Mountain Music Fest “22: Grandma Stole the Chatch?

Welcome back festivarians to the tour of no return. The trail of ill repute runs through the valley of the grit tree, where little shade is offered. The spirit of Thatcher Owen Mullens watches over Baitbucket, Lucy and the White Knight from Shoreline as we head east out of Chilicothee, leaving the scars and mud of Summer Camp far behind. Welcome to Mountain Music Festival “22: Grandma Stole the Chatch?

For a second year the wranglers found their way back into the pocket of West Virginia and Mountain Music Festival at ACE Adventure Resort. Cowboys, hippies and oddities of every designation made the trip up the mountain for three days of music, visual art, food, drink and fire whips.

Lucy was still reeling from the obvious and colorful tortures Summer Camp had devised and many others in attendance had just come from the blistering fun of tRooster Walk. Everyone was still lacking valuable sleep and they arrived in unusually sloppy form. Were they mere savages or actual cannibals? That was the only answer that made sense. They’d apparently eaten Jacob and he was a husky man who was want to start every day with a jalom, a message and a good hearty vomit.

WHAT IS MOUNTAIN MUSIC FESTIVAL?

“We really like outdoor adventures, and we really like music, so we wanted to create a weekend where we could do both at the same time. This became the Mountain Music Festival, and probably the best weekend of the summer in West Virginia (or at least our favorite). The stage sits right in the middle of ACE Adventure Resort, a 1,500-acre outdoor adventure property in the heart of the New River Gorge, WV.” Jerry Cook and Ernie Kincaid

Beautiful weather, friendly people and silly fun were the orders of the day along side a stocked lineup there was stupid fun for all. Galactic, Cory Wong, Tauk Paper Scissors!, Ripe, Big Something, Doom Flamingo, Spaffod, The Motet, Moon Hootch, The Nth Power, Litz, Jocelyn and the Sweet Compression and many more filled the mountain air with song.

Baitbucket and the girl with the finger tattoos were going at it. All of this was leading to the elucidation of the structure of her nature. “It’s ChaSity. Not ChasTity, you imbecile! And if you’re going to stick your pinky up a ladies butthole, be classy enough to trim the nail.” Hard to argue with that kind of math. “Wanna go halfsies on a baby?” was all he could muster.

If you’re gonna do one, do two. Wise words for the noob.

Were the neighbors really cannibals? With all the slurping and gnawing it appeared true. And where was Jacob? Had they cooked him and served him up as some sort of Early Bird Special? He definitely smelled good for a hippy and he’d been missing for several days. Curious indeed.

At some point Lucy tried to steal Shawn’s leggings. She used to work with Michigan drywall and was up for the adventure. She hid them in the back of the Lucky Penny’s climate controlled hatchback buried under a blanket of flowered halos and fuzzy hats. It would all come out in the wash.

Worst Groundscore Ever? Baby in a cooler.

The White Knight’s Quarantine in Disctrict 9: That’s right fellas, don’t think twice about that upset girlfriend. The White Knight is here to lift her off the ground and raise her spirits. Someone stole the chatch? Well it just might be her. Keep on yelling about it and the White Knight will appear likkidy-quickitty to set things straight. “Wanna have some sleep sex with the sun coming up?” Don’t worry, it’s not your fault you’re long.

And then came the sick. Ripe with excrement the parasite found purchase somewhere deep in his nether regions. The sound you hear is the death rattle. Welcome to the typhus tent. There’s the acute nausea The raised rashes burst forth. Obvious temporary insanity and the sweat. Oh the sweat. It seemed far from what could be construed as acceptable perspiration. Maybe one last song on the way out.

Jellyfish don’t pay rent.

Her favorite type of gum was fuggum.

He rocked on Thursdane and rallied on Fridane, but he would refuse to ever be be Mundane. During Big Something he’d joined the ranks of the mud mummies with their precious hair bubbles. Sometimes it was hard to figure exactly where all this was heading but it was good to be back in the mountains with the summer crowd.

Folks began running out of gas late Saturday and within twenty-four hours they were literally melting from both the inside and out. Tears mixed with childish rage were the orders of the day. The usual group of stoic and helpful withered away like flowers in the sun. Welcome to the E-ticket ride known as Serotonin Sunday.

By Tauk Scissors Paper! the Bartista was naked again as she spilled red wine on Lucy’s toothbrush. “Merlot keeps me on the dance flo.”

Brandi stole the drugs? Not this time. This time it was Grandma. Believe what you want. You can’t make this kind of shit up. She carried around a doll made from her dead cat’s hair, on her flaming hover board with flaming hula hoop and flaming devil stick. She kept trying to get the White Knight to do drugs against his will. He spat, “That’s why I took that online karate class.” The T-Rex didn’t care if it was a grandma, she was about to get a full can of whoop ass. They called him that because of the way his arms dangled in front of himself when he did face drugs.

Miss Frass and the Really Good Shit? What is that sound? That couldn’t be millions of roached under the bed could it?Bfly met up with Jessica Rosen to learn more about cockroach frass and how it’s connected to great weed. Right out of the back of the hippy bus comes garden food for healthy soil and vigorous plant growth. Keep your frass to yosef. Check out the interview and send questions to MissFrassReallyGoodShit@gmail.com.

Stay tuned for the big reveal. The Wook Wranglers Foundation is blossoming. Keep a clear eye out for our new project, “Arts for Nicaragua”.

Thanks to Chris and the rest of the Mountain Music team for letting the wranglers be part of the ratchet fun. Visit their website and follow their social media channels on Facebook, and Instagram. See you next year as Mountain Music Festival typically gets things started for the summer mountain festival season.

Follow the wranglers as they continue the summer loop with a trip through Manchester en route to Rothbury, Scranton and Snowshoe. Sure, this wrap up was a little slow coming out of the chute but what’s a thug to do? A solid month of filthy drug festivals, shady traveling companions and dusty yardbird. Baitbucket even managed to leave his computer plugged in inside the stagehand #3 tent at Bonnaroo. Classy A F! Good lucky with your internet business. The horror. The horror.

Now it ‘s time to rest. You only have a couple more weeks until the debauchery of FloydFest and those kids will be swinging for the fences. See you in the wook nook.