Nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, this music and artisan camping festival has been host to the best in live entertainment for over twenty-years. The award-winning festival has been showcasing live art for folks in the shadow of the Appalachians with music, crafts and everything else in a primitive camping environment, or in some cases, downright primordial. Welcome to FloydFest Horizon “24: The Birth of FestivalPark. Thankfully, as warrior poets we are above petty comparisons and you’ll find no hubris here. Check your ego at the door.

Chanterelle was back in the proverbial pocket and everywhere she turned she ran into friends from Virginia and North Carolina. Getting all these people in one place is what FloydFest meant to her. Yes, things are quiet in your campsite because all your friends are out working. But have no fear. Headliners Joe Russo’s Almost Dead, Black Puma’s, Charlie Crockett and Sierra Ferrell showcased a stellar pack of live musicians along with The Wooten Brothers, Keller Williams, Sexbruise?, The Heavy Heavy, Maggie Rose, Leftover Salmon, Circles Around the Sun, Neighbor, EGGY, Town Mountain, WAR CHILE, Caitlyn Krisco, the Dead Reckoning and so many more. It was a weekend of brutally good, nonstop live music, frivolity and silly fun. Welcome home bad boy. This is FloydFest Horizon “24: The Birth of FestivalPark.                             Music. Magic. Mountains.

FestivalPark the new site for FloydFest, is located in Check, VA, between Roanoke and Floyd. The winding road from the 828 rolls through some of the prettiest mountain vistas anywhere. From Bristol through Galax and on to Shawsvegas, it’s impossible not to be humbled by the significance of these mountains as one of the cradles of American folk music. The site boasts several hills surrounding a scenic hollow with a small creek running through. Celebrating 20-plus years of bringing the artistry of live music info full focus via the art of the festival, Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Productions have developed the new property to ready to welcome its first festival patrons. FloydFest is home and in it, a place where everyone can contribute and help the site grow and change. Professional wooks and stewards of the forest, from withers to brisket.

Chanterelle was roped in with Kamp Happiness and the wranglers media team with Four Day, Bfly and Leaux Leaux. She was making the walk uphill to VIP camping for the second time that day when she realized she had the Jello legs and her lower body was out of FloydFest practice. By the Sierra Ferrell set and a million steps later, her butt muscles had began to form and tighten. Relax fellas, the line forms to the right.

There was a time long ago, forgotten in the pages of history, when the wranglers had to invent colorful FloydFest tales just to fill the coffers. That time has thankfully passed and things are predictably more colorful each year. No need for hyperbole. Festival royalty, JBfly hit the ground running Wednesday night and forget what you know about the subtle crescendo, this is nary the slight slant of an infinity pool but rather the Blue Hole that goes straight down. It’s a new venue and occasional confusion is going to be common.

Expecting to be lodged in a Prevost X3-45 VIP Entertainer at worst, Chanterelle and rest of the wranglers media team hadn’t brought much camping or survival gear. Four-Day brought a canopy for Kamp Happiness which seemed reasonable as long as it didn’t rain. They made camp with the other media personnel near the creek, low-profile and close to everything. As usual, Bfly’s tent was constantly sliding off the mountain and there were few places to store her sundries and unmentionables.

Chanterelle wasn’t late for work at the VIP Lounge but she was doing her best. She’d walked up the mountain to the box office to be told the VIP check-in was at the other end of the park. She tried to get a ride from an obvious derelict on a golf cart, but one look at his sweat rings and mouth spittle and she was immediately convinced to walk the entire length of the park. And why not, if she was going to be coming to this place the rest of her life, she might as well get acquainted. At some point she realized she was blocked from the road and had to hop the fence and traverse the tall grassy area. She’d heard it was a protected space and not to be invaded, but she was a master naturalist and wetland preserves were one of her research specialties. Of course she’d heard stories of Stomp 76 and how those hippies really “used” the creek and few in attendance were prepared for those unusual types of waste management opportunities. Hail Charlie who came through in the clutch, pointing out the location of the VIP lounge. For everyone, ignorance was slowly blossoming into quasi-educated and moderately knowledgeable ambassadors. Be sure to watch out for the Pegans.

Devil’s Backbone Brewing Company Higher Ground Viewing Deck and Stage: Leaux Leaux knew she was going to spend many a set at this viewing platform. Having seen early photographs of the structure, she’d figured it was going to be the stage but now she could understand how this was just the viewing platform and the stage would be some mammoth structure to be built at a later day. This was all part of a grander work in progress. Merely the acorn that would become the oak.

Chanterelle had created a new hierarchy for her spectrum of friendship. Without the aid of a golf cart she noticed, over time, that she was repeatedly visiting camps close to her own elevation on the mountain profile. It was a gentle walk through the Hobbit village near Creekside Camping and around the way to Artist Camping. Once a night they would venture up the mountain to Canopy Camping and sniff out the jam circles lurking in the forest. Sunday night in front of the Depot showed the most promise for the future. That area was allowed to serve as a commons that remained lit and occupied for most of the night. It was a good place for musicians and listeners to collaborate and celebrate. Good idea. In the future, quiet campers should avoid that area if at all possible.

Leaux Leaux was the French girl who loved Billy Joel. She was traveling with her mother and when they got together, their vibrations merged into one harmonic cackle. The night before thought she’d seen a mole hole, or maybe a vole hole. She wasn’t even sure if voles lived in Virginia but this was definitely some type of ambiguous, burrowed space and she’d put her tent directly on top of it. No big deal at the time but later? Nightmare fuel. It would have been better if it had just been a dream. Hopefully it was. The mole nibbling at her underarm as she slept was hopefully a dream. The perfect hole in the tent, just above the one in the ground was not. It reminded her of the beach in Tulum and a certain crab that would occasionally check to see if she was still alive.

Floyd Country Store Workshop Porch Stage: Four-Day swung by the merchandise room just in time to witness the future of FloydFest. A slough of school-age children played gospel bluegrass on the Porch Stage. One in particular reminded him of Shane Turner as she played like a flamingo, perched on one foot. It was an easy way to tell if one was dealing with a crazy fiddle player.

Check out these offerings from visionary photographer, Cloud Bobby. Visit his Facebook page and witness the spectacle of the festival through his eyes. Also, one of the sweetest guys on campus.

She’d lost Imad sometime during the night and while searching for him she found Jeff and Crystal behind the stage eating some kind of vegan wrap. They steered her to Jeremy and Avery camped across from the VIP lounge. Their neighbor had a coconut filled with 100 proof Puerto Rican rum. Chanterelle wasn’t sure how it was different from an incendiary. Just add a wick and you’ve got a Puerto Rican coconut bomb which sounded like something a pirate might use. By the time she’d gotten back from exploring, they’d already finished the rum. Maybe it was easier to create than destroy.

Creekside Camping: She seemed serious enough as she leaned in. “Here. Want some mushroom juice?” He opened his mouth and the viscous fluid hit the back of his throat with such a force, splatter shot back out of his gaping maw. “What did you just do to me?” Goodnight sweet prince. Just lie back and let it happen. Hide in your tent until the Leftover Salmon set.

Bitchin’ Sauce VIP Stage: Wednesday showcased Kamp Happiness favorites Sexbruise? at the VIP stage. The team was blessed with a photo pit pass for the first time, eliminating the need for another emotional face-off in the pit.

Family cast asunder by the unfamiliar terrain. The Asheville annex had moved in to Creekside Camping, Kamp Happiness West moved into Artist Camping and the rest of the thugs were scattered throughout Canopy Camping. Higgly-piggly to be sure. In the words of Buddha, “the only constant is change”.

Of course you got lost. You were supposed to get lost. It’s your first rodeo. Bfly got so lost Wednesday night, she imagined she might not find the vehicle by Mexican Monday. Charlie took his shift, Sexy Baby helped out until near sunrise. It takes a village and some who wander are completely lost.

Chanterelle was being a bit persnickety by the time she got to work. As usual it was Brett’s fault. He and a wild-eyed Afghani had picked her up behind VIP stage and instead of taking her up the hill to work, he gave her a lift the wrong way. Along the way he explained that more serotonin was released into the brain from cold water than from face drugs. While that didn’t make complete sense, he was sure he’d never met an ice immersion whore.

Canopy Camping: Big Betty ended up spending most of her time between the admin building and the box office. Somewhere in there was JBone and his crossroads jam. She stayed till 3am the first night and sunrise the next night as things began to look and feel like FloydFest. She hooked up with Mr. Beautiful and dragging the mandolin and bull fiddle, the two of them took off in search of adventure in the morning twilight. It’s good policy to keep moving at this time of the day lest you want your megaphone slung in the lake. #truth

Relax everyone, it’s ok to sleep in your car. Do they have vagrancy laws in this county? The officer said, “No worries. I’m just going to search your car and as long as you don’t have anything illegal, you should be good to go.” Famous last words. Next stop, a pod with seventy-four other thugs watching Cops. By day three, Four Day and Bfly were sharing a toothbrush. Chanterelle wasn’t claiming to be the world’s best busboy but one never really forgets. She was reminded of Lightnin’ Steve Little, before he was the face of the wranglers, when asked what his favorite festival job was, he simply stated, “Whatever. I don’t care as long as I’m at the show.” He remembered the two  of them setting up the parking lines in D Lot, dancing in the morning glories, shirtless and unafraid.

