An Epistle On Your First Suwannee Hulaween

Dearest Brie,

I hope this finds you well. The kinfolk send their best and everyone misses you dearly. Hopefully, our prayers have been answered and your “girl places” have finally found themselves free of both wart and rash. Drunkle Cleophus got into the “juice” the other night after radio church and your name came up. The word on the street is that apparently you are planning on attending your first Suwannee Hulaween in Live Oak, Florida and golly, that is the best news. Considering what I’ve seen, I honestly didn’t think you had it in you but now it seems you are crossing Hula off your dance card of life. Most would agree that this is a significant step and jeepers, that’s what I call enthusiastic consent. This is an epistle straight from the heart. A missive. A critical letter on your first Suwannee Hulaween. Welcome to the bigs. If you can handle the truth, it’s time to show off what you’ve learned.

“So, what would you little maniacs like to do first? Get Weir’d, of course.”

This Florida camping/music festival has continued to improve each year and one wonders if a zenith is necessary or possible. It’s so well run and from the inside, she feels like she’s in her prime. Last year was the tenth anniversary and the first time Spirit Lake wrapped all the way around. There’s bound to be more surprises at this year’s shindig.

The wrangler’s inaugural Hula heralds back to was 2017 and the camp at the Poncho Tree blended with Michigan wooks of the first order in a weekend that would change things forever. It was the Captain, Chey, Quinton, Adam, Trinket, Emma and a slough of other thugs who would become lifelong family. Be careful who you pick as neighbors because you might fall in love with them forever. “She’s into malakas, Dino!”

Don’t think of this as a cautionary tale but more of a trail of virtual bread crumbs that will serve as a virtual guidepost on your journey around Hulaween. There’s plenty to see and it’s alright to get lost in your own forest from time to time. Follow along, dear reader and enjoy the ride through the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. This is what waits for you in the protective womb of the forest.

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. Even the folks who don’t get all the way down still go fantastically hard. There’s not much room for sleep and that alone can wear a person down after a few days. How will you hold it together once the shadow people come calling? Indeed how? It’s important to remember that no one is really following you or cares what you are doing. Feel free to feel free.

Spirit Lake:  One of the cornerstones of Hula, the landscape around the central lake will explode into a mosaic of color and sound and it’s a lot to unpack. The Incendiary Stage now takes ownership of the southern shore of the lake and runs all night. Labarynths of color, fire shooting into the sky, black light fun. What the heliconia is going on here? Processors running at full bore and still nothing is making complete sense.

The Loop. The piercing high sound of a Frisbee slamming into the side of a recreational vehicle at three in the morning must be heard to be truly appreciated. The Loop along with the cabins is a place for travel trailers, motor homes, teardrops and all things in between. Please take off yours shoes before entering the cabin. Don’t you know dogs poop outside? No worries old chap, would you like a coffee and a dab? (Removes shoes and enters room. Scene.)

Cheese. Love. Once only a hushed whisper heard in the most rare and sinister circles, this mantra has now become a beacon of hope and a song on the voices of everyone. So much Cheese everywhere. Hard to fathom. The String Cheese Incident seems to be playing all the time. I understand they are all Cheese festivals but Hulaween really is. Buen queso una y otra vez. The Saturday night set is one of the best of the year and the Sunday set with Bob Weir is going to be a non-negotiable.

Welcome the shit show.

The Park. Take a left at the playground and visit FRS in the 80 Acres near Blanco’s mermaid pool. Once this neighborhood gets filled up one begins to understand how far the silliness goes in every direction. When we talk about great distances to cover, Suwannee is not nearly as punishing as many other sites. It’s all pretty close together and there are no mountains. Take a road soda and move at an easy pace. Swing in and meet your neighbors thinking, “What do I have to share?” Remember, this is not a parking lot, this is a campsite. No one checks your car on the way in and no one cares what you bring with you. Park directly next to your campsite and live the life you were meant to live. This is SOSMP. Music lives here.

The River. It might be the only bath you take all week, but don’t wait till Sunday to visit the beach hippies at the river. Who knows what kind of trouble you’ll run into. Maybe if you sling that leg out somebody will give you a golf cart ride. Howdy sailor, going my way? Always be on the lookout for Pedro’s grit and slide.

The Bat House. Perched on the central crossroads in the middle of the Pine Field, the daily exodus of the bats from their perch into the forest is a spectacular show. Stand directly in their path and feel the sprinkles as little specs of guano rain upon ye.  Watch red shoulder hawks swoop in for a snack the river of bats. This is a special part of the Suwannee experience so don’t miss out.

