hulaween Archives - wook wranglers

An Epistle On Your First Suwannee Hulaween

jason — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 14:35:14 +0000

Dearest Brie,

I hope this finds you well. The kinfolk send their best and everyone misses you dearly. Hopefully, our prayers have been answered and your “girl places” have finally found themselves free of both wart and rash. Drunkle Cleophus got into the “juice” the other night after radio church and your name came up. The word on the street is that apparently you are planning on attending your first Suwannee Hulaween in Live Oak, Florida and golly, that is the best news. Considering what I’ve seen, I honestly didn’t think you had it in you but now it seems you are crossing Hula off your dance card of life. Most would agree that this is a significant step and jeepers, that’s what I call enthusiastic consent. This is an epistle straight from the heart. A missive. A critical letter on your first Suwannee Hulaween. Welcome to the bigs. If you can handle the truth, it’s time to show off what you’ve learned.

“So, what would you little maniacs like to do first? Get Weir’d, of course.”

Spirit Lake, Hulaween “23: photo by Aaron Bradley.

This Florida camping/music festival has continued to improve each year and one wonders if a zenith is necessary or possible. It’s so well run and from the inside, she feels like she’s in her prime. Last year was the tenth anniversary and the first time Spirit Lake wrapped all the way around. There’s bound to be more surprises at this year’s shindig.

The wrangler’s inaugural Hula heralds back to was 2017 and the camp at the Poncho Tree blended with Michigan wooks of the first order in a weekend that would change things forever. It was the Captain, Chey, Quinton, Adam, Trinket, Emma and a slough of other thugs who would become lifelong family. Be careful who you pick as neighbors because you might fall in love with them forever. “She’s into malakas, Dino!”

Don’t think of this as a cautionary tale but more of a trail of virtual bread crumbs that will serve as a virtual guidepost on your journey around Hulaween. There’s plenty to see and it’s alright to get lost in your own forest from time to time. Follow along, dear reader and enjoy the ride through the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. This is what waits for you in the protective womb of the forest.

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. Even the folks who don’t get all the way down still go fantastically hard. There’s not much room for sleep and that alone can wear a person down after a few days. How will you hold it together once the shadow people come calling? Indeed how? It’s important to remember that no one is really following you or cares what you are doing. Feel free to feel free.

Spirit Lake: One of the cornerstones of Hula, the landscape around the central lake will explode into a mosaic of color and sound and it’s a lot to unpack. The Incendiary Stage now takes ownership of the southern shore of the lake and runs all night. Labarynths of color, fire shooting into the sky, black light fun. What the heliconia is going on here? Processors running at full bore and still nothing is making complete sense.

Kamp Happiness, Suwannee Hulaween 2024. Photo by Lucienda Rosalita.

The Loop. The piercing high sound of a Frisbee slamming into the side of a recreational vehicle at three in the morning must be heard to be truly appreciated. The Loop along with the cabins is a place for travel trailers, motor homes, teardrops and all things in between. Please take off yours shoes before entering the cabin. Don’t you know dogs poop outside? No worries old chap, would you like a coffee and a dab? (Removes shoes and enters room. Scene.)

Cheese. Love. Once only a hushed whisper heard in the most rare and sinister circles, this mantra has now become a beacon of hope and a song on the voices of everyone. So much Cheese everywhere. Hard to fathom. The String Cheese Incident seems to be playing all the time. I understand they are all Cheese festivals but Hulaween really is. Buen queso una y otra vez. The Saturday night set is one of the best of the year and the Sunday set with Bob Weir is going to be a non-negotiable.

Welcome the shit show.

The Park. Take a left at the playground and visit FRS in the 80 Acres near Blanco’s mermaid pool. Once this neighborhood gets filled up one begins to understand how far the silliness goes in every direction. When we talk about great distances to cover, Suwannee is not nearly as punishing as many other sites. It’s all pretty close together and there are no mountains. Take a road soda and move at an easy pace. Swing in and meet your neighbors thinking, “What do I have to share?” Remember, this is not a parking lot, this is a campsite. No one checks your car on the way in and no one cares what you bring with you. Park directly next to your campsite and live the life you were meant to live. This is SOSMP. Music lives here.

Abandon hope all ye who enter here, Suwannee Hulaween. photo by Jason Nail

The River. It might be the only bath you take all week, but don’t wait till Sunday to visit the beach hippies at the river. Who knows what kind of trouble you’ll run into. Maybe if you sling that leg out somebody will give you a golf cart ride. Howdy sailor, going my way? Always be on the lookout for Pedro’s grit and slide.

The Bat House. Perched on the central crossroads in the middle of the Pine Field, the daily exodus of the bats from their perch into the forest is a spectacular show. Stand directly in their path and feel the sprinkles as little specs of guano rain upon ye. Watch red shoulder hawks swoop in for a snack the river of bats. This is a special part of the Suwannee experience so don’t miss out.

Find Kendall and Kendall down by the Lost Pavilion on the way to the river. Some folks who shower enjoy those facilities down there the best of all of them. Lucienda enjoyed showering, she really did. But showers for her were usually relegated to times when things were particularly docile or for medicinal reason like a serious need to get clean and “bounce back” in a formidable way.

Spirit Lake at Suwannee Hulaween.

This is the house that Bear Creek built. WANEE, Roots and many more of the best camping/music festivals anywhere. Hulaween is in that category. This is the home of VASSAR Sunday and one of the most serious musical legacies anywhere. Generations of music festival lovers have made the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park their home. She remembered back when the drum circle in the far end of the field would start up as soon as the music on stage ended. Many were the nights she would fall asleep in her own golf cart only to wake up in someone else’s. Curiouser and curiouser. Honest mistake your honor.

After pride cometh the fall and Clayopheus would be proud of you. Shawsville, Virginia thugs have always created a wide footprint at Hulaween. It’s true. They would show up with venison stew and morels ready to absolutely stomp on the terra. Lord Buckley said that. Then, in an unconscious stupor, they would roll off the roof of their heavy Chevy into the soft Florida dirt. Rinse and repeat.

KMag, Suwannee Hulaween 2017.

Hobo Kamp. The ideas for the earliest versions of the homestead herald back to Sarah F. and Lightnin’ and although they always try to camp at the Poncho Tree, Buddha reminds us that the only thing that’s permanent is impermanence. Another great thing about SOSMP is that just about every campsite is shady and delicious, like you. From Hippy Trail to the Bird Sanctuary, no matter how much money you have, everyone gets the same great spot. Swing by Kafe Bonheur make the acquaintance of Mateo, lil D-Big Arrel and the rest of Cheese. Love. Sauce, The Kitty Titties and the literal gutter of the Pine Field. Kick of your shoes and sit a while.

Music. Saturday date night with Cheese is one of the banginest sets of the year. It usually involves some kind of covers set and a visual spectacle hard that’s hard fathom. Sploosh. Bro, do you even Tipper? Your inflatable couch appears to have a slow leak. Black Pumas, Clozzee, Umphries McGee, Greensky, Of the Trees, Sublime, Chris Lake, Cory Wong, Daily Bread, G Jones, A Hundred Drums, Andy Frasco, Sam Grisman Project (Ed. note-this will be my first show #happyface), Manic Focus, The Ain’t Sisters, Kamp Happiness Family Jam and more than you can get to. The next time someone whines about festival ticket prices, show them this lineup. The math checks out brocephus.

Right.

Pedro’s Trash Heap of Whimsy. Rumor has it that Pedro the Greasiest Mexican brought zero trinkets back from Burning Man for the Circle K? Hagglin’ Post or even her trash heap but fear not, the word on the street is that Lucy and the Lemon Merchant brought plenty of Phish schmatta back from Mondegreen. Get ready Trey fans. He sees you.

Many people who wander are completely lost. Sometimes it’s alright to get turned around in your own forest. You never know who you’ll meet. If things get weird, sit down for a minute in the forest, take a tick and pull the soldiers back together. After that, skip to and continue forward. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. And remember, if you’re lost and always running into the same campsites all night, take a different path at the next crossroads.

Spirit Lake, Suwannee Hulaween 2017. Photo by Jason Nail

Visit the Suwannee Hulaween site for tickets, information and all the virtual goodness that’s fit to fill a croaker sack. Keep up with current events on their social media sites at Facebook, Instagram and X. Revisit some of the frivolity of yesteryear in the depths of the wranglers archives. 2023 Immersion Therapy, Ten Years of Hulaween, 2022 Dance of the Monkey Kings, 2021 Cheese. Love. Sauce., 2018 Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire. This is the way.

For many, this is one of the cornerstones music festivals of the year and being from this part of the world, we serve as stewards of the forest and party. Find Kamp Happiness in the Pine Field and if you be a wheeler-dealer, bring your tradeablers for the Circle K? Hagglin’ Post. See you in the forest. Keep up with the wranglers as we evolve south for the winter months and begin to create the 2025 dance card and our ten year anniversary, whirlwind of disaster tour.

Now you know what you’re in for Brie. Hulaween on your horizon and you will be forever changed. Look for the kinfolk at the Kamp Happiness Hobo Kamp at the Poncho Tree. I think you remember where it is. As for me, I’ve got to go, the chickens are chasing the Chihuahua and one of the youngins is stuck in the well again. See you soon. I love you.

The post An Epistle On Your First Suwannee Hulaween appeared first on wook wranglers.

Immersion Therapy at Suwannee Hulaween “23

jason — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 14:39:33 +0000

There is a deep creak of rusted hinges as you slowly press forward the ancient oak. Curiosity overtakes you and an unnamed force pulls you ever nearer to its alien source. Once inside, you are closer to the din of insane laughter accompanied by a deeper, constant hum coming from even further away. More of a feeling than a sound, it is the thundering boom of bass decks and their resonance traveling through the veins of the earth to enter at your feet and slide right up your entrada gratis. Let go of your fears for this is Suwannee Hulaween and it is the medicine to cure all ailments. Strike man strike! Expose thyself and allow the healing waters of the spring to do their magick. Bienvenido a la fiesta grande. It is fully exposed and completely immersive, and this the circus for which you are looking.

The ten year anniversary the of Full Moon Family Reunion brought everything to the hagglin’ table and produced one of the slickest music festivals of all time. Improving on an already crystalline formula, Hula continues to get better each year and everyone, from the professional cuddlers to the river pirates raised the ante and doubled on the bet. The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park fam reached new heights with this addition of the annual Halloween festival and, once again the forests and fields served as a perfect backdrop for the countless adventures and experiences that would materialize under the magical beauty of the cypress trees. The weather was perfect all week in Live Oak reminding us why it’s perfect time for the annual shift to the tropics. For many of the Hulaween faithful, the Spirit of the Suwwannee Music Park is home and in the words of Shanaenae of Free Range Strange, at their Friday set on the Campground Stage, “It’s good to be home.” Let go. Bats aren’t real. Wade in the water. This is Immersion Therapy at Suwannee Hulaween “23. We are not human traffic cones. This is our time. This is our place. This is our story.

Hulaween “23: photo by Aaron Bradley

Immersion/Exposure Therapy? A phobia is an anxiety disorder involving excessive and persistent fear of a situation or object. Exposure to the source of the fear can trigger an immediate anxiety response. Immersion therapy is a psychological technique which allows a patient to overcome fears and can be used for anxiety and panic disorders. How many people at the show can get uncomfortable in large crowds? Get ready to face all of your phobias. Dirt? Loud noises? Ground glitter? Hulaween is bubbling, frothing ready to address all of your psychoanalytic needs and show you how really silly the whole thing can be. Just lie back and let it happen. The doctor is in.

C’mon now. The yoke was never supposed to be that heavy. What would be the point in something like that? Call it creative design but let’s assume the universe was written with more elaborate purpose. Mixed in with the call to arms, there is surely a time for celebration, frivolity and fun. Get out of the head. Do the work. Breath. Stay up all night. Sing. Dance. Let go. Serve. Embrace the ego death. Dip your balls in it. Suwannee Hulaween celebrated its ten year anniversary with a Full Moon Family Reunion that took everything Hula has learned in a decade and rolled it all into one overstuffed burrito of high-science, sharp fun. It was a heaping spoonful of high exposure and data overload, yes and thank you. Your pleasure is my time. The lineup was filled with four straight days of eclectic, gender-bending music, artists, vending, food, friends and loose side adventures.The String Cheese Incident and Pretty Lights anchored a list that included Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, Free Range Strange, Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, JRAD, Lespecial, John Summit, Dispatch and a metric ton of more. For goodness sake and criminy peat, what else could you need?

Prologue. Lucy and Baitbucket stopped in Rome, Georgia for a few days of stagehand work and were going to be dangerously tardy for homesteading property in the Farm Field. They had somewhere around thirty people coming to camp near the shade of the Poncho Tree so there was definitely work to be done. The Pine and Farm Field is covedeth land and fortunately the greasiest Mexican came Sunday early and worked with Lil d Big Arel from Cheese. Love. Sauce. to rope off some plantation land, near the Titty Kitties (always) and across the street from Mateo and the River Pirates in the Pine Field. Location, location, location. One can just see this place turning into Asheville. Sure to sellout the first chance they get. They come early and like hummingbirds and salmon, return to the same spots every year so they can mate and die. It’s important the Shady Witch of the Panhandle can find Kamp Happiness within the flashing mural of pounding madness. Hippies use front door. You should check it out. It’s pretty inviting. All are welcome.

Kamp Happiness at Hulaween “23: photo by the Hurt Locker

Hobo Kamp homesteaded a sliver of land at the Poncho Tree and set up shop in original Kamp Happiness settlement. The Hurt Locker landed near the bat house crossroads and homesteaded a sizable patch right on main street. Somewhere between Major Malfunktion and Live Oak, there came a tear in her in her inflatable rainbow. Somehow Baitbucket was going to have to shift the blame to Boston and Sam. It would be easy. They were a known pair of degenerates and admitted criminals. Richmond trash book ended the strip with Kiera and Q the Roanoke Mafia at the other end. Thanks to Pedro and Lil d for saving space in the Pine Field which filled up quickly. Thanks to the unpaid, unsung minions who helped people find places to park without upsetting each other or the natural balance. Wednesday is easy when level heads prevail and isn’t it in the best interest of the park that we take an ownership role and become stewards of our own forest? You already know. The math checks out.

From Stephen Barry.

Missed Connection:

To the young lady who thought her tambourine sounded good with all the music performances…

You’re wrong.

Stop doing that.

Don’t call me.

Golf cliches? Rockford’s favorite son, Señor Bitchell, the Chillicothe Kid and Sergeant at Arms for the Order of the Wilted Lilly, showed up with a loose O ring and his usual professional, gitterdun attitude. Evidence would show he was singularly responsible for the lip sore shared by most of the camp throughout the week. Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. He also contributed to Bfly’s cafeteria and along with Q, the first KH Street Kitchen was born. Yes, those petals are soft and edible. Push button, drink beer.

Friends of the Bastard Pedro, Hulaween “23

Wednesday. Data Overload. Encroachment Issues and More…

It was still early in terms of the festival marathon, but there were times Wednesday night when Lucy began to experience slight data overload. All things being said, it was still manageable but she could see that sensory input and waves were beginning to come at her with increased frequency. She would use breathing exercises all weekend when she needed to control her heart rate or internal temperature. Navy Wook Seal exercises for festival success. Write that down.

The eye of the storm. Spirit Lake at Hulaween “23: photo by J.Nail

He was afraid to open the antique suitcase. He could only dare to imagine what was inside? A raping ball of black mambas? Roasted monkey nuts? It was stenciled with their emblem y Mateo. It would prove to be a Linda piano accordion from Italy mixed with a dense black mold that would later and forever imprint his mother’s guest room. It was as wide as a Plymouth and twice as heavy. It was providence that it was always going to end up with Mateo, who ended up with his lightning bolt jacket from Rum 132.

World’s worst ambassador “puts the lotion on the pig.”

