November 15, 2024

wook wranglers

Online magazine devoted to music festivals, lifestyles, fusion recipes, original art and all manner of wookish delights.

Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits Recipe

Ahoy seamen, and welcome back to the 2017 Summer Tour. Losses for the Horchata Armada have steadily mounted and casualties have been assessed. Take us to Def-Con 2. Get me the president on the horn. Full steam ahead. Damn the torpedoes and while your at it, put down that silly saber and enjoy some oysters and champagne. Lucy the useless intern has graduated from being terrible at working sound to also being terrible at packing gear. Some heathen left our white table at the Hollywood Bowl. Thanks Alex and A.J., that one came from Hulaween. She’s gotten all jumpy and wired and she wants to stay in the A.W. all the time. She may have gotten into my drugs but I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell anymore. I think she’s hearing all the chipmunks and whatever the hell is in the Saddle Mountain Recreational Area. It all looks like some elvish village to me. I’m starting to get a little wierded out is all and if, for one second, those elves come a knockin, I know for a fact the cedars will blow up like a powder keg. Welcome to Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits Recipe.

Hey tater-head, I’m talking to you. Sometimes good things happen to bad people. Sometimes bad people happen to good things. You never know what kind of unhinged cracker is going to pull up next to your campfire and make themselves at home like it’s all snowballs and fruitcakes on Christmas Day in Mayberry. This is a weird life and you are hardly creative enough to  come up with this kind silliness on your own. You must have had some help. Give it up and show me what you’ve got in your pockets. Sometimes enough isn’t enough. Sometimes no means f’sho no. Back up bro because you are in my hula-hoop. Just because you occasionally make bad choices doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person, but it may be an indicator light that won’t turn off. It’s not too late. Go on. Save yourself. Lord knows you’ve earned it.

Easy guy. That isn’t what anyone really wants. Come Grasshopper. Calm your busy mind and let everything fall away into peace and beautiful, blissful slumber. The Watcher, as many of his flock call him, would say that there is a river in the sea and all you have to do is find it. If you get there and it’s full of plastic toothbrushes and flip flops, you’ve gone too far. You’re in the gyre. Find your way to some solid ground and prepare thyself for Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits Recipe. Because there is a season to eat the fish and another to eat the bait.

“We got a genuine Indian Guru who’s teaching us a better way”               S. Silverstein
From the halls of forgotten time, long before the first convergence and the dark time, he has come back to us. But not just to us…to everyone. Emerging like a damaged moth from the forgotten bug-zapping swamps of Kamchakta and the twin mountains that lay in the red clouds beyond, Big Mamou or Mama (in the aboriginal tongue) has finally returned to nailtravels bearing gifts. Having recently returned from a year-long sabbatical in exotic Oklahoma, He has been wrapping up post-production on his first album of original material in over a decade. His simple and timeless message of spiritually braiding the essence of romantic love with constant guilt and physical and emotional discomfort is beautifully expressed through forgotten lyrics, ancient chants with the haunting wail of the Mediterranean skin flute. The mission is : To know a nobler path where, “upon once trod can never be alighted.”
Since the beginning of our mandatory staff training with the kahuna over two and a half years ago and continuing with the healing process now, our spiritual health and professional outlook have never been brighter. The main office commons has, once again, become a hotbed of frivolity and responsible fun. Sorry killjoys, silly is not just for Friday jeans day anymore. Using his patented “Hurt As You Go” method, the successes and testimonials have far outweighed the skeptics. By focusing the power of positive pain and using lost “inside stretching” techniques of the Watusi people, Big Mamou is able to help others unlock the secrets to harnessing their own inner force, or chi, until it spurts out of their ears and dribbles down their back. Hint, hint: Some of the early training modules involve increased shellfish consumption, so the way is clear. If you do not enjoy shrimp, you can never be truly happy. We may have already figured out your problem
The original version of this recipe uses fresh cabbage bats instead of shrimp. They should be cleaned by separating the breast from the wings and head. Be sure to salt the meat as well as the batter, otherwise the batter will have the flavor and the rodent will still be bland.  (Ed. note. If cabbage bats aren’t available, southern pine bats, or adolescent Jackson’s bats will do in a pinch.) If you are unable to trap bats in your locality, simply order your bats online from nailtravels. Stewed, nude, or fried, all our bats come with the a Mississippi, blue-ribbon, quality guarantee. Bulk orders receive discounted shipping and be sure use the code “pigmine” for your free, decorative collector’s tin of select quano just in time for the holidays.