During The Jared Stout Band, Chanterelle ran into Betsy coming from behind the VIP stage. She was pilfering two large cans of sweet-heat peanuts. Sexy Baby and Rachel, the wranglers Christmas Jam media team showed up for both WAR CHILE shows. Sexy baby showed up chewing on a mushroom stem that resembled a chicken bone as if he’d just walked from behind a Bohangles dumpster. “Ooh, there’s one with some meat on it.”

Lucienda had made it her life’s mission to strive to break down the societal barriers between the VIPness and the proletariat. For this festival, wrangler research and development produced original wrangler VIPness laminates in the hopes of saturating the  lanyard/laminate pool. In addition to the late-night, renegade fun, these bits of festival flair not only signify like-minded thugs, but when folded hot dog style can be useful when collecting Detroit dry wall. Several “operatives” found themselves on the greener side of the VIPness fence all thanks to the new credentials. “Sir, your laminate is not on the sign.” “Yes, obviously it’s not on the sign. It’s on the updated sign.”

Chanterelle lost her peach moon rocks during ingress but they still had some 828 and some kush cake leftover from Michigan. During her first shift her betters gave her three hours off in the middle of the day. Do what you want but this is FloydFest. She knew if she went wandering it was very possible she would eventually get into some shenanigans with like-minded folks.

Four Day recalled the story of the abusive boyfriend whose job on the horse farm included epididymal sperm harvesting. Apparently there is no shelf life on revenge.

They stood next to each other at the VIP showers. One wore a t-shirt that read, “Lebowski 24, This aggression will not stand.” and the other wore a Claypool/Strings 24. They ultimately agreed it was unwise to get political at the festival but in the end, it was good and fair that both parties were represented.

Mama Jill told the story that the story of how the groupie eventually becomes the groadie, part groupie part roadie. Still giving up the booty but at some point, carrying amps. “For somebody that has absolutely no idea what’s going on you sure do have plenty of opinions.”

Delta Lot Memories. There was a report of Wilbur eating Mike helms bottom teeth and showing off the prettiest dog smile you ever did see. Some people are just not cut out to live onsite.

Please don’t fuck the vibe. Chanterelle said, Ben shot back, “To be honest, I cannot make that promise. I’m very attracted to the vibe.”

At some point behind VIP, Chanterelle noticed Tyler and Bertha parked in Artist Camping. Having found earlier success cutting across the protected ditch she thought she’d try it again. Two steps in she realized she’d make an grave error as she sunk, waist deep, down into the Vietnamese ditch water. It would be the last lesson she’d require and from then forward she would gladly take the long way around. Before she’d been dealing with ticks and now she could add leeches to her wildlife bingo card.

Go for Sam.

Big Betty drug herself up the mountain in hopes of finding a pickin’ circle somewhere near the crossroads. They found Jeremiah there sucking on his harmonica. They’d been Delta Lot neighbors during his first FloydFest, too long ago to remember. She met up with Mr. Beautiful and his mandolin just out looking for trouble. Never forget, at it’s core, FloydFest is a pickin’ festival. Don’t forget, capos are mandatory in Virginia. Why play in G when A flat is available?

Lucy woke up with a tick dug into her skull. She tried using a grapefruit spoon to dig the proboscis out of her fontanel. She was trying to stay ahead of the rash. No one would allow her to blame her bad behavior on Bell’s Paulsy. With her luck, it was a Lone Star and the Alpha-gal would cut her off from any more of Crystal’s jello shots. With a large cavity in her scalp, she was reminded of what the Roanoke witches chanted when they burned a tick. “The power of Christ compels you!” Nichole screamed that you couldn’t flick a tick of one’s back to which he calmly reminded her it could be done in transit.

Who would know where to go? Would Sexy Baby sleep all day without Big Betty to roust him up? Important questions for important people. Welcome to the thirteenth floor, Research and Development.

Canopy Grovestage: Kamp Happiness West popped up in Artist Camping along with the WAR CHILE crowd. Shirtless drummers and mountain folk sleeping in tree hammocks. When Craig County folks are around, you can just feel a different tingle in the wind.

This was everyone’s introduction to FestivalPark and continued imagination will be the driving force in its growth because here, in this secluded hollow in the hills, anything is possible. There was still a mountain of lingering questions that hadn’t yet been answered but in the end, some mysteries are best left unsolved.

Monday morning Bfly packed up in the rain. They would forgo their usual late checkout and head for the nearest Mexican restaurant. Her feet were bruised from a weekend of bouldering and what must have been poison ivy. Chanterelle had also been up all night, following Big Betty from jam to jam, eating the rest of Imad’s lost Sunshine Daydream. Her adventures took her to the Depot which apparently had no “quiet hours” allowing the family jam to stumble through forgotten lyrics until sunrise. Look for Kamp Happiness somewhere hear these crossroads next year.

Thanks to FloydFest for, once again keeping the wranglers in the fold. Their operation is one of the classiest in the business. Visit their website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter/X YouTube, Spotify, and TikTok. And while you’re lost in the warren of the etherweb, stop by some of the wook wranglers social media platforms. The future is nigh. Are you not influenced?

Somewhat surprised, Chanterelle had survived the gauntlet. Small dog was still in effect. Follow her and the rest of the team as they gear up for what hopes to be a “sporting” October in Live Oak, Florida with Suwannee Roots Revival and Hulaween.

#music #magic #mountains

The post FloydFest Horizon “24: The Birth of FestivalPark appeared first on wook wranglers.

SIXTH ROUND of artist additions for FloydFest 24~Horizon, the ‘Local Love’ lineup: Addie Levy • Annalyse Marie • Appalachian Space Train • Blue Mule • Chad Nickell & The Loose Change • Cinémathèque • GOTE • The Hillside Chaotics • Isaac Hadden Project • Leonard Blush & the Camelcals • Phat Anchovies • Pumphouse Blues • Sugarbush • War Chile …

Announcing the FIFTH ROUND of lineup additions: Grace Bowers … plus the FloydFest 24~Horizon On-the-Rise Competition Class of 2024 (sponsored by Peluso Microphone Lab, Press Press Merch, White Claw Hard Seltzer): Boa Boys • Coral Moons • Drew Foust & The Wheelhouse • Happy Landing • Houseplant • Mackenzie Roark and The Hotpants • Ranford Almond • Swim in the Wild • The Plate Scrapers • Virginia Man • Wood & Bone • Wyatt Ellis …

These new acts join the bands featured in Nov. 1’s initial artist announcement for FloydFest 24~Horizon, which included one of four headliners, West Virginia’s spellbinding, meteoric-talent Sierra Ferrell, who will play pinnacle to a main-stage female- focused Friday during the 2024 festival. The initial artist announcement also introduced Sierra Hull, Circles Around the Sun, The Heavy Heavy, Maggie Rose, Orgõne, Sons of the East, The Hip Abduction, Town Mountain, Cat Clyde, The Vegabonds, Caitlin Krisko & The Broadcast, Joe Hertler & The Rainbow Seekers, Sexbruise?, The Wilson Springs Hotel, plus FloydFest
22~Heartbeat On-the-Rise winner, Palmyra, and runner-up, The Jared Stout Band.

The THIRD round of lineup additions for FloydFest 24~Horizon is set for December, with more to follow over the next few months. All artists on the first two announcements can be discovered, explored and devoured via extensive bios, links and playlists by visiting here.
FloydFest’s myriad awards from the past year-plus are also highlighted in today’s announcement:
• “Best Music Festival” — Blue Ridge Outdoors’ 2023 ‘Best of the Blue Ridge’
• No. 2 “Best Music Festival in the USA” — USA Today’s ‘10Best’
• “Best Music Festival 2023” — Virginia Living’s ‘Best of Virginia’
• “Best Music Festival – GOLD” — Blue Ridge Country’s ‘Best of the Mountains’ Reader Poll
• “Outstanding Festival of the Year” — Southwest Virginia Tourism Awards
• “Best Outdoor Event – GOLD” — The Roanoker’s ‘Best of Outdoors’ Reader Poll
Blue Cow Arts & Across-the-Way Productions released tickets for FloydFest 24~Horizon last week, via the brand-new www.floydfest.com, in tandem with an initial sampling of the artist lineup that will descend on Floyd County, Va., July 24 to 28, 2024. Many ticket types are now sold out, but tickets do remain and can be purchased by clicking to https://aftontickets.com/FloydFest24Horizon. Ticket prices will stay the same through Dec. 31, 2023, and, if any remain, the first price increase will take place on Jan. 1, 2024.
FloydFest.com is fully updated for FloydFest 24~Horizon — visit the site to find:
• Brand-new and expanded FAQs, including info by ticket type and pricing tiers.
• A brand-new Site Map, which will be regularly updated throughout the season.

• Today’s official e-blast newsletter.
• The valued Partners of FloydFest 24~Horizon.
• The evolving lineup, artist information, playlists and links.

