“Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands and kneesHe said, “Hey mama, hey, let me check your oil all right?”She said, “No, no honey, not tonightCome back Monday, you come back TuesdayThen I might”
From October 30 through November 2, 2025 a Florida Man invited the world to Live Oak, on the banks of the Suwannee River for another installment of Suwannee Hulaween. They came all the way from Tejas, Dirty Jersey, the 239 and beyond to the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park, with a truckload of yellow jackets (not the kind that kiss your face), inflatable horses and pocket lasers for stellar music, art, food and serious life experience. This time nothing was left to chance. Perfect planning makes perfect execution. Wanna take it easy at the restival? Wanna get a solid evening of quiet sleep? No, no honey. Not tonight. Cheese. Love. Hapenis. once again executed plan A. Build it and get out of the way. Exactly what kind of contraband can one purchase on the dark web? You think you’re getting in my over sized bloomers? No, no honey. Not tonight. Welcome to Suwannee Hulaween “25: Come back Monday. Come back Tuesday and then I might.
As always, the eclectic lineup had something for all the peoples and was cornered with the String Cheese Incident and other monsters such as Goose, Zed’s Dead, DJ Pee.Wee, Mersiv, Tape B, Parcells, JRAD, the Disco Biscuits and more. From Spirit Lake to the Amphitheater, taking a slow walk to eighty acres, the Loop or the river, Live Oak is still the best place around to enjoy a camping and music festival. Sitting under the shade of the turkey oaks and Spanish moss, it’s easy to understand how you found your way on the bus. The only questions is, “Why is this inflatable horse licking my face?”
For their money, Cheese. Love. Hapenis organizers would revel in their own site and spend much of the weekend maintaining the vibe and nearby grounds. Accomplishing several short term goals, the family unit was pleased as punch to not have called security or Suwannee deputies on one of their own or fallen victim to overwhelming interpersonal soap opera drama. Goals also included bringing the acoustic instruments home, unbroken. Hulaween doesn’t break guitars, I do. Thankfully, Horhay found his way back from Billy in Huntsville and Moana showed up with a broken back. Troopers till the end. Baby steps to the elevator. It takes a village to raise a bunch of idiots and Hulaween is a perfect place to get lost in the theater of the mind.
“Did you try to Groundscore my bin of canned food? On Friday?”
Baitbucket pulled into SOSMP same as he’d done since 2002, except this time the Buick had no brakes and sounded like a shrieking banshee. Unlike their usual Saturday arrival, the fam was sliding in Tuesday afternoon with the rest of the scrubs. The crew had already met up at Ted’s house and was ready for the assault on Live Oak. Thanks to Lightnin’ Steve for leaving the Mother Ship next to the Poncho Tree ready for action. Staff camping had wrapped around ye ole Titty Kitty spot, so Pedro’s Circle K? Hagglin’ Post had to be pushed across the street and set up on the main road, which was sure to offer a different slant on things. The obvious question rolling around everyone’s head was whether this motley crew of sloppy degenerates could hold it together on the main strip or did they belong safely hidden in the backwoods speakeasy? Like Horhay’s inner thigh, it was a slippery slope and only time would tell.
Working prefest, Justin homesteaded Cheese. Love. Sauce while Spacebug clawed out a space for Kamp Hapenis in Giovanni’s old spot. The amalgamation that followed was a successful experiment in an incestuous blending of both camps. An ocean of new friends with camps built inside of other camps. Hulaween tradition. Same as it ever was.
When it comes to leaving presents in the Mother Ship, hard yes to Eduardo’s gas,
hard no to Moana’s drawer of mystery pills.
A kinder gentler hula? Indeed the Pine Field was a calmer beast when compared with the late night renegades of old and last year’s Sunday night live radio extravaganza. Sure, there was plenty of sideways fun, but the focus on space and vibe carried them through the weekend. At some point, Baitbucket even hid BroccAleeya’s megaphone from himself and even AlleyCat kept her megaphone hid in lieu of the harmless Mr. Microphone. The Ain’t Sisters say thank you. You’re welcome. There’s a fine line between humorous antics and obnoxious brutality and just before daybreak, the Cat has been known to bounce over it with impunity. Even the Bag Man was taking naps and keeping the shadow people at bay. Leading doctors recommend sleep and research shows it helps keep both of your eyes the same size.
El Gato, the cigarette connoisseur, built and brought glory hole numero dos and cerdo desmenuzado delicioso. Dan, Katy Magic, and Spacebug returned to Hula for the first time since 2017 and brought with them, their blistered version of fun. Turtles hauled in her message table and granted some of her patent squirrel messages to the braver patrons. Moana and Lucy had their vibrations raised at the Future Joy set and then, yet again, submitted to the wills of the forest.
