You know how it is. We’re why we can’t have nice things. We are the wookies of the Fifth Order. The Watusi incarnate. If one beat is allowed to cop a squat and hang their dirty laundry from the white cedars then soon to follow there will be a whole bevy of hippies tweaked on moonshine and washing their socks in the creek.

But what’s a walkin’ man to do? Haggard and worn, the flight from Colorado deputies can eventually leave a mark on both man and beast. As much as Thatcher wanted to complain about the gestapo this time, they probably saved lives. Thank God for the acid from Boulder. It was the only thing that counter-acted the Coors and moonshine offering some semblance of balance and making the operation of a motor vehicle at least a sliver of a possibility. He was so bent, driving south along the Sangre de Cristo range that he had to close one eye to keep the passing lanes in view. At one point he had to turn the radio off just to stop the hallucinations. Why were there giraffes standing on mushrooms in the middle of the sidewalk and why was he driving on it at unsafe speeds? Thank ye gods for the police.

Colorado makes it easier than most states to camp on the cheap. For scenic vistas of the Collegiate Peaks and pro bono camping, look no further than Buena Vista and Turtle Rock.

Turtle Rock is a campground in the Four Mile Recreation Area of Buena Vista, Colorado. This is one of several campsites in the area that allow a stay of up to 14 days. Slightly up above the Arkansas River, Turtle Rock is a secluded campsite that is several miles from the nearest paved road and offers tons of privacy. There are many opportunities for hiking, biking, climbing, and kayaking in the area, and Turtle Rock campground is only a few miles from downtown Buena Vista.

The various aspects of this nifty granite outcrop feature bouldering, climbing routes and a cool “two-pitch” scramble. The scramble to the top of this neat little rock takes only minutes, but the trip to the top is quite a joy. From the summit, enjoy views of the Arkansas River valley to the north and the south. The twin humps of the Buffalo Peaks thirteeners rise in the near northeastern distance. The views up and down the mighty Sawatch range will leave your mouth hole gaping.

There is little mystery as to how this peak got its name. For certain, when viewed from the east, the shape of a large turtle, head pointing southward down the Arkansas Valley emerges. The summit area is wide-open, a bare granite viewing platform. Enjoy your stay here in nice weather. Avoid the sheer drops, especially on the east side, in high winds. Kick back, be stunned by the views, and bask in the beauty all around you.

Colorado Rank: Unranked

Prominence: 160 feet

USGS Quad: Harvard Lakes

YDS Rating: Class 4

THINGS TO DO IN BUENA VISTA:

Mount Princeton Hot Springs: A must do at Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort are the hot springs pools located right in midst of the cool rushing waters of Chalk Creek. Each pool is fed by its own natural geothermal hot spring that bubbles up into the actual creek bed and into majestic circles of stones that create natural pools of warmth and rejuvenation.

Brown’s Canyon Rafting: The Browns Canyon section of the Arkansas River is the most popular whitewater section in the U.S., because it is challenging enough for experienced rafters, yet forgiving enough for first-timers. This boulder-strewn canyon sports large, exciting rapids, each followed by a calm pool that allows time to recover and prepare for the next big rapid. It is this pool-drop character that makes Browns Canyon suitable for a wide range of ability levels. Be sure to check out Brown’s Canyon Rafting for some world class rapids on the Arkansas River. Visit Byron in early summer for some “sporting” rafting as the snow melt turns the river intro a frothy mess. Big fun, here in River City.

Free camping area on BLM land with free porta-potties. There are beautiful overlooks of the valley from Turtle Rock and about 20-30 sites. The road to the campground isn’t bad at all, just a little washboarding, but the campground itself is somewhat challenging to get around with low clearance or extra long rigs.

The summit of Turtle Rock sits just 3 miles north-northwest as the crow flies from the town of Buena Vista [BYOOnah Vistuh], Colorado. From the traffic light on U.S. 24 in Buena Vista, turn east onto Main Street. After.2 miles, in the center of old town, turn north (left) onto Colorado Avenue (which becomes Chaffee County Road 371). After about 2.2 miles, CR 371 turns into a graded dirt-road suitable to all passenger cars.