• Rules, a packing list and directions:
• Glamping info
• Area lodging info
• A Spotify playlist featuring artists from FloydFest 24~Horizon:
• Spotify playlists spotlighting past FloydFest lineups:
• Brand-new merch for FloydFest 24~Horizon (and prior).
• A listing of past lineups:
• Information on Festival Experiences (such as Outdoor Adventure and the Children’s Universe), plus access to customer service, booking contacts, vendor info, volunteer info … and more!
Having debuted at FloydFest 19~Voyage Home (2019), and then flourishing during FloydFest 21~Odyssey (2021) and FloydFest 22~Heartbeat (2022), the FloydFest Bus Stop — a psychedelic-painted school bus that has been converted into a professional recording studio — is set to return for FloydFest 24~Horizon, after receiving national press for its distinctive content and unique presentation. Click to here to immerse yourself in FloydFest Bus Stop performances from 2019, 2021 and 2022, as well as to discover how to keep the bus rolling by purchasing handmade vinyl records via a unique fundraiser: https://floydfestbusstop.com/vinyl/.

As always, FloydFest will also include vibrant and varied vendors, quality craft brews and chews, healing arts, workshops and whimsy, camping and children's activities, outdoor adventure, onsite art installations and a final lineup featuring almost 100 artists performing on seven+ stages over five days.
FloydFest is located at its new home, FestivalPark, located at 5826 Floyd Highway North in Check, Va. Find detailed directions, a packing list and rules by visiting here. Extensive, detailed and updated FAQs can be found here. visiting . Click for a direct link to tickets.

For more information, call (888) VA-FESTS or email info@floydfest.com. Stay informed via FloydFest’s newsletter, and find FloydFest on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook (). Patrons can also opt-in for the FloydFest Text Club by texting “FloydFest” to 540-215-2002 on their mobile device.

namaste y’all.

The post FloydFest Horizon Adds to the Lineup appeared first on wook wranglers.

Welcome back leaf lookers to the land that time forgot. Blackberry thicket, pine, spruce and gherkin littered the ridges up to the summit. According to tradition, the surrounding area was principally a hunting grounds by Indians, including the Canawhay tribe. Six hundred years later the tradition continues. Bring what you got. It’s time for the potluck. When it was all said and done, they left it all up on the mountain and you can’t put the Poligrip back in the tube.

Deer everywhere, all very young and just standing on the side of the road, hanging out with Evan Williams, smoking Parliaments and showing off their tattoos like a pack of Richmond thugs. The best belonged to the doe with her baby daddy’s name written in cursive on the back of her furry neck.

Some places possess a strong spiritual energy. Perhaps significant events occurred there, like battles or religious ceremonies. Maybe the spot was located near a special place like a mountain, cave or craft brewery. A holy place that could maintain the significance for hundreds of years. There would be ghosts and memories that would live forever in that place. The ghosts would know. The trees would know. They saw what you did, you filthy bastard. You can try to wash your mouth out with soap again, but it won’t help. Sometimes the dirt won’t come out.

“This year I’m not going to get completely spun.”

Lunchbox made that statement on Tuesday. Three days later he’d slept for a total of four hours. But what choice did he really have? This was FloydFest and a mosaic patchwork of some of the most fun people on the planet. He’d trained for this his whole life and it was time to show off and let the freak flag unfurl.

They pulled in the Fridane before the festival for the last of the work weekends. They didn’t care what was happening as long as they were able to pull into camp, drop off the metric ton of bullshit and scoot the Oldsmowagon back up to staff camping with Sawmill and his cooler of High Noons.

But the “gentlemen” at the gates were waiting.

Poised like Panamanian border agents, they were both wearing all black fatigue gear and sporting plastic assault rifles. It was immediately obvious that new security protocols had been implemented. Before too long they had Baitibucket knuckle deep in a cavity search and were checking Miss Cali like it was Midnight Express. (ed.note: Not sure hyperbole is still a thing. Please stick with hearsay and conjecture.)  

Lucy, Miss Cali and Four Day Old Brie were looking to slide into camp with their hair on fire and play small dog for a few days. Literally. Baitbucket couldn’t understand the thinking. The wooks are getting in anyway. One might as well put them to work. For all her assorted hustles, Lucy had accumulated six festival bracelets including the Vendor/Volunteer one found outside the Food Lion. Four Day Old Brie had developed a case of Alpha-gal and was struggling to hold down her gelatin. Fortunately during the deluge, the party with Beantown Barbeque and the bottle of tequila kept everyone warm and toasty. At the AirB&B The Dankness woke up to find Lunchbox in her recliner with his hands down his pants. Believe what you want.

Navy Seal Conditioning System. Baitbucket spent Monday setting up the HQ in the rain and the groundscored card table had begun to sag and puddle. At some point in the afternoon he got his foreskin caught in his zipper for the first time since fifth grade and the screams could be heard all the way to Meadows of Dan. The Kitten blew in Tuesday like a cloud of mustard gas and it may well have been his fault the entire camp stayed up Tuesday night. By the time of the Wednesday Sharkbruise? set at the Beer Garden stage he was seen flirting with the girl from Virginia Beach. Lucy screamed, “Don’t do it. That’s why they’re called Chesafreaks!” For God’s sake, crack a book. Later, it was suspected he’d been hit in the head with a hickory nut and failed concussion protocols before waking up next to Rock Castle Creek.

Was it Thursday? Maggie supplied the Chicken of the Woods and Mr. Beautiful cooked it up in buttery deliciousness. Where was Clay with the morels with deer meat? Shawsvegas in summer is the place for wild mushrooms. Miss Cali stopped off to check out The Judy Chops and pick up Stanely the Manly on her way to the Frick Frack Blackjack table. How many wet souls can you get for one fat dreadlock? Oh, you’re not allowed to use dreadlocks as frick frack? Shut the front door. Don’t you know, the big ones carry more memories. Keep your wet souls to your stinky self and remember, butterflies don’t make all the rules.

“Be not a cancer on the Earth.”

Kamp Happiness Girl Power: You can close your eyes if you want Marion, but it’s not going to stop. The X chromosomathon landed on Kamp Happiness like a clear photograph of the mother ship. The Hot Waffle Iron, a Blue Ridge Girl, a Judy Chop and the buskers all showed up to lend a little sound to the HQ side A. Even Old Crow and War Chile dropped some donations into the renegade set plate. I’m sorry sir, do you have the proper lanyard?

VIPness: Is it wise to let the Mexicans run The Hurt’s margarita bar? Like Tamiami Sammy said, “If it doesn’t have okra it’s not gumbo, if it doesn’t have salt it’s not a margarita. Maybe a little Kentucky Ruckus before heading into town for chimichangas. Just wait until Monday because it’s not a secret anymore. And be wary of bartenders from Richmond working the Bloody Mary bar. You know how they be.

Baitbucket could no longer trust his double vision eyes. The nights without sleep were beginning to compound and things were becoming a bit “sporting”. On his way back from the Marcus King shredathon at Hill Holler, he witnessed a woman playing the stand up bass while wiggling around on her back like some kind of python. Things were starting to devolve to the point that not long after, someone placed a can of temporary fluorescent hair color directly beside a can of bear mace. Again, the screams could be heard as far as Meadows of Dan.

You don’t need your ego to cry like a girl with a skinned knee. The festival might not be the apropos place to have a jaw-dropping, eye-opening group revelation but again, there may be no choice in the matter. Say goodbye to the ego, this is full immersion festival therapy. Lucy closed one of her eyes. Things were starting to come at her too fast. Singers and shredders were zipping by at light speed. The Low Water Bridge Band swung in for a few tunes not long before the morning shit birds were poised to chirp under the shine of Venus. Even Adam’s kids in the nook slept quietly while the adults wept and jabbered.

Moist, Verging on Damp: Bfly was basically living under a tarp for the first time since her Rainbow Gathering days. For real. No tent of which to speak. The night before, her tent had rolled down the hill with her in it and ended up as someone else’s groundscore. Her luggage was soaking wet and strewn everywhere. Brie came through with the bright idea to put tarps over the ez ups but the damage had been done. By day three of the wetness Bfly was making grunting noises and had reverted back to the way of her feral ancestors.

Baitbucket had been so impressed with the festival he could no longer continue to use the traditional tropes and literary devices available. Sure, it was a great party but how many different ways were there to describe the beauty of the mountain party? Over the course of twenty years in this location, how many bands had broken through? How many people had fallen in love. How many friendships were founded that would last for life? How many blowjobs? This year couples were poised to get married and grandmothers and uncles were ready to pass on as the wheel keeps turning. Indeed.

Someone put the Kitty to work with Hen and Jason in the motor pool so he already had all the keys. Go with your strengths. Beantown Skippy and Doug Fresh were in charge of signage, thus making it personal with the sign thieves. Lucy had her eyes on the mermaid at site ops but that was pillaged by Sunday by a thief with more gumption. She wanted to sneak into the photo pit and take photographs of Melissa Etheridge but sometime during the week, Lucy lost her new digital camera. Along with the computer she forgot at Bonnoroo this tour was getting expensive.

And then it happened again. He was sleeping in his soaking wet, open air tent covered in what was left of someone else’s dried clothes when he heard the sing-song sound of musicians around the table. It was time to get up from the disco nap and find the staff party. In a blessed act of contrition, Beantown Juicy Fruit offered the handle of grapefruit vodka. Later at Rock the South in Culman, they would learn that in a water bottle it looked identical to Pedialyte. Wookie camouflage to be sure. Just like a Subaru Outback in the 828. It ended up at Camp Opulence and for his part in the altercation, Mr. Beautiful was subsequently lashed to a pine tree and slathered in clover honey. The woodland critters were allowed to lick at him until their bellies were plump.

