Mountain Music Festival “23: Lasting Impressions

Welcome phat cats, back to the space in between dreams. It’s the house that Lucy built. The wranglers have returned to ACE Adventure Resort at New River George, West Virginia for another installment of Mountain Music Festival. Yee haw brethren. This party is surely solid and for our third year the Kamp Happiness Krewe was there to help bring down the elephant. You’re pink, therefore you’re spam. Welcome to Mountain Music Festival “23: Lasting Impressions

Hesitant to even bring it up in mixed company, they’d spent the last week in Chillicothe, Illinois inhaling all the ground glitter Summer Camp had to offer. After a week down deep in the cow dust it was nice to return to the clear, mountain air of West Virginia. Outdoor fires at the camp, lakeside fun, bars and inflatables. ACE Adventure Resort has everything a festivarian could want and Kamp Happiness would take advantage of all of it. Step into my parlor said the spider to the fly.

Don’t cry over spilled margaritas. Thursday night showcased the Travers Brothership and Sexbruise? at the Lost Paddle. The crowd crammed together in school buses and made the trip down the mountain for a night of strawberry mayonnaise and Ford Tauruses. The Iceman’s right eye had begun twitching which was a tell tale sign he was about to go sideways. He had finally managed to appear after being after being MIA in Chillicothe the week prior. Apparently he wasn’t incarcerated as Lucy had expected, but there was always time.

Stagger Lee moved in next door to Hobo Kamp and brought his own unique brand of silliness to the table. Sharing is caring and Lucy was just glad he didn’t have gummy bear moonshine like last year. One couldn’t give that stuff away. The horror. The horror. There would need to be a moratorium on that kind of thing in the future.

Every festival is a family reunion, from the West Virginia hillbillies who sleep on the ground to Pickle Back Nature Valley and all the rest. Surrounded by a forest of cicadas on all sides and perched on the top of 1500 wooded acres adjacent to the New River Gorge National Park, this was one of Bfly’s favorite places to party. Subvert the trope. Off to the market to buy a fat pig. Home again home again jigidy jig.

Who hired these people as bartenders? Driving Miss Daisy? Good luck with that. The Irish one had the eyes that screamed “unexpected, violent outbursts”. He spoke of the helpless look they gave when they actually thought they were going to make it out of the tent. By the time bar managers finally locked him in the cooler truck it was agreed to be for the collective best.

Sometime during the Andy Frasco show, Amy the hesitant lesbian pulled separate bottles of vodka and tonic from under her breasts and proceeded to mix them directly in Lucy’s gaping maw. She was last seen trying to dance on one of the large wooden cubes placed around the field. She narrowly avoided breaking her collar bone in the fall but was saved by an inflatable alligator.

Baitbucket was finally finding his way to Les Claypool’s Fearless Frog Brigade after closely missing it several times this summer. Finally, he was done working and they had a date for what would end up being another salute to Pink Floyd and a scorching selection from Animals.

During the Stringdusters set, Amy the reluctant lesbian found bribed the security guard with some pre-rolled joints and hid in shadows of stage left hoping to handcuff herself to Travis Book. It was a chance to prove her love and if she went to jail, they’d be going together.

Poncho knew he was capable of aberant behavior. Only a few weeks ago he’d been detained by paramedics and given an unwarranted IV only then to poop behind a refrigeration supply house on the railroad tracks. He couldn’t wait to get back to Deland and get high, not knowing that he carried all the important ingredients with him as he leisurely strolled back to his car five miles away in Orlando at eight am. Bad behavior of the sixth order. Had he consumed a bottle and a half of Heradura tequila? Yes. Had he had a great time, showed off and got the job done? Hell yes. Oh well. When life gives you lemons you find some moonshine.

At some point, Lucy lost Chasity and Chris, who’d showed up from California with their hands still covered in black, sticky resin. One of the great things about Mountain Music Festival is that it’s easy to find people. There were people everywhere but it never felt crowded. Drunk on rum boat drinks, Lucy  blistered out of camp late night only to catch a disco nap in some vendors van. Obviously she had required a Spanish pause in what was hopefully an already open door. One couldn’t be completely sure.

This year’s post party was a real improvement. No one openly wept on Serotonin Sunday and no one groundscored rotten meat. Low bar, high scum line. At some point Pickleback produced a bag of plastic butt toys, as she exclaimed, “These are for us baby. For our love making.” Iceman shot back, “When I was talking about anal beads I was thinking maybe something more akin to Mardi Gras beads. For God’s sake, get away from me with those things!” In their hearts they both knew that love would find a way.

Visit the Mountain Music Festival website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube. Visit the wook wranglers family of interweb platforms and stay connected in real-time to Franky, Timmy, Johnny and the rest of the gang as they manage to find themselves in the middle of the wackiest of adventures. Stay tuned!

Visit more Mountain Music Festival recaps from the archives including Please Don’t Eat the Cicadas and Grandma Stole the Chatch. Follow Lucy as she rescues the Iceman from Phish tour and escapes back to Pennsylvania and Elements Music Festival before heading straight to Legend’s Valley and Secret Dreams. Stay connected. Meet up back left.

Many margaritas were injured or killed during the making of this article.