From this point, there are two options for parking and approach:

From the east (turn before the Midland Tunnels and park in the campground)

After traveling 2.7 miles on CR 371, turn east (right) on CR 375 just before the Midland Tunnels. Following this twisting, graded dirt road for 0.8 miles to the entrance for the Turtle Rock Campground. Limited day use parking may be found near the back (western edge) of the campground.

From the west (continue through the Midland Tunnels and park in a pullout on the east side of the road)
After traveling 2.7 miles on CR 371, pass CR 375. Proceed through the narrow, one-lane series of tunnels. Immediately after exiting the northern-most tunnel, there will be a pull-out on the right-side of the road.

Four Mile Rd

Buena Vista, Colorado

GPS: 38.881945, -106.145212

Elevation: 8286′

Keep up with nailtravels as we continue the Summer “Low-Brow” Tour with an occasional stop the next few months. Continuing with Purple Hatter’s Ball in Live Oak, the Moonpies then head to the North Plains, Oregon and Northwest String Summit Kids and Family Tent. Then it’s on to hillbilly heaven and LOCKN’ in Virginia. This is about as low-brow as it gets. Thanks for showing up.

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Date Reported: 6/16/2017

Time Reported: 1:20 am

Time Occurred: 8:25 pm

Location: Surrounded on three sides by the natural architecture of the Telluride Box Canyon, the rugged San Juan mountains are home to Telluride, one of the most spectacular towns in the American West. Add a sprinkling of bluegrass to the mix and you’ve found yourself at one of the best parties around.

He’d been a little apprehensive about carrying and unregistered weapon without a permit across the country. Every state has its own set of laws in regards to carrying firearms, or everything else for that matter. Who can keep up? But now everything was different. As a licensed Telluride Security officer his mandate as a peace keeper demanded he carry it at all times. In all fifty states, Native American Reservations and Nations, and Puerto Rico.

3:29pm: Steve Martin walked by and Hambone bolted after him to see if all banjo pickers did in fact, have the same birth mark and if so, could he could get a picture. An altercation ensued and Mr. Martin slapped Hambone across the face and cursed him for a coward. Hambone screamed back that it was going to be his valuable time spent working with editing software to add color onto the flesh of his white legs, at which time, the comedian began shouting for security to intervene and remove the vagrant.

At this point Baitbucket arrived and identified himself as an official security administrator, to which Mr. Martin bellowed, “This is a slant and will not be tolerated!” and soundly spat in his face. Higgly-piggly naturally ensued as the two security guards, along with the assistance of Summer, a nearby volunteer who was sorting plastic bottles from the trash, wrestled the assailant to the ground.

“Shows over folks.” He turned and took the perp by the collar.”C’mon you. Let’s see how funny you are in the drunk tank, Mr. Comedian. That’s what he takes us for…two boobs!”

9:37 pm—During the Greensky Bluegrass set, Sam Bush substituted for the ever-absent Del McRory, and sat in for several electrifying jams. Earlier reports were that Del hadn’t been seen since the previous night, when after a late night card game, he and Abigail Washburn were reportedly giving neck tattoos to the Earls of Leister, without consent. The subsequent dumpster fire around sunrise was attributed to a Roman candle battle between the two parties.

5:26 am—In response to a call made from Support Camping-Fence Monitor, Security team dispatched to Ronny McCrory’s motor coach. Upon arrival, noted adjacent motor coach, belonging to the Earl’s of Leister, “really going up” in flames. Preliminary witnesses say the blaze was started by a man with a large head welding a banjo.

11:00 pm: At some point the unnamed banjo picker appeared again, running to the side of the main stage and tackling Sam Bush’s guitar technician, before bolting fearlessly, Hershel Walkeresque into the middle of the crowd. Hambone, who was checking bags at the main stage security gate, noticed the commotion and began moving toward it at a hurried pace. There is a special place in the lower basements of the inferno for people who steal musical instruments from festivarians, The thief was no exception, and while he was large and mobile and about to make it through the crowd, Hambone was bigger and faster. He’d been a Marine and nearly had his whole face shot off by a close friend. It was hard to find anything for which he really cared, certainly not what was left of his life.