Ryan Mason coined the look of the high vis vest. Where did the radios even come from? Who was he actually speaking to? It was connected to someone at Cheese. Love. Sauce. Maybe? Who were they? “It puts the lotion on the pig?” and other hideous, whispering sounds. What did it mean? Audio hallucination had begun to seep into the fold.

Golly. Don’t worry there old chap. It’s not just you. Everyone is having a psychotic episode. It’s all happening at the same time and it’s your turn to push through. Moonspittle approached Pedro’s garbage patch asking for an escort back to Hippy Trail. One of the pleasures of any busy festival is the chance to have one-on-one walks with friends and a little time to visit. The sunrise conversations over gateway specialty cocktails like potato salad coladas and Bloody Marys iced with dirt and ash. Hulaween fancy.

Baitbucket had made a gentleman’s agreement with the neighbors on what would constitute the property line between the two camps. EJ pulled in with hashtag vanlife and ripped back into her usual spot with veracious impunity. Reports that she’d been lost to the loop had been thankfully exaggerated. She was back in the woods with her people. Shortly after, several long recreation vehicles sat blinking in the middle of the fire lane, waiting for someone to move the van, to which EJ and her keys were nowhere to be found. Baitbucket opted to remove himself from the scene and hide at the Hurt Locker on the other side of the field. At precisely the same time, the chicken bus trying to back into a sliver of space behind the Oldsmowagon smashed the pile of Pedro’s possessions with its quarter panel, sending the rest of her junk into the antique grotto and trash emporium. They appeared to be losing control of the area. As so far it had been kept organized and calm but chaos was slowly creeping in. Like Bedouin traders living in a gypsy paradise. Never miss a Wednesday show.

Monroe County thugs at Hulaween “23:

When the shadow people come calling, through one over your shoulder and help someone find a place to park. There’s room for everyone who uses their inside voice, otherwise your campsite could be the site of a sunrise megaphone meditation of bull whip clinic. Live Oak tribe grew up here. They are the workers, the pirates, the camp musicians. Professional tweakers of the spunion tribe.

Ingress

Wednesday night at Hulaween is the preparty of all functions. As vehicles begin filling in the corners and encroachment issues ensue, patience is a virtue. Chasity (not ChasTity) and her late-night joyrides to the airstrip set the low-bar standard for the entire weekend. She lost her festival bracelet as early as Tuesday? She even took Pedro, Baitbucket and Gandalf the Fuzzy to swipe the production Jolly Roger across town. They were run off by production security but there were still a couple more hours until sunrise and Mexicans don’t sleep.

The Art of the Low Wave and Lost Dreams. Hannah Montana from Cheese. Love. Sauce.? We’ve got some more questions for you cowgirl. Now there is someone with a good head on her shoulders. Finally, someone at that camp that makes an iota of sense. It can be difficult to sleep when one arrives at Suwannee. Lucy had already seen a great deal in the last few days but when asked to elaborate and put words to the memories they just came out in the form of spit bubbles. Dripping from the crusty corners of her mouth and the bloated, yellow tongue lined fresh with sores. Her body was rejecting the witches brew of poisons she was ingesting at previously unheard of rates. They did manage to leave $40 for the coochie couch they popped with their bodaciousness. It was the Hula of lost dreams. Bingo never happened. She never manned the trading post or cooked a single meal despite bringing enough perishable food to feed an army. Katie Majik would have called it the cooler of good intentions.

@everydayresesearch

The White Ninja was hiding in plain sight. They’d camped next to he and the Roberto at Elements and accepted the invite to Hulaween. Good idea Francisco. It boggles the mind how KH could miss Tristan and Cat completely but the White Ninja could run into his ex girlfriend seven times a day. Just lucky I guess. Likely he got tossed and ended up at the Billy Strings/Sierra squared WrestleMania.

Nothing all weekend could ever be as immersive and outlandishly beautiful as Spirit Lake. The Hulaween interactive art area was the most expansive version ever, covering more space and with more to see. Data overload. At times all one could do is sigh and smile with a pleasant sense of disbelief at the immense production value. The Mural Maze, Incendia Stage and speakeasy were filled with all manner of strange and pleasantly warped distractions and it’s easy to see the love put into each attraction.

El Scorpio screamed, “Keep your head on a swivel. There are shoplifters about!” The Circle K? Trading Post was getting picked clean by varmints. It’s an absolute zoo. Dock that guy a day’s pay for nappin’ on the job. Obviously, there’s a chink in the armor. Call security, the thinly dressed therapist needs to be enthusiastically frisked.

2:45

Lucy needed to sleep for a few hours, the voices were getting louder now and the shadow people were closing in. There was a stink coming from her back that followed her around. Do you smell it? It’s like death. If I go to bed for a few hours will it go away? Absolutely sir. Don’t forget, pressure creates diamonds.

Goose at Hulaween “23: photo by Tara Gracer.

The Cheese “Moon” set was a blistering example of what the String Cheese Incident brings to the table Saturday night at Hulaween. Consistently one of the most fun sets of the year, it did not disappoint. Walking on the Moon, by the Police and Spanish Moon by Little Feat were fan favorites in a set filled with fun.

The Soundship Spacesystem Tour. They were strolling calmly to their first-ever Pretty Lights set and as El Scorpio heard the “Midnight Rider/Cocaine” mash up he began running through the vending area waving his arms like a majorette. Through only the braided coincidence that Hula can offer, they all ended up at the Torch party at the letter H. Pretty Lights brought the funkiest of sets turning otherwise normal people into monkeys. Believe what you want. Sunday was even more hippy perfection as Pretty Lights dropped into a “Shakedown Street” that had the wooks coming out of their union suits and lederhosen. At the Pretty Lights set, Lucy took a spill on the hill near the HULA sign. Your honor, the ground there was simply not level. Sometimes a person takes a fall and fortunately there’s no one around to witness it, this was not like thatin the slightest. She was facing uphill and thumping to that Saturday night set and backed up over a couple ladies that were seated on the ground. The impact was recorded by seismographs as far away as Austin, Texas and all she could do was make a peace offering in the form of her hippy-camouflage pine cone necklace groundscored from Secret Dreams. Baby steps back to the elevator…

Spirit Lake at Hulaween “23: photo by The Hurt Locker

7:50

Seat’s Taken. Did you witness the various iterations of Forrest Gump running around the venue with runner, table tennis, Vietnam, Bubba Gump… all zipping alone through the campsites and coming together in the venue.

At some point he believed the Iceman was trying to smuggle himself in or was lurking about and using the megaphone he put a bounty on his head hoping to influence some kind of man-hunt. It was all for moot. No one was actually listening and subsequently the megaphone was taken away and returned to its rightful owners. Sad face emoji. Tough titty said the kitty but the milk tastes good.

From Matthew Kabb.

Missed Connection:

I’m looking for my Glory hole Whippit Cinderella. I first tried to get anyone’s attention by sticking the nozzle out the VIP fence off Stable Road to no avail. I blurted out “glory hole whippit” to which you responded “seriously” I answered “yes” and you worked your mouth up on my nozzle and took half the canister before finishing it off on a second hit and wandering off into the night. I know it was a anonymous but I need to know, are you out there my Glory hole Whippet Cinderella?

What’s the rumpus? It may have been a rumor but how about Manic Focus covering Rage Against the Machine? Pigeons covering Pink Floyd as the original Monkey King’s favorite set of the weekend? Golly. By this time Pedro likely had sepsis and needed a hip replacement. She was too weak to lift herself from the ball pit and had to be exhumed by Bfly. Her mustache was silted with a fine layer of Daytona dry wall and her left eye had begun to twitch violently.

Baitbucket lost his megaphone when the two hot girls with the tequila took Mateo’s golf cart. He later stole Mateo’s megaphone and covered it with stickers so it would look like his own. Strange how these things happen. Had someone used it, it would have been easy to locate. Stolen or lost, like so much self-respect.

All criss cross, no applesauce.

Uncle Les at Hulaween “23: photo by Aaron Hughes

In the gathering of lovers,

there is no high, no low,

no smart, no ignorant, no special assembly,

no grand discourse, no proper schooling required.

There is no master, no disciple.

This gathering is more like a drunken party,

full of tricksters, fools, mad men and mad women.

This is a gathering of lovers.

– Rumi

El Scorpio was working the Circle K? Trading Post when a young wookling came up and began dancing barefoot on his inventory. He broke a couple of masks before spitting on the pile and and suggesting his spit was worth some intrinsic value. When asked if he could trade a hug for a product, El Scoripio starred at him disgusted and screamed, “Don’t touch me”. Beat it hippie. Hugs don’t pay the bills.

El Scorpio the Consigliere and Hippies Dressed as Cops…

He was so proud of his new shower and why not? Fancy people deserve VIPness treatment. One second it’s a private place to wash that stink off, the next minute Blanco is standing outside of the shower tent hunkered over as her long curls are caught in the zipper. Naked and screaming as she slowly is being devoured by fire ants. Welcome to the portal.

The Consigliere and Blanco raided the Frick Frack table late night. EJ had already fleeced them but they ended up with his glowing scorpion belt buckle. “They took everything from me.” By the time he walked into camp he was wearing nothing but a barrel with old leather straps over the shoulders. He still had his scorpion bola tie but it was obvious the cards hadn’t fallen his way. Probably Sheriff Phoenix, he’s a sly one and has to be watched. Keeper of lost souls indeed. Blanco was dressed as a cop and along with the flashlight she had hippies walking the straight line all night. Gambling is an addiction but the Consigliere knew when to stop. He’d been trying to win the antique bingo spinner for Pedro’s bingo extravaganza that would never actually happen in a million-trillion years. Everyone was still on the lookout for the scorpion belt buckle, but the Frack thugs were keeping it close to the proverbial vest.

Uncommon street walker at Hulaween “23

Something was wrong with the Consigliere and Lucy knew it. He looked at her with his Katy Perry lizard eye, its sideways blinking lens. Good luck finding a Japanese woman to suck out your Wal Mart contacts when it gets logged behind your troglodyte skull. Around five am security scooted in to shut down the El Scorpio request happy hour. Quiet time? Methinks a hard no. This is Hulaween and we are camped in the dirt with the forest people. This shop is open 24 hours a day.

The Art of the Disco Nap

He slept on the outdoor rug with two squishmallows, Kierra’s inflatable couch in Ka’aoli’s kitchen. Friday night it was a lawn chair at Mateo’s house and the passenger side of someone’s unlocked vehicle. He woke up and the sky was changing color. The phone read 7:30 but he didn’t know if it was am or pm. Which way were the bats heading? He wasn’t sure what day it was and for that matter he didn’t care. He was lost in the nebula and it felt good. All was well in the world.

String Cheese Saturday night at Hulaween “23; photo by Aaron Bradley

KH Security. Hulaween ’23

George and Blancito led the way with nightly homegrown camp music. As per usual, Big Betty would shake her curves and invite other men to slap her. If they had only known the dumpster fire that would come with the pleasure. Something that could be felt down to the bone of the bone. Someone from Cheese. Love. noted how everyone shared at Hulaween and she had never seen a festival with such a collaborative spirit.

Beware the Expectation Monster. It was the warmest time of the day when the Consigiliere offered him the honey. Lord knows he needed it. His voice had been gone since Thursday and it felt like he’d guzzled an ashtray colada. The honey, which unknowingly had been sitting in the sun all day, squirted down his gullet with surprising force and ease. Bucket realized only a few seconds later that it was some kind of spicy pepper honey and he was the victim of a premeditated and cowardly attack by a pathetic man-child. Others would suggest the fake hundreds were the worst joke of the week, but the honey was worser.

Spirit Lake at Hulaween “23: photo by J.Nail

Spunderella claimed she was a “professional cuddler” but a nube, shocked even to hear Werewolves of London and coming to understand that no drug is ever as potent at lack of sleep. Mikey won at wook bingo when he unzipped his tent only to find Baitbucket rolled up in his bed and sleeping soundly.

Kudos to the Soup Kitchen for winning the Mississippi blue ribbon first place award for best top knot. Second place went to some Lil d with his, “samurai fun house gremlin” and for the passing by hipster who wouldn’t consent to enter the contest. For his efforts, or lack thereof, he shall receive a single lump of dried dog poop and a lifetime of anguish. Congratulations to all our winners.

A Hulaween tradition, all the hippies found their way to Joe Russo’s Almost Dead and a Terrapin closer that left a lingering tingle that would remain all weekend. Terrapin Thursday? The Friday lineup was one of the best days of music ever. Bucket spent the whole afternoon and night wandering from camp to camp visiting friends and making new ones. His lineup included Free Range Strange, Roosevelt Collier Band, String Cheese, String Cheese, Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose and Lespecial closing it out. Damn son, that’s a full menu.

Alley Cat was reported cutting off people’s hair without permission. She’d found her way back to Hobo Kamp after last year’s sunrise megaphone meditation and was apparently saving the hair for some kind of putrid shrine. Red flag. Bandera roja. She even managed to pull a little from security which, once again did a spectacular job of moving people along safely and without hassle. The lines were short and the attitudes were gracious. Saving lives, one hippy at a time.

Spirit Lake at Hulaween “23: photo by J.Nail

Brocoliah and Justin owned the east side of the street where her leave on/take one produced the occasional airplane bottle of Rumplemintz. She and George joined for primordial groundscore Monday and there is nothing in the world more fun. Lucy’s legs were bloated, her feet tingling and scarred, and she had strawberries on her hips from wiping out the electric bike in the sugar sand. Her fingernails contained all manner of filth and her feet? You already know, hooves black as pitch. They were misplacing things as fast as they were finding them. Short term memory had definitely taken a backseat to free roaming brown outs. The weatherman called for a high chance of scattered gravity storms.

Randy Savagery and The Strange. The Florida Fam showed up en masse for the Free Range Strange set on Friday at the Campground Stage. That’s right big boy, it’s the savagery that makes us randy. And don’t get us started about the beast on bluegrass cajon. The prisons in Florida must have revolving doors. The whole show was filled with fierce music, dancing and family fun. One of the best shows of the weekend to be sure. They may have missed their late night Strange set at Kamp Happiness due to the fact they were already eating fried hamsters in Cuzco. There is no more joyous sound than Sunnie Rae’s voice lifting through the Suwannee forest till the wee hours of the morning. Boom. Mop wig drop.

“I thank the Lord for the people I have found.”

Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters, E. John.

In memorandum for Clayopheus I the original Roanoke Mafia (Shawsvegas Annex) and premier Hulaween creature. His ghost and many others danced alongside the living through the weekend.

Spirit Lake, Hulaween “23: photo by Aaron Bradley.

Obviously, there was something wrong with him. He couldn’t seem to get out of the ants. He continued to scream the scream of a man who was mired in a helpless maze of deeply personal confusion. Ross starred at the vivid scene with sadness.. There was really nothing he could do for the fool. After he’d calmed down a bit, he was asked to move his vehicle backwards a few feet for Jenn and Ross. It shouldn’t have been such a chore but he was having some kind of fit and his brain had atrophied to that of an infant. The car was backing up much faster than he’d expected it should. There was little room for error as he, unable to find the brake pedal, rolled backwards toward the open door of the school bus. Where was the damned brake pedal? The car continued to steam backwards and as he finally leaned hard onto the emergency brake the vehicle slowly came to rest just a few inches from the bus. Take these keys. Get the behind me Satan.

River Pirates

Gandalf the Greasy and the Suwanee River Pirates raised the bar at this year’s celebration coming away with thirteen Jolly Rogers at last count. Planning combined with practiced execution makes this crew one of the most formidable anywhere. Their twenty-four hour security team patrols the square where the booty is displayed and in tandem with the outer ring of buried Alaskan badger traps, it’s a rare bird that wins back her freedom. What lesson did the River Pirates teach everyone this year? Don’t bring your Jolly Roger to Live Oak if you care about it. Keep it at home under your bed. Mail it to your grandmother up north. Fold it up and hide it in a time capsule for a thousand years, just don’t bring it to Suwannee. There are pirates in these woods and they follow their own code of conduct. Production will always get the worst of it. Crew One, James Thomas? Yes all day. Pangea? Yes more. You will always get the worst of it and for you, no quarter will be given. Sorry, not sorry. Go have a Four Loco. There are no cherry pickers in hell.