The year of the boyfriends. The “ladies” were brought in to help the population numbers and keep this setup from turning into a handful of fraternity boys sitting in the dark, shotgunning Boomerangs. Skip to, now the harlots were all showing up with boyfriends? Whoa. Whoa. Settle down now. That was not the initial agreement. These hard tails slid into an already established camp and proceeded to skew the numbers. 65/35. Yo Parker, next time bring your seester. Coty didn’t know there was such thing as a two-headed girlfriend dragon until one bit him on the face. Did it really happen at all? It’s so easy to slip.
Don’t look now but somebody put googly eyes on the tiki torches.
The last angry cellist took David and Savanah to visit Rosie and the Soup Kitchen somewhere in the back labyrinth of the pine field nestled in the heart of the Titty Kitty compound. In response to a recent restraining order, Rosie was no longer allowed to camp within two hundred yards of Kamp Happiness although, like Emma Jay or other derelict renegades, she might well be known to sneak around the woods after sunset. Drunk on warm Beatbox, Bagadix kidnapped JBfly and found the Amphitheater for DJ Pee.Wee. Which line is for deep tissue frisking? C’mon bro, you’re not even close.
Pirate date night. For many privateers, Hulaween is the Super Bowl of the Jolly Roger game. Lucy had already borrowed Coty’s electric bike for afternoon pirate flag reconnaissance and during the beginning of Saturday Cheese she and Crispy found themselves slipping through the loop in search of Blackbeard’s booty. Naturally everyone else was in the show creating the perfect hunting grounds. Once she tasted blood on her lips there was no stopping her. Using her grandfather’s straight razor, they attacked the camps toward the river and somewhere around Eighty Acres, felt the heat. Hiding behind trees and tents, they entered an invisibility bubble and even exchanged clothes. Were they paranoid or were they being followed or both? Yo ho, yo ho a pirate’s life for me.
And who taught Monk how to pirate? Stealing the Jolly’s while the fam played music around the fire? He didn’t even get to meet the cousins or share in the contraband. All work and no play makes Big Chris a dull boy. Be sure to keep the White Buffalo at home sirs.
Several Tampa Jolly’s were harvested, one going to Katie Magik and one to Coty’s antique van, with the latter only to be double down harvested by Abigail on her way back from the water closet. Family stealing from family and the plot doth thicken.
In the fourth quarter Bfly pulled in a couple more flags on the way back from Molly Tuttle. Thanks for all the Phish who contributed to the fray. With Dom in California and Delson and Nick cuddling with Benjamin, it was a real opportunity for some greenhorn to earn their wings. A neighbor came over and confessed that he’d taken the One Night flag for his daughter and it was his first time absconding with booty. Indeed, he was proud of his first heist and the Suwannee River Pirates found another scallywag. That particular flag had been stolen in Good Life camping at EForest. Hulaween giveth and Hulaween taketh away. Next time around they would be hanging their flags with Coty’s cherry picker, taking things to a whole nutha level.
The throngs came out to enjoy one of Suwannee’s most special treats as thousands of bats could be witnessed flying out of Justin’s hair and returning, like clockwork, by sunrise. Thanks to Jamie and Lige for supplying the golf carts and KH complimentary courtesy vehicles. The crew got the VIPness ride to JRAD, the best place place to find all the Florida heads and this episode did not disappoint. The guys dropped a mad Loose Lucy while the Florida fam bumped and rubbed their way through a beautiful set on a beautiful day. Did we notice the beautiful Hulaween weather? Lucy always rooted for a warm Hula because it was already cold where most folks were from and it promoted nudity in costumes. Everyone got their wish this year and it was brisk, with everyone showing off their finest winter finery. Thank you for a real good time.
How’s my tie?
Lady Lake’s own BrocAlleah showed up with another thug of the first order and claimed her spot across from the Poncho Tree. This was the festival bartender crowd and after months of nonstop high-volume bar work, they were taking the week off. Lucy knew to be wary when Broc asked, “Do you wanna get down or do you wanna get down?” Who in the world gets carried like a baby back home from the stage? Everyone is a princess at Hulaween and sometimes the average tweaker is unable to carry them home.
“I said, Juanita, my sweet JuanitaWhat are you up to, my Juanita?I said, Juanita, my sweet chiquitaWhat are you up to, my Juanita?”
“I’m on the lake bitch.”