We look to Big Mamou and his church, the House of the Velvet  Way as the legitimate spiritual signpost for cosmogonical guidance. Like the tiny acorn looks to the mighty ceiling fan, so will we. Do you enjoy camping and crying out loud with other adults? If so, then sign up today for one of their individually designed, therapeutic Discovery Weekends. All programs are uniquely tailored with your spiritual needs in mind. Choose from one of this month’s available deluxe therapy opportunities; “The Limits of Chemical Camping”, the first-timers favorite, “Why Do We Say No?” Mountaintop Retreat Message, and our independent study book selection, “Science, Grouse, and God”. If you happen to still be around on Sunday, get ready for a treat and catch Big Mamou demonstrate the sacred and holy “dance of dissemblance” as he supervises the removal of his training tent and pleasure palace.

THE BIG MAMOU LIVE OAK CAMPING BREAKDOWN METHOD:

  • Safety: The first priority is on safety of yourself and other members of the flock. Breaking down a campsite can be a very traumatic event. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, then you can’t be good for anyone else. Find a safe spot in which to sit. Preferably one with a clear visual line of site and accessible exits. Sit Indian-style* and allow someone to tie kite sting in a perimeter around you. Give yourself at least 2-3 feet on either side. Hang jingly bells on the string as an extra security precaution to ensure no one is able to sneak up on you. (*racist?)
  • Precautions: It’s quite obvious that some law enforcement agency is coming for you. What can you do but stem the awful tide and just stick the broken tip of your wooden clog in the dyke? There’s no stopping what can’t be stopped.  Sometimes an instance rises whereby an individual must be taken into custody under the mental health law in Florida and sent for an involuntary psychiatric examination. Being Baker Acted can be very scary for people and their friends and family. An adult may only be held up to 72 hours for an involuntary examination, so if you feel it’s unavoidable, the best policy is to begin the process as soon as possible. That way, you can rejoin the festivities make yourself available to further debauchery all that much sooner.
  • Precautions part 2: Be wary of unannounced strangers when they approach your campsite. These vagabonds are not there to merely play music or converse. To the contrary, they bring malcontent and the need to sew the very seeds of disharmony. They should be dealt with seriousness and clear intent. When being approached by a potential assailant, speak in a loud, clear voice and make your intentions known. Say, “You are not welcome and I am prepared to defend myself with deadly force if necessary”. If that doesn’t convince them to turn and walk the other way, then they deserve what’s coming.
  • Breakdown:
    (1.) Clean out vehicle and prepare for return packing. Sweep out mats and refill wiper fluid. (2.) Walk camping area and pick up all loose trash. Dispose in proper container. Separate recyclables. (3.) Obtain a container of lighter fluid. Douse all camping equipment including tables and canopies. Ignite and drive away at unsafe speeds.

Feelin a little thin in the skin? From the Great Blue Hole of Belize to Brown’s Hole in Utah, generations of Mamou shaman have used this delicious recipe to decorate the innards of their chosen people. Now, the tradition falls to you.

BIG MAMOU’S SHRIMP AND GRITS RECIPE

Author: Scotty Smiles
Recipe type: fusion entree
Cuisine: fusion
Prep time:  
Cook time:  
Total time:  
Serves: 8
Big Mamou’s Shrimp and Grits at its best. Very creamy and muy delicioso.
INGREDIENTS
  • 4 cups of water or shrimp stock.
  • 1 cup of real grits (not polystyrene)
  • 2 cups of mild or sharp cheddar cheese shredded. Use real cheese. (not latex)
  • I prefer mild cheddar as to not overpower the other flavors.
  • 4 tablespoons of real butter (not manufactured)
  • 3 slices of thick cut bacon or 5 slices of regular cut bacon
  • I chop up bacon into small pieces before cooking it but you can always crumble it after cooking it.
  • 1½ pounds of heads-on shrimp or 1 pound cleaned shrimp
  • 2 cloves of chopped garlic
  • 1 cup diced green onions or ½ cup of diced regular onion I prefer the green onions.
  • Juice from 1 large lime
  • 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley or 1 tablespoon dried parsley. I prefer fresh if they have it at the store.
  • Salt and pepper to taste.
  • I prefer to use a stock made with the heads and shells of the shrimp. For this I use 4½ cups of water and let the heads and tails simmer while I am preparing the other ingredients. If you use headless shrimp, at least use the shells to make the stock. Do not bring to a full boil. Use only 4 cups of this shrimp water to prepare the grits with.