For all the successful FloydFest themes and titles, there are always a few that don’t make it past the drawing board. Here are some forgotten samples.

Top Ten Rejected FloydFest Themes:

• Ticks Alive!
• Polyamorousity
• Incest, Racism and Syphilis 1875
• Rosie’s Wild Chicken Bus Ride
• Fuzzy Photographs For Days
• Satania
• “I’m good friends with Sam”
• Polkathon 2000
• Boob Sweat
• Hillbilly World of Smells

FloydFest is loaded with the best kinds of degenerates. North Carolina men have big appetites for banjo music and adventure. Like the Girth. He was something different before the girl came around. Now it was all about pillows. Thirty-seven in his tent, not including the body pillow. Never give up on a thug. All it takes is a pretty girl to round off the edges of the typical savage.

Hey now. Be sure to visit the Across the Way Productions website and become one with another dimension of digital whimsy. Come into the light Carol Anne.

At some point Beantown Skippy and Roberto de Nube left the Big Daddy Love show, slipped in behind security and made their way to the wook nook. As usual, driving at unsafe speeds, the Beanman skidded to a stop directly on top of the rose garden which was in full bloom. Lucy stepped up and grinned. “Hey boy, those were my grandmother’s roses. And that’s a real nice pit pass you got there.” “I say we roll him for his shoes. You take the pass,” Miss Cali chimed. Eventually a sacrificial handle of peach moonshine got all the ships pointed in the right direction. From here on out, it would be all business. Be on the lookout for one of the last mountain festivals before the weather turns “south”. Major Malfunktion Music Festival is headed your way.

Check out the gallery from Cloud Bobby Productions. Visit his website, Facebook and Instagram.

Lucy had definitely been wrangled into this Virginia/North Carolina crowd and would keep coming back as long as they would let her. She never figured this was going to last forever but things were getting a mite comfortable. There was a time when she had to lie to come up with a good festival story. When it comes down to brass tacks, the truth is more fun. The FBI and insurance companies haven’t used wook wranglers testimony in court yet. Mind the privacy tapestries. If you don’t see what’s happening, you can’t be an accessory.

“Be like Charlie. Always.”

You have found your way through the maze and into the FloydFest etherweb adventure! Find their website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Spotify Pressmerch and two tin cans hooked up by kite string. All the things.

Don’t cry sweet Hafiz. Music festivals move all the time. The place is special and so are the people that make it happen. The crew, the bands, artists, freaks and even Benjamin will all follow and something new will be born. And there’s always a possibilities of new blowjobs. Memories, fantastic and fresh just waiting to take hold. Les is probably already there picking out the new spot. It’s good to know people. This was the last dance on Buffalo Mountain. Get ready for the first dance on the new spot and don’t be a wallflower. Le purrr.

Be sure to visit the wook wrangler archives and check out some of our new installations from the world of the Electric Forest. Keep up with the wranglers as we linger in the mountains for another month and then it’s back to Florida and the fall tour of lost souls. We look forward to seeing the mountain people in February, when they get tired of the cold.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Namaste y’all.

Let’s be clear. When you involve the wook wranglers it should come with some expectations. They are going to get there a little early and set up nonstop action sequence of interactive festival fun (full immersion festival therapy). They are also going to stay a little late and clean up their business. Know what you’re getting into and don’t be surprised when the Danger:Swamp sign goes missing. Also look for the Kamp Happiness Pickin’ Tent filled with an eager staff of trained professionals ready to “serve” twenty-four hours a day. Check out Cornucopea Festival for more information on the wrangler commons area installation. That’s an invitation. Don’t be scared.

Epilogue: Two weeks later Lucy was working Alan Jackson VIP in Savannah, Georgia when a bartender suggested she visit Abe’s on Lincoln. “You’ll like it,” she said. “Plenty of wooks there.”

Perfect…

The post Last Dance on Buffalo Mountain appeared first on wook wranglers.

Not For Prophetizin?

There’s no stoppin’ what’s comin’. The fog will be heavy in the morning and hillbillies will scurry hither and yon. What are they doing in the mist? The sexy Pickle will be hard at work, preparing the site for the masses. Mr. Beautiful will be sitting by the front gate with his mando. The official first set of the show. Old Dominion boasts some of the best music festivals anywhere and FloydFest is at the top of many a list. Don’t throw a fit. Just lay back and let it happen. In addition to a party absolutely bulging with stupid fun, there is a chance you’re going to gain some friends and lose some weight. Now don’t make that face. It’s not too good to be true. After four days of the FloydFest deluge that spare tire tends to deflate. Between the walkin’, dancin’ and life style choicin’, most folks end up burning about ten pounds which can be chalked up as collateral benefits. This is both a marathon and a sprint, and it’s all happening on the slanted sides of the the blue ridge mountains. By the time it’s done, the quadriceps will be bulging and the poison will mostly be rendered leaving nothing but colorful flashbacks. Moonlight and sunrise hikes with cousins up and down the trail tends to burn serious calories. And don’t mention banjo pickin’. Even if you eat real food, the coal goes straight in the tender my friend.

There is no embargo for our love.

This is FloydFest (both Fs are capital) and it has a special place in the heart of the wranglers. Hippies, rednecks, Geminis and heathen will all gather for this party. The stage will be set for the dance of the ouroboros. The mountain breeze will be blowing and the Asheville and the 828 crowd will find their way to the dance floor with their Virginia cousins. Golf carts will go missing. The tea leaves can be no clearer. Lay back and let the party come to you.

This five-day celebration of music & art is nestled in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Southwest Virginia featuring outdoor adventures, vibrant and varied vendors, quality brews and chews, healing arts, workshops, children’s activities, art installations, and a lineup featuring more than 100 artists on nine stages. FloydFest 21~Odyssey is set for July 21-25, 2021, at the longtime home at Milepost 170.5 on the Blue Ridge Parkway in Floyd, Va.

The present lineup includes Lake Street Dive, Old Crow Medicine Show, Trampled By Turtles, Melissa Etheridge, Marcus King, Ann Wilson, Morgan Wade, Durand Jones & The Indications, Railroad Earth, Amythyst Kiah, Buffalo Mountain Jam celebrates Old and In the Way, Leftover Salmon  The Infamous Stringdusters  The California Honeydrops, Yonder Mountain String Band, Keller Williams’ Grateful Gospel, American Aquarium, Neal Francis, Sierra Ferrell, Aaron Frazer, Kitchen Dwellers, Acoustic Syndicate  The Brothers Comatose, Caitlin Krisko and The Broadcast, Dogs In A Pile, LITZ, Isaac Hadden, Big Daddy Love, Keller & Ella Williams, The Judy Chops, and 2021 FloydFest On-the-Rise Competition winner, 49 Winchester, and runner-up, Sexbruise?. 

There will be a heavy portion of Sexbruise? on the menu for Wednesday night. Be on the lookout for the snack gun and/or a vat of mayonnaise. Where is Bazinga when you need him?

Sexbruise? is the target of numerous ongoing lawsuits from The Department of Health, The Church of Scientology, Outback Steakhouse, Stoke’s Honda of Goose Creek and many others. According to an article shared on Facebook, the original members of Sexbruise? all died in a tragic hang gliding accident in 2017 and were replaced by body doubles all of whom are physically attractive. Also, Stratton lost his keys at Rooster Walk so if anyone has seen them please text him at 843-251-4813 or Venmo them at @sexbruise.

FloydFest Diet Plan Options:

The Sexbruise?: Mayonnaise, snacks, Sudafed, pancakes, scrambled eggs, koolaid, jalapeno gatorade, two cartons of cream cheese, stuffing

The Delta Lot: Mike Helms’ Rum Punch, blue jello shots, four day old Brie with Tequila,

The kamp happiness: Expired narcotics, breakfast Natural Lite, warm bags of Tikka Masala, strawberry salad

The Fallout Shelter: Groundscored cigarettes, walked on cocaine, warm crotch whiskey

The Nakita: Macro doses of LSD, macro doses of mushrooms, literally hundreds of whippets, mayonnaise sandwich left over from the Sexbruise?

Marking its 10th round of lineup additions, Across-the-Way Productions welcomes two new ‘Local Love’ bands, Option 22 and DEADSUN, as well as two new members of the On-the-Rise Competition Class of 2022, Will Easter and the Nomads and Pink Beds. Also added to the lineup are Americana singer-songwriter Aaron Burdett, who won the 2020 MerleFest Chris Austin Songwriting Contest; and Caleb Stine and Into the Fog, two talented additions that take the place of previously announced artists The Wooks and Ben de la Cour, who are sadly now unable to perform at FloydFest 22~Heartbeat. Apart from music, ‘Heartbeat’ will feature three showings of the award-winning documentary ‘A Year in the Pit: A Journey into Music Photography,’ which spotlights FloydFest and many of its photographers, as well as myriad other regional and national events.

Clayopheus the Detangler was the first FloydFest wrangler. Then came Ka’oili with his bad hair and finally Lucienda joined with the very inmates who they ran the asylum. It would be difficult to compete with that kind of ridiculous silliness but every year is a different and special, like you. Some predictions can be made such as new friends and bad decisions but other aspects of the future can get lost in the fog of the either. What could she expect this year? Stage diving during Big Daddy Love. She was no prophet. What exactly were the unexpected occurrences that would smash into her like a runaway school bus? Hard to see the future is. Old school or new blood?