Suwannee River Pirates of Hulaween 2023: photo by anonymous

Amigos of Pedro, Serious Homesteading and A Mexican Cheese Wedding

Her jacket was made from the upholstery of a 1982 sofa bed from Sarasota. All she was missing was the grotesquely over sized partical board entertainment shelf and a linty pocket of old, hard candy. The Captain’s hat was only for aesthetics as she’d lost her captain’s licence running generic viagara and Mayan artifacts through the Bay of Honduras. The pocket watch was still on Chillicothe time. Summer Camp executive. Still, through all the missteps of life found the uncommon streetwalker laying in the pile of discarded trash she called her front yard. Mike had to learn the hard way, when you move next door to someone, you can’t know that they’re going to leave all of their kid’s plastic toys outside forever. Just go ahead and leave the Christmas lights up, it’s already trashy. There was no method to the madness and it got worse as the weekend progressed. And then the Mexican finds a perfect pair of Birkinstocks in the garbage? Likely left in the ball pit by some fraternity boy during late night, tag-team “cougar hour”.

It was the best of times. There was the unsanctioned wedding during the String Cheese set and afternoon dips in the moldy ball pit. Used whipits and warm beer lay around the campsite alsongside other items she brought for the Trading Post. An old tire? Brown flowers? It had a complete Sanford and Son vibe about it and that’s how it would stay.

Steve and Heather at Suwannee Hulaween “23.

It wasn’t all a dusty Mexican flea market. There was the pornography section in the prison library, the leave 0ne, take one Mr. Clinkies and they’d brought over a cabana to put near the ball pit. Across the street it was late night road flares creating bubble sand hippy art? And salvation for all the beach goers in the form of the Eucharist? No. This does not compute. It only happens at Hulaween and only by people to the extreme of the deflated rainbow spectrum. Saving souls, one hippy at a time.

Show me what you got!

Circle K? Trading Post. The happy couple did disappear on one of the busiest days of the year. Probably in Costa Rica lounging on a hanging bed in their honeymoon chickee. Luckily the Consigliere was there to pick up the slack and work doubles Saturday and Sunday. The cream always rises to the top. The Sunday night Circle K? proved to be as active as ever and hot trades were the order of the day. Odesza drumsticks and set list from Bonnaroo? VIP shower coupons for Peach? Undersized Green Team vest for Electric Forest? It just goes on. Find the hagglin’ post at your next festival. Okeechobee rag for Pac Man game? Hmmm. Who is watchin’ the store?

2:37

Mateo’s drums and Benjamin’s guitar could be heard across the Pine Field as live music filled the honeypot all weekend. In a festival with a history of late night renegades and sunrise dj, the last few years have shown a real growth in homemade campfire music.Who was that vanilla savage playing the reed accordion like an Ecuadorian street musician? He still owed $40 for the apple pie moonshine and those cracker hoodlums took the little red rooster as collateral. And just after he’d paid the ransom to get it back from those Axton bitches and the Blue Ridge dumpster fire. Lil d tried to come in hard with a leg drop and about blew off the rooster’s entire head and neck. Luckily he only weighed 56 pounds and harmlessly bounced away into the dust and brambles. Luckily he ran with a chicken doctor. He really needed to find a better class of friends.

Phobias are one of the most common mental illnesses in the United States. Typical symptoms of phobias can include nausea, trembling, rapid heartbeat, feelings of unreality, and being preoccupied with the fear object. Exposure therapy is a type of therapy in which you’re gradually exposed to the things, situations and activities you fear. Hulaween is an open floodgate of serious medicine.

10 Phobias that can be impacted by Hulaween immersion/exposure therapy

Ataxophobia: Fear of disorder or untidiness (Visit Pedro’s trash grotto and lukewarm ball pit)
Dendrophobia: Fear of trees (It’s Outerroo for you. Or eat a heroic dose, sit next to a turkey oak and see what happens)
Erotophobia: Fear of sex (Not a problem since you have ablutophobia. Or is this one of those weekends when you’re “not really looking”. Please. You be playin’ hard to want.)
Insectophobia: Fear of insects (Cuddling with pet ticks and Squishmallows on the outdoor rug is pure gold.)
Thughophobia: Fear of unknowingly trying to use a fake $100 in Cracker Barrel with your family.
Nyctophobia: Fear of the dark (Second grade called and said “pull it together”.)
Catagelophobia: Fear of being ridiculed (Do not leave your tent)
Samhainophobia: Fear of Halloween (Welcome to the portal.)
Trypophobia: Fear of holes (Reality will be waiting when you finally emerge)
Ablutophobia: Fear of bathing (Try the 4:30 am boy shower for lukewarm water.)

The Quinn’s Wedding. Impassable Palisades and Morning Waves. The Kitty Titties were having a wedding. The Quinns had found each other and he’d learned when to be quiet. Lucy, Bfly and the Ninja headed to the chapel for the ceremony only to find it had been taken over by the Mural Maze and there was no wedding present. There were three weddings happening simultaneously and hopes of finding the Quinns was slim. Hopeless and deflated, some informed stranger pointed them toward the ceremony inside. They poorly attempted to climb onto the ramparts but the Alamo was easier to get into than this place. The front door was locked, they couldn’t dig under and they couldn’t scale the palisades. Through the gaps in the wood they could see inside and what appeared to be a young boy/man dressed like a short, golden troll. A few moments later the happy couple and court would emerge ready to embark on a life of marriage bliss.

For the second year KH has done their business next to the Titty Kitties. The Kitties show up for Sunrise Reflection and adult meditations in G. In a world of spikes and troughs on the cardiograph of life, the goal is the short wave. Thank you to the original Monkey King for the sunrise sessions. You can’t always choose your neighbors in the forest, sometimes they choose you. Don’t worry, Monroe trash of the seventeenth order, you can eat crackers in my bed anytime, baby.

For rent at Hulaween “23: photo by Baitbucket

Keep up with the Hulaween website and check out their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube. Thanks to Bfly for her wildlife photographs and contributing writers Lil d and the Consigliere. The stolen megaphone has a wook wranglers sticker on it so keep a keen eye out. Photo of Sunnie Ray by @onnamaya.
Ed. note: No part of the Farm Field is quiet camping. No sir. Go anywhere else.

Of course this is merely one version of the story. One point of view in a endless plane of points of view. In some ways it changes a little each year and in many ways, it remains the change. Believe what you want. Who could, in good faith, trust these blistered visions from the minds and bodies of people removing sleep, food and water from their diet. Under no circumstances would any of the aforementioned be considered a credible witness. For now, the Hobo Kamp continues to live in the shade of the Farm Field, right next to the Pine Field and not far from the bat house. C’mon Magellan, it’s one of the largest bat houses in the southeast United States. Follow the guano.

Epilogue: They were sharing saline snot with him against his will. He contracted the wook flu. This party is not for the faint of heart. It’s outrageous abuse framed in equal parts savage love and perfect practice. You thought you were the host and you were actually the host. As a vector, mosquitoes don’t get tapeworms. It’s not your fault just because you never wash your hands. It’s all about the weakest link in the most primordial sense. Don’t let the party pound you into sugar sand. You’re stronger than you know. For Christmas he would be asking for a stomach pump, iron lung, blood transfusion and Flor de Caña iv drip. It was time to head to the Villages and dry out for a few days. His mother would beat him in golf and then cut out his dreadlocks in between deep, coma-like sleeps. You are healed. Thanks Hula for providing a safe place for folks to let their hair down and howl at the moon.

Visit some of our Hulaween articles from the vault. Ten Years of Suwannee Hulaween. Dance of the Monkey Kings. Cheese. Love. Sauce. The Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire. and visit our spots on the etherweb at Facebook, Instagram and X/Twitter. Thanks. Science is real.

Thanks for keeping the wook wranglers near and dear to your festival heart. We love different festivals for different reasons but it always comes back to family. Hulaween is a family festival and the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park is our home park. Thanks to everyone who contributed to what was an unforgettable party. It takes a village of idiots. It was a family reunion and a complete get all the way down. Stay close. Don’t get lost. There’s plenty to unpack here.

Look for the Hobo Kamp at Suwannee Resonate. wranglers y Mateo

The post Immersion Therapy at Suwannee Hulaween “23 appeared first on wook wranglers.

Spirit Lake Announcements for Hulaween “23

jason — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 21:01:59 +0000

Suwannee Hulaween celebrates its 10th anniversary by unveiling Spirit Lake’s immersive art programming for the first-time ever.

Spirit Lake’s offerings are typically kept secret ahead of the festival, but Hulaween has revealed its programming in honor of its decade milestone. The festival will feature 10 new installations for the 10 year anniversary.

Musical headliners include festival originators The String Cheese Incident, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, John Summit, Elderbrook, Big Wild, Channel Tres, Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Smino, Dispatch, and two sets from electro-soul pioneer Pretty Lights

Thursday, October 26 – Sunday, October 29, 2023 at Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida

Tickets are 99% sold out

Suwannee Hulaween will celebrate its tenth-year anniversary from Thursday, October 26 – Sunday, October 29, 2023, returning home to the Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. As one of the last truly independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape and selling out its last five events, Hulaween will commemorate a decade of success with one of the most exciting editions yet.

Headliners for the 2023 edition include six sets from festival founders The String Cheese Incident, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, John Summit, Elderbrook, Big Wild, Channel Tres, Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Smino, Dispatch, and an exclusive East Coast festival appearance from Pretty Lights with 2 sets.

Hulaween’s coveted Spirit Lake is heralded as one of the leading immersive art experiences across American festivals, brimming with talented sculptors, fire/metal workers, painters, thespians, and lighting designers. Attendees can revel in lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, interactive installations with both visual and performance art, and catch performances at Spirit Lake’s four stages.

To celebrate the decade milestone, Spirit Lake has unveiled a comprehensive list of art programming for the first time in Hulaween’s history. While the festival would typically keep all art programming a secret for attendees until they arrived on-site, this year each artist and art collective will be credited across the festival app, website, onsite signage, and more. There are a number of Spirit Lake classics that will be returning for Hulaween’s 2023 edition including the highly-anticipated daily projection mapping from professionals Jasper & Shelby Mosher.

Hulaween fan-favorite and highly recognized art stage concept Incendia from Cory Glenn will return to once again ignite the dance floor. Serving as one of the stages of Spirit Lake, Incendia’s unique design utilizes a proprietary fire-capturing technique to create an illuminating glow that provides an unparalleled ambiance for the crowd.

The infamous Frick Frack Black Jack led by Marvelous Marv will once again return to Hulaween as the no cash, no limit blackjack game. The Frick Frack brand has grown to land across various festivals across the United States and continues to provide an enthralling and quirky experience for attendees.

The Mural Maze collection originated at the debut edition of Hulaween and has continued to grow in size over the past decade. Sprawling across 15,000 square feet, this installation provides an immersive experience for attendees and exposure and growth for visual artists. This year’s Mural Maze will be led by Ania Amador. This year The Mural Maze is expanding to include lounge and workshop space Deliberate Creation Station, The Gallery displaying artwork, and the Hydration Station.

Paul Kuhn aka Twelve Limbs Art Studio will bring back the highly-captured large-scale sculptural pieces including the Witch, Ogres, The Ferryman, and more.

Duende Builds will bring back the sustainability-built Birdhouses to Hulaween which are crafted from locally harvested natural materials to create something organically beautiful for the festival’s vast art installation display.

Additional returning installations include Thomas Dambo’s The Spider, Efren Rebugio Jr & Chris Robertson’s Haunted House, Ashley Spero’s Spero Totems, Lost Creations’ House of Lost, and Spirit Lake deco design by RÜTS.

This year will feature a selection of 10 brand-new art installations and concepts that will contribute to making this the largest Spirit Lake ever.

Tyler Schrader will debut a double-sided, interactive, wooden LED sculpture known as The Cosmic Portal which will feature 5,000 LEDs with the other side projection-mapped. It is equipped with a device that detects electrical variations of plants, translating them into vibrations, audio, and visual experiences that encourage attendees to reconnect with nature through the use of technology.

Considered ambassadors of Mexico abroad, the monumental Alebrijes are created by mixing pictorial and sculptural elements of contemporary art by the artist Emanuel Zarate Ortiz. These breathtaking installations are meant to honor tales of traditional Mexican storytelling, and inspire spiritually expansive messages to the Hulaween attendees.

Essi Rhodes’ installation titled Chatterpillars will consist of two human-size caterpillars meant to inspire a change in perspective. Fans can interact with the installation by talking into the caterpillar’s mouth so that a friend or stranger on the other side can hear their thoughts, creating a sort of childhood playground nostalgia.

In an effort to recycle those old style tube televisions, Save the TV’s Irregular Scheduled Programming will utilize these electronics to breathe life into a new display that strives to make people think twice before discarding junk and old electronics.

Subloominal & Voxeleyes will showcase interactive bioluminescent mushrooms in their Bioshroom display which are created by growing and foraging real mushrooms that are 3D scanned and digitally sculpted to be 3D printed. The artists then add LEDs and proximity sensors that will lend a unique visual component to Spirit Lake for Hulaween patrons.

Fans can look forward to more installations such as Daniel Shields’ UV reactive Portal Prism, Charlie BlackCat Smith’s flame-infused interactive steel sculpture, The Fleeble Flobbler, Tyson Ayers’ The Sound Cave, Gnome Village Minis from John Grillo, a unique Campground Stage Design from Hannah Miller and Justin Bolognino, and brand design + illustration from Young & Sick.
At the helm of this new era for Spirit Lake is the new Creative Director, Justin Bolognino who is the CEO and co-founder of META. The company creates live, multi-sensory experiences that use technology, design, and storytelling to ignite the human senses and spirit. Bolognino’s previous work consists of designing immersive artistic experiences in collaboration with artists such as Skrillex, Phish, Questlove, Porter Robinson, Tiësto, and many more. In addition to working with musical acts, META also has various brand clients such as Google, Spotify, Samsung, Vimeo, and more. Gearing up for his first Hulaween edition as Spirit Lake’s Creative Director, Bolognino has fortified the classic installations that fans have come to know and love as well as curating 10 additional installations and experiences.

Spirit Lake has become such a vital part of Hulaween’s identity with its staggering list of art installations and activities that keep fans mesmerized year after year.

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Ten Years of Suwannee Hulaween

jason — Mon, 21 Aug 2023 21:38:29 +0000

Welcome back festivarians to Live Oak, Florida and the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park, where on October 26-29, 2023, Suwannee Hulaween descends for the tenth anniversary of this world-famous, slap yo mama good, music and arts festival. How do you like your Cheese. Stringy of course with a funkalicious Saturday dance set and a Sunday afternoon frisbee set. JRAD? Pretty Lights? Something for all the hippies. Live Oak, this is where music lives. Ten Years of Suwannee Hulaween. You know what we do here. If you don’t, then find out. Build it. Withers to brisket, with an attention to detail. Dance on it. Use it up and tear it down. Ten years of Suwannee Hulaween. Fiesta de lo extraño. Party of the strange.

When people agree that Hula is their favorite music and camping festival, they say it with a conviction reserved for the few, crystalline certainties. And with pride as lifelong Floridians and Southerners, calling this our home festival and contributing to the ultimate spectacle. Your welcome. Your time is our pleasure.

Spirit Lake, Hulaween “16. photo by Tristan Walsh

A thousand apologies dear reader if the records of these events appear out of sequence. The anachronism can be attributed to ego death and the collateral ilk. Late nights, chemical toilets and sunrise sets. As with all things, time and the Hulaweens coalesce into one long happy, party memory. You’re welcome. Bet.