The festival is built around the many artists that have defined the Telluride Bluegrass sound, as the weekend is sprinkled with inspired sets from Peter Rowan, Béla Fleck, Jerry Douglas, Chris Thile, Tim O’Brien, and of course the “King of Telluride” Sam Bush. These artists come together for the festival’s epic set from the Telluride House Band featuring Sam Bush, Béla Fleck, Jerry Douglas, Edgar Meyer, Bryan Sutton & Stuart Duncan. When these guys get together, it’s ridiculously fun.

He was a banjo picker of no count really. But he was smart enough to know which scratch board effectively repelled bullets. He’d been on the road for six months. Just days ago, he’d been sitting in Little Rock, Arkansas with not a dime to his name. His last shower had been twenty-one days ago and he’d lost his belt. Authorities are still searching for a bald man with a round head, wearing an LSU hoodie, and hauling a dirty banjo on his back. Last reports were that he was seen leaving Telluride on a stolen mountain bike.

There is nothing sadder than watching a Florida man mountain bike in Colorado.

TELLURIDE MOUNTAIN BIKE TRAILS
Beginning Trails
Biking around Mountain Village is an outdoor marvel, bar none. For that reason our destination wins more and more accolades every year for its varied terrain and exquisite backdrop. In terms of access, most of our trails may be reached via gondola at Station St. Sophia, and every cabin comes equipped with bike racks. If you need to rent or purchase a bike or bike equipment, visit one of our local retail sports shops in Mountain Village Center.
Boulevard Trail 2.5 miles: From Lost Creek Lane near Mountain Village Center, this easy 2.5-mile trail begins on a paved surface and continues to Town Hall Plaza. Once at Town Hall Plaza, the paved trail becomes a natural surface trail and continues west towards Highway 145 and the entrance to the Town of Mountain Village. Watch for signage and pedestrian crossings.
Russell Trail 1 mile: From the intersection of Adams Ranch Road and Russell Drive, this easy one-mile trail begins on the shoulder. The trail continues below Russell Drive onto a dirt surface and connects with the Meadows neighborhood.
Intermediate Trails
Boomerange Trail 2 miles: From Prospect Trail or Basin Trail, this trail follows a historic Forest Service dirt road approximately two miles to scenic Alta Lakes and the historic mining town of Alta. Vehicles may be encountered.
Coonskin Trail Loop 1.3 mile loop:Be ginning and ending at Station St. Sophia and with an elevation change of 170 feet, this dirt ski service road is a short 1.3-mile loop starting from and returning to Station St. Sophia. It crosses over Telluride Trail, Lookout and Milk Run ski trails and serves as bike access for the See Forever Trail.
Jurassic Trail 1 mile: This scenic one-mile trail begins on the north side of Country Club Drive in Mountain Village and to the left of the Boomerang Trailhead (see below), then follows the ridge west and 300 feet down into the Meadows neighborhood.
Meadows Trail 1 mile: Starting in the Meadows neighborhood in Mountain Village, just up the road from where Adams Ranch Road crosses Prospect Creek and 0.5 mile west of Big Billie’s Apartments, this one-mile trail drops 200 feet to the Lawson Hill neighborhood and Highway 145.
Prospect Trail 10 miles: Ten miles in length and the longest single-track on the ski area, this trail begins at Station St. Sophia and traverses across numerous ski trails under Lifts 4 and 5 and into Prospect Creek. After crossing Prospect Creek, the trail climbs through dense forest to the top of Lift 10. This trail then continues two ways: either along the upper loop through Prospect Basin or a shortcut past the teepee and the top of Lift 10 before the descent begins to Station Village Parking and Town Hall Plaza. For a longer hike or bike, Prospect Trail also connects with the Boomerang Trail which leads to Alta Lakes.
Village Trail 3 miles: From Station St. Sophia, this rolling three-mile descent crosses several ski trails with great views to the west while traversing through aspen and spruce-dominated drainages. After crossing Prospect Creek Drive, this trail descends into a creek bottom, crossing the wetland on a boardwalk, and then continues down and connects with the Boulevard Trail, providing access to Town Hall Plaza and Mountain Village Center.
Advanced Trails
Basin Trail 6 miles: Beginning at Station St. Sophia, this trail forks with the Sheridan Trail and continues left, past the snowmaking storage ponds and gate, for six miles on a dirt ski service road. There are 2,240 feet of steep climbs and descents past the top of Lift 5, the bottom of Lift 14, past Lift 12 and down through the ski area to connect with Prospect Trail. Vehicles may be encountered.
Big Billie’s Trail 0.5 miles: Beginning on the south side of Country Club Drive in Mountain Village, this refreshing 0.5-mile trail winds down 200 feet and ends at Big Billie’s Apartments in the Meadows neighborhood.
Boomerang Trail to Valley Floor 1 mile: Beginning on the north side of Country Club Drive in Mountain Village and to the right of the Jurassic Trailhead (see above), this steep one mile trail descends through the Uncompahgre National Forest to the Valley Floor below. Expect a 700-foot elevation change.
Seeforever Trail 2.8 miles or 8.3 miles: The hiking-only portion of this trail starts 0.2 miles south of Station St. Sophia. For bikers, the access point to the See Forever Trail is from Station St. Sophia via the Coonskin Loop Trail. Steep and strenuous, this dirt ski service road climbs along the ridgeline 1,710 feet in 2.8 miles to the Wasatch Connection Trailhead. Vehicles may be encountered. With 360 degree views of surrounding mountain ranges and peaks, this trail is often combined with the Wasatch Connection to the Wasatch Trail to form an all-day, 8.3-mile, 3,510-foot steep descent onto Bear Creek Trail, leading into the Town of Telluride.
Sheridan Trail 2 miles: This two-mile trail begins at Station St. Sophia and is on the steep and paved San Joaquin Road, one mile from Mountain Village Boulevard. Vehicles may be encountered.
Wasatch Connection 1.4 miles: This steep and rocky 1.4-mile trail connects the See Forever Trail to the Wasatch Trail that leads to the Bear Creek Trail. The Wasatch Connection drops off the back side of Gold Hill. Combine these trails for an arduous, day-long adventure.

The Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics

The Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics is a national organization that protects the outdoors by teaching and inspiring people to enjoy it responsibly. The Center accomplishes this mission by delivering cutting-edge education and research to millions of people across the country every year. At Telluride, Northwest String Summit, and RockyGrass festivals they host a Leave No Trace contest in an effort to extend the spirit of sustainable Festivation into the campgrounds. Coordinated by the Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics, this contest encourages others to raise the bar for sustainable and creative camping. These kinds of initiatives provide a framework for festival sustainability.

All entrants are eligible for random daily prizes, while campsites that excel in achieving the highest levels of the Leave No Trace philosophy could win camping and 3-day passes for the 2017 Festival. Enjoy your world. Leave No Trace.

It was time to leave Telluride with no trace. The net was surely closing at this was no time to drag about. Utah lay ahead and the balmy desert breezes of Green River. This was the adventure. Next stop, Northwest String Summit and the Glory Train. Del would surely be there and he still owed money, and the juice was running. Check out First Time at Telluride on the nailtravels family of channels.

First published October 4, 2017

Thanks for visiting the wook wranglers and be sure to check out Roots Revival 2019: Magic Memories and Suwannee Rising Memories.

namaste thugs.

The post Telluride Bluegrass Security Log 2017 appeared first on wook wranglers.

Traveling solo had always been fun and even therapeutic. Out here there was no one to blame. It’s low-hanging fruit when one is in a close relationship but going about the trail alone, when things go south, there’s only the mirror. And the t.v. screen.