Check out the full schedule , by-day schedule, direct ticket link, website, Spotify, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Join kamp happiness and the rest of the wrangler faithful for a Wednesday night Sexbruise? party. Cuidado. Piso Mojado. Visit the wook nook and stay for some chemical bluegrass from the Camp Opulence Family Band staring Mr. Beautiful and Danielle Hot Damn Danielle Collins. Sit on the the uneven perch and dive into the ice chest of good intentions.

Thy name is hubris.

The post The FloydFest Heartbeat Diet Plan appeared first on wook wranglers.

On top of the mountain near the campsites and stages of the festival lies a cemetery. Ancient headstones mark the plots of folks long gone and perhaps forgotten. The dates on the stones often show the story of a short life, through disease or war taken before their time. If they could speak to us and share some bit of their wisdom, what would they say? What would they think of this Carnivale Obscure perched high in the Blue Ridge Mountains? Indeed.

FloydFest is widely touted as one of the best festivals in the country and for good reason. The music, spectacle, hospitality and fun are unmatched at this scale. It’s a large festival but the intimate and personal vibe creates a “home town” feel. It’s really just a family reunion for everyone from Virginia and North Carolina and if you live in either of those states and you weren’t here then just tread lightly. They do throw in a dash of South Carolinians to spice things up. And spicy things were, for many, this was their first time out and they were ready to get all the way down. New friends and families coming together to celebrate en masse. It would take a group at least as crazy as them to hold things together.

These inmates are the festival staff. At one time they were just run-of-the mill criminally insane but now they’ve managed to garner a sliver of trust and responsibility and move up the totem pole. Through reliability, hustle and eventually experience they’ve got the keys to the whole shop. The mountain has come to Mohammed. The older ones came up going to bluegrass festivals and rock shows, the younger ones have reaped the delicious evolution of the festival and are way ahead of their time. These are professional festivarians. They are in charge of the store and they know what real fun looks like so sit back and enjoy the show.

The Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour has rolled through FloydFest and the only things left are “memories”, tissue damage, Bells Paulsy and bankruptcy. JK! You know it. That shit was transcendent! “21 Odyssey was over and all Lucy and Baitbuckert could do was try to begin to process the universe of wonderment they had encountered. By placing themselves firmly in the tallow of the Virginia summer festival season they had doomed themselves to perfect oblivion. For a hot biscuit of a minute, Roanoke is about two hours away from every summer party and the same beautiful people are everywhere behind the scenes, on the stages and in the crowds.

Lucy didn’t see much music. She never did. She was usually combing vomit out of her hair and like most of the staff, got to see little music. She didn’t care anyway. Mostly she was there to visit cousins and for her money she’d just as soon sip some shine and pick around the camp. The Airstream Stage showcased some fantastic jams where friends and family got to play together and get all the way down. Between the endless songs and the surprise collaborations for many, homemade music is a highlight and cornerstone of the camping/music festival. yezzir.

This Virginia monarchy knows how to throw a party. It was Mountain Music (WV), and Red Wing before Floyd and after that they will all be at Front Porch and Rooster. For those unwashed masses it’s more than a job or a party. It’s a lifestyle choice. Sometimes it’s chill. Sometimes it’s intense. Sometimes it’s balls to the wall. Staff like La Pliclita and Cambolina (formerly Cambone) would help blur the line between work and fun to a point where everything comes together. The math checks out.

1971 is turning 50 this year.

Prologue: Sunday: Lucy wasn’t sure where she was when she woke up but she was surrounded by pea hens. The fog slowly began to lift. It was all coming back to her. After a late evening with the “Uno Mas” crowd at Spirithaven she’d spent the night with the disco turkeys and from there it was only a short drive to Patrick Country. Lucy pulled on to the FloydFest site early Sunday morning as folks were just getting rousted up. Of course she first ran into Piclito on his way to build a meme board. Lucy wasn’t at all sure what that meant. She was looking for a job with prefest and why not? She was already at the party and media didn’t pay diddly, at least at her level. Hawk, a burly beast of a man tried to get her help fix the showers at Delta Lot but Sarah and Steve caught her wandering eye. She would shower with Hawk later.

The Queen of Bravo Lot:

Don’t miss your chance to catch one of Steve Little’s bone fide hands on clinics! “How to Lay Out a Parking Lot in Seventeen Easy Steps”. “Is it right on sixty feet?” Steve would bellow. “Close enough I guess. Who cares?” Foam would form around the corners of his mouth. “If it’s a few inches off there it’ll be feet off somewhere else! Cross me again and I swear to God I’ll bury you in the back of the Overflow Lot.”

Lucy knew it was never good to push a parking guy. They were a twitchy bunch. After sitting in the sun for forty-five minutes she realized Rose wasn’t running to Delta yet (good advice Steve) so she hitched a ride with Charlie (who had recently been finger stung by some Virginia insect and was literally wailing to the two young volunteers in his truck) and headed back to the site.

She immediately came upon Mr. Beautiful picking mandolin by the front gate. Serendipity. Mando pickers like to say “Now let’s play a fast one. Slicker than deer guts on a door knob!” The two had recently crushed it together at Red Wing and were chompin’ at the bit to get more downer. Their mid-day session was noted to be the first of the festival and they made $1.65 in tips from a passing group of adolescents. Things were looking up.

Monday. Fog:

Heavy fog blanketed the site as staff worked hither and yon setting things up. There was an ethereal quiet to the heavy clouds as they shrouded the main stage. Lucy still hadn’t found work so she just sat around drinking and playing guitar music. Painting rocks and clothespins. Mr. Beautiful would say, “Mandolin, if you pick at it it will never heal”. What the hell? She needed to find work. There was a Goddamned carnival happening here. How could there be no extra work? Maybe they’d heard the “legends”.

The Kamp Happiness wook nook:

This isn’t primitive camping anymore. Forget what you think you know. Welcome to Primordial Camping.

Lucy followed Mr. Beautiful passed the gas tank, at the base of the hill from RV camping and down the road from glamping, into a hole in the trees…where everything changed. Inside hid a perfectly shaded glade of soft grass. The prophecy had been true. This naturally exquisite hobbit hole would be the setting for acts of debauchery and hedonism not witnessed since the height of Gomorrah.

Over time the space began to slowly take shape. Lucy returned to the nook to find several tents had sprouted up around hers. Unbeknownst to her, the one most dangerously close belonged to her amiga, Litter Kitty whose domicile would rise to become the official Dance Tent. She was obvious North Carolina trash, having served a year of probation for attempting to smuggle raw gluten into Boone.

Come visit Cynthia Mabe’s Home Cookin’ Hideout at Front Porch Fest September 2-5, 2021

Proudly serving all the the best in Southern cuisine.

                                                                                  (Ed. note: Now that is a lie. They will be serving Natties and bullshit.)

Tuesday night: Strap on your festicles for a Volunteer Party with Mike Helms:

Cow tippin’ and rock and roll in the pasture! Welcome to the Delta Lot fire pit with margaritas and something they called “punch”. Steve Little had gotten into the jello shots early and was in the volunteer parking lot doing doughnuts with the “Farm Use” truck kicking mud and manure over random vehicles and tents. “Just let him get it out of his system”, Sarah mused. “He’s much better after he’s had a good yee-haw. Bri and Lolo put stakes down for Kamp Happiness Delta Lot and shared chilled tequila shots. Pura Vida. The moon was saying it would be full by the weekend.

Wednesday. A real job interview in the middle of the fray? Low Man on the Totem Pole:

Mr. Beautiful introduced Lucy to the suits in the trailers behind the main stage. There was a chance of an opening in Artist Transportation and while that sounded a little serious to her, a hustler’s got to hustle. She’d pulled in with about eighty-five bucks and it was going fast. In the crowded RV it was explained to Lucy that she would be driving artists and others any time of the day or night. “Can you stay sober?” Short pause. With her most sincere and trustworthy voice she replied, “Yes” and it sounded reasonable.

Wednesday Night:

By the time Lucy met the squad at the Abby Bryant show the band was knee deep into Pigs: Three Little Ones (what do yo hope to find? Down in a pig mine) and worked a slew of other Pink Floyd greats. The mushrooms were kicking in and it was becoming obvious what actually lay ahead of them. Hand shakes and hugs were lasting longer. Eyes were looking deeper. This was going to be both a sprint and a marathon. Lucy ended up at the nook with Mr. Beautiful and the Senior Consultant until 5 am solving many mysteries of both the known and unknown universe.

Mr. Beautiful’s tent was an amazing display of glamping professionalism. Tarps, tables and hanging laundered clothes on the outside and two beds inside covered with blankets and animal furs? Say what? Lucy noticed that most nights Mr. Beautiful slept outside on a cot while his tent was occupied by passed-out fiddle players or drunken poobas.

At this point it was time for Lucy to slow down her internal clock and celebrate every microsecond. The slow climb was always her favorite. There would hardly be enough days to get to everyone. It would take a normal person two weeks to fit in the kind of jubilation she was going to pack into five days.  A common story was beginning to be heard regarding old people with busted knees on wet grass. The thirty-five degree angle at many campsites made folks appear more drunk than they were. And that was saying something. It was good policy to face the chair downhill so one could use gravity in the exit strategy. And gravity can be a fickle mistress.

“Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.”

Lucy was spending lots of time in the Kamp Happiness lounge with Girth, Crazy Chlorine and Ellen. “Always keep your teeth and vagina clean”, she advised as she handed out wet wipes. Baitbucket leaned in and asked to use hers when she was done.” Camping next to new people sometimes means unwanted nudity and smattering of inappropriate suggestion. Sexbruise. Question mark?

Thursday Night. Some who wander are completely lost.

And what of Steve Little? Last seen in Site-Ops he was curled up in a pile of plastic fencing surrounded by empty pouches of Masala lentils. His beard had filtered out several garbanzo beans, but still no beard glitter. It was well known that was where he drew the hard line. Something about a glitter explosion back in Pennsylvania.

Lucy got kicked out of the photographers pit during Old Crow Medicine Show for not having the correct credentials. What? No photo creds for the wook wranglers? “Fine with me” she spat. “There’s no room in that pit anyway. More photographs of hippies I guess. Then you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Tough titty said the kitty but the milk tastes good.”

It was just about that time Girth began losing it completely. He was stumbling around, wasting people’s Allegra, pretending he wasn’t allergic to cocaine. Bfly found Spat By Kat on the side of the Hill Holler Stage for Billy Strings, which was as usual, shredding rock-n-roll, bluegrass fun. Never miss a Thursday show. Baitbucket stood in the back taking photographs next to Jody Carbone, whose camera was the size of an electric automobile while his literally sponsored Andre Agassi.

FloydFest Site-Ops Rules:

• Place like with like.
• Don’t open another container until that one is gone.
• Send the cart back with no gas
• Kitty litter soaks up gas
• Sand soaks up urine
• It’s the Quartermaster’s fault.

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Welcome to the mestival. Mistakes will be made. On a few occasions Lucy had to stop and recognize that she herself had made an error. perhaps a gentle slip in the wrong direction. Sometime she would call herself out on talking with authority about something she knew nothing about. In the future she would need to budget an assistant to keep up with that kind of data.

“Where did I touch her? Forgive me for falling into your tent. I’m terribly sorry. It might never happen again. Was his inappropriateness unforgivable and did he even want to be forgiven? Sometimes weird things happen. It’s not the end of the world. He knew they had been protecting her from him. From him? That’s just crazy. Who would protect him from himself? Who wrangles the wranglers? The offense is not as important as the apology. Sometimes one must take hat in hand and venture back to offended campsite. It can often be chalked up to no more than drunken stupidity. Lest ye not cast the first stone. After all, we don’t get to chose how or when other people lose their minds.”    -Thatcher Owen Mullins’ Book of Maxims

The Kamp Happiness usual band of helpless thugs was improved upon by several musicians camping in the nook. Mason, Waverley, Jamie, Mr. Beautiful, David and others kept the tunes blasting up the holler all weekend. Lucy and Big Betty tried to keep up with David and Mr. Beautiful as they tangled their mandolins in beautiful knots. When DT saw that Big Betty was having trouble keeping up he’d say, “just hold on”  right before he falling into her tent, which possessed some strange gravitational pull because along with the mountainous grade became buried under an avalanche of what appeared to be drunken bison. One young doe continued falling into the tent screaming that next year’s staff shirts would be 100% cotton. The music played all night and continued to deteriorate into that loud, belligerent half-song that lasts till sunrise. Never miss a Thursday show.

–3:30-4:30 Artist meet and greet at Piclito’s cooler. Cocktails to be announced.–

Friday. The push:

The bullwhip came out around six am and it had a new cracker. Peter had already consumed burritos and coffee and was perk as a ruttin’ buck. By that time they were out of water and Lucy and Less were both drinking out of a dirty cooler.

As for Mr. Beautiful the less sleep he got the faster his fingers moved on the mandolin. By day four it was turning into Chinese math and getting hard to keep up.

Lucy was still wearing the same clothes due to the fact her vehicle was parked in that Constantinople known as Staff Parking.

There was the Friday night Turkuaz Talking Heads set with Sarah an the full moon coming up behind the main stage. Boom. Mission accomplished. It’s a Turkuazathon.

She got back to camp about 11:30 pm and decided to get some sleep before her two o’clock run. Her tent door had been open all day and she could feel legs crawling over her as she tried to rest. She wasn’t sure if it was scorpions or just tactile hallucinations from the Dragon Lady’s acid. Litter Kitty clarified that scorpions were not indigenous to Virginia but it might be daddy long legs cause those damned things were just about everywhere. Or it could be the acid. Or both.

When Lucy showed up the artist asked, “Are you alright to drive me?” “Of course.” the words barely audible from her over-used and likely damaged throat. “I stopped drinking around four and the acid has almost worn off. Just kidding. Question mark.” “Hell yea.” he shot back and they listened to Van Helen on the back roads to Roanoke. Somewhere in the conversation she shared that she needed to buy cigarettes for everyone and have an overdue movement. They passed an open store and the artist suggested she stop, to which she relied, “I’m a professional my man. I’ll do it after I drop you off.” Leaving his Roanoke hotel, the last thing she heard him say was “Go take a shit” and Lucy realized by the time she got on 221 to Floyd the mistake she had made. There would be nothing open at this time of the night. There would be no Turkish Camels for Girth and no self-respect for her as she was forced to leave her undergarments in a pile of filth in the front yard of some random industrial plant. By the time she got back to the festival, the sun was coming up in the east and all signs pointed to more class, style and continued greatness.

Saturday. How’s my tie?: As a collective it was time to start taking inventory and both ration and abuse. Girth was sleeping until two in the afternoon as usual. The Dragon Lady tried to accost Billy Strings in the bubble trailer. The Kamp Happiness family band spent most of the day at the Airstream Stage. That is, until the call came.

What lurks behind merch? Rain Session 1:

Who knows how Mr. Beautiful found the Birdman of Richmond but Lucy had no choice but to go meet him somewhere in the not-so-quiet camping. The storm clouds were brewing and everything she owned of value was likely uncovered, but this was the Birdman and non-negotiable.

They got to enjoy the rain together, huddled under a pop-up with the Headcount Goddess and twenty new friends of questionable repute drinking crotch whiskey and smoking reefer. For the folks out in the shower, the more it rained on the  Turkuaz set, the louder they got. Both the Dragon Lady and the women from Field and Furrow Farms added indoor pools to their tents after their tarps came off in the wind.

Bri tried to homestead Casey’s HoloRhythm Community Drum School tent while waiting on the Delta Lot bus. Waffle screamed, “Get up! I’m not missing this ride to Delta. These women must have driven chicken buses in Guatemala. I’ll pay extra for a seat in the back if she does a power slide.” She was also hoping someone would propose to her on the bus. Word had it that was going around.

“You can’t change the world handcuffed to a gold cart.”

Lucy’s calves were getting stronger. Her altitude acclimatization had gone well and although she would surely fail any concussion protocols she was ready for the Saturday night summit push. By now her greatest pleasure was finding Steve Little’s wook traps in the parking lot and shredding them. The low tight strings were meant to bring down the huskiest, fasted moving bucks in the herd. After she went down into the wet grass with the bass fiddle there would be no quarter for any poor fool found involved.

Baitbucket was falling fast. He desperately needed a nitro-glycerin pill and it was back in the nook, likely being snorted by someone with a bench warrant. He’d  heard a “legend” at the Airstream Stage about a guy scuba diving for golf balls that was raped by an alligator. Goat meat used for steak biscuits? What are you talking about? Can’t you see I am in the middle of a full-blown crisis. Oh Chip, if you could just pilot me into the harbor. Or is that Coast Guard flirting? The last thing she remembered was stumbling around the Airstream Stage and diving into a bowl of leftover gumbo that turned out to be brown kiwis covered in ants.

(Ed. note–Events from late Saturday night will not be included due to 1.missing or non-existent notes and 2.complete roaming blackouts.)

Sunday: The Senior Consultant and “part of the cost”: 

At seven am, Lucy woke up in the front passenger seat of an unfamiliar vehicle, not far from the Volkswagen camp. She left a note on the dashboard that read, “sorry for leaving the dishes in the sink.” She was found messaging her fontanel and urinating next to Will’s Festy Westy party wagon before being directed home toward the nook. She would have to take an inventory. Her baseball cap was missing and that would surely be a portent of things to come. Lost drugs, broken tents, insane friends, wet phones. According to the Senior Consultant it was, “All part of the cost.”

Mr. Beautiful woke up in an accusatory mood. The night before Bfly had to steer him home, through the central eye wall of a mountain “fit”. He insisted that someone had drugged him the night before. That there had been a foreign element introduced into his system to which he was unconditioned. Was this a chemical toilet that hadn’t slept for three days accusing someone of poisoning him without his knowledge? Literally date raped without either the date or the rape. Indeed.

At Dirt Track’s Lucy and Piclito shared a Pedialyte and a kiwi health shake, sans ants. Did the words “flacid penis” just come over the radio? Lucy could no longer trust her ears or eyes. This would be White Claw Sunday. There were six pallets left and a metric shit ton of kombucha. They sat together and tried to break down the past few hours but it wouldn’t be easy. Where had they been? Where were they going? Lucy knew she wasn’t a prophet and Dirt Track echoed she was surely “not for profit”. It was all coming too fast. Jeremiah’s B-11 shot hadn’t kicked in and the tequila in Piclito’s cooler was looking pretty good. How would he even be able to catch her? He’d literally worn holes in the soles of both of his prison flip flops.