Kateesha Majik, Hulaween 2017. photo by Lucienda Rosalita

In no uncertain terms, the wook wranglers were born under the shade of the turkey oaks at Hulaween. It was Lil D-Big Arrel from Cheese. Love. Sauce. who first coined the phrase as the hippies passed out in groundscored beach chairs failed to respond to the cracking of the kangaroo whip. Cypher, Quinton, Emma Jay, The Captain, Cheyenne, Clayopheus the Sacred, Fooboo, Thatcher Owen Mullins and all the rest. These are ten years worth of memories and an inkling to the portent of this year’s potential.

Git on wooks!

Anybody that’s been to the Sprit of Suwanne Music Park on the last weekend of October can tell you, it only gets better ever year. Suwannee Hulaween is ready to celebrate the festival’s tenth anniversary with historic, genre-bending lineup. Following a five-year hiatus, electro-soul pioneer Pretty Lights will headline Hulaween as his only East Coast festival performance on his Soundship Spacesystem Tour. Goose, Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, John Summit, Trey Annastasio Band along with the Cheese set the mark high for this year’s music. It’s more music than one can get to. Check out the rest of the insane lineup here.

Spirit Lake at Suwannee Hulaween. photo by Jason Nail

Trinketz VIP Dance Party. We didn’t build the fire. No wait. We sure did. Keep your eyes peeled for Asheville’s favorite sister, Trinket and her amazing dance party. Sorry fellas, you must have the proper lanyard to enter and if you get the green light, please take off your shoes. Look for feathers in her dreadlocks and bones in her nose.

The Triforce. Cheese. Love. Sauce., The Titty Kitties. Hobo Kamp. It all comes together this year in one delicious burrito. Michigan wooks. Adam’s Breath balloons, no deals. This is the ant bed you made. Sleep in it. This was where Emma Jay came into the fold, noob that she was, now an expert festivarian. Look for her renegade vending somewhere deep in the woods with the forest people. These are professional rocket hippies to be sure. “Experienced” campers that know how to skate the fine line between classy and thugish behavior. Let them pave the way and learn from their experience. (Ed. pro tip- Early entry on Wednesday (which is a must) costs $40 with the purchase of a four-day ticket. Every day before that is only ten dollars a day. For $70 Join Kamp Happiness Sunday prior for a few extra days of set up and helping to lay the groundwork for the adventure to come.)

Molly and Shelby, Suwannee Hulaween 2022. photo by Jason Nail

Tickets on sale now right here.

The Roanoke Mafia. Since its inception, the wook wranglers have celebrated their continued membership in the Roanoke Mafioso. Riding mules and hauling their wagons, half of them would come down for MagnoliaFest and the other half would arrive two weeks later for Hula. Octobers are pretty special in Live Oak. They come because it represents a place where dreams come true. Where every fantasy can become real in just a few seconds. Don’t ask how it happens. There is no lost and found for the ego.

Suwannee River Fairies, 2017.

Visit some of the other Hulaween contributions from the wrangler archives like Dance of the Monkey Kings, Cheese. Love. Sauce. and The Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire. Explore the interweb and check out our social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. We will stay in the eye wall of the Hulaween virtual fun as we focus on the artists and other contributors as we gear up for the event. Stay focused grasshopper.

The Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park and Campground is an 800-acre campground located on the historic banks of the Suwannee River. Boat launch on site, bring your canoe or kayak and take a stroll along this beautiful cypress tree lined piece of North Florida. Bring the family and enjoy great fresh water fishing, wildlife habitat, or play our disc golf course through the pines and oaks. With miles of trails, hiking, bicycling, and golf cart rides are one of the many great ways to see the outdoors.

Thomas Dambo, Hulaween 2017. photo by Giterdun Turner

Something for every hippy. Hulaween doesn’t know you and she doesn’t care what kind of music you like. She’s going to make a warm poridge steeped with jam band, bluegrass, bass, house, deep house, dubstep, techno, electric, progressive house, electro house, trap, trance, progressive trance, psychidelic trance, yacht rock and divorce core and she’s going to pour it over your face. Get ready. The man thinks he’s going for that Saturday night Cheese show but he doesn’t yet understand the Pretty Lights bass thumping that’s going to leave the decks traveling across the field, up his leg and right into his tan starfish. Your welcome.

Call me Swiss cause I be Cheesin’.

Do not mess around and miss out on the world famous Kamp Happiness Circle K? Trading Post and Hagglin’ Table. That’s right. Five square feet of some of the silliest and most extra-special collectibles this side of a Spanish flea market. When leave one-take one blankets aren’t enough, come to the hagglin’ table where every transaction is supervised by one of our trained staff of professionals. Treasures await you.

Spacebug and Clayopheus. Hula “17. photo by Lance Armstrong

Stop what you’re doing. Hulaween is proud to host the Spirit of Suwannee favorites, Free Range Strange. Sunny Rae, the Savage and the rest of the bunch will bring their high-energy twist on folk, bluegrass and jam-rock to the party. What does the lumberjack say? Wait for his lighting shreddage and the late-night, campfire jams. Don’t sleep on this one. Always a strange time.

Get lost. Don’t be afraid to get lost at Suwannee. That’s part of the fun to get completely turned around in the forest and happen upon all matter of unexpected surprises. Renegade stages, hidden passages and secret rooms. Find your way to The Loop and visit with the beautiful people. Check out the VIPness and make your way down to the river. Monday is a big river day at Hulaween. Don’t be afraid to stay one more night and play groundscore bingo. It’s all out there, you just have to poke around.

Hulaween, one can make anything happen. All you have to do is pretend it and it becomes real. Molly Tuttle talked about it after their secret set in 2022. Few places so easily invite this unusual behaviro where the concept of reality becomes relative and subject to interpretation. Join the collective ego-death over the course of the week and remember what the best version of yourself looks like. It looks good on you.

(Ed pro tip. Take a trip inside the SOS Cafe and Music hall for the breakfast buffet, live music or just a cool place to sit and enjoy a cocktail or a draft brew. It also hosts one of the nicest water closets in the park. It’s right next door to the laundry so you can relax at the bar whilst your clothes get warshed.)

Spirit Lake, Suwannee Hulaween. photo by Jason Nail 2017.

Spirit Lake. By day the ladies of the Complimentary Bar are flashing their pearly whites and by night, the Frick Frack table draws in the suckers ready to part with their treasures. Gambling is an addiction. Sit a spell with the swamp monster or venture through one of the many art installations that are just ready to blow your mind. Make your way to the Spirit Lake stage for intimate jams and be on the look out for silent disco. It’s an endless parade of fun in every direction and serious adventure awaits.

Location. Location. Location. The park has so many different great places to camp and they all offer something different. Whether it’s with Tristan and Cat in the Renaissance, Moonshine Gary in the cottages, Zach and Emily in the Bird Sanctuary, Tim and Sunny at 80 acres, Billy in The Loop, Matt near the Bat House, Lucy on Hippy Trail, Luke Sidewalker at Spirit Lake, Thatch at the horse stables or Bonnie in the VIPness, nowhere is safe. It depends on what style of camping you’re looking for. Some folks like to get back in the woods, away from the party, giving you the option to join the fray and then retreat back into your sanctuary. Some people like to be in the mix. Kamp Happiness likes to be in the eye wall of the storm and the original settlement around the Poncho Tree near the intersection of the Pine Field and the Farm Field remains. It’s in the shade, not too far from the Bill Monroe Pavilion, where it remains today. Come early and join the fun at 101 Happy St. Anyone that wants to leave can just step over the line.

Thanks again for making the wranglers the Orion Arm’s number one media source for all things wookishly groovy and stupid fun. Join Big Betty at the Hobo Kamp for a heaping spoonful of all the most ridiculous pulp you will find. Join us for our Thursday night house band, “The Tranquilizers” as they struggle to tune their instruments for two straight hours.

Felicia,

Ten Years of Hulaween. Has it really been that long? Golly. I remember what we were doing in 2013? We made love in the phosphorescence at Blind Pass and drank rum drinks at Mermaids before it became a Margaritaville and disappeared with the rest of Fort Myers Beach into Gulf of Mexico. Lance Armstrong joined the ranks of the admitted “users” and President Obama was inaugurated for his second term. Silver Wrapper and Purple Hat Productions brought Hulaween to the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park and for the festivarians of the southeast, things would never be the same. This year we party for all those who loved the festival and have gone home to their final reward. Clayopheus, Corporal Turner, Fooboo and so many more. If they could speak from the other side we might hear them singing with the wind and asking us to join in their beautiful song.

Bye Felicia-

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Hulaween Tenth Anniversary Family Reunion

jason — Wed, 05 Apr 2023 16:33:12 +0000

Get ready wranglers for Suwannee Hulaween to celebrate the festival’s tenth anniversary with a historic, genre-bending lineup that promises to pull your face free of the bone. Following a five-year hiatus, electro-soul pioneer Pretty Lights will headline Hulaween as his only East Coast festival performance on the Soundship Spacesystem Tour. Other headliners include festival originators The String Cheese Incident, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, John Summit, Elderbrook, Big Wild, Channel Tres, Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Smino, Dispatch, and one special band headliner to be announced. This magical madness will return Thursday, October 26 – Sunday, October 29, 2023 at Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. Oh mah goodness. This is the Hulaween Tenth Anniversary Family Reunion. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Hulaween is one of the last truly-independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape, and after selling out its last five editions (and already almost 80% sold out for this year’s event), the festival is commemorating a decade of success with its most impressive lineup yet.

For the wook wranglers and Kamp Happiness, this is truly one of the cornerstones of the festival year. Ghosts of Fooboo and the Roanoke mafioso still walk the hallowed forest of Live Oak waiting for the base to shake the leaves off the trees. Join the Hobo Kamp trap house for a week-long full schedule of music, activities and greasy fun. This year they will be teaming up with Lil D Big Arel and Cheese. Love. Sauce. with the Titty Kitties for a block party not witnessed since the days of the pharisees. Follow your dreams and join the ruckus in the shade of the Suwannee farm field.

Tickets on sale now right here.

The String Cheese Incident at Hulaween 2022 – Photo by Tara Gracer

“The festival and concert industry landscape continues to be bought up and homogenized by the majors, so staying the course as true independents and surviving through all of the highs and lows we’ve endured to this milestone 10 year anniversary, is incredible. We think back fondly of all the people who have been part of the Hula journey with us, and how the team continues to learn and grow to elevate the experience and lineup every year. We’ve proudly stayed true to this community and culture we are servicing and hope to keep doing that for at least another 10!” – Michael Berg, Co-Founder, Brand Manager, & Talent Buyer for Hulaween
Suwannee Hulaween has unveiled its historic, genre-crossing lineup to celebrate the festival’s tenth anniversary celebration edition, returning home to the Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida from Thursday, October 26 – Sunday, October 29, 2023.

String Cheese Incident, Suwannee Hulaween 2022. photo by Jason Nail

Hulaween is one of the last truly-independent, large-scale music festivals thriving amongst today’s corporatized concert landscape, and after selling out its last five editions, the festival is commemorating a decade of success with its most impressive lineup yet.

Following a five-year hiatus, electro-soul pioneer Pretty Lights will headline Hulaween as his only East Coast festival performance on his Soundship Spacesystem Tour. It’s been nearly two decades since Pretty Lights started originating his signature, sample-heavy sounds that redefined America’s electronic music scene, and his exclusive East Coast festival set at Hulaween promises to showcase vibrant, bass-fueled sounds to the festival’s feverish audience.

Known globally for his playful demeanor and rip-roaring sets, tech-house maestro John Summit marks another Hulaween headliner. The Beatport chart-shredder will host Hulaween’s first-ever takeover by Off The Grid, Summit’s party-starting imprint, which will offer up sets by label favorites famed for igniting dance floors.

Suwannee Hulaween 2022: photo by Aaron Bradley

Other electronic music heavyweights headlining Hulaween include Grammy-nominated multi-instrumentalist/producer Elderbrook, producer polymath Big Wild, and revered house producer/vocalist Channel Tres.

On the jam side of the lineup, Hulaween founders The String Cheese Incident will serve up three nights of headlining performances. Phish-offshoot Trey Anastasio Band and critically-acclaimed indie-jam five piece Goose will play consecutive sets on the same night, following their joint tour across the North East last fall. Other headlining bands include Hulaween staple Joe Russo’s Almost Dead (2 sets), the Hulaween debut of Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, and legendary roots-rock outfit Dispatch.

Suwannee Hulaween. Photo by Josh Skolnik

Hulaween will also welcome neo-soul rapper Smino as the festival’s sole hip-hop headliner, as well as a headlining set by five-piece indie rock band Mt. Joy. One additional band headliner remains yet to be announced, coming later in April.

The festival will present a bevy of in-demand, electronic music support acts, including Montreal producer BLOND:ISH, underground bass purveyor Eprom, multi-faceted Italian DJ/producer duo Gioli & Assia, ascendent bass producer ISOxo, genre-bending producer Manic Focus, ascendent trailblazer Moore Kismet, bass-focused producer supergroup Lab Group, and future-funk maestro Yung Bae.

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Staying true to its band-focused roots, Hulaween will boast a medley of celebrated acts including funk-fusion ensemble Lettuce, funk-jam group Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, and critically-acclaimed, Anatolian rock/Turkish psychedelic folk outfit Altin Gün.

The Kitties (meow) Suwannee Hulaween

The Hulaween 2023 lineup is brimming with more than 90 acts that cover all corners of the dance floor. Over the course of the past decade, Hulaween has hosted a plethora of genre-crossing artists the Spirit of the Suwannee’s idyllic grounds, which serves as perfect setting for attendees to fully immerse themselves in Florida’s lush, enchanting nature.

Hulaween’s Spirit Lake is heralded as one of the leading immersive art experiences across American festivals, brimming with talented sculptors, fire/metal workers, painters, thespians, and lighting designers. Attendees can revel in lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, interactive installations, and both visual and performance art, catch performances at Spirit Lake’s two stages, and groove into sunrise at the Silent Disco.

JBfly and Sam I Am, Kamp Happiness Suwannee Hulaween 2022: photo by Jason Nail

SUWANNEE HULAWEEN 2023 LINEUP

HEADLINERS

The String Cheese Incident, Pretty Lights, Trey Anastasio Band, Goose, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, John Summit, Mt. Joy, Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Big Wild, Smino, Elderbrook, Channel Tres (DJ set), Les Claypool’s Fearless Flying Frog, Brigade, Dispatch,

SUPPORT

Altin Gun, Apashe (Live w/ith Brass Ensemble), Blond:ish, Blu DeTiger, Boogie T, Champagne Drip, DOMI & JD Beck, Eprom, Giolì & Assia, Inzo, ISOxo, Lab Group, Lettuce, Manic Focus, Memba, Moore Kismet, Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, SoDown, The Dip, Yung Bae

ADDITIONAL SUPPORT

Couch, Eddie Roberts and the Lucky Strokes, Ghost Note, Jennifer Hartswick Band, Joshwa, Khiva, Kitchen Dwellers, Kyle Hollingsworth Band, lespecial, Lucati, Marvel Years, Melt, MZG, Bill & Jillian Nershi ft. Jason Hann, NotLö, Roosevelt Collier Band, The Nth Power presents JeNth Power, Trousdale, QRTR, Veil

FINAL SUPPORT

AK Renny, Austen Van Der Bleek, Austeria, Bad Snacks, Cadillac Jones, Canvas, Chachuba, CHYL, Cope, Cosmic Collective, Electric Kif, Empire Strikes Brass, Erez, Erin & The Wildfire, Fernando Rosa, Free Range Strange, Funk You, GoldenEra, Jason Leech, Stick & Ditty, Jon Stickley Trio, Kendall Street Company, Maria También, Matcha, MiniM, Orange Constant, Ramona & the RIOT, Rohan Solo, Sailor Jane & The Apricators, Snakes & Stars, Sneezy, Steeln’ Peaches, Tand, The Jauntee, Tru Phonic, Universal Funk Orchestra, Underground Springhouse, Vicky B, Yam Yam.