He was in Breckenridge visiting Spud, a close friend of more than fifteen years and an admitted sexual predator. While living an entirely thugish lifestyle in the same South Florida grotto, sewing their sick seeds not one calendar mile, as the crow flies, from Michael Lazlitamos (the jew killer), they endured fresh lessons like unavoidable chaos and sickening trauma.

Spud had just finished the last of the Sierra Nevadas and as a result of his small frame and girlish drinking habits his judgement was now seriously in question. Maybe it was the altitude. Here in the shadow of the Tenmile Range, less blood makes it to the capillaries of the brain, causing it to prune and blacken. “Let’s take the wagon up the mountain and shoot guns,” he muttered while slipping in the mud of the washout. “Don’t worry about a thing. You are in safe hands. This is Breck Rescue Blue Monkey 22.”

“You have ceased to make sense,” Hafiz said, lighting the nectar collector from his chair near the campfire. “What the hell are we shooting at? Old televisions and Heineken bottles?”
Spud threw up a little Tropical IPA and cackled, “Immigrants you sorry Muslem. You’re lucky I don’t start with you. Lest you forget this is Colorado. Liberals have been trying to wrestle this country away from the cowboys since they took it from the Mexicans and Indians but I’d venture to bet they would all likely give me some kind of civilian service medal if I left you in a shallow hole halfway up Methodist Mountain.”
“I dare you. Don’t mistake me for a damned Quinault Indian.” Hafiz cautioned, fingering his sandal for the switchblade.
“Yeehaw.” shrieked Spud. “Tied up with rusted barbed-wire. All tangled to an aspen trunk just below the treeline and left for the elk. They were rutting and hungry. Damned-near picked his bones clean like buffalo shrimp before we bagged a few for sausage gravy. Life is really good.”

Haffiz decided that rather than gut him like a fat mullet, it was time for the morning devotional. A long scratch now ran through the middle of his Out of the Blue by ELO, so that was out. He’d been dabbling in poetry for years and learned that it also, was known to mellow situations that had begun the downward spiral.
He softly read from his notebook;

WHY NOT BE POLITE

Everyone
Is God speaking
Why not be polite and
Listen to
Him?

Spud looked up from the burning lawn chair he’s just slung into the fire.
“Shut your mouth or resend your filthy godless ambitions,” he stuttered as he was clearly beginning to walk with a pronounced limp. His jeans were still stained with blood from last night’s events and his face, which had been utterly pale, was now beginning to turn a shade of bland vanilla.
“Blasphemer! You are a heretic and an idolator and this will not be permitted on my watch,” Hafiz hissed. “I’m not kidding. You can just forget it Hoss. If it were up to me, I’d drag you back to Florida.”

Spud closed one eye so he could clearly see the brown man in front of him. “Never! That place is worse than Attleboro. Here in the womb of the Colorado mountains, I am a king. You’ll have to drag my frozen corpse away from this place.”
He was right, of course. Even the homeless women in Denver were gorgeous. Especially the young birds who lived in the tunnels near Coors Field. The whole of the Centennial State was a hotbed of legal drugs, snow bunnies and ski slopes and Spud was right in its spiraling vortex. He’d been in the pocket for years and his station was only improving. Long into the fireman/rescue/ski-patrol teams, he’d lived like royalty in the vacation hamlet of Breckenridge. Now, he wanted to own property in Salida and learn to play acoustic guitar. Like he wasn’t do well enough for himself. Just plain greedy.

 

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Lessons in bad skiing. Breck. 2017

A post shared by Jason Nail (@nailtravels) on Mar 23, 2017 at 5:18am PDT

Thanks goes out to Breckenridge Ski Resort for the lift tickets and equipment. Visit their website for all your equipment rental needs and check out their social media sites on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Youtube. Welcome to Breck.
It’s time to carve the pow.

Hafiz had gotten hold of some WiFi slather in Salida and had already gone through a gram of it by the time he reached the ski rental place. His Daytona Dash (Rum and orange juice with a splash of tonic and a lime) was camouflaged in a large coffee cup with an ill fitting lid. The lift ticket and equipment rental was all pro bono in exchange for a little internet publicity so no expenses were going to be spared. The attendant asked if he would like a lesson before hitting the slopes.