Baitbucket’s right leg was swollen to the size of a barber’s pole and he would need to get with Doug and Steve about the compression socks. Other than that his body was feeling better. Some of the pain was gone and by then, between walking up and down the mountain and forgetting to eat solid food it seemed everyone had lost twelve pounds.

The Legend of Big Dick Sam. The crucial foundation of trickle down cool.

Rain Session 2, The Airstream Stage Sessions. Luckily Lucy had found her way to the music circle for the Sunday evening deluge. Nothing better than string music pushed together under a dripping pop up. T.C. broke out the brandy while the jam closed out the rain. Lucy’s voice having been brutally abused was finally returning.

Lucy could hear Andy Frasco getting pumped up and considering she’d never seen him and it was the last set of the weekend she and the crowd made the short walk up the hill. “That kid’s got some pep.” Their musicianship, audience interaction and classic, spastic rock-n-roll energy was a perfect way to tie off the weekend. After Sam gave permission for the show to run a little late, Frasco could be heard leading the choral chant “Big dick Sam!” with the audience. The rain was over, Frasco killed it and the inmates were running the asylum.

Festivals, like most corporations are constructed by a framework in which the behavioral attitudes of the few at the upper management tiers, naturally trickle down to each subsequent level of employees. In the days leading up to and during the festival, Sam’s management strategy could best be described as easy-going and hands-on. While still giving the staff the flexibility to operate with a creative autonomy, he could usually be found out front, standing in the sun and dust, shuckin’ and jivin’. And always with that same friendly manner. The intensity looks very much like the calm and this disseminates down to every staff member and patron, where at some point, one can see his calming influence over the face of the entire festival. Live it like you own it.

Sunday Night Jam: Thanks to Jesse, Kyle, Rebekah and Mr. Beautiful for the late night jams at the Dirt Track Stage. It took only a broken string and a gentle nudge from the Senior Consultant to shift the music down to the nook for more late-night revelry. The last thing Lucy remembered was something to the order of Dr. Bacon’s Auyuwaska Mountain Retreat Session? Was it just a fanciful jest or was she clinically involved? No matter. She had the strength of youth and if God be for her, who could be against her?

Epilogue. Monday: Someone had double parked the Sales and Production golf cart on the Kamp Happiness dance floor. There was a nearly empty handle of Even Williams sitting on the floor and a pocket knife still protruding from the ignition where the perp had left it the night before. Lucy took the cart for a hot lap to Site-Ops for pork skins and cheap vodka on her way to Staff parking for a change of clothes.The Senior Consultant woke up smelling bacon only to find it was his hoodie after standing next to the smoke ring all night.

Tuesday: Baitbucket stuck around long enough to get on with postfest. He spent the day cleaning out freezer trucks and groundscoring pop ups for the festival. Talk about working toward your strengths. Lucy was drying all of the blankets in the car camping field shouting “For sale! Tuesday friend prices! And it comes with a free angry hand job. No eye contact guaranteed. They groundscored some Zing Zang and Tito’s and enjoyed the long walk around the site with the sunset over the mountains. Once most of the people were gone the natural splendor and beauty of the mountains quickly returns to the fore front.

Wednesday:  Like Chihuahuas looking for chicken bones the raccoons had begun moving in. Baitbucket knew how to build a snare from his time in the Peace Corps and planned on a breakfast of trash panda and gravy. “We don’t usually see media around this late in the game” The Site-Ops Manager noted. Never miss a post-party. It was the best way to stay on site camping for another week with no one to care. Picking through Dirt Track’s camp leftovers, he came up with tonic water and cranberry juice cocktail. Perfect for the rest of the Tito’s and now he knew where the rest of the ice was being kept.

Thursday. Leftovers:

Baitbucket loved staying late after the festival as a way to truly appreciate the site. After the lights and decorations came down all that’s left were the lush verdant mountains of Virginia. Also that’s when all the leftovers came out. Would you like another pouch of Masala lentils? Stick around long enough to get a golf cart and radio. At some point someone asked him if he could drive a lift. Short pause. With his most sincere and trustworthy voice he replied, “Yes” and it sounded reasonable. Finally he was sweating. He’d managed to stay out of trouble through the entire epic and now he was loading pallet furniture on the the Hill Holler Stage with some tremendous machine. “Go slow and don’t break anything.” Later that night Baitbucket confiscated a cooler of confiscated White Claws and barricaded himself in one of the leftover travel trailers that littered the compound.

Conclusion: From the alpha to the omega this was the party you deserved delivered by a staff that has been training for it their entire lives. This was a monster achievement and a normal group of adults couldn’t have pulled this off. It took more “creative” solutions. The job was to make people happy and often that means very little sleep and music. Intense, long hours just to create place where people can be free to relax and fall in love. What have we learned? Never skip a year of FloydFest. It makes people crazy.

By the time it was over Lucy ‘d been able to see the festival from many different sides. Like much of the staff, she just wanted to be there and would do just about any job to be part of the silliness. Many times she thought of Clay, the Shawsvegas Mafia who covered the festival for our their year in 2018. With the passing of friends and family comes an increased drive and focus to enjoy what time we have left. Lucy knew he would have appreciated what they did here. They skirted the edges. They reaped the harvest. They bought the ticket.

They saw the show…

Visit some classics from the archives as the Summer Mountain Festival Lyme Disease Tour continues.

Red Wing Roots Music Festival 21: Assault on Chimney Ridge,

Mountain Music Festival “21: Please Don’t Eat the Cicadas,

Orange Blossom Jamboree: Puddle of Fun 21

Follow the wranglers as we meet up with Ban Jovi for Phish at Deer Creek and then it’s on to Summer Camp with Mi Kulture. From there we caravan out to Arkansas for Backwoods at Mulberry Mountain, but it’s never over. Keep up with September as the Virginia/North Carolina season closes out with Front Porch Fest, Merlefest, Blue Bear and Rooster Reunion.

At that point we head south for the Kamp Happiness Suwannee Family Explosion with Roots Revival and Hulaween. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Plan A is still in effect.

Thanks to Sam, Brian and the rest of the All the Way Productions hydra for letting us be be part of the magic on the mountain. We are just getting started. Follow the FloydFest social media sites on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Thanks to everyone who contributed photographs. Visit this Facebook link for more FloydFest photographs.

Leaving Sarah’s Bravo lot for the last time Lucy noticed another cemetery across the street. The question remained. What would the dead say? About this party? This complete and utter silly celebration of life and love with friends, music and laughter. Would they say pull it together, straighten up and fly right?

Maybe not.
They might just say…

rage.                                                                                                                                  copy that.

The post FloydFest ’21: The Inmates are Running the Asylum appeared first on wook wranglers.

Thank you.

This year the wranglers are celebrating FloydFest with a virtual scrapbook sponsored by viewers like you. Thanks to everyone who contributed personal photographs for the montage. Some of them are out of focus. Some of the photographers are out of focus. Some have been taken by professional photographers, many have not. All were willing to share a small piece of their festival memories as part of this larger mosaic. Look deep and see the different stories in the multitude of perspectives. Join the tribes and families with their own unique tales wrapped up in something ultimately common and familiar.

1. Shawna Bass 2019 Slanging beers and bringing cheer! My first FloydFest and first music festival ever
2. Donna Smith Tello 2019
3. Ashley Quick
4. Jerry Friend 2019
5. Bobby Richardson 2019
6. Emily Morton Halsey 2017

Welcome to Delta Lot. If you don’t know now you know. Lost and forgotten are the stories of the off-site camping for Floydfest, with it’s menagerie of poorly trained poi ball twirlers. Is your tent on fire? Watch out for fake news. Who wrangles the wranglers? Maybe you need to adjust your vibration…

1. Emily Morton Halsey 2013, I think
2. Dave Elmore The Polyrhythmics on the Pink Floyd Garden Stage, Friday, July 29, 2016 – FloydFest 16 ~ Dreamweavin
3. Bobby Richardson 2018
4. Louisa Nolen 2014
5. Jim Tomlinson 2015
6. Brandon Murphy

“He claimed to have been abducted by “space people” and was reasonably offended that he had not been probed or at the very least “intimately fondled”.

1. Jerry Friend My photo from 2019 Voyage Home
2. Maggie Blankenship FloydFest 2017 with the dancing man!
3. Katie Graves 2018, astronomy
4. Katie Graves 2019
5. Butterfly year, 2018
6. Jessica Blandy 2017, 2018, 2019

Virginia is for thugs.

From Shawsvegas to Floyd, these are the last of the revelers. Lost in the sacred dance of the smoked swine. From the forgotten wild men of Delta Lot to the savage vagabonds of the Dead Cat Society. Do your eyes deceive you or are those matching Airstreams? Bring on the duck gumbo. FloydFest is home to the original Roanoke Mafia and the entire Kamp Happiness Appalachia Annex. All are welcome. Send in the clowns. It’s time for the Saturday night Cheese set.

Come sit a spell. This ain’t no time for that ball and chain.

“Tell me what your heart wants.”