Visit the Hulaween website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Just be careful when complaining online. This party is going to be high science of the transcendent order. Heady bro.

Suwannee Hulaween 2022: photo by Jason Nail

We are super excited to announce that the Florida-based Free Range Strange will be playing their first Hulaween this year. Find your way to Kamp Happiness and witness some of their behind-the-scene antics. Also, join the Cheese. Love. Sauce. block party and bring some of your own weirdness. Prelaunch setup will begin as early as Sunday before so join the team and help turn the forest into something not of this earth. We can’t do it without you. namaste y’all.

The post Hulaween Tenth Anniversary Family Reunion appeared first on wook wranglers.

Hulaween “22: Dance of the Monkey Kings

jason — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 15:40:57 +0000

Movement is energy and energy is life. Was it Newton who calculated the relative speed of boofing in a closed system? Copernicus perhaps. They would have certainly both agreed that for one incredible week in the woods of north Florida, the cornerstones of the Cellular Cosmogony came together in the form of moonshine, laser beams, yoga pillows and pyrotechnic animalia, whatever that means. The Planetary Court may have appeared a little silly at first but by Sunday morning, it would all make crystalline sense. It felt as if after years of practice, this was the seamless effort of choreographed perfection. It was group hypnosis and a collective leggo my ego. Welcome back to the annual Halloween party at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park and home base to the Florida Kamp Happiness annex. Suwannee Hulaween always represents a dance of divine eloquence combined with an unapologetic and brutal savagery. When is a soul supposed to rest within the swirling eye wall of a Mardi Gras parade fused with a living pinata? Straight up pandemonium braided with surgically controlled precision. That’s right flat Earthers, we’re blasting this rocket ship right through the firmament and up into the warm, sparkly place. Welcome to Hulaween “22: Dance of the Monkey Kings. Let it come to you.

From October 27-30, 2022, The Suwannee Horror Disco Show mother ship came to rest in Live Oak, Florida and with it came a music and arts festival complete with a fusion lineup stretching across all genres and creating a space where salty dogs could fall in love with CloZee and younguns could get to know Molly Tuttle. Everyone comes away the wiser. Sure, it was a great lineup but these festivarians don’t even care. This party sells out every year and for good reason. The weekend was complete with jugglers and fire spinners, Thomas Dambo creations and live artists aplenty. The Frick Frack table had the high stakes and branded kamps strove for the lowest bar. Twas a land where no one was homeless and people showed up Wednesday just to help create the layers that would create the gypsy kamp. It was truly a bipartisan initiative to get all the way down to Chinatown.

“Jump in the line, rock your body in time, Oh yea, I believe it!”

The good witch of the Panhandle, Suwannee Hulaween 2022. Photo by Shawn Teal.

The Farm Field represented this year with multiple stupid camps adjacent to each other in the shade of the pines. Cheese. Love. Sauce. sat across the path from Camp Kitty Titty and directly next door to Kamp Happiness. It was an experience defined by it’s high class and low bar. Wook flight is a socio-economic reality of the times. The high-water mark left behind a scum line to show actually how spirited the whole engagement actually got. In this case the creek did rise and all the drywall was going to have to go.

It happens a few days before leaving for Hulaween. One is reminded of the nebulae of fun and unlimited fellowship that comes with this party and it also comes with a feeling of seriousness. Yes of course, a desire to get seriously sideways but also something more. A personal mission to be seriously bad ass, responsible and in charge. Ready to take care of the squad and build a fallout shelter where thugs can sit back, enjoy and feel safe. Folks get serious about being a small cog in what makes Hulaween special; being one of the performers whose contribution adds to the overall jazzy mosaic of the party. Dance monkey dance!

Skip to…The next thing you know the phone is covered in wax, Farmer Brown has fallen over the guitar and the lemon bars have unconsituted. You’ve lost your glasses and can only see vague blobs and colors. It’s the breakdown that reveals itself in the form of a madman who gets to a point where he spends every cent in his bank account, future be damned. Do you remember walking to the car and forgetting why you were there? Of course you don’t.

Every Hulaween is a shade different from the others but this year’s celebration showed what can happen when the rubber meets the road. When practice makes perfect and all the effort bears fruit. The Coach would say it’s all about the process. Perfect practice and hard work to be great so when your number gets called in the big game, you are f’sho ready. It’s nice to work with professionals. The foam rises to the top.

Looters welcome. They had just left the dumpster fire that was Fort Myers, still trying to understand the difference in looting and groundscores. Cheese. Love. Sauce. contributed a piece of #1 copper to the kamp in the hopes of saving catalytic converters. Please don’t leave your alarms on. No one wants to hear that racket when the wooks are out looking for loose change. The good news for the crowd arriving early was that after the Wednesday early price, it was only ten dollars a day upon arrival. Early plans are to get there sometime around September next year. It also meant that if you got Baker Acted you’d still have time to return to the party. Glass half full yo. Never miss a Monday show.

Remember that time the old man had the idea to sell VIP spots near our camp? Come to find it’s not such a good idea. Gio the Dome King showed up in time to help finish the gifted tequila from ground zero of Hurricane Ian with any concerns regarding salt water intrusion being causally overlooked. Welcome to the cone of absolute certitude. This feeder band is gearing up to smack you right in the mouth.

Spirit Lake, Suwannee Hulaween, 2022. photo by Jason Nail

Hot Hula: As it’s already begun snowing in North Carolina, many come to Hulaween for the sweet Florida fall weather and this year certainly did not disappoint. Who wants to see the new fuzzy coat when every version of the Halloween costume would rather show off the flesh? The long night is surely coming and there will be plenty of time for winter gear. Perfect cryostasis was the order of the day with a misty shower that settled the dust early in the week. Thanks to Edon for helping with bubble patrol on the ratchet ez-ups wrangled from Mitch and Blue Ridge Rock Festival. Sometimes one has to walk between the raindrops back to your door. This is only the beginning of the festival season in the Sunshine State and October showing off again in north Florida is a pleasure to measure.

Cheese. Love. Sauce.

It’s always good policy to camp in the Farm Field near Lil d and the rest of the unwashed heathen. There’s ghosts in those woods. Upon arrival he invited Bucket to chug a 16oz of blueberry MD 2020. At least it wasn’t a shotgun as initially suggested but a man’s got to know his limitations. Immediately he could tell Lil d was trying to get him tipsy so he could take advantage of him later. There was also the question of nightly thefts of official KH signage that had to be resolved each morning with complimentary thefts of the assorted Dewalt tools. That’s just the kind of tomfoolery one can expect when moving to sketchy part of town. Lil d used to say, “I never saw a trailer hitch on a hearse.” Bucket could smell the Covid and black mold in Lil d’s beard. Leftover flesh eating disease from playing with wet drywall no doubt. He was an admitted waffle stomper and as a result of that cruel filth, no quarter would be given. Some treasures are best left undiscovered.

Jaime Louise Gallery

Dance of the Monkey Kings. Welcome to the Soup Kitchen:

“But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, Everybody’s gonna wanna doze”

A constant at most festivals is how neighboring kamps impact the shared experience. Sometimes they do their own thing, hidden behind a wall of tapestries. No judgement as it’s a fine way to keep out the wooks and the law. This year The Chalice of Dragon Tears happened to be godless thugs bent on depraved excellence and colorful intensity. Example. In order to gain entrance to Camp Kitty Titty, one was persuaded to let Rosalita sketch the outline of a feline on their left breast, just like in the Old Testament. Apparently gestapo don’t wear tattoos on their areolas. Believe what you want. By Thursday, Baitbucket realized no one had taken a dump by his vehicle leading him to the conclusion these were some classy folk. The Monkey Kings elected their new leader daily, at times celebrating the extended reign of Diamond Dez. The triple nipple kitty titty invites you to please save your balloons for later. Kudos for the kamp that keeps neighbors alive with burgers, mimosas and saline coladas. Pura Vida beetches. This is the essence of effective wrangling. Take my money.

Loosely translated, jsi mastná nevěstka means “You are a greasy harlot.” You can literally smell the Czechoslovakianess.

Kitty Titty Gallery

From the ramparts of El Castillo de San Marcos, Capt. Drake had already harvested three jolly rogers by sunrise Saturday morning but it was going to take a talented arborist to capture the one unfurled fifty feet up in the slash pine across the field. Grappling hooks? Spiked boots? Climbing ropes? Things were getting technical and it would surely take a think tank to address this unique opportunity. (Ed. note: Remember folks, tag your jolly rogers so they still advertise for your kamp after they’ve been stolen. There’s no such thing as bad publicity.)

Suwannee Hulaween 2022. photo by Bryan Edward (@bryanedwardcreative)

The Suwannee Horror Disco Show also boasted more homegrown kamp music than years in recent memory. Thanks to Benjamin and Jefe for helping to tighten the screws as the week progressed, especially during the Circle K? T-Rex meltdown set accompanied by washboard base and pocket guitarist. With its late night EDM thunder Hulaween doesn’t always give way to acoustic jams but with the help of Miss Cali and the rest of the Kamp Happiness family orchestra, a proper sound bubble was formed and sustained throughout the duration. Take it! “Dip my balls in it!” Thanks to the scab house band who took the controls anytime the lead was absent. It takes a village to raise a ship of fools.

Tenderfoot’s Ubiquitous Lemonland Happy Hour: In van city, Tfoot slept in the front of his car, leaving it on all night until the gas dried up. He would herald the break of day with “Kick start my Heart”, by Motley Crue along with JBfly and Body Slam by the Floozies. Apparently there’s no room for a volume nazi in this cockpit. Where he got all the lemons was anyone’s guess but in the nights leading up to Hula he turned them into lemon cookies, bars, cakes and lemonade. At one point park personnel came through and gave his Lemonland stand the long, hard stare but pushed on to bigger problems such as how many drums were actually in A Hundred Drums. “You think you’re so smart.” he could hear Brent Mydland say. Another new business that wasn’t going to help with gas money but all the lemonade we can drink. Sit back and meditate on that. And by the way, Buddha was a Donna Godchaux fan.

Tara Gracer Gallery

Sharkbruise? Date night: By Saturday afternoon the ego death had long since been complete and it was time to board the train to funky town. It started with an afternoon at the bogega dab lab. Alley Cat had passed out in the morning and Tenderfoot was taking his siesta during the late afternoon, which was all well and fine. The sitter had been called and for once in a blue moon, it was date night and the folks were going jukin’. It was Sergio’s first night as lounge pianist in the Spirit Lake speak easy and the great crowd really helped get rid of the jitters. After a few classic duets with JBfly, they joined the Ole Dominion rail kidz for Sexbruise? There’s no law against licking powdered sugar off the noses of close business associates. JBfly was reminded of the words of Chief Sequoia, “Hippies dressed like cops is mo betta than cops dressed like hippies”.

“You know that you don’t wanna work. Get on the floor let me see you twerk. Get yourself some Sexbruise?. We got the shit they wanna use”.

The high-energy show featured crowd favorites like “Dance Like Ur Stupid”, “Rite-Aide”, “Strawberry Mayonnaise”, “Quit your job”, “Party in the 80s” and “Cuidado. Piso Mojado”. Baitbucket danced like a younger man on Miami Vice to the extent that somewhere about halftime, as the sweat glands began to sputter and run dry he became convinced he was falling out. Like most, he’d been been pushing himself in every conceivable way and it was only his Navy Seal breathing techniques that saved him. And the fact the set was only sixty minutes long. He’d been discovering the benefits of nose breathing but after sleeping in the dirt, covered with ground glitter for three days, that ship had sailed. The band closed out by hurling treats into the crowd. Boston came away with an airplane bottle of peanut butter whiskey which he gifted to JBfly for them to guzzle during the Disco Cheese set later. Look but don’t touch fellas. That’s my beautiful man-beast.

Cheese Saturday Night: The Suwannee Disco Horror Show:

betelgeuse. betelgeuse. betelgeuse

Saturday night Cheese has always been the centerpiece of the whole groovy affair and this year all signs pointed to a rager of a disco dance party. “She’s a very sexy girl, the kind you don’t take home to mother. She’s a Chesafreak. Chesafreak. She’s Chesafreaky.” And what do you know about Matilda? Some would say she’s a hurricane in all kinds of weather. From the Conga line on stage to the giant floating sandworm. There was dancing from VIP to the tree house, the Hula sign to the rail and all points in between. At some point, even whippets began to fall out of the trees like manna from heaven. If you’re not too tired baby, here comes a reprise of “Timewarp”. When in doubt, twirl.

“Sandworms, you hate em right? I hate em myself.”

Must be Something in the Water: It was happening all around. Nuptials were in the air for many lucky couples and even those crazy kids from Future Joy got in on the action. Their sets were super fun, liquid fire and their bar in the Bird Sanctuary made Southern Living’s ten best late-night watering holes. Thanks for the dog tag. Future Joy Army? When I say dance you say “Count it off and break it down son!” Reporting for duty sir! Also, congrats to the freaks at Mi Kulture for getting hitched at Lost Lands. Hey ladies, don’t be afraid to propose. Seems like those fellas usually like it.

As Baitbucket fell out of his tent he discovered Sam I Am crashed out in the living room of the Hobo Kamp. She was feral and invasive, like a wild hog. It was right around the time the Mexican ballerina crept from Cody’s van. There were rumors that she’d tried to start a fire at Camp Titty Kitty with pine cones and straw. Yes, she was the drunk pooba rolling around in the dirt like a sloppy monkey. When she said she was going for the juggler, she meant the jugular. Words mean things. Sam woke up ready to go clubbing, which meant she was ripe to find the big man from the night before, club him with a bat and drag him home. From then on she would be the Cave Woman and her guttural grunts meant that in order to move him she would need to strap him across the front of Boston’s golf cart like an elk. That wouldn’t be a problem since he’d left his cart parked in the middle of the Kamp Happiness dance floor and bazaar. Handicap parking only bruh.

Josh Skolnik Gallery

Hobo Kamp Pickin’ Tent and Circle K? Trading Post:

The Punkin’ Chunker came early and roped off the space at the original Poncho Tree. It’s important to be flexible to it’s also nice to be home. All of the blinking lights had been groundscored from the same trees last year. The Hobo Kamp boasted live music with Sargent Squander and plenty of the usual thugs left over from Roots Revival, an arts and crafts pavilion for painting signs and faces candy bracelet station. The new Circle K? Trading Post really brought in the high-class wheeler dealers. Similar to a leave one, take one blanket this shoppe remained staffed during operating hours allowing the inventory to include many unusual, high-quality items. On Montage Mountain, the Iceman’s eyes got real big when they found Wook Command operating a similar blanket at Peach Fest. No ma’am, this is not self-checkout. Call me Marvelous Marvin cause we are doin’ some Hagglin’. You say hi, I say low. Merchandise additions included a skull beer bong, Mexican light sabers and a blood doctor from Jackson Hole. Loose whippets, cash and cigarettes? Look ever closer folks, there’s surely something for everyone. At some point the yen was traded for pesos and a legitimate currency exchange was born. Look for the bodega at your next festival. It’s a welcome respite for both looters and loiterers. They still hadn’t come up with a way to make money in the lot, but this was certainly a curious step in a lateral direction and he’d been able to trade Trinket for a Hulaweenie pin from Josh and Jess at Mi Kulture.

JBfly and the Cave Woman at the Hobo Kamp, Suwannee Hulaween 2022: Photo by Jason Nail.