“No thanks,” he smugly responded. Being naturally graceful and athletic, we’re going to do this the old fashioned way. The James Bond way. Simple crushage from the get-go”
He found his way into the equipment rental area, surrounded by all manner of what appeared to be, space exploration accoutrements. “What type of skis would you prefer? What kind of rider are you?” the young attendant inquired. She looked very healthy. People on this side of the Mississippi really go a long way in making one feel out of shape. Their hairless, brown legs ripple with calve muscles born from skiing in the winter and bicycling down the same trails in the summer.

Naturally, Hafiz had never stepped a foot in skis, but still his answer came sudden and loud. “Greased and fast is the game today. Gimme the slick skis. Just barely missed the bronze in Sarajevo, but my fastest times are still ahead of me.”
This was, of course, an abomination of the truth and he would likely end up smashed at the base of a fir, waiting on some kind of ski basket to haul him to the nearest trauma center. Blue Monkey 22. Back in the day, Colorado skiers would simply throw themselves into trees just so they could get their red card. Now anyone over the age of twelve could saunter into a weed shop like it was a corner Woolworth’s. Pot was legal and it was en vougue to be a Dead fan. It looked like the hippies were trying to take over yet again.

THE SUBURBS OF GOD

Complaint
Is only possible
While living in the suburbs
Of God.

Spud was already at the brink of unseasoned madness and Haffiiz’s hippy poetry had gently pushed him over the ledge. He went to fetch to his 10 mm pistol out of the wagon, but as he opened the rear door, the immense bottle of Paisano fell out and exploded in the parking lot with a dull pop. He screamed and fell to his knees in the middle of the mat of broken glass and begin lapping up the cheap red wine from the pavement. It looked like a river of blood as the Carlo Rossi streamed down the street and into the rain gutter. His sunken eyes darted back and forth, in search of possible hazards and he licked wine from his beard, which was stained dark red like some kind of deranged cannibal.

Hafiz found Walker, an old kayaking friend from the redneck days on the Gulf of Mexico, at the Nines’ ski lodge and ordered several Banquets before launching toward the slopes. After the incident with the snowboard on this very same mountain, it was fair to say that this was a time for adult caution. His hypothesis regarding the ease or lack thereof of picking up the nuances of snowboarding had been ultimately flawed. This time, he sputtered around for the cameras, tripping and sliding in all manner of uncomfortable directions. There just weren’t enough drugs around to get him back on a ski lift anytime soon.

They left the rented skis outside on the rack and joined a wedding party of drunk Hoosiers at the ski-lodge bar. The rest of the afternoon was spent drinking shots of Snakebite and debating the root of the civil unrest in modern-day Nicaragua. Only millennials in tight jeans would have the naivety to bring up Ronald Regan. Unlikely they’d know about Herbert Hoover or even the Beatles.Tempers began to flare as one of the Hoosiers throttled the bartender for not having a back-up bottle of Yukon Jack and Walker and Haffiz decided they’d enjoyed enough of the slopes. As the afternoon sun drifted behind the mountains to the west, they started back for downtown Breckenridge, with its blinking gift shops and expensive margaritas.

Check out Lessons in Bad Snowboarding, Salida Green Chile Sauce and Free Camping in Buena Vista for more Colorado gibberish. Visit the Kamp Happiness website for more festival fun from the Roanoke Mafioso. Stay tuned to nailtravels as we head north to Purple Hatter’s Ball, the Northwest String Summit Kids and Family Tent and hillbilly fun at LOCKN’.

And I know, it’s my own damn fault.

THE VINTAGE MAN

The
Difference
Between a good artist
And a great one
Is:
The novice
Will often lay down his tool
Or brush
Then pick up the invisible club
On the mind’s table
And helplessly smash the easels and
Jade.
Whereas the vintage man
No longer hurts himself or anyone
And keeps on
Sculpting
Light.

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