1. 2019 Children’s Universe Dress Up Tent
2. Brenda Bewley Coakle
3. Children’s Universe, July 24, 2010 – FloydFest 9 Breaking Ground
4. Megan Mcfall 2015
5. Rebecca Overby 2015
6. Jocelyn Sylvest 2019

Wook Flu Eradicated?

Breaking News: Corona-19 shuts down all 2020 festivals and in one fell swoop the “Wook Flu” has been virtually eradicated. Welcome to the ringworm-free world. Stay tuned to the wranglers. More details to come.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Visit @kamphappiness at @floydfestva #virginia #virginiaisforlovers #kamphappiness #nailtravels #festical

A post shared by Jason Nail (@nailtravels) on Jul 21, 2019 at 12:44pm PDT

1. Katie Walthall 2019 Kamp Happiness
2. Katie Walthall 2019 Kamp Happiness
3. Erica Cipko floydfest 2016 birthday goodness!!
4. Suzanne Unger Celebrating teachers
5. Jaime Gibson 2018
6. Jaime Gibson 2019

 

View this post on Instagram

 

It’s @thelilsmokies @floydfestva #atribecalledfloydfest #floydfest #music #mountains #loveva #vamusic #nailtravels #kamphappiness http://nailtravels.com/floydfest-2018-where-the-wild-things-are/

A post shared by Jason Nail (@nailtravels) on Jul 30, 2018 at 2:01pm PDT

1. Martha Phillips
2. Martha Phillips
3. Bill Foster 2019
4. Sarah Terry But also…this TRIBE 2016
5. First baby..taking first steps at Floyd! 2015
6. Janet Freitag

This is Kamp Happiness. You’ve found you’re way young grasshopper to Mecca. Believers be anointed. When you’ve fallen too far for fresh glitter, you get ground glitter. Mixed with Virginia red dirt and ready for the bomb.

1. Cindy Jepson 2015
2. Bern Vugrin
3. Paige Brugh 2017
4. Brooke Compton 2019 Jon Stickley Trio
5. Cindy Jepson 2016
6. Martha Phillips

Thanks again to everyone who contributed. Ain’t nobody makin’ no money here.

In High Country moderate isolation continues and as a result of climbing meat prices we have been forced to eat the dog. Don’t worry. Not the Chihuahua. She’s scrawny and needed elsewhere in the kingdom. It was Digs, the bull mastiff and he was given a diet of peanuts and rosemary for the last month to ensure quality flavor. Le purrr.

namaste beetches…

The post FloydFest Virtual Scrapbook 2020 appeared first on wook wranglers.

Are you ready for the truth?

Across-the-Way Productions, Inc. invites patrons to embark on a ‘Vision Quest’ to celebrate FloydFest 2020, the latest annual offering of the Southeast’s premier summer outdoor music festival, taking place Wednesday to Sunday, July 22 to 26, 2020, at Milepost 170.5 on the Blue Ridge Parkway in Floyd, Va. Due to overwhelming patron demand, The String Cheese Incident returns to the mountain for two nights during FloydFest 2020~Vision Quest, having made their first appearance at the festival for FloydFest 19~Voyage Home. Joining SCI are Brooklyn’s funk all-stars TURKUAZ, who are teaming up with Jerry Harrison of the Talking Heads and Adrian Belew of King Crimson, to honor the 40th anniversary of one of rock’s most-iconic albums, Talking Heads’ Remain in Light. Also set to appear are reggae-originators Toots and the Maytals, polyethnic-cajun- slamgrass-masters Leftover Salmon and Grammy-nominated outlaw country singer-songwriter Brent Cobb.

Today’s announcement comes one week after Across-the-Way Productions announced FloydFest-favorite Grace Potter, high-energy up-and-comer Andy Frasco & the U.N., and 2019 FloydFest On-the-Rise Competition winner, DownTown Abby & The Echoes, and runner-up, Mason Via & Hot Trail Mix, in an initial artist release for FloydFest’s
20th installment.

Tickets for FloydFest 2020~Vision Quest are on sale now via the brand-new www.floydfest.com. Click to https://floydfest2020.eventbrite.com for a direct link to tickets. Ticket prices will stay the same through Dec. 31,
2019, with the first price increase — in tandem with the release of single-day GA tickets — scheduled for Jan. 1, 2020. Subsequently, ticket prices increase again on April 1, 2020, again on July 1, 2020, and for the final time when gates open for the festival on July 22, 2020.
“To properly evoke a vision, it’s necessary to understand one’s past, current reality and future hopes. To do this one must consider a community of like-minded people, artists and patrons who come together to celebrate via music and art for a better world,” Kris Hodges, founder and CCO, said. “This year’s 20th installment of FloydFest — dubbed ‘Vision Quest’ — speaks to a carefully curated purposeful program of musicians and tantalizing art installations to evoke this vision for all attendees.”
“Vision comes in all forms and is one of the paths to how the spirit and soul awakes. If you can quiet the self and let the world bathe you in its beauty you can start to find the place where the quest resides. To those that wander to the mountaintop we invite you come help create shared sustainable visions with us and celebrate the music and the magic that is FloydFest 2020~Vision Quest,” John McBroom, co-owner and CEO, said. Recently receiving top accolades from TIME Magazine, Blue Ridge Outdoors and Fox News, among others, FloydFest 2020’s artist lineup includes The String Cheese Incident (two nights), Grace Potter, TURKUAZ with Jerry Harrison Adrian Belew REMAIN IN LIGHT Turns 40, Toots and the Maytals, Leftover Salmon, Brent Cobb, Andy Frasco & the U.N., DownTown Abby & The Echoes and Mason Via & Hot Trail Mix, but will grow to include almost 100 artists, with additional lineup announcements peppered over the next five months.

The String Cheese Incident (two nights). Hailing from Colorado’s Rocky Mountains, SCI has emerged as one of America’s most significant independent bands. Since the band formed in 1993, its members have been recognized for their commitment to musical creativity and integrity, blending expansive genres like alt rock and country with funk and the occasional psychedelia to create a unique experience of musical fusion unlike any other.

TURKUAZ w/ Jerry Harrison & Adrian Belew REMAIN IN LIGHT Turns 40. The Talking Heads’ show in Rome in 1980 remains one of the most revered live performances ever captured on film. With both Adrian Belew and Jerry Harrison on stage, the band delves deeply into soul, funk and Afro-pop. Add Brooklyn-based Turkuaz and their energetic splashes of funk, alternative, rock, R&B and psychedelia to this mix, and
FloydFest is set to become home to another epic moment in musical history.

Toots and the Maytals
Toots is one of the true architects of reggae, credited with giving the genre its name. Toots and his band, the Maytals, have been covered by the likes of the Clash and the Specials, and have impacted several generations of
rockers and rappers. At the heart of it all is that voice — drenched in soul, rooted in gospel and still breathtakingly powerful after almost four decades in the spotlight.

Leftover Salmon
Over the past 30 years, Leftover Salmon has been a crucial link in keeping alive the traditional music of the past while at the same time pushing that sound forward with their own weirdly, unique style. They effortlessly glide from a bluegrass number born on the front porch, to the down-and-dirty Cajun swamps with a stop on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, to the allowed halls of the Ryman in Nashville, before firing one up in the mountains of Colorado.

Brent Cobb
Born of the location and musical tradition of rural, south-central Georgia, Brent Cobb’s blend of country-soul and funk are the backdrop for his compelling and deeply Southern lyrics. Cobb is widely respected as one of Nashville’s up-and-coming songwriters and musicians.
The unforgettable magic that was FloydFest 16’s (Dreamweavin’), FloydFest 17’s (Freedom), FloydFest 18’s (Wild) and FloydFest 19’s (Voyage Home) Buffalo Mountain Jam returns in 2020 for its fifth-annual installment, with more details due for release in the coming months.
FloydFest 2019 saw the debut of the FloydFest Bus Stop — a psychedelic-painted school bus that has been converted into a professional recording studio — which is set to return again for 2020. The 16 videos created during
FloydFest 19~Voyage Home now appear on FloydFest.com, AtWProductions.com and a dedicated YouTube channel: “FloydFest Bus Stop.”
As always, FloydFest will also include vibrant and varied vendors, quality craft brews and chews, healing arts, workshops and whimsy, camping and children’s activities, onsite art installations and a final lineup featuring almost 100 artists performing on nine stages over five days. FloydFest is located at Milepost 170.5 on the Blue Ridge Parkway in Floyd, Va. Detailed directions are available by clicking to www.floydfest.com.

Tickets for FloydFest 2020~Vision Quest are available by clicking to www.floydfest.com or https://floydfest2020.eventbrite.com. For more information, call (888) VA-FESTS or email info@floydfest.com. Stay
informed via FloydFest’s newsletter at http://floydfest.com/newsletter/, and find FloydFest on Twitter (twitter.com/floydfest), Instagram (instagram.com/floydfestva) and Facebook (facebook.com/FloydFestVa).
Patrons can also opt-in for the FloydFest Text Club by texting “FloydFest” to 36000 on their mobile device. The Text Club sends lineup additions and other special announcements directly to patrons’ smartphones, so they can be in the know on the go!

Thanks for keeping up with the wook wranglers as we scour the High Country for music, frivolity and wookish delights.

Virginia is for lovers.

The post FloydFest 2020 -Vision Quest Commeth appeared first on wook wranglers.