Mucho gusto to the Alley Cat who brought the megaphone to the trading post at about sunrise. She and Baitbucket both sounded like Tom Waits by and it was a necessary tool in spreading their testimonial to the sleeping patrons of the Farm Field. She was lucky not to destroy the bluegrass cajon after her parachute failed to deploy. He he, ho ho, ha ha. They found each other somewhere near A Bazaar Universe directly after the Twiddle show as he was being accosted by gigantic babies in sumo suits. At this point the daily notes become illegible. There’s a season to whither and a season to fertilize.

Emma was on her way to the Disco Biscuits set when she hit the Frick Frack table yet again. Gambling can be a serious addiction, especially when entire briefcases of dildos are at stake. Bucket considered how much bat guano it would take to win a gently used soul. Dangerous eyes peered from the forest as the briefcase of souls moved along the trail. Don’t make bedfellows of conjecture and speculation. Loose lips sink ships bro.

Suwannee Hulaween 2022. photo by Tara Gracer.

No Wook Fishing!

Hunting for sport had become subordinate to environmental stewardship. Mainly, they didn’t engage in wook fishing because their own pond was plenty overstocked. Suwannee is a preserve that supports the filet and release of legal sized wooks in season. In any case, Sargent Squander fell into so many wook traps during the day and night he would likely have to gnaw his foot off at some point just to limp back to camp.

Naturally, they wanted to hang out with the Free Range Strange crowd back there with Kent, Stephanie and the Sargent but they were all camped way out in Pasco County and nobody was looking to change flights in Atlanta. That was 80 Acres and out there there really was no law to speak of. The woodland folk were still trading with beads and shells. They would have to get by on their wits this weekend and it they decided to venture into the city, a rendezvous would be be in the books. For the love of all that’s holy, they needed Sunnie’s voice. All of there voices together sounded like a pack of honey badgers with esophageal cancer.

The usual group of VIP festival hounds showed up from the mountains. Thanks to Dirt track and Cambone for the brews and art supplies. The senior consultant was working the entire weekend and noticeably absent from the late night strategy sessions. How about the human traffic cone and Mr. Beautiful? Hustlers gotta hustle.

Suwannee Hulaween 2022: Photo by Aaron Bradley.

Aaron Bradley Gallery

The early morning silence was broken by the cracking of the kangaroo whip and Tamiami Sammy’s train whistle calling those interested in the girl who liked Michigan drywall. Don’t get stuck standing alone at the station. Midday would find JBfly and Tenderfoot at the Mottle Tuttle rabbit hole bluegrass dance party on the field stage. One pill makes you smaller.

JRAD Sumday and the dance of the hippies to the left of the soundboard, in what Thatcher Owen Mullins would call “the sweet spot”. Tuning Jam-Estimated Prophet-The Wheel-I need a Miracle-Dancing in the Street-Scarlet Begonias-He’s Gone-The Other One-Cryptical Envelopment-Fearless (intro chords)-I know you Rider-Werewolves of London. Afternoon Dead tunes just to make everything right. That math checks out.

As part of his doctorate thesis, Tenderfoot came up with his research question and was ready to collect some original data via small focus groups. How many squirrels would it take to have a struggle snuggle with a raccoon? Surprise sex? Research and Development is crunching the numbers as we speak. Stay tuned to wook wranglers and other peer-reviewed journals for conclusions. Next up, “How many times have you been kicked off a go-cart track?”

Jay Strausser Gallery

Bloody Sunday into Slutty Monday:

At some point security protocols broke down and a chink in the armor allowed Ka’oli and Blancita to invade the compound, shooting glasses and all. Who shows up for Hulaween on Sunday? They’d arrived from Ginny Springs with cigarettes and guitars and were welcomed with open arms. They’d managed to keep the vodka locked in the safe until Sunday when it could be brought out to create bloodys with “Church”. They still had ice and bloody Marys for Sunday gospel breakdown which was, to say the least, pretty upscale for this crowd. Fortunately, the fire ban meant that the Doritos could be eaten rather than be used as fire starter.

The lovely ladies of A Bazzaar Universe, Suwannee Hulaween 2022: photo by Jaime Louise.

Sargent Squander’s tongue was yellow and bloated. Racked down both sides making his voice sound like a the tearing of an old rag. The avocado he was saving for later turned into pocket guacamole but he finally got his bag of cereal with kitty milk after all. Everything was on cruise control until he replaced the saline solution with glitter glue.The Cave Woman had bloody scrapes on her legs and had not slept for more than three hours in six days. She had long since ceased to make a dollop of sense.

Considering the types of ridiculous thugs they were known to hang out with, protocols had been put in place in case anyone got thrown out for reckless golf cart piloting. A staple in years past, plan B was to head to Asheville for Billyween and plan C was Widespread in Savannah.

Thanks to everyone who contributed food for the masses and helped keep the wooks alive. The camp was surrounded on all sides by bad assery. A week after the party, the sandalwood had worn off and Baitbucket’s beard and hair once again smelled like a wet boxing towel.

Visit the lineup drops from Backwoods and FloydFest for the upcoming year of slick looking shows. What else do you have to do? Might as well, might as well. Look for the wranglers as you lurk about the greasy side of town.

Jason Nail Gallery

Thanks to everyone who helped it come together. Much love to the photographers who contributed to the article. Jaime, the girl who makes the whole festival better and the wook wranglers media and visual arts team. The check’s in the mail. Remember the security team that kept everyone moving through the gates in a safe and comfortable way and created a chill vibe for the entire weekend. Creating a safe space and helping keep hippies out of jail. All hail Pablo for the bear grease and the lavender leave-in conditioner. Come to find, it really adheres to sand after one has fallen asleep in a refuse pile with beer cans for pillows. Thanks to the Hulaween media team for allowing the wranglers to be party to the silly fun. Visit their website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Space isn’t real.

Cheese Saturday Night, Suwannee Hulaween 2022: photo by Josh Skolnik.

For some, Hulaween is a little big and crazy but once you see it all working together, the orchestration is precise. For a girl who’d visited SOSMP since seeing Tony Rice in 2002, Lucienda had held on to most of the friends she’d met there and from within this party, she once again found her way back into the pocket. That sweet spot where time slows down to the singularity. The opposite of paranoid where everyone all of a sudden becomes perfectly sweet and lovely. To use the word “heady” is a bit gauche, but that’s the triple truth Ruth. The forest revealed itself in a cocoon of safety. Safety from abuse, neglect, theft, whatever. Of course there were outlying reports but they were few and far between in the snow globe of positive, engaging, experiences. Well worth the four days of sweaty chills you’ll be dealing with afterwards. As of Wednesday morning it was time to find some jumper cables, get juiced and like Keith Richards said, “Walk before they make us run”.

This was the fifth Hula for Kamp Happiness and the wranglers and the first year as part of the media team. Thanks to Emma for figuring out how to turn off the flash on the waterproof camera. It’s good to work with professionals. Baibucket made it to the pit several times during the weekend and got great photographs and the media lanyard turned out to be one of the sickest ever, thanks to David from Summer Camp and his gifted golden stealie shovel. To the extent that during JRAD Baitbucket was ejected from the photo pit under the charge that he was using an expired photo tag. He had no voice as they stood against a monster bass speaker. Nonverbal communication is real. There is indeed, a season for everything and yes Virginia, there is a Non-verbal Clause.

Who knew it was possible for a festival to be free of heartbreaks like long lines, rampant theft and assorted party penalties. For everyone who attended, it was truly practice made perfect and the scum line was high. The pilot had been lit on Baitbucket’s Love Light and he was good to go. High science indeed. For everyone that was involved, be proud of the effort put forth and class demonstrated. The neat piles of trash were a far cry from the higgly-piggly leftovers strewn about the fields only a few years ago. Evolution of the species. It was absolutely heady and ridiculously high science. Next year marks the tenth anniversary of Hulaween and if this festival continues to climb the ladder, at some point the entire spectacle is liable to disappear in a poof of smoke. Put Hulaween on your list of non-negotiables and be wary of nebulous pronouns. Tightening the screws on life. See you next year.

believe what you want. namaste y’all…

The post Hulaween “22: Dance of the Monkey Kings appeared first on wook wranglers.

Hulaween “22: The Suwannee Horror Disco Show Commeth

jason — Fri, 16 Sep 2022 21:01:37 +0000

“I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.”

They speak of it from the dark forests of Rothbury to the slanted slopes of Montage Mountain. Hushed whispers emerge from the vibrating heat of Manchester to the pine burrows of Horning’s Hideout. It is the hallowed tale of Hulaween and something very special is about to happen in the boughs of north Florida. It’s what you’ve come to expect from October in Suwannee. An eclectic, diverse musical lineup that blends seamlessly with the patchwork of artists, merchants, and freaks of every conceivable ilk. Welcome to the land that time forgot. The prophecy has been foretold and it’s exactly what you’ve been waiting for. Prepare thyself for Hulaween “22: The Suwannee Horror Disco Show Commeth.

Spirit Lake, Hulaween. photo by Jason Nail 2021.

This is a celebration that manages to bring out the best in everyone. It’s time for the ego death. Since the days of the Shawsvegas Mafia to each String Cheese Saturday night set the mountain has come to Mohammed. It’s a Sunday frisbee session before the slow stroll to the river. It’s both a marathon and a sprint so substitute dirt for ice in your bloody mary and point your bow straight down into the funk hole. All roads lead to the get down.

New additions join headliners The String Cheese Incident (3 nights), JID, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, CloZee, and more stage takeovers hosted by Liquid Stranger’s Wakaan, Desert Hearts, and LP Giobbi’s Femme House.

Thursday, October 27 – Sunday, October 30 at Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida. Suwannee Hulaween has added 25 new artists to its already star-studded, cross-genre lineup. The festival’s ninth edition is returning home to the Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park.

Music Lives Here.

This is the alpha and the omega. It’s the beginning and the ouroboros of the Florida festival season which by all standards, never really takes a break. You’ve heard the stories. What’s all the fuss about? Now come find out for yourself. The train is departing. Don’t get left on the platform. This is your best chance to find out how silly fun this life can actually be.

“You’re lucky. He’s lucky. I’m lucky! We’re all lucky!”

Suwannee Hulaween. photo by Jason Nail, 2021.

New headliners include Grammy-nominated producer TOKiMONSTA, celebrated Grateful Dead cover band Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, and Jumpsuit Records boss The Polish Ambassador. The festival’s other new additions include genre-blending psychedelic funk outfit Diggin Dirt and indie band Little Bird, amongst many others.

They join a bevy of artists from across the genre spectrum, including three nights from alternative rock/indie band Rainbow Kitten Surprise and Dreamville-signee and Atlanta rapper JID for their Hulaween debuts, and festival veterans such as French electronic trailblazer CloZee, Portland’s award-winning Portugal, The Man, fan-favorite psychedelic band STS9, Grammy-nominated producer FISHER, electronic pop duo Sylvan Esso, prestigious jam-band The Disco Biscuits, three nights of festival founders The String Cheese Incident, and more.

Suwannee Hulaween. photo by Aaron Bradley.

Festival attendees will enjoy electric sets from the likes of Gigantic NGHTMRE (duo set form Big Gigantic and NGHTMRE), Gorgon City, Cory Wong, Elohim, Jauz, Leftover Salmon, Lettuce, Opiuo, A Hundred Drums, Of The Trees, Franc Moody, Lawrence, Manic Focus, Lewis Del Mar, Margo Price, Molly Tuttle & Golden Highway, Neil Frances, Twiddle, Two Feet and more.

“It’s not easy having a good time! Even smiling makes my face ache.”

Hulaween will also welcome tastemaking electronic music collectives to curate their own debut festival takeovers, including bass purveyor Liquid Stranger’s Wakaan, underground party-starters Desert Hearts, and house maestro LP Giobbi’s Femme House.

Since its inception in 2013, the Halloween-themed music, arts and camping festival has evolved into one of the country’s most coveted cross-genre affairs. Curating dynamic lineups that range from electronic, jam, and indie to bluegrass, funk, soul and hip-hop, Suwannee Hulaween’s ability to abolish genre confines is evident year after year.

“Don’t get strung out by the way I look. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
I’m not much of a man by the light of day, But by night I’m one hell of a lover!”

Cheese. Love. Sauce. Hulaween. photo by Jason Nail. 2021

Over the course of the past decade, Suwannee Hulaween has hosted artists from all corners of the dance floor at the Spirit of the Suwannee’s idyllic grounds, which serves as perfect setting for attendees to fully immerse themselves in Florida’s lush, enchanting nature. Don’t deny yourself the prefun of Wednesday night and the groundscore celebrations of Monday afternoon. Hulaween is an entire universe of fun which can best be enjoyed by way of a slow, deliberate lope.

Spirit Lake

Heralded as one of the leading immersive art experiences across American festivals, the space is brimming with talented sculptors, fire/metal workers, painters, thespians, and lighting designers. Attendees can revel in lakefront projection mapping, hypnotizing light shows, interactive installations, and both visual and performance art, catch performances at Spirit Lake’s two stages, and groove into sunrise at the Silent Disco.

String Cheese at Hulaween. photo by Joshua Skolnik.

“Can’t you just see it? Don’t dream it, be it.”

Hulaween occurs in concert with one of the greatest camping/music venues in the Orion Cluster. The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park and Campground is an 800-acre slice of heaven located on the historic banks of the Suwannee River. Take a stroll along this beautiful cypress tree lined piece of North Florida. With miles of trails, hiking, bicycling, and golf cart rides are one of the many great ways to see the Florida outdoors.

wook wranglers HQ

Find Kamp Happiness Hobo Kamp near The Cheese. Love. Sauce. camp. Close to Luke’s Pond and the Poncho Tree, this is where it all began. What was then just a pile of nameless wooks sleeping under tarps has grown into an army of nameless wooks sleeping under tarps. The wrangler summer trail wound from Summer Camp to Mountain Music Festival. Bonnaroo to Electric Forest. Peach to 4848. FloydFest and beyond. After one more mountain stop with Major Malfunktion the road leads back to Suwannee and the Florida winter. Follow the trail south for one more ride and remember, you can’t save the world handcuffed to a golf cart.

Visit the Hulaween website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Welcome to the future yo.

Check out some of these submissions to the wrangler Hulaween archives. Cheese. Love. Sauce. and The Kamp Ha-Penis Dumpster Fire. Visit the Kamp Happiness Interactive Halloween Adventure in the shade near Cheese. Love. Sauce., the Bat house and the Bird Sanctuary. Join in for free face painting, tick checks and acoustic family jam around the fire. The portal is open for business.

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Cheese. Love. Sauce. Hulaween ’21

jason — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 17:13:26 +0000

Thatcher Owen Mullins arrived at Spirit of Suwannee Music Park Tuesday, with the Hulaween party already well in gear. The Poncho Tree had been overtaken by thugs with unmatched gumption. No worries. Don’t throw me into that brier patch. With a mandate to hold the extreme right of the Farm Field along with the Iceman and Miss Listorine, they would all slide in together for Hulaween ’21, a music and art festival that in recent years has become one of the favorites of both the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park and the entire country. They came to bask in the beauty of Florida in October with a collective bent on passion, effort and all the good feelz. It comes with an element of responsibility but for the vintage, the yoke is no longer heavy. The ancient recipe of billowing unfurled freak flags and constant waves of booming sound and color included more cheese than is healthy for an adolescent child. More Cheese than an Italian wedding. All the cheese. That’s it. Three stringy days of the Incident, Umph Love, Skrillex, Leon Bridges and so much more including an afternoon Floozies show at the amphitheater stage that stirred the very milk of the Flooziest. It’s the petri dish of love. It’s both raw and exposed and at the same time Boca fancy. Even if there was somewhere to hide, you wouldn’t want to. It’s the top of the world ma and the gravitational pull of the pocket has a grip on your pocket. This is what you’ve been waiting for. Yea bro, I get it. You’re production. What are you doing in my VIP Entrance? Don’t worry, I”m just kidding. Maybe. Welcome to Cheese. Love. Sauce. Hulaween ’21.

The Poncho Tree, Hulaween ’21: photo by the talking crow with red eyes.