INSTRUCTIONS
  1. Remove heads and shells from shrimp and add to 4½ cups of water. Bring to just below boil and then cover and reduce to simmer for at least 10 minutes.
  2. Cook grits per package instructions. If you have a gas stove, turn off the heat. If you are using an electric stove, remove from heat. Add the cheese and butter and then cover tightly. After five minutes stir the melting cheese and butter into the grits.
  3. As the grits are cookin…
  4. Fry bacon per package instructions, remove from pan and save about half the grease. Make sure you drain the bacon well when you remove it from the pan so it stays a bit crispy. Chop or crumble it up if you have not already done so.
  5. Over medium heat gently saute shrimp in remaining bacon grease and cook until they just start to turn pink. You do not want to overcook the shrimp. Add in all the other ingredients except for the grits and cook for about three minutes longer or until shrimp are done to your liking.
  6. Now you can either plate the grits and add the shrimp mixture on top or you can just take all the shrimp mixture and add it all to the pot of grits and mix gently.

You can absolutely taste the love and work in each bite. Unless you don’t care much or try very hard. In that case, replace those ingredients with a dash of apathy and a 2 tablespoons of severe disgust.

  • The Foreign Legion Years: Life aboard a caravan is never cheese and rice when you’re constantly being hassled by a tribe of dirty Bedouin traders. That was the situation in the early nineties on the silk road, where conflict had risen it’s ugly head between the cities of Kashgar and Aksu, and the local economies were beginning to suffer. As their parents had done a generation before them, village elders called for the Mamou. Because of his influence,  experience, and a reputation for fair play and goodwill, he was brought in to help the villagers adjust to the new plan. Before it was all over, the men who had not converted had their skulls placed on pig poles and decorated with figs and berries by village children. Most of the women were traded for cattle, tobacco and sugar and their children were sent off to work in the gyre.

Stay tuned for Big Mamou’s newest fusion recipe, Camel Soup with Crimini Mushrooms.

INTERMISSION


 The Blue Hole Period: During those turbulent seasons aboard the Gay Clipper, Mamou dealt heavily in the Honduras white slave trade and ran contraband oysters from the Mosquito Coast up to the Yucatan Peninsula, leaving a trail of illegitimate illiterates scattered along the way. Constant territorial conflicts with the surrounding Garifuna pirates resulted in heavy financial losses and the closing of several of his cruise ships. In light of the recent Belize Government scandal, Mamou and his “paramour companion” have been indited along with several high-ranking city officials. Several arrests have been made and a deportation order has been issued by the Belizean Government. At this time of this printing, his whereabouts remain unknown.

Crew rules state the shorts should be worn at arm’s length. Watch those tan lines Captain.

  Ed. note: This recipe has been tweaked over the years by adding a few things and taking a couple away here and there. Please do not dishonor this recipe by using instant grits, fake cheese, or soy/turkey bacon.
“Make the bad man stop”
Visit some recent wook wrangler offerings including Brainquility 2020 Photo Journal.
Stay tuned to nailtravels as we leave for NW String Summit tomorrow and then back to the scene of the crime in Colorado, joining several of our Telluride compatriots and Deadheads from Boulder as we blow the bacon grease out of Lyons at Rockygrass. Don’t be surprised if we wind up at Red Rocks for the Jerry Garcia 75th  birthday show starring all the cool kids. Check it out. Show up. Don’t bail on tour. If Lazlo makes the mistake of showing up at Red Rocks without my money, we might have to throw down on some Seminole leg wrestling.  Stay tuned…
originally published