Covid-19 and the Eradication of Wook Flu

Lucienda Rosalita continued to receive alarm notices on her phone that she was missing canceled music festivals. Recently it was Roosterwalk and Backwoods with many others continuing to pop up weekly. It was a brutal reminder of the present state of things and in her words, “a total drag”. The stark reality was a summer without festivals and its effect would be lingering. Where would it all end? As she lay in the North Carolina sun she dreamed of muddy feet, cuddle puddles and cold chicken bones.

In 2019 the virus known as “wook flu”  accounted for over forty-percent of all post-festival illnesses. Just one year later the cancellation of all festivals and subsequent quarantine due to Covid-19 pandemic have impacted the host population in such a way it appears as if there may be a connection between Covid-19 and the eradication of wook flu.

The arrival of the respiratory virus Covid-19 resulted in the economic shut down of all non-essential businesses and subsequent global quarantine and isolation measures. With all of the festivals canceled there would be no more festival conditions which at times can be downright “sporting”. This season would offer decidedly different tones. Rather than stomping through a flooded restroom barefoot, folks would be out hiking and working around the house.  Daily showers and healthy eating habits have taken the place of ground glitter and expired narcotics.

How was the wook flu spread?

Surrounded by friends and music, dust and pollen, first, second and third-hand smoke turning your lungs into a chemical toilet, it’s a cornucopia of germs. If the big blow comes through, add mud, mold, grass, weeds and other allergens to the festival colada. It’s a lack of sleep and nutrition with singing, screaming, shouting and dehydration. It’s about not showering, sleeping on the ground and serving as a garbage can for drugs, dumplings and sexual partners.

It’s Tuesday after the festival and you’ve been hit by a case of the wook flu. Hopefully you have a warm place to rest. When 700+ thread count isn’t available it’s good to remember that overnight camping is allowed at rest stops in Mississippi. Typical symptoms are similar to that of the common cold. Headaches, sore throat, aches and pains can be expected along with the normal and acceptable losses of serotonin.

Naturally the best treatment includes rest, hydration, NyQuil and old movies.

Check out some of these compelling responses from our latest Action Florida reader’s poll.

“What do you think are the main causes of the wook flu?”

“It’s the dust. Cars and people going through it all day. I’ve got nose goblins for miles. Everybody’s wearing masks. And the campfire smoke. Everywhere I move it followed me all weekend.” It’s a conspiracy I tell you. Are you recording this?” E.E. ,Cape Canaveral

“Lord knows I’m a screamer. From the time I pop out of my tent until I drop from exhaustion you can expect to hear my cackle. Naturally it can only last so long at that rate of energy transfer. The brightest stars burn half as long. That’s why I’m usually hoarse by Saturday night at the latest. Remember, hydration is necessary for proper cell function.” Sunshine, Cape Canaveral

“Me personally, I pretty much stay awake for three days. I do all the drugs I can. I don’t really get sick afterward. Occasionally I have to pee out of the tent screen but other than that I reckon I”m just a machine.” J.M., Deland

“The government purposely released the wook flu from a facility in Denver, CO and is working with the WHO and the Gates Foundation in the hopes of inoculating every hippy on the planet.” Baitbucket, Ft. Myers

“Wook flu? It’s all Steve Little’s fault. Do your research. And play some Jack Johnson.” K.E., Orlando

“There is no wook flu, there is only Zuul.” Shrimphead, Estero Island

“What Shrimphead said.”, T.O.. Falkenburg Road Jail

“Shrimphead is the keymaster!”, V.C., Banyan Bungalow

Many are asking, “How is this happening?”

Pedialyte and Gouda Boys replaced by Thai soup and kale.

Unbelievably connected marathons of time awake replaced by concurrent nights of good sleep in a soft bed.

Psilocybin mushrooms replaced by shitake mushrooms.

Spagettio’s and cigarettes replaced by salads and cigarettes.

Cheap whiskey replaced by less cheap whiskey.

Cheyenne is combing out her dreads.

Sweating in the pit replaced by sweating on the disc golf course.

Walking to find firewood rather than using the ADA transport vehicle.

Yes wook flu, your seed has fallen upon stony rock and shall find no purchase.

Where is the ringworm? Donde esta la tina?

These feet are clean. The fingernails are polished and straight, save a little topsoil from spring planting. In the absence of screaming mad throngs of festival beasts, the wook flu has nowhere to go. Come ye forth and be healed. All is beautiful and right with the world.

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But beware. While the wook flu may appear to be eradicated, it lingers. From the rivers of North Florida to the rolling hills of Virginia. It lurks still. Quietly buried like a seventeen-year cicada waiting for the right moment to burst forth, where it stalks the perfect festivarian. Five days deep, a tattered and torn wreck of sorts, covered in bruises and leftover ground glitter. Still hoarse and shaking off the internal bleeding and transcendental stretch marks. Something wicked this way comes. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

Our season of virtual festivals continues with Suwannee Rising Memories: Virtual Festival Scrapbook. Thanks for following the wook wranglers and nailtravels family of platforms. Visit our pages on Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook. Are you not influenced?

Epilogue:

Lucienda considered the state of things and tried to find the silver lining. She knew all this had been good for the forests and fields. The festival hiatus would continue to give the flora and fauna a chance to reclaim and burst ever forth. From Horning’s Hideout to Infinity Downs the terra would be ready when comes the time of the stomp and twirl. She would also be ready when the word came down from on high. Ready to roll. Ready to get down and get it all the way on.

Oh yes. She would be ready.