Ms. Montana arrived from Tejas with prerolls hauled all the way from Lake Michigan. Love is a verb, not a noun. Her party coach served homemade Mollyadas for breakfast with a side of poppers. How quivery! Sam brought homemade mango snuff for dessert. Colorful camp mates take the guesswork out of the festival. Consistent quality. Low and slow baby.
Calm down old man, it’s just watered down moonshine, not fentanyl, bath salts or baby laxative. Where was Quinn and the revolving white lightning breakfast order? KT should have been watching Baitbucket’s six when the monkey man erupted from behind Savanah and tackled him at the base of his spine, flipping him over and dragging his junk across his bow. That is NOT enthusiastic content.
Lucy didn’t know if she was hallucinating but she was beginning to see googly eyes on everything.
Run for the hills, Mary and Dani have the drips!
Smooth gets the Mississippi blue ribbon first place for his leave-one take one, complete with a loaded cardboard box of homegrown Michigan outdoor. The indoor was for friends, which was perfect considering all KH had to smoke was useless Delta 9 from Buckeye Lake. Message for Hannah; click click click click click. Thanks for maintaining correspondence.
“Put my money in your meter, baby, so it won’t run downBut you caught me in the squeeze play on the cheesy side of townThrow me a dime, throw me a line‘Cause there’s a fat man in the bathtub with the bluesI hear you moan, I hear you moan, I hear you moan”
Connections. Reeking of bad salmon, David and Savannah traveled from Denver and found their way to the Pine Field to join the festivities. They received their first titty kitties and drug Lucy back to their domicile in eighty acres. As always Queen Mitochondria, Suwannee royalty, located the fam multiple times throughout the weekend. An angel from Montgomery with breakfast burrito gifts for the wooks reminds us that Hulaween provideth.
Almost missed connection. After a week of looking for Jacob, they came to find him sleeping around the campfire Sunday morning. “Somebody cover that wook up before he gets a sunburn.” Careful around this kamp. Next time you might want to take those shoes off before going down. Dock that wook a day’s pay for nappin’ on the job.
Gently used refrigerators. Cheap!!! Kinda rusty and dank, like your vagswa. Call Big D lil arel (rest in peace) at 888-8888 Don’t wait! Big D lil arel, he does what he says he’ll do.
Moving in with Kira and her band of thugs, the Artist Spiderman brought his Peter Rowan Free Mexican Airforce to the sunrise set, not to be confused with Abigail’s early morning Slayer and Anthrax requests. Quit licking my face. You’re welcome. You think I won’t kick a horse? So wrong. Swing by kamp and join the request happy hour anytime of the day. Thanks to Eduardo for supplying the support speaker and supporting seamless transitions. Sorry Jefe, no Bassnectar.
At the end of the day, it was a fantastic Hulaween no one in the extended family got hurt or arrested. A low bar to be sure but success is relative and subjective. Hulaween is a little different every year and it’s a cherished blessing to be growing with it. This is our time. Please visit the Suwannee Hulaween website and like their social media sites on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok and YouTube. Science is real. Follow Wranglers Media on their platforms as well. Don’t get left watching the paint dry.
For many, Hulaween represents the very best of experienced, family camping with professionals on both sides of the white wine. It is a slice of the “other” with everyone joining in a fairy tale in that place just past where the sidewalk ends. Thanks to Wooksville with their sick set up back in eighty-acres (Was that Jason Hann on your stage?) and our neighbors at the Bird Sanctuary Bar with their culture of professional debauchery. The street fire, camp maze and acoustic jams all showed, once again, why these campers have been expelled from other respectable camps. Thankfully, Hulaween has always managed to provide a space for all different brands of silliness.
Thanks to the Hula PR team for keeping our team in the loop for the ninth year. As 239 trash and Florida crackers of the first order, this family takes pride in showing off the park and our commitment as stewards. Don’t worry Brie, we picked up your butts. Thanks to the KH family for putting up with the low bar, scum line. Keep up with the Wranglers as we wrap up the festival season in Florida and then turn around and kick things off in the Sunshine State for another year of fortune and adventure with the Mother Ship. Return to the scene of the crime at Live Oak for Amp Jam #2, Suwannee Spring Reunion and Resonate or find us at Virginia Key for Love Burn. See you next year on the river. Plan A is still in effect. Namaste y’all.
More Stories
FloydFest “26: Third Round of Lineup Additions
Mountain Music Festival “26 Lineup and Particulars
Whippersnap Music & Arts Festival Returns Feb. 18-21, 2026