It was Hulaween and same as it ever was. The way it was celebrated for thousands of years by the Apalachee and Potano Indians. A big ball of bouncing bubbly crazy. It’s a sacrifice of the ego and a return to lost the innocence of yore. With a group making no effort to stand on ceremony they celebrated in the old ways. The ways of the ancients. The Roanokians. Hillbillies were still falling off the the tops of their vans. The mostly comatose night beasts emerged from their lairs to crush any tent in between them and the “shees-shees” sound of the whippets. Golf carts slammed into perfectly stopped automobiles. The warm Florida weather allowed for costumes to include semi-nudity and eventual cool weather that let everyone show off their fancy red chinchilla coats. Kamp Happiness broke out the Frick Frack ribbon groundscored at Backwoods because one man’s trash is another man’s flapping bullshit. It was to be a weekend of firsts. Puberty was just around the corner and for many, it would be time to take the adult step.

You Are the Sauce.

Early: Tuesday and Wednesday. Make me a pallet on the floor of your pallet village.

The dust was in the air. Cheese Love looked like Puerto Rico after a long weekend and no, it wasn’t built by aliens in the forest. It’s just Lil-d, Justin, Cheese Toes, Amir, and that crazy broad Martha. A fun group in small doses. It’s not a pallet village nor an homage to any one grand idea or manifestation. It’s a gated community so watch yosef. All you need is the proper lanyard. Maybe it’s for hobos like Sarah and Sarah. Or superstars like Cat who proposes over barbecued ribs, only to drug him and drag him to Hula only to drug and drag him again again to Billy Strings Sunday night in Asheville. The Birdman was probably there. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Tough titty said the kitty but the milk taste good. Does anyone really get what they deserve?

This is the double cheese, double sauce, double dumpster fire. Lil-d said, “It doesn’t matter if you call it layered cheese cakes. In the end you never see a hearse with a trailer hitch.”

And it really is all part of the sauce.

Cheese. Love. Sauce. Hulaween ’21: photo by Miss Listorene

Hulacool.

She had beautiful honest eyes that told the whole story and wore her heart on her sleeve. A masseuse from Jax Beach she’d never missed a Hula. She fancied Listerene as her perfume. A little dilute of course. Behind each ear, the wrists and her unmentionables. Her name was spelled Listorene with the original O from the Danish rather than the bastardized E from the Swedes. She’d made it clear from the beginning that she’d come for four days of serious retox. Within five minutes the grease she sucked out of a groundscored nectar collector exploded, blackening her teeth like a wicked witch with meth mouth. She lost her phone and her Nicole at least twice a day but yet managed to manage the Kamp Happiness Spa. Message much? And not a typo. English teacher. Who’s going to believe you? For future festivals serious inquiries only. Please preregister for festival message. VIP packages available. And we mean V.I.P.

Kamp Happiness First Responders, Hulaween ’21: photo by Mr. Beautiful

Welcome to the Locker.

The Hurt was a beast and a human land mine, ceptin’ when you stepped on her she exploded not into shards of molten metal but butterflies offering slobbery kisses all over the face and neck. Anyone who maintains a solar powered CPAP machine is involved in professional wookery of the fourth level. She thrived on the throngs of people and the insane work. The crazier it got, the better she got. Classier. Friendlier. You know what I mean. Her bedazzled police hat added an element of respect and credibility as she directed the motor coaches hither and yon. Yes, she’d gotten Covid from motor boating a stripper in Key West. Would she do it again? Would she liked to have been informed? Important questions for important people. She said you could tell how “big” a band was by how many air conditioners they had on the roof of their tour bus. As she crushed gummies and shrooms with Thatcher they pontificated on how they were serving as human traffic cones. Thatcher considered how they might one day be replaced by robots. She submitted that they would likely be replaced by actual traffic cones.

“Girls on gators. Golf carts for haters.”

Thatcher and the Hurt couldn’t get golf cart rides to save their lives and they had they been “selling” sad hand jobs all day. For folks staying out at staff catering or eighty acres the steps were adding up quickly. Finally, Marcus the Alabama fan took them to see Emma at Mi Kulture where she was giving away absinthe drops to anyone who would put them in their eyes. She was the dungeon master with her gourmet earplugs. She’d hitched a ride with one of the Witches VIP shuttles. Rumor had it they had the best stuff. At some point she used a spare EZ-Go key and stole the golf cart. Someone had forgotten to put the bike lock on the steering wheel. Maybe it was the quartermaster, but it wouldn’t matter. She knew exactly what she was doing when she rounded the corner near the rear entrance and pulled into a Panamaninan power slide.

With Hulaween there’s just so much to see. Toomuch? She was there when it happened. Sure she had a head full of prescription cheese but that wasn’t anything new. And she could handle her cheese. She watched in stunned amazement as a golf cart full of security guards slammed into the back of a patron’s car and doubled down with “stopped short”. They had just left the Future Joy secret set with a fire “Thriller” that just went on forever in a good way. It was still Wednesday with the vintage. Oma goodness. Getting good just as they got shut down like a bad daycare and although it was early things were already beginning to slip out of hand.

Iceman the Tree Sitter

Iceman was the worst drug buyer ever but a good sharer. His coke turned out to be K and his K turned out to be meth. His pickup line was, “Hey baby, are you 18? Want some meth?” Will work for music? Will take a drunken nap for music? Is it impossible to get fired from WET.

He’d obviously been raped as a child and he still had the scared eyes. He had a cowpoke toughness as he sipped on his Toasted Marshmallow Bud Light Spritzer. Everything pointed to his wagon catching on fire and rolling down the mountain ablaze but still there was something about that wagon that made Thatcher want to tether to it. And it wasn’t just his morbid fascination with the clinically insane. It was better. The Iceman was what Hafiz would define as a Vintage Man.

The
Difference
Between a good artist
And a great one

Is:

The novice
Will often lay down his tool
Or brush

Then pick up an invisible club
On the mind’s table

And helplessly smash the easels and
Jade.

Whereas the vintage man
No longer hurts himself or anyone

And keeps on
Sculpting
Light.

The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, the Great Sufi Master Hafiz

The Vexation Integration Protocols had definitely been put in place. Martha’s problem, if a woman needed one was that she sometimes ran with trash. When she slept on the hard ground, she would continually trip people up with her face. “Quit slapping my foot with your head.” Sleeping on the floor at Summer Camp? Ye fucking gods, Glitter Kitty would agree that math does not check out. Take shelter.

Mr. Beautiful, Hulaween ’21: photo by The Artist.

We Are the Love.

Middle: Thursday to Sunday

The wooks always “know” that its going to rain. They checked the phones and got dopplered up to the minute. Thatcher had been on a serious stretch of great weather to the point he was convinced it was his influence. Maybe? Question mark? But play outside long enough and eventually the well runs dry. FloydFest was the last serious deluge but it was going to rain Thursday morning. He went down late and heard the rain somewhere during the morning hours banging on his tent. He’d had the foreskin to cover his tent with a massive tarp (good job earlier you) but somewhere around six he realized the pooling was occurring beneath him and soaking his great grandmothers quilts. Not long after he poured himself out to the drizzling rain and walked his hush puppies all the way to the front gate. It was raining hard and he was soaked by the time he got to his post. He asked a lady who’d been working all night if she had a light. “There’s no smoking here.” He unclenched his fists and responded, “That’s not what I asked.”

This line is only for Vehemently Impudent People. It’s pretty obvious you are not production. You roll your cords like an air conditioner repairman. Kick rocks and while you’re at it, find a fucking black t-shirt.

Saturday night Cheese dance set, Hulaween ’21: photo by The Iceman

It would almost seem impossible to get fired from WET in that situation… but wait. The Iceman commeth. That “meth” ended up costing $500. There will no reimbursement today my son.

“Forest Crazy”

Like the butterfly, even when she was lost The Hurt knew her way around a festival. She might show up at nine the next morning, but she knew every step. Her first site-ops position had been at Skogstokig Festival in Sweden and in two more years the statute of limitations would expire and she would be allowed to revisit the country. It was a swingers festival but also managed to work in some music and drugs. At Hula, she blew so much glitter in Thatcher’s face his cornea got micro-sliced by the tiny fragments of shiny metal. Actions sure do have consequences you stupid bitch.

The Hurt thought it was cute to send folks to fetch their credentials at the building with the green roof. She would fail to mention that if they went too far they’d come to the Sheriff’s anex. Sorry. Not sorry. It’s not my fault if you smell like bath salts and baby laxative.

Thatcher could remember a time when he cared about music. Recollections of entire days spent at stages with family watching the acts as they twirled by. These days it was different. He had become a lurker and a loiterer. Also his time was spent as a ranger. The only job the butterfly ever wanted. And she never wanted to work during a festival. She felt she was an ambassador, nothing like Steve Little at Lockn’. Jesus. I just asked where the bathroom was. But Saturday night String Cheese at Hulaween had always been kind of a nonnegotiable. And the ladies over at A Bazzar Universe appeared to lose all control as the Cheese show exploded into the now famous “Dance Set” and with their spot right on the corner, nobody has a better space for barefoot dancing. Sorry for the baby bird version of my gyro. Bullwhips anyone? And you know who I’m talking to.

Straight from the mouth of babes. Everyone’s been there. You’re driving onto the grounds and you don’t have the proper credentials. You just need to get your car in and then it will be invisible in the sea of vehicles. Steve Little is just sitting there in his wicker hat and his dark sunglasses and if he looks like he knows a sliver about what’s actually going on. Don’t believe the hype. How does one slide by the unsuspecting traffic security officer? Now, there will be another checkpoint down the line so we’re going to have to revisit this shorty and there are no guarantees that you’ll make it any further. Take care dear reader, all hope is not lost.

Ways to get through a traffic security checkpoint

Keep driving with zero acknowledgment.
Don’t roll down the window
“I’m following that guy”
“going to the store”
“going to play frisbee golf”
“going to launch my kayak”
wear a doctor’s coat and carry a human heart in a one-way cooler
give the security guard three cigarettes
pull a 50 ft coach behind

By the time Festy Westy showed up in his golf cart, he had that far away look in his left eye. The right one had been popped the night before by a flaming marshmallow skewer. The burnt sugary residue still formed a crusty pinkish discharge; characteristic of cervical bleeding or irritation in the vagina. As of this publication he had not been “convicted” of any wrong doings.Thatcher was reminded of recent Rooster Reunion (alliteration much?) when Festy and Mr. Beautiful drove their EZ-Go into the lake at Pop’s Farm to extinguish the flames before the fuselage exploded, killing hundreds. It’s hard work being beautiful. Artist transpo all day and night? It would take until Sunday midday before Kamp Happiness got any of the Mr. Beautiful mando stylings. And here’s a pro tip. That building is not going to build itself. You know the one I’m talking about. The building. Work on it yo.

Gambling for souls is an addiction, Frick Frack Blackjack at Hulaween ’21: photo by a soulless bastard.

Frick Frack Blackjack, Gambling for souls pt. 2.

Dammit. Phoenix was the dealer again. They hadn’t seen each other since Backwoods when Thatcher, through some slight of hand, lost his birthday celebration to the blonde bastard. Just in the nick of time, Sarah showed up with a tiny glass bottle inside of which was a tiny scroll apparently connected to a living soul. Just another night Frick Frack Blackjack and gambling for souls. Another nineteen squashed by a twenty At the point they foolishly wouldn’t take his Shakespeare reel as a bet, he produced the fireworks and mortars he’d smuggled through security. There was no way they would be able to turn down incendiaries. Don’t forget to tip your dealer.

Thatcher’s cigarette was cracked and hanging and his reading glasses had no arms. Dima and Sara stood at the end of the bar, likely selling prints and trading cigarettes for gel tabs. Fair trade. Phoenix pulled out the suitcase heavy with contracts and there was something sinister about the he casually flipped through the parchment of souls with apathetic disdain. Was it really possible that he could remember all the souls he’d collected. Some had the mark writ on ancient goatskin while others bore the emboss of royal families long forgotten. How long had he been harvesting lives and souls? A millennia? More? It wasn’t for Thatcher to know. Through some spectral power he seemed to recall each and every one. He even managed to locate the contract for the fiftieth birthday party he’d lost at Backwoods. Gambling for souls is an addiction.

He had been told it was a soul for a soul but he could see here that was another bag of lies and certainly not the case at this table. One indigent was put up a baby Yoda for a soul and another degenerate tabled one of his uncle’s pornography mags from the early seventies. One specialized on specifically flaccid penises. Thatcher had no idea that concept had ever existed and it raised some interesting questions.

Everything Is Cheesy.

Later: Monday to Friday

Monday night found Big Betty at the Dr. Bacon Blue Lava Dance Jam featuring Steve Little on harpsichord and flugelhorn. Already three days into their ayahuasca “experiment” they were out to groundscore all the pashminas they could find.

Martha had already gone knuckles deep into a bag of molly and was trying to sell a whole groundscored pizza she found by the garbage pile near the bat house. “Monday prices, no deals!” she bellowed. Thatcher considered how episodes such as this were why the Baker Act had been created. See you in seventy-two hours crazy person. Later reports had her selling pet ticks near the Bird Sanctuary.

Falling asleep around the wrong fire.

It was over. Thatcher was falling fast and why not. He’d earned it and was out of the kinds of drugs that would stay that condition. He laid horizontally on the church pew next to the fire and attempted to drift off into blissful slumber.

Woke hippies use ear cones to remove unwanted waxy build up. Camp Cheese Love uses hot popcorn kernels deep down in the ear hole. While impossible to retrieve, the sizzling oil disinfects the bacterium in the inner ear and cauterizes the delicate channel.

Martha shoved peanut butter deep in the mouth and then covered him up with the filthiest of rugs. His pew would occasionally flip forward spilling him in the dirt. She was Christian enough to lay some dirty couch cushions under his landing zone for future falls. Iceman wasn’t leaving the park for a week. He planned to pull this off by way of “tree sitting”. He ended up braking the window on the shower house and stomping his poop down between the bed of river rock. Florida is not for tree sitters.

Jenny was hanging out with Dr. Bacon. Her once beautiful hair now hung in clumps littered with mulch and oak leaves. Her tears smelled like regretomine and she had been selling her new hand job titled the “Olde Fashion” featuring the patented butter churn. By Monday morning everyone in the band wold have the same red sore. The ladies from the Bird Sanctuary said it on their way out. “Y’all better use a condom.” but mountain people don’t always listen.

You are the sauce. We are the love. Everything is cheesy.

Spirit Lake, Hulaween ’21: photo by The Way.

Great job security. Considering how cute some of the guards were Thatchers was looking for the “aggressive frisking” line but when it was all said and done, other Hulaweens have involved much higher levels of hassle. This years awesome security squad facilitated a festival without fear or angst and at the utmost serious level, created a space where people were comfortable moving around clean and staying out of Suwannee County Sheriff’s Annex.

Iceman got to stay a few days with Cheese Love to help finish the paint on the installation. They remained with impunity as the deputies would drive by searching for hippies to toss. Not Cheese Love. Not this time. Boys are working.The heady trade award of the day was the tampon for the donkey onesie. Well played.

Bye Felicia.

Cheese Love Presents New Luxury Homes in the Farm Field

Find room-to-breathe in the Farm Field. Make your escape – to a fresh new community in North Florida over-flowing with old Florida Key West charm with a money-saving twist. Pallet homes. Wide front porches and Bahama shutters set the stage for a relaxed, undisturbed morning – just you, your ketomine and the sunrise. Turkey Oak tree lined dirt roads connect you a bevy of community amenities and home sites sized up to five square feet giving you room to breathe. Discover a new, simple, smart way to live at Cheese Love.

SOLAR POWERED LIVING
Not really. Our homes are run on good old-fashioned juice, straight from the grid. You’re never more than a step away from a speed bump over a dirt road. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book and know the lamp light is costing you nothing because you piggy-backed off your neighbor’s spider box.

