

Top Ten Dirtiest Onomatopoeia

10. Squirt
9.   Boing
8.   Smash
7.   Pop
6.   Meow
5.   Cock-a-doodle-do
4.    Slap
5.    Spray
4.    Gurgle
3.    Drip
2.    Bang
1.    Sploosh

The new wook wranglers stickers are in. Thanks once again to Ray the Red for the help. It’s well known that in lieu of original content, stickers add business legitimacy. Request your swag today. Check out some of our other articles including Free Camping in Buena Vista.

Tony Rice 1951-2020

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“With your head down in the pig bin, Saying “Keep on digging”

Pig stain on your fat chin, What do you hope to find? When you’re down in a pig mine.

You’re nearly a laugh. You’re nearly a laugh, but you’re really a cry”. Pigs (Three Different Ones)

Amidst moister weather, the manzanitas are coming up roses at the Dead Cat pleasure palace at the base of the sacred Poncho Tree. The fire wood has been pillaged and the cooler is mysteriously full of ice and an obscene slab of Florida wild hog. How many hillbillies does it take to cook up a fat piece of boar over an open fire? Pay attention dear reader. The secret is in the land down under. Not the over. It’s time to get down in the pig mine. Dig that pig pit. Chuck in the flesh. Cover it with fire. Now you’re cooking with disco. With a crack team of culinary experts on hand, how hard could it possibly be? Welcome to Twice Blackened Hog Leg Recipe.

The nailtravels summer road trip is underway and while extended primitive camping has erased any concrete sense of time, our action scout team has hunkered down for a month of woodland homesteading at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. With all the leftover folks from Suwannee Spring Reunion packed up and split, the campground has quieted down and our mobile headquarters is currently located on the edge of the farm field, complete with a front yard frisbee patch and nightly campfire music. The gypsy caravan is snugly homesteaded catty corner from the largest bat house in the country. Welcome to Bartertown. We’re here to find out if guano can be used to fuel a Coleman lantern.

Complete with Oriental rugs and silken drapes, the tent city HQ remains unmatched in it’s glamping stylings and continues to be a favorite photo spot for tourists. Windsock mullets and colored tapestries unfurl from the oak branches while the rest of the compound is complete with all the finest festival camouflage. Like a tribe of Bedouin spice merchants, a cautious alliance has formed with the local residents as the colorful band continues to blend in with the oak hammock backdrop.

In preparation for the unavoidable occurrence of inclimate weather, this year’s production staff replaced the rain tarps and ropes with feathers, scarves and Mardi Gras beads. The additions provided a much needed, inviting softness to the entire site and following a three-day deluge, collected nicely into clumped rivers of blue glitter and broken glass. The clogged streams of soaked hammocks and broken guitars formed a limp tributary which trickled all the way to the Suwannee River, prompting an investigation by the Environment Protection Agency to assess any long-term, environmental damage.

In an effort to find shelter from the the storm, we ended up on the amphitheater stage of the music park. One of the best concert venues in the country and usually littered with hammocks and folding chairs, the late night solo concert was played to a packed house of turkey oaks. The 2 am show was truly memorable as lightning flashes and high winds accompanied an acoustic set of Pink Floyd classics.

There is a return to some semblance of normalcy with the warmth of the morning sun and as things get back under par, we arrive at one of our favorite pastimes; preparing our meals over a roaring campfire. Hobo burgers, spit chicken, and roasted Peeps showcased the chef’s specials on this week’s sunset menu and the entree selection got an unexpected addition after Spacebug, driving our rented golf cart with a full head full of bennies and small barrel whiskey, attempted a high-speed power slide into the starboard side of a wild, feral hog. The sounds of shattering bone and fiberglass could barley be heard over the collective screams of both man and beast. Hours later, after dragging the broken carcass home, through miles of Florida swamp, the bug arrived at camp, covered in tendrils of bright pig’s blood and specks of marrow, eager to get started on some serious cracker cuisine.