Find Kendall and Kendall down by the Lost Pavilion on the way to the river. Some folks who shower enjoy those facilities down there the best of all of them. Lucienda enjoyed showering, she really did. But showers for her were usually relegated to times when things were particularly docile or for medicinal reason like a serious need to get clean and “bounce back” in a formidable way.

This is the house that Bear Creek built. WANEE, Roots and many more of the best camping/music festivals anywhere. Hulaween is in that category. This is the home of VASSAR Sunday and one of the most serious musical legacies anywhere. Generations of music festival lovers have made the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park their home. She remembered back when the drum circle in the far end of the field would start up as soon as the music on stage ended. Many were the nights she would fall asleep in her own golf cart only to wake up in someone else’s. Curiouser and curiouser. Honest mistake your honor.

After pride cometh the fall and Clayopheus would be proud of you. Shawsville, Virginia thugs have always created a wide footprint at Hulaween. It’s true. They would show up with venison stew and morels ready  to absolutely stomp on the terra. Lord Buckley said that. Then, in an unconscious stupor, they would roll off the roof of their heavy Chevy into the soft Florida dirt. Rinse and repeat.

Hobo Kamp. The ideas for the earliest versions of the homestead herald back to Sarah F. and Lightnin’ and although they always try to camp at the Poncho Tree, Buddha reminds us that the only thing that’s permanent is impermanence. Another great thing about SOSMP is that just about every campsite is shady and delicious, like you. From Hippy Trail to the Bird Sanctuary, no matter how much money you have, everyone gets the same great spot. Swing by Kafe Bonheur make the acquaintance of Mateo, lil D-Big Arrel and the rest of Cheese. Love. Sauce, The Kitty Titties and the literal gutter of the Pine Field. Kick of your shoes and sit a while.

Music. Saturday date night with Cheese is one of the banginest sets of the year. It usually involves some kind of covers set and a visual spectacle hard that’s hard fathom. Sploosh. Bro, do you even Tipper? Your inflatable couch appears to have a slow leak. Black Pumas, Clozzee, Umphries McGee, Greensky, Of the Trees, Sublime, Chris Lake, Cory Wong, Daily Bread, G Jones, A Hundred Drums, Andy Frasco, Sam Grisman Project (Ed. note-this will be my first show #happyface), Manic Focus, The Ain’t Sisters, Kamp Happiness Family Jam and more than you can get to. The next time someone whines about festival ticket prices, show them this lineup. The math checks out brocephus.

Right.

Pedro’s Trash Heap of Whimsy. Rumor has it that Pedro the Greasiest Mexican brought zero trinkets back from Burning Man for the Circle K? Hagglin’ Post or even her trash heap but fear not, the word on the street is that Lucy and the Lemon Merchant brought plenty of Phish schmatta back from Mondegreen. Get ready Trey fans. He sees you.

Many people who wander are completely lost. Sometimes it’s alright to get turned around in your own forest. You never know who you’ll meet. If things get weird, sit down for a minute in the forest, take a tick and pull the soldiers back together. After that, skip to and continue forward. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. And remember, if you’re lost and always running into the same campsites all night, take a different path at the next crossroads.

Visit the Suwannee Hulaween site for tickets, information and all the virtual goodness that’s fit to fill a croaker sack. Keep up with current events on their social media sites at Facebook, Instagram and X. Revisit some of the frivolity of yesteryear in the depths of the wranglers archives. 2023 Immersion Therapy, Ten Years of Hulaween, 2022 Dance of the Monkey Kings, 2021 Cheese. Love. Sauce., 2018 Kamp Ha Penis Dumpster Fire. This is the way.

For many, this is one of the cornerstones music festivals of the year and being from this part of the world, we serve as stewards of the forest and party. Find Kamp Happiness in the Pine Field and if you be a wheeler-dealer, bring your tradeablers for the Circle K? Hagglin’ Post. See you in the forest. Keep up with the wranglers as we evolve south for the winter months and begin to create the 2025 dance card and our ten year anniversary, whirlwind of disaster tour.

Now you know what you’re in for Brie. Hulaween on your horizon and you will be forever changed. Look for the kinfolk at the Kamp Happiness Hobo Kamp at the Poncho Tree. I think you remember where it is. As for me, I’ve got to go, the chickens are chasing the Chihuahua and one of the youngins is stuck in the well again. See you soon. I love you.