OUTDOOR RECREATION
Take Rover for a walk to the Bat House or over to the Bird Sanctuary. Renaissance is just over the ridge and God only knows what they’re getting into. Cheese Love has several options to help you live a healthy life.

COMMUNITY GARDEN
Green Thumbs wanted! Our community garden offers a bounty of seasonal, home-grown marijuana and organic psychotropics. From Datura to poppies our garden is a common space for everyone to enjoy. Join Mushroom Monday and learn how to properly cultivate and harvest everything from penis envy to purple ringers. Yowza.

Lil-d and his postfest completion provided a perfect haven. The Iceman wasn’t forced to leave the park as anticipated. He’d already constructed a primitive landing in the middle boughs of Turkey Oak Quercus laevis. The crew nailed and painted with laborious fervor as the deputies continued rolling out slow-moving hippies. Thanks cop, can you help me find my pashmina?

It was a perfectly wonderous Hulaween. It’s repretation is well-deserved. In spite of what we like to say, it’s high-bar. Safe, harmless fun with family and friends. They would be eating groundscored goldfish and animal crackers for weeks to come. Life is good.

Follow the wranglers as we introduce the Fallout Shelter Art and Music Experience and join The LunatikSol at CornucopiaFest. Find us at Maddox Ranch and see what happens. This is the very spirit of adventure. Namaste y’all.

There is no yoke.

The post Cheese. Love. Sauce. Hulaween ’21 appeared first on wook wranglers.

Hulaween 2018: The Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire

jason — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:48:15 +0000

Utterly mangled. It’s Suwannee Hulaween at Suwannee Music Park. Music Lives Here.

It was self mutilation of the thickest magnitude. Absolute thuggish savagery and undeniably ridiculous “adult” behavior of the crustiest order. There really are no effective words to describe the scene and some things can’t ever be erased from the mind’s eye. It got real heavy, real fast. Hard to figure how there can be so so much love, respect and swagger way down in this grease fire but sometimes one has to dig a pig hole to find more shade.

It’s easy to understand why some people shy away from larger festivals. There’s simply more of everything. More music, more people, more unbridled gibberish. More sparkling crazy. There are thundering herds of wooks, tweakers and rednecks, all looking for hard slanted fun. There’s also more artists, more great personalities, more help, more spirit and more human groundscores (LSW). Hula is perched on the grounds of the Suwannee Music Park in Live Oak, Florida and there is no better place to camp and enjoy fantastic live music with delicious people. There’s always plenty of folks attending Hula, the park or any festival for the first time and they walk away with one of two reactions. The first is this is utterly insane and they have no reason to return. The other is disbelief that this has been going on for some time without them and they are late to the party.

Don’t worry grasshopper. You’re not late, it’s just your turn. Close you eyes. Turn away from it if you can. Slap the bag and take a slug. Welcome to Hulaween 2018: The Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire

It’s what you’ve come to expect at Suwannee Hulaween. It’s a complicated network of music lovers, tribal families and heady trades. It’s groundscore heaven and boy showers with ladies dandruff shampoo. It’s a collaborative effort from each and every “participant” and once again, it all came together in the silliest way possible. There’s plenty of dirt in your coffee cup and dreads in your bed. It’s wet tarps and black feet, oversized hula hoops and broken Christmas lights. Lost beer tickets, butterfly earrings and guitar picks laying everywhere just under the dirt. It’s hillbillies and fraternity boys crashed out together on inflatable couches, broken and hoarse. Don’t look now but your heels are cracked and dirty and your eyeglasses are missing a lens. Listen up! Did you hear what he saidamene?

The Kamp Happiness Florida Chapter set up their installation near the Poncho Tree and Luke’s Lake. The Farm Field near the bat house has been a well-known meeting place for years and with it’s shaded camping area and near-by access to the stages and Spirit Lake, it serves as a swell spot to get the thing on. The site, along with Daryl’s hammock camp and our thug neighbors from Jacksonville struggled to find the adult class of year’s past. Breakfast sandwiches and hot coffee were quickly replaced by cold cans of Spaghettios and Bloody Marys with no ice. Like a dumpster fire, it can sometimes be hard to look away from what’s happening. It’s Kamp Ha Penis.

The kamp’s usual “classy as fuck” image took a low, hard shot at Hulaween this year. Cousins from Michigan, Trashville, Rhode Island and out west did their best to help bring the bar right down to the Suwannee limestone. Dirty jello shots and warm crotch scotch gave way to key bumps of Suwannee sand and alligator tail rails. This brand of crusty behavior is rarely seen in the broad daylight and prisons are filled with these exact kind of slovenly individuals. At times it can be a hard road but resist the temptation to fall on your face. You’ll definitely miss something.

“When the port-o-lets are dirty on Wednesday, you can know that Sunday is going to a real treat.”

It was about late night music with drums and guitars. It was about a camp site that doesn’t stop, even when most everyone goes down. Cruise control is a real thing. When young “House” came up apologizing for breaking the head of the dumbae early in the morning, it really wasn’t a problem. “You broke the drum that you were playing right next to my ear until 6:30 in the morning? No worries. Next time feel free to step on the neck of the guitar as well.”

SUWANNEE HULAWEEN EPIPHANIES:

Wookish Innovations: Welcome the unforgiving world of the wranglers. Whether it’s the games at the Winter Wook Olympics, such as bullwhip wook hog-tie (without breaking the cigarette he just bummed) or the Golden Spur Cock Fighting Invitational which has been postponed due to Thatcher’s absence. Remember to take a page out of Daryl’s book and bring a kayak when needing to get into the park without paying, That’s fine if you’re such a wook you don’t want to pay $6 to pretend your playing frisbee golf. Low bar, high hammocks.

Be sure to remove your shoes if you plan on sleeping around the fire. Otherwise, you are inviting a world of swastikas and original peni art. There’s nothing better than waking up in the dirt, around your own campfire, wearing one latex glove and slathered with orange icing, covered up in blankets and love. Also, it literally takes days to get all the sand out of your ear holes.

Cipher’s Floozie Lesson: Hulaween’s music begins Thursday and runs until Sunday, giving participants plenty of chances to visit bands they love, as well as new editions. From Electric Dance Music to horns and funk, from mountain bluegrass to hard core rock n roll. Both String Cheese sets were off the chain, especially the Saturday night “ladies set” at Trinket’s VIP Dance Party. Yonder Mountain String Band brought their mountain jam to the main stage and the JRAD set in the rain, was worth the time and effort. The nicest surprise of the weekend was a “walk” with Cipher where he drug us to the Patch Stage to see The Floozies. Funk, base, sick guitar, horns, and a fantastic light show standing in the Florida rain. Theses surprises are what make Hulaween so special. And Cipher, next time I want to see some fire slinging.

Trinket’s VIP Dance Party: In a world of long lines and closed doors, somehow, someway the redneck posse got tickets to attend Trinket’s intimate, mixed media stage experience. Welcome to the integration station. During String Cheese Incident’s ladies’ set Saturday night, this interactive VIP private party served as one of the headiest single moments of the weekend. Imagining listening to Cheese kill Pat Benatar, surrounded by great friends, passing around hoglegs and using balloons as pillows. Pretty girls and blinking lights must be what Mardi Gras smells like. For all the wet quilts and leaves in the bed, sometimes it gets totally fancy. Please be considerate and watch the lights yo.

Sky Walker Fourth Quarter Groundscore: Not all groundscores are warm beer and Chinese fans. Some are a little more valuable and last forever. There they were, strolling around the woods late Monday afternoon. The two new friends had spent a great weekend together and they were celebrating their new union, excited about the future and the next time they would rage. Heading to the lake to share a blunt, they moved slowly, poking around leftover campsites. They walked in matching groundscore flip-flops, the one with the new wrist warmers carried a suitcase of Coors and the one with the Pippi Longstocking wig carried a full bottle of Jamison Irish whiskey. Monday afternoon at Hula really has a nice three-quarter rhythm and they got caught up in several three-way heady groundscore trades that took ridiculous amounts of unexpected creativity. Thanks to Sam for the delivered secondhand inflatable furniture and keep a keen eye out for DJ Kenobi’s Scrounge Lounge at your next camping adventure. Thank you Cheyenne for Eve’s blanket. You and the Jessicas did a great job being camp moms. It can’t be easy with all the degenerates you have to deal with.

#metooplease: It was a weekend for finding loose chunks of dignity around the park. Ask the Master Naturalist, whose self-respect had been hiding under leaves in the forest since Suwannee Roots Revival. Even if you lose everything, you can’t lose everything. Dignity is fine when one considers Seth lost his phone and car keys. Always check lost and found at the Farm Store when searching for lost items. The Suwannee crowd is pretty good about turning in phones and keys. For dignity, you’ll need to check camp to camp, as there is no telling where it got left and maybe you won’t even need it.

Moonpie had just bought another pair of wrist warmers from Jade at A Bazaar Universe. It had gotten cold during the Cheese set and the pair he’d bought two weeks earlier were all the way back at camp. He stood outside of her stand, at the top of the hill and danced by himself to String Cheese. Suddenly someone came up behind him in the dark and began scratching his back. The men in his family have always enjoyed back scratches and he assumed it must be someone he knew, but who cares? It really didn’t matter, but they felt like feminine fingers and they continued to scratch up and down to the beat of the funky music. This lasted for some time as her fingers lingered on the neck, arms and lower back. Just when Moonpie thought the dream was over, the fingers turned to pounding fists, again working with the drums in the song. He squared his feet, dug in and pushed back with his body to match the pressure from behind. He still never turned around. For days he had been asking people to walk on him and now this unknown forest angel was beating the tar out of his back, arms and neck with brutal precision. After a few more minutes, came the message and this was obviously the work of a trained professional. Again with the neck, back and arms, this was the kind of thing that only happens to someone whose put themselves in the pocket. Well played with zero fade. She finished up with more light scratches and some cat finger kisses to say goodnight. Moonpie considered not turning around but the experience had been far too special too ignore. He turned and they embraced, having shared one of the weirdest and most intimate moments of the weekend. These are the kinds of things that happen at Hulaween.

Pre-pre Party and Post-post Party: By the time it started to get down at Moonshine Gary’s place Wednesday, the park had already been overrun with gypsies for the pre-pre party. Lights were strung all through the trees and folks had already begun venturing out to neighboring camps. For a day with no music, it was obvious these people were here to enjoy the park. It possesses an strange and amazing kind of magik, where unusual things are want to happen. Also, the post-post party Monday night is one of the best in the world. There’s too many people to run out of the park and groundscores like food and booze are rampant. New friends get to sit around and celebrate the stories of the weekend, while finishing up wet chicken and smores. Next year, make Monday night a part of your experience. While plenty of people leave, there’s still so many, the party continues with less fires made of more people. There’s also plenty of leftover firewood so the acoustic set around the campfires gets bigger and badder.

Stupid Games Kids Play: No quarter will be given to Quinton and his new balloon version of Russian roulette. Everyone takes a turn blowing up the balloon until it explodes. What fun! That’s unless it’s during a nitrous balloon party session and several idiots can figure out what’s going on. The “Adam’s Breath” balloons were a real hit around the fire. Be on the lookout for them next time you’ve got an extra five dollar bill. Also, know that if you place your tent between a hissing nitrous tank an a sleeping Shawsvegas Brahma bull, expect heavy property loses. Some dirt won’t ever come off.

The casino made it’s first appearance at Hulaween this year and thank goodness for bust cards. It’s no crime to win on a thirteen and these fellows will think twice before trying to make a living in Live Oak. As Little Steve, Sarah and the last Mexican fleeced the blackjack table for the new Kamp Happiness gong, Moonpie got verbally abused by the beautiful Heather and Krissy at the Complimentary Bar. It’s so hard to pass by a bar and this one is no exception. Even the Complimentary Bar has to have standards. Look for them at your next festival and check out their social media platforms on Facebook and Instagram.

Encroachment Issues: Streets will tell you it’s a hard look having your own property tape used against you. If that was your bit, be glad you didn’t run into some Dothan (UCLA) trash. They do bite. But relax. There will be no fat lios in Kamp Ha Penis. If someone invites you to join them, go small and talk about what you’d like to bring to the table. Plenty of people come to fill up this forest and overlap is a real thing. When someone is having trouble finding a spot, try to fold them into your camp. If someone is pushing up on your patch, nobody needs to get punched in the lip. Hey, Tom (is my lip swollen?), thanks for being a pugilist and for bringing Morgan and Angie. Hard to imagine why a bunch or hard tails wouldn’t want more pretty ladies around. Perhaps they don’t enjoy hippies dressed like cops. It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Welcome to the fam.

Thanks Little Steve and Sarah for saving the compound and I’m sorry we left it in total disarray. That kind of verdent plantation is just what this party needed. We may need more space next year so think about roping off the entire farm field. You are left with the dragon kite. xoxoxoxoxox

Their’s plenty of room in the forest for everyone.

We’ve been kicked out of other camps and we’ve had people leave our camp. Slowly but surely, year after year, party after party, people are slowly coming together who could never bear to get rid of each other.

Build your own family. Less fires but larger ones. There was a special Hula a few years ago that can’t be measured in cool. The Dead Cat Society was perched next to the folks at Kamp Happiness (at that time Camp Happiness) and we spent all of our time at their fire. By the second night, Scotty Smiles suggested we forget our own fire and join our firewood with theirs. The Dirty Ole Man’s Club raged for the entire weekend and they would never camp separate again.

That same weekend, the Captain and his posse rolled up on our fire, without permission. We really didn’t know what to think of them but they were definitely friendly and respectful. They slept under tarps when they weren’t slinging glass or pens, they joined us around the fire for Avett Brothers songs and sick fun on command. They draped us with gifts and love and the fellowship continue to grow in staggering measures. By the end of the weekend, we were all one camp and things would never change. This is how families are born and grow. Earlier this year we all joined together and dressed in our best sassies for Clayopheus’ Roanoke Mafia wedding. Not just festy friends anymore. Don’t be afraid to share your firewood with your neighbors. Consider sharing everything. Who knows, one day you just might camp next to Kamp Happiness. It’s all one family anyway.

Thanks goes out to the family. Chander (hold on to those wood blocks bro), Wanderer, Clayhopheus (where’s my deer meet and deebsters?), Adam (lowest bar forever), Trinket (A game), Chey (world favorite) and Captain (where’s my angry hand job?), Seth (phone and keys aren’t really important), Solarwolf and Lunarwolf, Streets (encroachment issues are real), Little Steve and Sarah (there are no words and yes, I have the black bag), Brenden and the guys at Dab Den (excuse me while I go throw up on your tree), Geo (Purple Hatter’s was fun but this is how it’s done), DJ Kenobi, Bee’s Knees, Josh and Jessica. Tom and the girls, Powell, the Master Naturalist, Tori, Steve (thanks for the slice), Luke Sky Walker (xxoox), House (no worries), Fubu, Cipher (where’s my Panamanian combat took?), Scott and Mary, Ted (always), Mark, Robbie, Ryan and Alice, and Heather and Krissy.

You are Kamp Happiness.

So much swagger.

In past articles, nailtravels has been a bit critical of the mess left behind Hula festevarians, but this year was a step in the right direction. Leftovers were put in moderately ordered piles throughout the park and it looked better than recent years. By no means did it look like a Wanee Monday but it didn’t look like a Suwannee River Jam either. Good job making baby steps to the elevator and thanks for the stuff you didn’t mean to leave. It was given to Cheyenne.

Stay tuned to nailtravels and the wook wranglers as we dry out, wash the tapestries, clean the feet and prepare for the next adventure. If you have plans to go exploring, let us know what’s up and we will join. After all, it’s more fun when we’re together.

#nailtravels #kamphappiness #hulaween #lovemytribe #lowbar #culturalappropriationisreal #totemsrock #fakenews #ican’twalk #makegoodchoices

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