TWICE BLACKENED HOG LEG RECIPE

Author: Pine Island Phil

Recipe type: redneck gibberish

Cuisine: cracker

Prep time:  10 mins

Cook time:  18 hours

Total time:  18 hours 10 mins

Serves: 15

This smokey interpretation of a timeless pork classic takes some time and creativity, but the proof is in the pudding. It is best served with an Oriental rice pilaf and a chilled Paisano-parachute cocktail.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 T kosher salt
• 1 T Creole seaoning
• 2 T cracked black pepper
• 2 T white peppers
• 1 chopped Spanish onions
• 1 chopped garlic clove
• 3 diced ghost peppers
• ½ gallon Louisiana hot sauce
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar
• ½ cup dried and finely chopped Humboldt County organic blueberry kush
• ½ oz crumbled crystal methamphetamine dry rub
• ⅛ cup 10-10-10 palm tree fertilizer
• 3 T clover honey
• 1 T fresh thyme

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Prepare pig with ingredients and wrap in an aluminum foil cocoon
2. Remove existing campfire
3. Dig a North Florida cracker-style pig pit (a hole)
4. Cover the bottom with a layer of coals
5. Add a layer of palm fronds (saw palmettos are advisable but cabbage palms will work in a pinch)
6. Insert fatback
7. Cover with another layer of hot coals
8. Add a layer of sand
9. Build a new fire on top of existing structure
10. Allow fire to burn for seventeen hours
11. Dig up perfectly prepared pig meat
12. Eat like starving savages

“I got your box. I picked the lock. I got in your box. Busted locks I’m inside your box. I’m looking at your pictures of your old cluttered box. Whew, this new box looks really GOOD on you. By the way, I love your new shoes. And your new recipe for blackened BABY ribs.”  Excerpt from “The Lost Trails of Moss and Fails” 1712

How To Make A Suwannee River Pig Pit:

• Pig Pit: Apparently no one on this staff knows how deep one should be. Ours was about a foot and a half deep and it seems as though that might have been a bit too shallow. If you’re not sure, there are certain tell-tale signs for which to be aware. For starters, it should probably be bigger than a bread basket. Beyond that, technical specifications are murky.
• Palm fronds: Feverishly recommend by Capt. Mostmilk it remains unclear why this addition was necessary. The scientific evidence provided was in support of aeration and improved circulation of warm air around the meat. In retrospect the strategy proved to be utter and complete rubbish and in accordance with Camp Happiness bylaws Mostmilk had been soundly garroted at sunrise following the “incident”.
• Pitfalls: Down in a pig mine, variables to be considered should include but are not limited to; 1) size of pig meat, 2) size of fire, 3) size of pig pit. As strong southern winds began to batter the campsite, warning signs of impending disaster had already become obvious. An unholy stink began to emit from the fire and billow through the increasingly flapping tapestries. Early guesses were that burning, rotten wood was the culprit of the putrid funk and shortly after, cabbage palms fronds were to blame. Eventually the winds and smell of hot death receded and the campers resigned to their yurts with dreams of soft pork dancing in their heads.

Of course, the obvious truth was that the smell emitting from the fire accompanied the screaming death throes of the pork as it boiled and disintegrated in it’s own molten grease. As we slept through the night, the leg of fresh pig meat was incinerated so long and hot that its aluminum foil cocoon turned into a fiery coffin and supper devolved into a small pile of burnt ozone and powdered ash. It was almost hard to believe the chemical change on the cellular level that took place during the night, turning the entire pig leg into a nightmare lump of stinking grey powder. I guess you go hungry. Baw, baw, baw.

Due to requests by the family, presentation photos of the entree are unavailable to the public. Keep up with Nail Travels this summer as we continue to send you more quality campfire recipes from our mobile HQ at the Sprit of Suwannee Music Park. Check out our article on the upcoming Wanee Festival April 20-22, 2017 for photos, line-up, ticket and camping information.

Weirdness lives here.

Visit our other contributions from Live Oak with Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits and check out what’s happening at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park.

originally published on April 10, 2017

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