Scamp “22: The Amalgamation

Unsure as to whether it was byrcitis or a spider bite, Digger’s elbow had puffed up like a cantaloupe down to his fingers, rendering his left arm useless. He suspected it had happened in Kaoli’s guestroom while he was working Rockville in Daytona. The unsanitary conditions were still better than staff camping outside of turn one. He and Lunchbox were heading back to the Chillbillies and soybeans of Illinois. This is Summer Camp kidz and one of the wookiest parties in the known firmament. They say it’s either a dust bowl or a mud bath, so pick your poison son. The reality of it may be that you may be cruising solo and sans squad. What’s a wook to do when your only traveling partner is the fat man who owns the pins, barking at you for taking a poop break. Don’t look now but it’s time to get assimilated into Kamp Happiness for goodness sake. Just lie back and let it happen. Welcome to Scamp “22: The Amalgamation. Knee high by July.

It was a week early and site-ops had made it clear they didn’t need anymore help setting up. Curious indeed. She’d worked for them last year and done, what she considered, a reasonably outstanding job. Visit Scamp “21: Restricted Access for more lurid details. They asked her if she could build stairs for the trailers. Build shit? Like a carpenter? Like Jesus? She figured she could do it if they didn’t mind slow and sloppy. And noisy, like her love making. All she really knew about were bounce rates and unique monthly visits. Computer shit yo.

The suits were complaining about last year’s article. In an attempt to allow the reader to peak behind the scenes at some of the site ops silliness, once again she managed to offend. Those rainbow unicorns at FloydFest regularly allowed them to slide in early so they could document the whole unfolding enchilada, and why not? The festival environment is a combination of Middle Earth and a life-size version of a Candy Land game. It’s some entertaining shit. She was surprised to find no one took the time to compliment her work ethic the year prior, but the quartermaster was too busy tattling in the site ops trailer to remember the way Lucy whipped around that skid loader. Just the facts. You get what you pay for Beatrice.

After driving nineteen hours from Florida she drove another thirty minutes to Aurora so she could hit the dispensary. Out of state and recreational? Good job Illinois. She knew if she lived there she would still buy from dealers but she was on the long road and they sold dabs, so there’s that.

To wrangle or get wrangled?

Here Kitty Kitty. It’s time to go inside. They lined up Wednesday night, enduring the rain and indiscriminate face medicine, grouping with neighbors under half-raised ez ups. By the time they got moving mid-morning the next day Glitter Ball was so completely buried upside down in her hole they needed an excavator to move her through the line. By the time of the afternoon rains on Friday, the Disco Ball was coming untethered and could be heard screaming out, ” I am completely Illinoised with this weather!”

Sometimes you do the wranglin’ and sometimes you get wrangled. As far as the Disco Ball could tell, it seemed to have rained for the better part of three days. The mud garden, out front of Kamp Happiness had become increasingly unsafe for pedestrians and the drive-through was closed for repairs until further notice. Woe is the wook who sank down into the muck, never to be heard from again.

Turtle Stage: Daryn finally comes out of the closet. Ye Gods! Does anyone have a pen? What do you call this? Free roaming tequila and vodka for breakfast? Morgan and Karly finally managed to scratch a letter T on the bottle caps so there would be fewer surprises in the morning when just looking for a simple sip of water. Daryn came around wearing his usual costume, beads, flip flops and a smile. The kids at Mi Kulture hosted Mexican mud wrestling in the back of their merch tent until Josh had his collar bone shattered by a beautiful caballera.

The Bitchell brought saline solution to the nightly staff safety meeting which unclogged the plumbing and got the electrolytes exactly where they needed to be. Where is the candyman? He had the right idea. Oftentimes the best idea is to turn several small fires into one big one. Amalgamation.

Get Wrangled:
Be present.
Be available.
Contribute. Face sauce, crotch whiskey, guitar time.
Collaborate. Celebrate. Migrate.

Is it all just bubbles and glitter? Cozy crawled around on all fours trying to pick up all the glitter so it wouldn’t end up in a whale’s belly. His face no longer worked properly and rather than accept the reality that he’d consumed a tsunami or face drugs, he blamed the pollen.

The Saline Solution with Brian and the screwdrivers: At some point Lucy dropped her bag of tranquilizer and searched feverishly in the neighboring area. She thought she saw its white packaging down in the mud…But no, it was a fucking marshmallow. The FSLN had obviously been there conducting black ops in the area and some sloppy sergeant forgot to pick up his shell casings.

The fall of the Disco Tent:  At one point earlier in the day, beautiful Colombian women were sitting on his inflatable mattress and filling their faces with God only knows. The door never closed completely and the wook populace funneled in and out of the party. Later the soaking tent would be filled with water and muddy foot prints. The air mattress had sprung a leak and was melting into a bloated jellyfish. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play make jack a dull boy. All work and no play make jack a dull boy.

josh jeff,

Was it Saturday when Leftover Salmon celebrated Vince Herman’s birthday by playing New Dehli Freight Train? They watched it from the VIP area next to the bar at the Moonshine Stage. Sometime during her bar shift, Nehal slapped Lunchbox in the face with her wet hair. “If we were still in Egypt I would have your hand removed at the wrist.”

That afternoon found the Disco Ball’s credit cards and identification scattered around the campsite. She’d been awake for just over forty-eight hours and adrenaline reserves were running low. That evening they met the Spyder Man and with the armistice suspended, the marshmallow guns came out. Gun running? My nose is running?  Yes squared. There’s that drip down the back of the throat signaling it’s time to get all the wayer down. Might be time to sit all the way down. Ye haw.

Sunday Little Feat arrived with the Rockford Bitchell. The Bill Paine show came straight from Rooster Walk to Summer Camp with the Feat performing “Waiting for Columbus”. Just like in Virginia, Andy Frasco joined for a rendition of Dixie Chicken. One of the hula dancers had a couple fish tattoos around her belly button. “Welcome to the coy pond.”

Kamp Happiness Takeover: Disco Ball’s sleep pattern had become erratic and she wasn’t making any sense. Somewhere she adopted a salmon fisherman in the deep, dark woods. David’s friends called to check on him. “It’s alright”, he stuttered. ” I’ve been wrangled by my neighbors”. Once they began sharing with each other they realized they had way more than they needed. Of everything.

Visit the Summer Camp website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Spotify. Don’t leave your phone in your back pocket or you will never visit these dope sites.

Monday morning shakiness. The sky was finally coming up as Digger tried to go to bed. As he slipped into bed with the Disco Ball he realized some hippy was under her, burritoed in the deflated mattress. He considered dragging him out by the megaphone leash but all he could do was sigh and giggle. He’d seen so many strange and unusual things that this was just par for the course.

Don’t be afraid to get wrangled.

Prepare for Summer Camp “23: The White Elephant coming your way soon and revisit Summer Camp “21: Restricted Access. The wook wranglers will be homesteading Three Sisters Park for about a week. Come sit a spell.